2oceans Vibe

I really must apologise for neglecting you like that. You know how much I love you and you know that it hurts me when you are sad. But I do have a very valid reason.

And yes, I did remember to bring a note:

I really had no idea that Le Quartier Français was in fact another world which you step into upon arrival. The Franschhoek experience itself is quite magnificent but the return to the “hotel” puts everything into place.. THIS, is where it’s at. People don’t stay here whilst in Franschhoek, people visit Franschhoek whilst staying at Le Quartier .

A wonderland of sorts, with lush intricate pathways taking you to places you never imagined. They’re all interlinked and on your way you might pass a couple of swimming pools, and maybe even a spa or a private cinema. But you’ll ALWAYS end up in one of the restaurants, and it is quite apparent THAT is where the soul of this place lies. Or the Yellowtail, as was the case today (pan fried with pickled fennel quinoa, lemon mousse and coriander beurre blanc). I would tell you it was out of this world, but that would be stating the obvious, because that’s where we are.

The one side of the Le Quartier Français Bistro restaurant

The Yellowtail
Comes highly recommended

I placed the word “hotel” in inverted commas earlier, as I don’t believe it is – that just wouldn’t be fair. Between the previous paragraph and this, I sauntered inside my Four Quarters Suite (one of four, with private pool) in the search of Le Quartier Français literature – hoping to see if it was indeed referred to as a “hotel.”

The first thing I found was a guest book, with messages from previous lodgers, mostly international guests from Europe and beyond. I was quite taken aback by an entry which seemed to magically end my quest, by nailing it 100% on the head.

27th Dec 2007:

This is a sad day for us as we are once again having to say goodbye to the best place we have ever had the pleasure to be a guest at.

I don’t use the word “hotel” on purpose – this is more like being a loved & treasured guest in a very luxurious home!!

And to the lucky person reading this – relax and enjoy! You will never find better than Le Quartier Francais

Lou Tel – UK

Thanks, Lou. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty close to tears.

But more importantly, I hope this helps to subdue the pain you’re feeling inside from your neglect at the hands of the person you trust and adore…. and worship. I’m kidding.

I’m just going for a dip in the pool now. We had to pass on the Le Quartier Francais “public pool” when we remembered we had a pool of our own at the Four Quarters Villa Suite .

The “public pool”
Shame!

We completely forgot the Four Quarters private pool!
God, can you IMAGINE!

Right here.

Right now.

There is loads more to tell you.

But, for now, allow me to indulge.

They’re pretty much all I wanted as a kid, especially when I was going through my ninja phase. I had a judo suit and some ninja stars, but no shoes.

Look, these things aren’t REAL ninja shoes, they’re actually espadrilles masquerading as ninja shoes – but we CALL them ninja shoes. And anyway, you’ll probably get a roundhouse kick to the head if another ninja saw you wearing these in a proper ninja confrontation.

These, my friends, are SO Cape Town!

Ninja shoe madness!

How cool are those?

I know! They also have girls’ sizes with more colours like pink and purple. I nearly freaked when I was told there was no pink in the guys’ cut but, you know, maybe it’s a lesson.

A young fellow by the name of Pete is offering them at discounted rates and will even deliver them to your door. I got 7 pairs of them and I swear to God they’ve changed my life. Have you seen the sole properly? Let me show you:

How awesome is that?
How rad is my foot?

In order to pay the special price or find out ANYTHING more about obtaining these puppies, you need to watch this video.

All will be revealed.

They’re so cool..

There has been perhaps too much beaching following my stay at the Cape Grace Hotel and the kind people at Le Quartier Français in Franschhoek quite rightly assumed that I might need a good rest, special pampering and fabulous cuisine.

A long weekend in their finest suite was proposed and, I’m the first to admit admit, I caved in – I couldn’t say no. I’ve always plutzed for Franschhoek and my Mother talks about Le Quartier Français like it’s her very own residence. Seriously, she pushes it a bit.

In fact, if I recall, she throws around SUCH a familiar vibe, that she doesn’t even mention the “Français” part of the the name. Like a nickname of sorts.

“So we popped into Le Quartier yesterday,” she’ll muse to her friends as they climb into another bottle of Veuve and rattle their tennis bracelets with delight.

Hysterical!

Le Quartier Français
Franschhoek – CLICK HERE

I must say, I’ve been dying to go, ever since I read about this year being their 20th birthday and the ridiculous Just For You offers they’re giving at the moment. You might want to check that out. Seriously, one doesn’t need to travel overseas to experience luxurious pampering and spectacular food. Click here to find out more.

Now, I know what you’re thinking..

