Seriously, this is very radical shit happening here.

I can’t believe it.

Friday’s lottery did not produce a winner and the EuroMillions lottery has rolled over for a SIXTH TIME.

Next Friday’s kackpot is sitting at €110,000,000.

In Pounds : £89,000,000 (89 million Euros. Say that out loud).

In US Dollar : $163,000,000 (163 million Dollars. How does that sound?).

In ZA Ront : R1,335,000,000 (Now say this out loud “one point three billion Rand).

I can’0t type pr0p0rly anym0r0 ‘cos I ke0p wa0nting t0 typ0 zer0es the wh0le time! Millions of zer0es, everywh0re I l00k!!!

There is only one word to describe this. It’s what I call “nuts.”

This is nuts!

Click here to check it out for yourself.

Not since 2007 has a rollover draw gone over R1 billion.

I want to tell you something. It is a God given FACT that YOU can win that money. The last time it hit a jackpot of A BILLION RAND, it was won by ONE person. Some guy. A very happy guy.

I’ll tell you another fact. If he didn’t buy the ticket, he wouldn’t have won the money. That, my friends, is another FACT.

Everything I am telling you today is very FACTUAL.

It is also a FACT that the buying process is completely safe on the PlayEuroMillions website and no matter how much money you win, you will get the money. PlayEuroMillions have NEVER had a problem with jackpot payouts. Have a look for yourself.

So you can umm and arr for as long as you want and it will still boil down to the number one FACT of this entire article: YOU GOTTA BE INNIT TO WINNIT.

CLICK HERE TO BUY TICKETS
SAFELY ONLINE NOW
(CLOSES AROUND 18H00 SA TIME)

Imagine if you don’t buy tickets and the winning numbers are the same ones as you would have had on your ticket. God, how emboerrissing. Wouldn’t you feel like a knob-end?

I think you would.

I certainly would!

That’s why I bought my tickets. Five, to be exact.

I found the following writeup by Spike on the Wavescapes.co.za website. You will quickly work out that we’re in for a bit of havoc this weekend, here in the Fairest Cape.

Forecast – Last Update
(Spike, Friday 29 August)

Well, the yo yo of the models continues. Upgrade, downgrade, upgrade, downgrade. Either way, a gigantic flame ball of a storm as big as the lower half of Africa, comprising no less than eight countries, is forming below South Africa. The fetch area is as big as South Africa, Namibia, Botswana, Zimbabwe, Mozambique, Swaziland and Lesotho combined, and goes down to 942 minibars at the epi-centre. Epic.

Building on Friday, it rams up from a SW to SSW direction, hitting the SW Cape (Columbine to Agulhas) with galeforce 40kts NW wind from 2-3pm Saturday, strong winds right into Namaqualand. Batten down the hatches, it’s going to get ugly. By Saturday afternoon, the swell is becoming giant from a long 40-50 kt fetch surging in from behind, with swell in Cape Town going huge 25-35 feet at a wild and crazy mixture of sizes and shapes, with a lot of SW in the direction. Chaos. However, the storm is hitting diagonally across the SW Cape, and the E Cape is still light Westerly on Saturday, the first signs of the storm coming in from the West late on Saturday in the form of strong NW devils’ winds.

In Cape Town, the wind abates to near gale Saturday afternoon, then smashes through galeforce 40 kts SW in the evening, the second part of the storm furiously assaulting the coastline Columbine to Agulhas overnight into Sunday, when howling NW devils winds overnight Saturday in the S to E Cape go strong to galeforce SW, spreading past EL later. While the swell East of Agulhas is building on Saturday, it only peaks Sunday afternoon and especially Monday, with HUGE 40-50 foot seas everywhere. Giant surf due to a very SSW angle, perfectly positioned to blast past headlands and points, to surge into all manner of nook and cranny.

Sunday at dawn, it is huge between Cape Columbine and PE. Tafelberg will be 40 feet but messy with residually fresh SW winds. Go Twiggy and other tow mulletjies ! The points in the E Cape get bigger and bigger all day Sunday, becoming GIANT, with all but the most extreme-angled bays completely out of control 15-25 feet, and J-Bay likely to be a crazy 10-15 foot PLUS.

