I’m surprised I haven’t really said anything about Camps Bay’s Bayside Cafe before, but I’ve just never really thought of it. I go there a lot and I suppose the regularity of it didn’t necessitate a mention; so I never did. (Seriously, you have to admit, I am CLEANING UP semi-colons lately). But I went there, the other night and it ALL CAME TOGETHER. I finally realised why the one waiter had always intrigued me. This revelation has finally necessitated a mention. He either IS, or LOOKS VERY SIMILAIR to John Turturro.

“Who the fuck is he”, I hear you asking.

Well, allow me to respond. He is the guy who played the character ‘Jesus Quintana’ (nailed Mark, you didn’t know the surname. NAILED.) in the movie ‘The Big Lebowski’. He was also the butler in the movie, ‘Mr. Deeds’, by the name of ‘Emilio Lopez’. Remember the guy who told Adam Sandler in the movie that he was “very sneaky sneaky”. Fucking funny. If you haven’t seen either of those movies then (A) you’re disgusting, and (B) you have until tomorrow to watch them.

The beautiful John Turturro as ‘Jesus’ in ‘The Big Lebowski’
Now working at Bayside Cafe, Camps Bay.

Anyway, he works at Bayside Cafe now. Seriously, go there and hope to God he is serving you – it’s a treat to be served by Jesus.

God, John, you were beautiful in Mr. Deeds.
Look very carefully at his face.
“I am very sneaky sneaky”
You can find him at Camps Bay’s ‘Bayside Cafe’.

That’s your guy

If the spectacle of being served by Jesus is not enough of a scene for you (I hope to God that he works there forever), then you’ll probably enjoy everything from their steaks to their seafood. Seriously comma they do it all and they do it well.

Bayside Cafe, we like you. Thank God.

Well, we are gobsmacked! We have just received this TBG (Tall Blonde Guy) sighting from someone who managed to find themselves at a private gathering of the TBG and his closest friends at a mansion in the Constantia hills. You can tell by the way the TBG is goofin’ around, that he is totally relaxed in this environment. This is not the public TBG that some of us have been lucky enough to have witnessed. No no. This is the private TBG. The man behind the man – totally relaxed. Happy to be silly for the camera, the last thing he expects is for the photographer to send it in as a TBG sighting.

The Private TBG

Nick W had this to say:

“A friend invited me to an upmarket gathering at a macking pad in Constantia. I didn’t know many people and was nervous to go. I wouldn’t have been so nervous if my friend had told me the f*cking TBG would be there! I had no idea my friend was friends with the TBG. Apparently he hangs with him ALL THE TIME! Anyway, I had a cold beer with the TBG and then went to the other side of the party because I was too nervous to say something stupid to him. We chatted for virtually 10 minutes! I pretended to take individual shots of everyone so that when I snapped him, he thought it was normal. He truly is a living legend. I’d love to meet him again when I’m less nervous!”

Brilliant work, Nick! It’s TBG sightings like that that keep us all going. Keeping us alert, waiting for our very own TBG sighting. God bless the TBG.