2oceans Vibe

My goodness – what a monumental milestone! With the collapse of Wall Street and the general crumbling of the planet, it is so nice to be able to withdraw from that nonsense and focus on something that really matters. Today marks the centenary of South Africa’s greatest habit – 2oceansvibe’s Tuesday Tabs! That special time of the week where you just know for sure that you’re goanna get some, at some stage, during the course of the day!

And what better way to celebrate this remarkable achievement of YOURS, than to use multiple Tuesday Tabs from the past, to create a mosaic of one of our favourite individual features, Kate Moss.

This mosaic created using Kate’s image from Tuesday Tabs # 5.

Click for full size NSFW image.

Tuesday Tabs # 100
Kate Moss raises her bat.
A glorious, glorious moment in world history..

Thank you for everyone involved in getting us here. In particular Phil, who actually reshaped and moved around all of the pictures until it looked like Kate Moss. Like some gigantic pornographic Rubik’s Cube.

I’m kidding, he used a special software program, but he still did all the work.

Please, dear God, don’t email me asking what the software is called or where to get it. Rather go to www.justfuckinggoogleit.com.

Congratulations to Tuesday Tabs.

Congratulations to the 2oceansvibe community.

Congratulations to the world.

And the Milky Way.

It’s crazy to think that it was a full year ago that we were galavanting around Darling and enjoying the Western Cape’s premier music festival with SA’s hottest acts, live on stage.

And this year it gets even more crazy, because they’ve thrown in the likes of Eagle Eye Cherry with The Dirty Skirts, Goldfish, Plush and co.

If you haven’t bought tickets, you are advised to go this very second to www.rockingthedaisies.com and organise. Those of you who went last year are obviously going again and those of you who didn’t go, well, don’t be silly – this is something you cannot afford to miss!

If you’re not doing your own tent vibe, don’t be shy of local B&B’s or, even better, try The Kreef Hotel – luxury tent accommodation with a front desk, porters, lockable tents, blow-up mattresses, luxury loos, hot running water, showers etc. www.kreefhotel.co.za

‘Cos it’s like that. And that’s the way it is.

www.rockingthedaisies.com

Well done to Nicky and Nikki, who won two pairs of VIP tickets each for these entries sent in for this year’s Rocking The Daisies competition.

Readers were asked to send in a chest shot with the words “Try rocking these daisies, buddy.”

And that’s exactly what they did!

Good

Nice

That’s the spirit!

See you at the Daisies!

www.rockingthedaisies.com

Here are some recent pics of Paris Hilton at The Abbey Food and Bar in Los Angeles. She’s throwing around a whole new vibe.

Change of hair as well, I see.

Hilts throwing a whole new vibe

I’m fine with it.

Good accessorising with the bag and heels.

It’s good to change one’s look now and then – you know, to stay fresh and relevant. Like the time I was seen on the slopes throwing around the curly on top and short on the sides vibe, circa 1991. That was probably before Marco started doing my hair and my mom was still sending me to Linda of London at The Mount Nelson.

More pics of Hilts and her new look here.

I must say, it’s about time someone broke it down. Hilarious reading for those of you who feel the pain. Important reading for those of you who have no idea.

I enjoyed the third commandment, “Thou Shalt Not “Friend” People You Don’t Actually Know”

Add as friend?

What does the word “friend” mean to you? It means different things to different people, but most would agree that a “friend” is someone that you actually know. Ideally someone you’ve met in real life. I know that’s not always going to be the case (Gladstone would have exactly ZERO friends on Facebook if he had to follow that rule), but I’m sure we can all agree that if someone is your friend, you should at least KNOW WHO THEY ARE.

If you vaguely remember someone from high school but you don’t remember how you actually knew them, then chances are you guys weren’t very good friends to begin with. Of course, it’s also entirely possible that you guys were total besties and you’re going through some sort of Memento-like amnesia. If so, disregard this commandment, add everyone you possibly can as a friend, and send them all messages that say, “WHO AM I? DEAR GOD, PLEASE TELL ME WHO I AM!”