Early Sunday, NW prefrontal winds hammer the Wild Coast, rapidly going strong to galeforce SW while SW gales are peaking at 45 kts along the Southern to E Cape. The buster cracks up the coast, smashing into KZN on Sunday afternoon to evening at less strength than the Cape. An extra boost in the centre of the storm to hurricane force on Saturday night deep in the south is responsible for a sudden surge in period to 18 seconds, which occurs Monday along the Southern to E Cape, when the swell is ridiculous – one of the most powerful long range swells and it lasts right through to Thursday. In fact Tuesday and Wednesday could be off the charts with such potent period packing this long-winded pulse.

[more here]

So, basically, we’re fucked.

If you’re a surfer, or anyone who wants to know what is going on out in the waves, check out Wavescapes.co.za – action packed with info, videos, pics etc.

Mondo!

[thanks jase]

[thanks iron mike]

You know the article I wrote last week about the plane that went down in Spain last week? The one that killed around 150 people?

Ja, so anyway, that plane was a MD-82. It’s the ONLY model that 1 Time airlines use.

Good luck with that.

The MD-82 – 150 people dead

They go down the whole time. So much so that Justin S wrote in:

Hey Seth,

Saw you did an article on the plane crash in Madrid. Those goddamn MD-82s. Been a favourite of low cost airlines around the world, including our own (although I think Kulula may have stopped using them recently and it’s just 1time). I’ve never trusted them and refused to fly them. Rattletraps!

Every make and every model, even sub-model (Say Boeing 737-300) have a history and some of them are particularly prone to known failures and design weaknesses. It’s mostly the older ones, as the newer updated versions of those models have the design flaws fixed. And then all these shitbox planes endup at the low-cost airlines who don’t take care of sorting it out properly.

I’ve actually had my assistant re-arrange international flights completely because certain legs I noticed were flown on a plane that I did not agree with! I’m such a plane snob, hehe.

I agree. We should become plane snobs.

IT WILL ALL BE FINE WHEN WE WIN THE ONE BILLIONS RAND JACKPOT IN TODAY’S LOTTERY.

That’s when we can buy the BBJ and everything will be fine.

The Boeing Business Jet – much better!

Life is precious, people. Become a plane snob..

The Insurance Broker is no doubt in his element today as the gloved one turns 50!

No matter how hard he tried, Michael couldn’t get rid of the smell.

This, from MSNBC:

Michael Jackson turns 50 on Friday. What do you get for the man who has everything, including a killer discography, a couple of sexual assault accusations, at least one white glove, a sprawling ranch teetering on foreclosure, a family that can only be described as indescribable, and a button nose that often looks unbuttoned?

Reaching The Big Five-Oh is a profound event in every life. But for Michael, it represents a fork in his moonwalking path. One direction will take him to his own personal neverland, as in never be seen or heard from again. The other will lead him back to stardom and his rightful place atop the pop throne.

Which way will he go? Now that he’s 50, will he make it to 60? And what will he be like if he does?

[more here]

Nice.

I would also like to take this opportunity to wish my God-daughter Anna happy birthday, as well as Justin M and Pete T. Nice guys! Have a glorious day!

And to G Man and The Lawyer for hitting the two year mark.

And to Lindi for having five puppies last night.

My god, it’s all happening!

For those of you who slept through today and yesterday and the day before, this guy was possibly thinking about killing Barack Obama.

Tharin Robert Gartrell – Mellow

This, from ABC news:

Three men, one of whom allegedly has strong ties to a white supremacist gang, have admitted to a “crude” plan to use a rifle to kill Sen. Barack Obama, federal law enforcement sources told ABC News.

Three men confess to federal agents that they had planned to shoot Barack Obama.The sources said the men planned to seek a high vantage point overlooking Invesco Field and open fire with .22 and .270 scope-equipped rifles, though federal authorities have emphasized that there was no immediate, credible danger to the candidate.

Obama, who will travel to Denver this week, is set to accept the Democratic Party’s nomination for president and speak at the stadium Thursday.

