2oceans Vibe

By all accounts, it seems there is a very real fixed minimum number of nights that your chick demands you spend together, with her, in the week. So when you have a girlfriend, you slowly get whipped into adhering to these sleepover rules. Sometimes without even realising it. Next thing you know, you’re lying about grandmothers’ birthdays just to get a night to yourself.

The sleepover situation is EXACTLY what chicks use to gauge where the relationship is. How many nights a week are we together? That is the all-defining gauge. It is permeated with other finely tuned indicators. For example – how many times are we not having sex during these sleepovers? (at the beginning of the relationship, each number of nights together WITHOUT sex is a stronger and stronger indication that he really loves you and might not be “fucking you around”.) And, of course, how many of your personal effects are at his house? Toothbrush? Book? underwear? Shoes? The more personal effects, the more serious the relationship.

I will make him mine

So back to the sleepover gauge. I would imagine there is a ratio of sleepover time that can be split between the work week and the weekend. You could probably trade one weekend night on your own in return for a full week sleeping over together every night – at her place. If you give her every weekend night for two weeks, then you’re allowed two week nights on your own. In a row.

‘Cos if you don’t do it like that she’ll think something is wrong and she will corner you and ask things like, “Where the fuck is this all going? Tell me if I am wasting my fucking time here? ‘Cos I’m not going to be your fuck toy!”

Most chicks don’t like the idea of you just working on the relationship when you feel like it. That’s just not enough stability for our girls. No, no…none of that. They’ll go fucking psycho. This is what they mean when you hear guys saying, “Then the chick went fucking psycho!”

So you play along, sneaking in “special” sleep-time on your own whenever you can. You’re trying to trick yourself into thinking that there is no routine here and you haven’t just woken up in the middle of a “serious relationship,” heading dangerously close to “forever.”

Next thing you know….. it’s been a year…

What the fuck happened there?

She has a whole closet to herself at your house. With numerous outfits in it.

How did THOSE get there?

I know……terrifying..

You see, you went for the wrong angle. You were sleeping. She trapped you with secret messages hidden in her everyday speech. Like subliminal advertising – keeping you oblivious to what is going on. Like when she happens to be with you while you’re buying shit for your house and says you should buy a particular fragrance of toilet spray because, she “prefers ocean breeze flavour!”

And there it is! Right there! You don’t realise that the moment where you agree that her opinion counts in your home, has just passed. And you didn’t even realise! Wake up, chum!

My vibe is different. I’m like……I’ll call you. But don’t freak me out. Then I’ll call you again.

Sometimes I might be pissed. It might be late.

Fucking DEAL WITH IT.

Come for the odd sleepover.

This will continue for some time until you get the call up for the “Sunday Chillout session.” Best you be there.

Random sleepovers after bumping into each other in the evenings will continue. Please note that there is NO pattern forming here WHATSOEVER. Don’t even try to structure an algorithm that makes sense of it. It is TOTALLY RANDOM. The only routine you could possibly work out, would be the Sundays. That is the ONLY stability here. Either it’s one Sunday on, one Sunday off. Or both on. Sometimes maybe a full Sunday, sometimes maybe just an arvee. And SOMETIMES we’ll follow through with a spot of Carte Blanche and the 8 o’ clock movie and a sleepover.

Don’t read too much into a Sunday night sleepover. It’s not a big deal. It’s just nice to get a blowjob on a Monday morning.

Your big thing to look out for at this juncture would be an invite as a partner to a dinner or an event, like a wedding or a bar mitzvah. You’ll probably crack the invite during the first or second coffee date.

You don’t have to be a genius to work out that this means I’m cool with the boys getting some face time with you. You get on really well with them and you let me go and play nicely when the whole extended team is out together. Again, we’re stressing the MY TIME issue here. We’ll work out an angle for you later. But for now, look for c(l)ues….. don’t give them.

Next step : make me stuff. Create things for me or buy me stuff. I don’t know…… bake a fucking cake….write me a card….whatever. Surprise me with gifts. Again, please be careful here. It’s gifts we’re looking for. Courier it to me or give it to The P.A. This is not a physical thing. Don’t jump out of the fucking microwave at The Safe House or let me find you curled up on my doormat with one of those terrifying skew psycho-wants-to-play smiles. It’s gift time. Just gifts. This process will come at a good time and will make me stop for a second and realise that I quite dig you. The only-child thing is probably the cause of this.

