I don’t know why, but I have a tendency to NOT get excited about incredible things that are apparently going to happen, until they do. Invariably they fade into oblivion.

A good friend of mine, Tom K, an architect (we’ll call him The Architect), has been telling me about a restaurant that he and his respective company, ‘dhk thinkspace’ have been working on. He has been telling me about it for a while (seriously …months) and it sounded so exciting that I purposefully pretended that it wasn’t going to happen. He said something about one of those old, classic, high-ceiling banks on Adderley Street being turned into a restaurant.

Too good to be true. I mean, what are the chances? You may have visited one of them before – perhaps the First National Bank, which still operates in their original (I assume) premises along Adderley Street. They are SO old-school and huge and great and marble and ceilings and columns. Some of them still operate, unabashed, without three-inch bullet proof glass – still throwing around a bit of the old school – simple brass bars at the tellers. I was/am always tempted to get into crime and fucking nail the FNB on Adderley Street. Seriously, someone should give it a shot. Put together a good team and nail it. Get Nick Goldblatt on board and you won’t go wrong.

So The Architect told me that they have finally opened “it”. So much time had lapsed that I didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Riboville”, he tells me.

“What the fuck is Riboville?”, I asked.

“That restaurant…..”

I did a couple of brain exercises and found the file. I blew off the dust.

Good Lord! It materialised!!

Riboville – It exists

I didn’t waste time.

No-one had mentioned it yet. It was unknown. The 250-seater restaurant had been keeping under the radar whilst they fine tuned everything. Now was my time to claim a new, hot restaurant (Mr. Lawrence, I will mix present and past tense in the same sentence – and there is fuck all you can do about it).

Piglet put together 25 fine individuals and we gave Riboville a visit.

Oh, you like that?

Aesthetically, it was just as I imagined. A six meter high ceiling greeted us with all the old-school detail you could hope for. Random glass plates in the floor gave a glance into what used to be the bank vault – which is now an extensive wine cellar. Once we had gathered ourselves in the wood-paneled cigar lounge, we graced our three tables. Our ensemble was immediately interrupted with a welcomed tour of the wine seller. A ride in the original elevator (which also goes up to the loos – which is another story altogether) took us into what was the old bank vault where, during a brief educational, we chose our wine for the evening. Mind blowing.

I won’t say too much about the loos
Have a little wee – and enjoy

The evening ran away with itself as we enjoyed swift, slick service with a menu that could make a grown man cry. I can honestly say that I have never seen such an extensive menu. And that was just the main restaurant – there is a separate sushi kitchen and dining area at the arse end of the restaurant which I am DYING to try. (As we slip into full camp mode)

I am often invited to new restaurants and, whilst they may dish a good meal and impress you with semi-average service, there often (particularly with the more extravagant lot) seems to be an underlying, desperate panic in the air as the owners/partners sweat to make their money back.

You’ve heard it a thousand time – “So-and-so spent XYZ on that new restaurant – he is cucking himself to make it back”. Owners and managers are regularly seen, post-snort, freaking out about the table turnover, as the editor of God-knows-what magazine hovers at the entrance.

I am happy to report that the owners of Riboville have spent so much money on Riboville, that it is quite evident that their aim is clearly no more than pride – to own and present the finest and greatest restaurant that Cape Town has to offer. The kind of shit you see in London. I’m not kidding. Honestly, there were no favours when I was there, we simply called and booked…AND paid (although a blow job upon entry would have been nice).

I think we’ll start with the oysters
And then you’ll be in big trouble, young lady

Ladies and gentlemen – enough of the rubbish.

Let’s be serious for a second.

The restaurant you’ve been looking for has arrived. Get in their early so you can scream at them on the phone, “Fully booked? Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve supported you guys from day one!”.

Thank you, Riboville.

Riboville Restaurant, Cape Town.
ABC Bank Building
130 Adderley Street
Phone: +27 21 426 0324
Email: info@ribovillerestaurant.co.za
Website: www.ribovillerestaurant.co.za

I have great pleasure in bringing you the first TBG sighting of 2007! After receiving reports via email that the TBG (Tall Blonde Guy) was spotted over the festive season as far afield as Canada, it seems the symbol of all that is good and true has returned to the temple. Welcome back, TBG, the void has been filled.

Never before has the TBG looked more like Jesus

Tom T sent this in after running into the great man at Asoka (Son of Dharma). Tom mentioned that the electricity in the air at Asoka suggested that there was an evident source of energy somewhere in the room. He investigated the bar at the end of Asoka and realised the energy was none other than the result of the all-encompassing aura that permeates from Cape Town’s most rarest icon- The TBG.

This is the day that the TBG hath made.

I have just had a PVR satellite decoder installed at the safe house and I thought I should let the earth see the following video. Particularly if you’re looking at getting a satellite decoder in Cape Town, or want ANY work done on your TV.

Before we get into that, I must just tell you a story I heard this morning. The Surfer called me and told me that The Chief bought a new PVR decoder and got in some guys to install it for him. They arrive at the house and he leaves them there to finish up. Apparently it was a fuck fest. The satellite dish had to be changed and all sorts of shit. They stay there SIX HOURS!! From 14h30 to 20h30. He assumes they have left and gets a call at about 20h30 from ADT. ADT tell him the alarm has gone off at the house and they have caught some burglars. He arrives home with two ADT guys holding guns, standing over the two satellite installation guys SITTING ON THEIR HANDS ON THE FLOOR.

Beautiful.

Anyway, back to the video…