Very good. We’ve seen this before. In particular, I see Cape Town’s fashion industry has its fair share. You know it’s time to slow down when you’re staring down the barrel at 5,000 Facebook friends and you’ve got people writing on your wall, “Hi we received your confirmation that you will be attending our party/function, but we have no record of inviting you.”

That’s when you stop.

Everything.

CLICK HERE to check out the rest of the
10 Facebook Commandments.

[thanks nix]

Cokey Falkow was not driving.

I swear to God. This is not a hoax. Scarlett Johansson married Van Wilder star, Ryan Reynolds this weekend. All this, while Paul Newman was dying.

Scarlett Johansson
Off the market

I cannot confirm what effect this will have on marriage certificates which feature Scarlett Johansson under the “Celebrity Indiscretion” clause. You know, the part of your prenup / marraige certificate which let’s each spouse choose one celebrity they are ALLOWED to have one-off sex with, should the opportunity arise.

I know The Advertising Guy chose Johansson, so I’m not sure what will happen there. Unless, of course, she had The Advertising Guy’s name down as well – then they can go ahead with that I reckon.

Judging by this pic, I’d say that some girls out there may have had Scarlett’s new husband down as well.

Ryan Reynolds
Van Wilder

You’ll be interested to learn that Ryan Reynolds used to be engaged to Alanis Morissette – the psychopath that brought us the electrifying, yet terrifying album Jagged Little Pill.

I think we all agree that Scarls is a definite upgrade. Especially seeing as she is 23.

Alanis is like a million years old.

Our World Cup 2010 mascot is an Asian cartoon looking leopard with green dreadlocks. His name is Zakumi.

There never could have been a mascot that would have impressed us. It will ALWAYS be received by hand-cupped gasps of, “OH MY GOD!”

Zakumi

It’s not shocking as much as it is disappointing.

Once again it seems a junior school competition was held to put it together, and the winning school won. How else do you justify the dreadlocks, clearly indicating the country’s embracing of the Rastafarian movement/religion and therefore the condoning of marijuana? A fantastic notion, for all – I agree. But surely something too ambiguous for them to risk promoting, which I’m sure was not their original intention?

Locals are so confused about the weed laws, with Capetonians, in particular, lighting-up happily in public. TV is littered with it, with hit TV shows including Californication and Entourage showing the characters sparking up in nearly every episode! This new mascot will be MORE than enough for the locals hopefuls to proclaim, “you SEE, it IS legal!”

It’s encouraging, at the very least..

I mean, we’ve already heard the ANC mentioned the legalising of prostitution for the World Cup.

It’s all happening!

Oh, and, just so you know, the “ZA” in Zakumi, stands for South Africa -the very same ISO 3166 code used in our country’s URL web extension “co.za”.

And “kumi” means “ten” in various African languages.

You see what they did there? “Ten,” like twenty ten. You know, the 2010 World Cup?

Get it?

Sick!

Clever hey?

[Read more on the launch of our latest ferret here]

CLICK HERE to see a video of our National Pot-head in action.

With MNET going for the versatile, yet semi-fresh, Shrek 3; it was annoying to find e-TV went for Bad Boys - as MNET win this week’s round of the Sunday Night 8 o’ clock TV movie wars.

BAD BOYS
e-TV get lazy

Sunday night 8 o’ clock movie aficionados will agree that e-TV have finally overplayed the Bad Boys I or II hand – trusting (hoping) that the Smith/Lawrence appeal will never die. And, whilst I would usually tend to agree, it just feels a bit too soon since the last one (whatever it was, I or II).

Naughty.

At the very least, we can perve David Duchovny’s wife Teo Leoni, subsequent to finding out that he went to rehab for sex addiction (not Montrose Place by the way, although they are said to have recently accommodated some high profile guests for a similar addiction).