You’ll get the call up for some more mid-week sleepovers. Sometimes without sex. That’s right, you heard me!

Kyk hoe lyk hy nou! Next thing you know, you’re doing regular sleepovers!

Now how difficult was that? Notice how there was never a moment when either party discussed where this is going.

Now see how you got what you wanted in the end? Sure, it’s more risky for you, as you’re never really certain where you stand. Does he love you? Or are you a little whore? Who knows!? You’ll just have to see where it ends up. Or get out of there quick. I can’t make that decision for you and we’re not going to discuss it.

Look, we CAN……….but that’ll blow it.

Then you’re a psycho..

19 July, 2007 TBG SPOTTED AT VIDA E IN GREEN POINT

Very chilled

Well it’s not our usual kind of TBG sighting, but it’s a sighting nonetheless! It’s from long distance, but there is no mistaking those gorgeous golden locks! His aura is also quite obvious – even from that distance. This, sent in by John R.

(Click pic to zoom in)

Click for a more zoomed in shot of the great man

Dear Seth,

I’m sorry this is not a photo of me with the TBG and I’m sorry it was taken so far away, but I had no option.

I was in Vida e in Green Point last week, before heading off to a meeting and basically froze when I realised the TBG was in front of me in the queue. This was my moment! But I didn’t have much time.

Suddenly I realised that my camera was in the car and I didn’t have a camera on my phone (how bad is that!). The only thing I could do was race over the road and take a picture from my car.

I definitely felt his aura in the queue but sadly never got to talk to him – I just didn’t have the guts.

Does it still count as a TBG sighting?

John R
Wow, John! That is some story! Although there is no real interaction with the glorious man, there is no doubting its authenticity. So, yes, I’d say you got yourself a TBG sighting there!!!

Good work! Next time don’t be shy to analyse him a bit more – any new information as to what makes him tick is ALWAYS well received.

Thanks be to The TBG.

Lucas R was dragged along to a stranger’s SURPRISE birthday a couple months back by a local friend of his. He had just landed in the country from the UK and thought it would be a good way to make new friends. Little did he know he had landed slap-bang in the middle of an organised surprised birthday party for the TBG (Tall Blonde Guy) held at a mansion in a secret location in Llandudno – Cape Town’s escape for some of the world’s rich and famous!

What could be more intimate and personal, then being a part of a surprise birthday party held for the great man?! That is what happened to Lucas R as he found himself singing Happy Birthday with all of the TBG’s closest friends.

Not only did he manage a pic of The TBG, BUT ALSO A VIDEO OF HIM WALKING INTO THE SURPRISE!!!

This is what our boy had to say:

The TBG – relaxed, with his closest friends

Hi Seth,

I have just got back home to Bristol after a two month tour of South Africa, The East and Australia. I was going through some of my photographs trying to decide which part of my trip was the best. I looked through my Cape Town photographs first and there was no need to go any further. I relived the night I found myself at a private surprise party thrown for the TBG by about 30 of his closest friends!

I had been in town for about two nights and hadn’t made many friends. An old high school buddy of mine who now lives in Cape Town, Eddie, invited me to a friend’s birthday party. Although it might feel a bit awkward I thought it would be a good way to make some local friends.

The guy who’s birthday it was arrived shortly after we arrived. We were all hiding in this one section of the house (a mansion in Llandudno owned by some billionaire) and the curtains were pulled apart as the guy arrived. I was fllming it and could only stare with my mouth open at my camera’s screen – even on that little screen there was no confusing what was going on. It slowly sank in that I was at THE TBG’S BIRTHDAY PARTY! Eddie just looked at me and laughed. He knew what a big fan I was of The TBG (even far away from the UK) and was dying to see my face when I realised where we were. He promised to introduce me to The TBG and he didn’t let me down.

It was a night to remember. I was too shy for a photograph with the global icon and preferred to rather try and act relaxed around him. We even chatted a little bit. I didn’t get over excited – I wanted him to think I was cool. So maybe I don’t have a photo with him, but at least I can say I see him as a friend of mine now!