[more here]

Hectique!

Two things.

1) It is a pre-requisit for assassin’s to have three names.

2) I love the guy, but I’m afraid it’s not going to stop. There are some crazy people out there.

I touched down in Durban on Saturday lunch time and went straight to the stadium for the Australia vs. SA Tri-Nations game. I was in town to get footage of John Smit for our new TV Show which launches live on SuperSport 1, 21h00, Friday, 5 September.

Oh ja, I’m dead fucking serious.

Look out for promo’s running over the next week. Bob Skinstad, The Character Formerly Known As The Loose Forward will be hosting it and you’ll smell the 2oceansvibe flavour running through..

The sports/lifestyle show is called Luv Sport and that’s all I’m telling you for now. I will also tell you that it will be the number one show on TV.

Oh, and The Roofer will be on it as well.

I swear to God.

So anyway, DT drove me to the stadium and he also managed to get this shot of the kind of stuff one can find in Debben.

Perfect!

It’s certainly not in the “classy” style that we are accustomed to with 2oceansvibe’s Tuesday Tabs, but we’ll let it slide. After all, she has been on before.

She is in that more “busty” category.

Look, there is room for that from time to time.

Lucy Pinder – driving
Click pic for NSFW image

Bang!

That is what people mean when they refer to them as “hooters.”

This is the wall of Sienna Miller’s Norf London home.

Someone has indicated their belief that Sienna Miller is a “slut”

It’s not what you want to find in the morning when you leave your home.

I once walked out of my place (when I was living with The Hooker and The Insurance Broker in Harfield (that place was a shit hole, guys)) and someone had taken shaving cream and drawn a massive set of breasts on the entrance to the driveway of the complex.

That’s not as bad as “slut,” I suppose.

Maybe that is because she is a homewrecker..

The basic home computer

That is pure quality.

It would be cool if the Music button took you STRAIGHT to this song every time. As a starting point.

I’ll be honest, I felt a cold chill down my spine when I saw this flyer in my inbox. I can remember different names for different party nights – like “Thirsty Thursdays” and “Monday Madness” (Taboo days..). But never before had I heard a name so incredibly powerful and descriptive as MOTHERLESS MONDAYS!

Hahaha! Jesus, can you IMAGINE?! Openly throwing around the word “motherless” on a flyer! That is Hectique! bru.

Motherless Mondays at Wadda Bar

Such powerful imagery.

It’s a fact that people will be motherless tonight at Wadda Bar in Claremont.

Motherless!

..if you had noticed that the lottery rolled over again?

I swear to God, Click here to see for yourself. It’s sitting at ONE BILLION RAND for Friday’s draw.

It’s the biggest rollover lottery this year. FACT.

I just wanted to say that. That’s all.

We’ll chat more about it on Friday. Click here to check it out in the meantime.

Earlier on in the year there was much excitement during the voting process for the new Monopoly World Edition game board. Cape Town was a contender and the likes of 2oceansvibe and other influential media outlets pushed people to vote.

Well I think everyone can give themselves a pat on the back – Cape Town is in the second highest category. Jeez, hating that!

Gdynia – out of favour..

Well done everyone and well done Cape Town!

Some of you might not be aware of Gdynia, in the poo brown section of the Monopoly board. So, just to educate you a little bit – what I can tell you, from memory, is that it is located in Kashubia in Eastern Pomerania. Gdynia is part of a conurbation with the spa town of Sopot, the city of Gdan’sk and suburban communities, which together form a metropolitan area called the Tricity (Trójmiasto), with a population of over a million people.

Ja, look, that’s all I can remember.

You know, off hand..

Click here to read more about the Monopoly vibe.

Or click here to find out more about Gdynia.

[thanks philip]

I will remind you that Boris Johnson is the very same very new London mayor who, upon winning the London Mayoral election, declared, “Tomorrow we get cracking, but tonight we drink.”

Boris Johnson
Pure entertainment

I am very pleased to announce that Boris is back with a new speech, which he delivered at the closing of the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing this weekend. It was at a “handover party” which is given so as to acknowledge London as the next hosting city, with Boris Johnson taking the lead.

