You’ve heard about the South African Chief of Police, Jackie Selebi’s Hummer. You wondered if the rumours were true and what the car looked like. It couldn’t be true, you thought. It’s too over the top.

I doubt you ever imagined it would be THIS over the top.

Note POLICE branding on the side, as well as badges.
You’ll find this is probably Jackie’s Hummer.

Come now..

[thanks barndog]

I recived this gift from Dail-a-Surprize on my birthday and, I’ll be honest, I was pretty fucking impressed. This is premium, high quality stuff.

Check out what I got:

Quietly enjoy the little dinky bottle of Moet!
Very naughty!

What was in the box, you ask? Well, OBVIOUSLY it was a brand new 4-year-old Campbodian child (I have names her Tevvy, which means “angel”) , to add to the very few I have left, living under my floorboards. This new addition will increase my flip-flop production considerably! I just never remember to feed them so the numbers have, admittedly, dropped.

Just kidding! (Or am I?)

Seriously though, you need to check this website out. Finally someone has got it right – the layout is brilliant and they can deliver ANYTHING for you from flowers to chocolates to champagne! And, as I said, you can be assured that when it gets to the receiver, it’s quality!

www.dial-a-surprize.co.za

I decided to embark on a journey – a holiday of sorts, to the "other-other side." Whilst the Southern Suburbs crew refer to Cape Town city and the Atlantic Seaboard as "the other side" and vice versa, it becomes confusing telling your friends in either of those locations that you’re on "the other side," when you’re actually on the Noordhoek and Kommetjie side of life. That’s why I designed the name "the other other side." I also like the name "The Valley" which is used by the locals. That’s kind of cool, ‘cos it lends itself to the famed tag given to the San Fernando Valley in L.A., California (The Valley) often referred to in films.

And so I found myself comparing the routes to and from The Valley, depending on the various functions, engagements and bar mitzvahs I had to attend – it’s either Chapman’s Peak or Ou Kaapse Weg (or helicopter). I’m more of a Chapman’s Peak man myself, and thoroughly enjoyed the staggering vistas and powerful sexual suggestiveness of it all; as you will see in these stunning pics I took a couple weeks back when the ocean was a flat as a pancake (another new saying I made up recently – ‘cos pancakes are flat – get it?).

Click images to enlarge.

Sexual Healing – Chapman’s Peak Drive (looking out over Hout Bay and Long Beach) The elusive number to dial to check if Chapman’s Peak is open is 021 791-8222 or 021 791-8220, by the way. Put it in your phone NOW so you can save the day, someday.

Living in The Valley presents a very real return to family values. A genuine "village" without electrified fencing, Noordhoek is one of those places where your neighbour will greet you at the local store (where you buy "provisions," not "groceries") and your children are safe to ride the streets on their trikes as the sun sets (look, it won’t hurt to have nanny supervision). Not to be confused with Fish Hoek and Simonstown, Noordhoek is completely free of pedophiles.

Pets and wildlife are pretty big on this side of life, and "LOST HORSE" signs are commonplace (did they find that horse?). Local restaurant, heartbeat and hub, Cafe Roux, even has a PET’S MENU where nibbles are available for dogs and horses. Seriously, I’m not bullshitting you. Check it out.

The Cafe Roux’s pet menu.
Right up there with Thursday braai nights (a must)
featuring the sublime Dan on guitar.

Spending my final weekend in Kommetjie sealed it off and I left The Valley with a sense of purity. Now, back at The Safe House in Camps Bay, I feel cleansed inside. A feeling which was complimented with a very thorough symbolic wash upon my return (EVERYTHING – hair conditioned, body cleansed, face exfoliated, feet scrubbed and pubes trimmed). After the wash, I stood, naked, in front of the full-length mirror and had a good look. I must say, I liked what I saw. I remember thinking to myself, "my God, Seth, you’re in bloody good nick!"

My body and mind are pure, for now.

To The Insurance Broker, The Surfer, The Chief, The Character Formerly Known as The Loose Forward, Lindi, Debs, Carls, Paul & Bern (did you find those keys BTW?) and my other peeps in The Valley and beyond, thanks for the stunning hospitality, love and care. As an only child it really means a lot to me etc. etc.

Lots of love x