A lazy choice by the leading terrestrial channel, nonetheless, ESPECIALLY after their recent Steven Siegal fuckfest that seems to come in waves throughout the year. If you want some easy shoe-ins that we haven’t seen for a while, why not impress the boys with a bit of The Bonfire of the Vanities? Or, dare I say it, Top Gun or The Colour of Money? The guys at SABC 1 scored serious brownie points a few months back when they pulled the former out of the bag – albeit with ads in between. But Jeepers could you imagine if they fluked The Colour of Money, in the wake of the great Paul Newman’s death? That would have been an absolute treat!

“THE KID’S GOT A SLEDGEHAMMER BREAK!”

God, the gimps at SABC must have a TROVE of old classics at their disposal. It’s a pity they can’t tell their Newman’s from their van Damme’s. They should put someone from DVD Nouveau in charge of that. In fact, just have a little look here to check out their Paul Newman range.

Paul Newman
January 26, 1925 – September 26, 2008

A sad farewell to one of the kings, as the walls close in on the era of true living movie greats.

Something tells me it won’t feel the same when Clive Owen hits his 80′s and passes away.

Hang in there Jack, Al, Rob..we need you.

The biggest SuperDraw Jackpot Prize of 2008 takes place tonight. €130,000,000 is up for grabs. That’s one hundred and thirty million EURO’S! And YOU can win it, right here in South Africa. Or, anywhere you are in the world, for that matter!

I’m not going to go on about what you can buy with it, because you’re not stupid. You can work it out. You can buy the whole of Clifton’s Nettleton Road, for example.

It’s pretty much limitless. It’s not like normal lotteries where you plan on buying “a Lamborghini” and stuff like that. With this kind of ammo, you buy a new Lamborghini when the old one gets dirty. Or if you run out of petrol – you just get another one. For a lag. That’s how silly it will all become.

Unless you’re enjoying your job so much that you don’t need to dream a little?

CLICK HERE TO BUY TICKETS SAFELY ONLINE

Jonty sent me this wonderful overview of our new president, Kgalema Motlanthe.

Kgalema Motlanthe
South African President September 2008-

The incredibly thorough report which spans everything from his childhood years to his views on Zimbabwe, included this little piece:

In an August 1997 interview with O’Malley he spoke with grudging admiration of the way in which Afrikaner nationalists had used political power to advance their volk. Even as they were looking after their own through state patronage, he noted, “they were also sending brilliant young ones through technikons overseas in Holland, Germany. They come back and they are deployed to run this institution or that institution. [Despite] much of the excesses of apartheid, one can’t help but admire their determination because they were exactly more or less in the same situation that we find ourselves in today.”

Interesting.

Read the whole piece here.

This, from finalternatives.com:

If hedge fund managers don’t want to see pictures of their bare breasts published in a national magazine, they had better keep their shirts on at parties.

A Manhattan judge has tossed out a lawsuit filed by hedge fund manager Maria Kristina Dominguez, who accused Vibe magazine of publishing a photo of her and two other women in topless mermaid costumes at rapper Sean Combs’ annual White Party at his East Hampton, N.Y. estate without her consent.

But Judge Doris Ling-Cohan says that individuals have no expectation of privacy at such events, which are newsworthy and of public interest.

The photo in question was taken at the 2003 White Party and published in the November 2006 issue of Vibe—with the caption, “Mermaids Gone Wild”—as part of a feature on Combs, better known as P. Diddy. Dominguez then sued both the magazine and Combs for $3 million, alleging “mental strain and distress and disturbance of peace of mind,” harm to her reputation and the loss of business opportunities.

Dominguez’s lawyers say the 28-year-old is still exploring her legal options.

That’s hilarious.

You want what?

You want the picture?

Sure, no problem. Click here (NSFW)

[thanks rob]

I was feeling a little peckish the other day. I knew I shouldn’t be having carbs, but I felt noodles could slip through the net without detection. I wasn’t close to Long Street, so Noodlebosch was out of the question. And I didn’t hangover so I couldn’t deal with the dried out nonsense from Knorr, or whoever it is that makes those dried noodles that I drown in Tabasco sauce.