This, from The Independent:

To cheers from the assembled British officials, Mr Johnson declared that the Chinese “have excelled magnificently at ping pong. Ping pong was invented on the dining tables of England and it was called whiff whaff”.

“There you have, I think, the essential difference between us and the rest of the world. Other nations such as the French looked at the dining table and saw the opportunity to have dinner. We looked at the dining table and saw an opportunity to play whiff whaff.

He continued: “That is why London is the sporting capital of the world. I say to the Chinese and I say to the world – ping pong is coming home.”

[More here]

PING PONG IS COMING HOME! Whaaaah!!

Are you kidding me? This guy is like a gift from God. Do you realise that the above extract is real? That actually happened. At the Olympics! What more could you possibly want from a mayor? I’ll take a bumbling comedian over a corrupt hypocrite any day of the week.

Speaking of which, while he is often lauded as a “bumbling buffoon” and erratic at best, I think we should agree that he is taking a very Churchillesque tone in everything he does. Winston Churchill is famed for his quotes to do with women and drink. He was OFTEN completely pissed whilst simultaneously leading the British army as one of history’s most famous and accomplished leaders. Look, I’m pretty pleased Boris Johnson isn’t heading up a war machine, but you you got to enjoy his approach. Conservatives and posh snobbery (with humourous undertones playing an essential part) is becoming cool again, and he is at the forefront.

And with that, I give you the video of Boris declaring that “ping pong is coming home.”

CLICK HERE IF THAT VIDEO CLAIMS TO NOT BE AVAILABLE
(Then refresh the next page several times to get it going)

Have a wonderful Monday, my friends. I am currently on a plane from Durban to Cape Town, which is nothing short of a miracle, given that it was a 06h30 flight which meant 05h30 arrival at the airport, which meant 05h15 departure from the hotel, which meant waking up at 04h15 (We require one hour turnaround time).

It’s crazy out there.

That’s right. Zuma.

She has named her child Zuma.

Yes… ZUMA!!!!

It’s all happening here, ladies and gentlemen!

From CNN:

LOS ANGELES (AP) — It’s Love, Angel, Music and Baby No. 2 for Gwen Stefani, who gave birth to a boy Thursday.

Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani added to their family with the birth of baby Zuma on Thursday.

Zuma Nesta Rock weighed 8 pounds and 5 ounces when he was born Thursday afternoon, according to publicist Dave Tomberlin.

 

“Mother, baby and family are all happy and healthy,” he said in a statement.

The pop star and fashionista has another son, 2-year-old Kingston, with her husband, rocker Gavin Rossdale. Rossdale also has a teenage daughter with fashion designer Pearl Lowe.

[More here]

I cannot comment. I am still digesting..

[thanks tara]

Fresh from completely dominating Ibiza and continuing to do so, Goldfish are popping in to London tomorrow for the ex-pats and others to enjoy their sexual music sensation!

Enjoy this latest pic of our boys frolicking in Ibiza, taken by 2oceansvibe Character, The Photographer (check out his website here).

Baby Jesus and Dom, literally swimming in holy water

Don’t miss their London gig tomorrow.

Pacha London Terminus Place Victoria, SW1

20.00 in advance and on the door 8880 7548 (I have no idea what that means)

Advance tickets available from www.ticketweb.co.uk or by calling 08700 600 100

For table bookings please call Dana on 0845 371 4489 or email dana@pachalondon.com

1ST 5 REPLIES TO COMPS@GOLDFISHLIVE.COM GET DOUBLE COMPS!

SICK!

An unprecedented combination of fame and infamy was found just last week in Cape Town, at Caprice, when Springbok rugby hero, AJ Venter, stumbled upon none other but The Spiciest Guy in Cape Town !

This, from AJ.

AJ Venter and The Spiciest Guy in Cape Town

 

Hey Seth,

Sunday night we decided to go and have a drink at Caprice and who do we bump into – the steamy spicy man himself! I could not help myself but to ask him for a photo. I am a bit worried about where his hand is doing down in my crotch area!