So enjoy this video (maybe put it on Youtube?) of the suprise and happy birthday singing for my friend, The TBG!

Cheers, Lucas

TBG SURPRISE!

I am speechless! God, imagine being there! And look how super cool the TBG is when everyone shouts SURPRISE! With that sports jacket of his! What an amazing man – if he is human at all!

From that happy birthday singing, it sounds like his real name is Ralph or Rod. Call him what you want, it won’t stop him performing miracles and healing the weak.

Remember to get your limited-edition TBG T-shirt

before they run out of stock.

CLICK HERE FOR TBG T-SHIRTS

When I first told you about TBG Day (27 December) and the launch of the TBG-shirts, I didn’t tell you the FULL story. Which is surprising.

I mean, why wouldn’t I tell you that ALL THE BOYS CAME RIGHT THAT DAY!

It’s amazing what a bit of TBG aura can do!

Chicks fucking dig it!

Agatha, Seth, G-Man, Ruth, The UK Showbiz Guy, The Big H and Dot

Click here to order your TBG-shirt

The Driver fetched The Kitesurfer and me (it’s not The Kitesurfer and “I” in this case, Mum) from the Fresnaye Heights dinner party on Friday night at about 23h30 and was given a fresh instruction, “Wadda Bar please, driver. That’s in Claremont. And let’s get some AC/DC cranking, otherwise these 13 Harman/Kardon surround sound speakers are nothing but a COMPLETE FUCKING WASTE OF TIME!”

The Driver negotiated Head Road as we took some dinky bottles of Moet out the car fridge and sucked them through a straw. I put in an sms to my man at Wadda Bar…

“Daddy Cool is en route for his debut. Please prepare the door – Seth”

“Everything is arranged, Daddy”, came the reply in under 45 seconds.

“They run a slick operation, these Wadda Boys,” I mused.

“Back in Black” worked well upon arrival, as red ropes dropped at the entrance to Wadda. I didn’t know what to expect and only looked up once we had been ushered through the entrance area, across the dance floor and up the staircase. I looked over the railing and across an ocean of smiling faces. “Oh my fuck,” I politely exclaimed.

A pride of angels

A young man approached the bench as I ordered our first round.

Nodding his head, he quipped, “Seth Rotherham……. it’s about time.” He seemed aware of, and was no doubt referring to, the fact that this was my first time at the establishment.

I was impressed.

“Indeed, I have been slack. And for that I apologise,” I replied as I rewarded him with a tequila.

A generous group of the most gorgeous angels had assembled around us by this stage, as we stumbled into the VIP area and joined forces with The Personal Jukebox and last week’s Safe House guest, The Hooker. The Personal Jukebox informed me that they had already played the crowd pleaser – Roxette’s “How Do You Do” (I see you comb your hair, and give me that grin…it’s making me spin now, spinning within….before I melt like snow, I say hello – HOW DO YOU DO!)

Fuck, it’s sick!

Wadda Bar – they finally got Falkor smashed

We played so nicely. I cannot remember exact moments, but I know that some time was definitely spent on the dance floor and I’m pretty sure we left with a couple of angels (little black G-strings don’t just APPEAR on the Safe House lounge floor on Saturday mornings). God, I’ve been getting so much action these days – ever since I watched “The Secret”. That movie has changed my life!

With so many blank parts of the evening to fill, we’re gonna HAVE to return to Wadda quite soon. Stunning little angels, pumping tunes and some slick bar action is a pretty good recipe for some hot action.

I can’t remember your name, my baby, but I’ll bring that little black G-string with me next time if you want to introduce yourself and get it back.

Seriously, I don’t remember your name.

I’m not being a dick.

I’m not, my baby.

I’m TEASING, babba! OBVIOUSLY I know your name is Tamryn!

Tamsynne, sorry.

Oh shit, sorry………TARRYN!

IT’S NOT TARRYN?!

HUH?

WHAT?

SAY IT CLEARLY, YOU FUCKING COW!

God! It’s not like you’ll be able to reply when you’ve got a snooker ball in your mouth.