It’s moment like that, that you finally push yourself over the edge, with regards to products you’ve been looking at, out the corner of your eye. You’re like, “Hmmm, interesting. I won’t buy you right now, but I’ll keep an eye out on you.” Then you see the product again and again and again, until you decide, “Ok, you! You little MISCHIEF! Let’s see what you’re all about!“

And that’s what I did with the “Noodle Box” with peanut satay sauce I finally purchased at Woolworths.

Pleasantly surprised, is all I can say. The first part being the fact that the noodles are actually packaged moist, in a vacuum packed bag. Pretty much as fresh as fast-food like this could ever get.

So you take that out of the vacuum-packed bag (I couldn’t say “moist” again), and add the sauce (in another sealed packet of sorts) on top of it. Pop it in the micro and chill out for 2 minutes..

The Woolworths “Noodle Box”
with peanut satay sauce!

2 minutes…

BANG! DONE!

And I tell you what – I’m FINE with it! I only tried the “Noodle Box” with peanut satay sauce and so far I give it the go ahead. Honestly, I ate it WAY too fast. And that’s a good thing.

It’s basically gourmet munchie food.

Elvis would eat it.

A lot.

It’s probably all he would have.

Ever.

You’ll remember the latest hot-off-the-press news that my folks have bought a scanner and have been emailing me a steady flow of early pictorials. And by “steady flow,” I mean “barrage.”

This, the latest installment, shows Seth’s incredible focus and determination.

Seth – the BMX days

“Oh my God! That picture of you as a little boy in the BMX helmet!!! SQUEEEAL! I just wanted to EAT YOU UP!!”

Oh, ja, thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed that! What are you drinking?

BANG!

Please enjoy this, from The New York Times:

A former cabdriver who struck it rich in Russian oil and went on to invest in Manhattan real estate has signed a contract to buy a Fifth Avenue mansion for $40 million.

 

Duke Semans Mansion
Quite mean

 

Tamir Sapir, who immigrated to the United States 30 years ago, said he signed a contract on Friday to buy the house, known as the Duke Semans mansion. He said the sellers, relatives of the late tobacco heiress Doris Duke, signed the contract yesterday.

Mr. Sapir, who lives in the Trump Tower on Fifth Avenue and owns a 12-acre estate in Kings Point on Long Island, said he was attracted to the mansion by its location and its history. He had already considered installing his ivory collection in the office tower on Madison Avenue, he said, but the mansion’s proximity to the Met and the Guggenheim Museum made him decide “this is the right location for me.”

The musician Lenny Kravitz had been interested in the property, which came on the market last May, but he was never able to work out a deal. About 40 prospective buyers toured the mansion, which houses a doctor’s office in the basement.

[more here]

Nice. Not bad at all.

I did some extra research, and it seems our boy ranks #785 on the Forbes World’s Billionaires list.

He worked pretty hard to get there, too. Dealing in Russian oil and the like.

Personally, I’ll be taking the easy route to becoming a billionaire. And that’ll be Friday’s EuroMillions SUPERDRAW, The incredibly rare SuperDraw is sporting a guaranteed jackpot payout of R1.5 BILLION.

One point five BILLION Rand.

One hundred and eighty six million Dollars.

I’m not kidding. Check it out here.

I know a lot has been said on these pages in the past, and I understand that some of you might think I’m waging a secret little war against the Shimano-ladened breathren. But I’m not. I’m just teasing. I’m just being observant and asking questions.

Like right here, right now. I promise I’m not “having a go” – I just want to make sure that everyone is aware that this is happening; that men my father’s age are wearing skin tight garments, against their body and groin, in public. Their actual balls, clearly visible.

Your dad, at Vida e, wearing spandex

I’m just ASKING if you are AWARE what your dad gets up to in the day. You have a right to know.