Jenna and Roxy Louw also could not resist him!

Regards,

AJ Venter

 

Roxy Louw, Jenna Venter and
The Spiciest Guy In Cape Town

Amazing – thank you, AJ.

It should be noted that it was nearly two years ago that AJ Venter openly expressed his aspirations of a moment with The TBG and that he felt “connected” to the great man .

That said, one can’t help but imagine that this most recent encounter with The Spiciest Guy in Cape Town hasn’t left AJ entirely satisfied. With rumours of The TBG currently spending time in Canada, one wonders when that day will ever come..

It’ll come, AJ, you know it will. You just have to believe !

And what an awesome pair of trousers our boy chose on that particular night.

Is it possible that he is sponsored by Hazard Golf Clothing ?

You know this is a genuine lottery, right? You understand that people aren’t allowed to just make up things like this, right? That would be illegal and it certainly wouldn’t be featured on 2oceansvibe. Because at 2oceansvibe everyone is safe. That is why you are here.

I just hope you fully grasp that this is a very real thing. It’s happening tomorrow. It’s real. It’s One Hundred Million Dollars. Nearly a billion Rand.

Think about this – You could give ten friends R10 million each and it wouldn’t even dent your pocket. Fuck it, give them R20 million each. So what – you’ll have over R600 million left. A couple hundred million is chicken feed.

Does that not appeal to you?

Are you aware that you can buy tickets online?

Like I did. Like I always do. Like a lot of people do.

BUY TICKETS SAFELY ONLINE
CLICK HERE

Cool.

Just checking that you know.

That’s all.

One thing I did lie about. It’s not a BILLION Rand. It’s R789 million.

Sorry. Naughty.

Those like-minded people out there will understand the enormity of genuine, well formed networks. Doing business through people you can trust, immediately takes it to the next level. More gets done and more money gets made. It breaks down barriers, you could say. If you didn’t realise what was going on at 2oceansvibe then you’ve missed it altogether. The key to it is like-minded ness.

Like, for example, the world of rugby – that’s another business network all on its own. A massive network. A powerful network. Portions of it even overlap into 2oceansvibe, as I’m sure you’ve noticed in the past.

And that brings me the subject of this article, which is to highlight the extraordinary undertaking of the Worlds first Rugby Expo. It’s in London 17-18 November, but its South African regional launch will be in Jo’burg NEXT WEEK Thurs 28 August!

www.rugbyexpo.com

I was chatting to The Character Formerly Known As The Loose Forward the other day about this and we noted how impressive it is that two other 2oceansvibe characters and Rugby World Cup players, Stuart Abbott (The Inside Centre) and Rob(bie) Fleck (The Outside Centre) are both involved in this mammoth affair! Astounding.

(Abbott would probably want me to mention at this point that his side won the World Cup in his year, but Fleck wouldn’t appreciate that. So I won’t. Especially since Abbott is a South African in English clothing.)

Check it out:

Rugby Expo aims to be the premier global business-to-business rugby convention. Rugby Expo 17-18 November 08 in London will be the largest ever gathering of business people involved in and interested in the world of rugby, including clubs, administrators, companies that support rugby and suppliers of services to the rugby community. Rugby Expo will be a festival celebrating and supporting the development of rugby as a truly global sport, offering wide-ranging and exciting business opportunities.

 

Click here to check out the Rugby Expo 2008 website

 

After successful regional launches in NZ and Australia,rugby expo is coming to South Africa. SA Ambassador Robbie Fleck and rugby expo representative Stuart Abbott will be at the launch. The launch will be handled by Kreatesa (also part of the 2oceansvibe family, as you will note by the banner advertising on the right of the page) and will be in Johannesburg on Thursday the 28th August two days prior to the test match between South Africa and Australia. Check the site out www.rugbyexpo.com for news and more info.

Brilliant! It’s just brilliant! I advise anyone involved in any way with rugby, and who wants to change the world, to be there!

Do it. Do it. Go!

If you think you or your company would be interested in attending the Johannesburg event or exhibiting in London please email stuart@rugbyexpo.com

It is common knowledge that, for an extra tip, Butler’s Pizza drivers are able to go beyond the call of duty. The last time I heard, it was R50 to get your driver to do five star jumps. The Butler’s Indicator has always sat at around 10 (Rands to the star jump).

But there’s loads you can get him to do. Hell, I know a guy who paid a Butler’s driver an extra R20 to and pour him a whisky on the rocks! And why not? He’s YOUR Butler!

You did know this stuff, right?

The most recent report I’ve had arrived this week with this incredible display of what can be achieved if you tip your driver enough.

This, from Ross G.

Hey Seth,

Ok, this is how it went. I was in JHB, so my angel had a girls night at our house.

So, 12 girls come over for a Sing-Star competition, with loads of champers and tequila.

At 10:30 or so, they call Butler’s and order chow. The guy on the other side of the line hears the screaming and laughing in the back-ground, and asks what’s happening. The girls are working him a bit on the phone, and giving him a vibe.

So, about 25 minutes later, the doorbell rings, and this blonde youngster Brendan arrives and walks into a barrage of rowdy chicks. He asks if it is a hen’s party, and of course they lie to him and tell him it is.

They then proceed to make him sign karaoke – YMCA to be exact!

 

Free Love on The Freelove Freeway

Brendan wasn’t interested in duets.

No problem

So then they offered him R150 for a strip show, which our boy duly obliged to.

Please enjoy.

 

This is the photo you’re looking for.
It’s all there – Brendan on his 263rd mission.
Aah, the memories..

When he was done, he thought he would try and hang around, and tried to pour himself a glass of wine, and then the chicks told him to bail.

He was quite persistent though, and returned 5 minutes later saying that one of the girls had kept his cummerbund and that he refused to leave until he was allowed in to look for it.

Quite frankly, you know as well as I do that if we were 21 again, and delivered pizza to a crowd of rowdy, drunk chicks, got paid to strip and sing karaoke, you would also feel that a second shot at the dream score, It was completely necessary – In fact, regardless of age, a second shot is always necessary!

So, it was not a hen’s party, but they told him it was.

They tipped him R50 for the actual delivery, and then another R150 to strip. He went all the way down to his boxers, and then had to pose for a series of photos.

I think the chicks had run out of cash, as I’m sure if they had more, they would have offered a little extra for the Full Monty,

All in all, the kind of story that will elevate you to hero status amongst your fellow butlers instantly, regardless of the number of missions you have under your cummerbund!

Cheers,

Ross

Of course a second shot was necessary! Brendan did the right thing and yes, I agree, this man is a hero.

And not only is he a hero, he is a very switched on hero! With only 263 missions to his name, he has shown knowledge usually reserved for more experienced Butler’s. I’m very surprised he knew the Butler’s rule of removing his bow tie to indicate that he was off duty.

Clever.

Good work, Brendan!

Good work, girls!

It is a pity that the downfall of our entire nation’s Olympic team, has to be the grande finale of the never-ending litmus test used by those people left who continue to push the Crocs envelope.

You push. And you push. And you push.

Now look what you’ve done. We look like a bunch of tools.

Whilst other websites take great glee in writing about this subject, only to show a photograph of our athletes which has been trimmed from the athlete’s waste down (SCHOOL NEWSPAPER PROJECT RESULT = FAIL), we went straight to source and got you the pics.

This, featured as The Olympic Games Worst Dressed Country, on New York based fashion critique blog, Street Boners.

Oh my…. those aren’t what I think they are, are they?

Crocs! Oh my good Lord!

You’ll notice they went for the green. The same green as the “Y” in the South African flag. Can you see what they did there? They were being clever.

After all agreeing without blinking that Crocs would be the way to go, someone shouted out, “Oh my God, I’ve had a brainwave – we’ll get the same green as the “Y” in the middle of our flag!”

“YES!” they all shrieked. Brilliant idea, Tamara!

(Did you enjoy that very neutral name I went for there? Tamara = safe.)

So there you have it. Our Olympic team has been humiliated, thanks to Crocs shoes.

Wearing them for a specialised trade is one thing, but is is something completely different..

When will it be enough?

[thanks dom]