That’s all.

Seriously.

For God’s sake, it’s just a question!

[thanks shawn]

Still wading through the aftermath of the instant fame he received following his well documented delivery/encounter (article here) with a gaggle of hot Camps Bay babes, Brendan, the Butlers Pizza “celebrity driver” is still a very hot commodity. Take it from me!

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting it. Nor did I expect any driver to know the location of The Safe House – especially seeing as my Butlers account is registered under an alias. But, when I opened the door, I was IMMEDIATELY blown away but the instantly recognizable hairstyle and swagger.

“Oh my GOD!” I yelled, as I opened the door. “You’re…. you’re that guy from the…”

“From the article. Yup!” he confirmed, before I finished my sentence.

“Jesus, that’s hilarious! It’s Brendan, right?”

He smiled, nodding his head – also pretty excited it seemed.

“Guys!” I turned around to The Kitesurfer and The Photographer who had stopped by for a cold Jack Black and a glass of De Grendel, “this is Brendan from the article with the chicks!”

Each person, in turn, hosed themselves.

The Kitesurfer and The Photographer, with Brendan
(who cleverly removed his bow tie, as per Butlers off-duty policy)

It made sense to recreate the original debauched scene – albeit with my choice stock of 2oceansvibe’s beer (Jack Black) and wine (De Grendel )!

Have you had Brendan bring you pizza? Send in your moments with the Butlers celebrity driver to editor@2oceansvibe.com

Jason risked all and sent this in.

It was a risk worth taking.

 

2008 Hurricane season spawns new
product line of Hurricane Shoes !

Surfersvillage Global Surf News, 15 September, 2008 :

The 2008 Hurricane season is predicted to be more severe than last year. This month, September, is the peak month of the season, and with it comes a new array of ideas, concepts, and products for dealing with hurricanes and the resulting conditions which prevail in the wake of these cyclonic monsters.
The latest product for dealing with the torrential rainfall and inevitable flooding which occurs with many hurricannes are the 2008 line of Hurricane Shoes pictured above. Half fashion, half fin, they stand an outstanding chance of facilitating an excellent and elegent exit from hurriance waters. No branding rights have yet been granted !

See how important the visual is? Even if that was a drawing, it wouldn’t be THAT funny. But the fact that the actual product has been created and is there, physically, to be seen… Well that’s all you need.

BANG! Look at that!

Hilarious!

The boys have just released another single, “Daddy Don’t Disco” from their new album with the same name. And they’ve cleaned it, again. You fell in love with “Can’t Remember Your Name” and I swear to you, you’re gonna have to two-time that song with this little masterpiece.

My God..

CLICK HERE to give it a listen on 5FM
You’ll love it. Give it a rating.

You never know what you’re going to get.

Check it out for yourself
www.sometimesredsometimesblue.com

It was blue when I checked.

It’s been 69 weeks since we last featured Laetitia Casta on Tuesday Tabs.

Wikipedia tells us: Casta was the official face of L’Oréal, Dior, and Chanel. She was featured in Guess? Jeans, Tommy Hilfiger, Miu Miu and XOXO ad campaigns. Casta has appeared on over 100 magazine covers including Victoria’s Secret catalogs, ELLE magazine, and Vogue magazine. She also appeared in three consecutive Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, Rolling Stone, and a Pirelli Calendar. She is now the face of Ralph Lauren’s newest fragrance, Notorious.

Click here for NSFW image

You’ll notice Laetitia is crying in the photo.

Sorry about that.

Daddy didn’t mean to shout. But if the babba doesn’t listen to Daddy, what else must he do?

Unless the little babba wants a hiding?

Oh, is that what she wants?

Come HERE you naughty little thing!!! Wait till I get my hands on you!!!

[Shot fades as Daddy is seen with his hands outstretched, running after Laetitia as she runs away from him, shrieking with delight.]

[thanks rory]