How the hell do I get the “c” to look like a “ç” when I type? I’m glad you asked, because I asked the Le Quartier Français angels the same thing and apparently anyone can do it, as long as you are mentally strong.

Here it is:

Hi Seth

Ç or ç shortcut instructions (incredibly nifty to have around):

Windows = CTRL + , (COMMA) + C or c and Mac = ALT + C or c.

See you on Thursday evening,

Nikki.

Excellent work Nikki Noo!

Now you too can type out funny letters, in the comfort of your own home!

I need to prepare myself mentally and physically for the weekend and I’m sure we’ll chat more about it later when I get there.

Kisses.

Yes, you heard me, the greatest rugby player in the world, All Black flyhalf and living God, Dan Carter is in the house! This will be great news for girls and boys alike. As you know, it is perfectly acceptable, as a straight man, to have a man crush on Dan Carter. That is the level he is at. Seriously, it’s fine. Ex UCT First XV captain, The Insurance Broker, for example, is quite open about his love for Carter.

Check this out from the Cape Town Tens website (get there):

The Cape Town Tens continues to break new ground, with the organising committee revealing that All Blacks flyhalf Dan Carter – the world’s best rugby player – will serve as the event’s ambassador.

Carter (picture courtesy of Dave Wainwright Photography), like fellow All Blacks player Kees Meeuws, will form part of the management team of the adidas/Sports Illustrated Legends team, which will be competing in the premier league of the Cape Town Tens – joining former internationals Leon Lloyd, Eddie Evans, Matt Phillips and Willie Lose in the star-studded selection.

“I’ve heard plenty about this format of the game and that’s a big attraction for me – watching a new brand of rugby and, of course, meeting a whole bunch of new people in a great city,” Carter told www.capetowntens.com ahead of the tournament, which is to be held at Hamilton RFC on February 7 and 8.

“Cape Town is one of my favourite cities, so it’s great to be going there on a more social level for once,” he added.

“My involvement with adidas and the launch of the new Torpedo X-treme ball is another reason that I’m making the trip, but it was also hard to say no to a weekend of sunshine in Cape Town – it’s pretty cold back in France!

[read more here ]

This event has hit the next level in a big way. Just the other they got full backing from The World’s Number One Mayor, Cape Town’s mayor, Helen Zille! CLICK HERE for that.

REMEMBER TO GET YOUT TICKETS ASAP.

Tickets for the 2009 Cape Town Tens will go on sale at vida e caffé outlets in Cape Town from Tuesday, January 27, with tickets prices set at R15 (for students) and R30 (for adults) a day.

Of course, Cape Town Tens tickets can also be bought at the gate at Hamilton RFC on the weekend of February 7 and 8, but supporters are encouraged to purchase tickets beforehand to avoid disappointment on the day.

At just R30 a day for adults and R15 for students (kids under-12 are allowed in for free – plus there will be special entertainment for them that weekend), tickets are expected to fly!

vida e caffé branches in Camps Bay, Green Point and Kloof Street will be selling Cape Town Tens tickets, so the next time you stop at your favourite vida outlet for your daily cup of coffee, make sure you purchase your tickets for the Tens at the same time.

vida, who are also sponsoring the veterans league at the Cape Town Tens, will have a stall at Hamilton’s on the weekend of the CT Tens, with all players able to purchase a ‘cuppa’ at discounted prices.

Ticket prices summary:
Adults: R30
Students: R15
Kids under-12: Free

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO, NEWS, PLAYERS, HOTTIES
AND LOADS MORE FROM THE CAPE TOWN TENS WEBSITE

Again, another fine example of quality:

I see he had a little fight with the marker pen? The mark on his face and the pen lying in waiting just next to the wall suggests there is more to come..

Did you enjoy that sub-heading? “Lewd conduct the order of the day!” Hah! Who talks like that?

Anyway I got an email from The Fruit Farmer, who has an amazing skill of finding local content with a bizarre twist. Always humorous, he gave me a link to an article and asked if I felt the same way as one of the people who left a comment at the end of the article.

Sandy Bay

Here’s an extract from the article (gotravel):

“One hot Saturday a group of girl-friends and I had decided to go skinny dipping at Cape Towns only nudist beach, Sandy Bay.

In our naivety we pictured a lone stretch of sand, the sea to ourselves, with the sun bathing our clothes-free bodies.

It was a first; we giggled with anticipation and excitement.

Arriving at the parking lot we left the unnecessary stuff in the car and started the long walk to the beach itself.

Passing us however we, or at least I, started noticing some strange looking individuals.

All part of the action I guessed, oh the irony.

Unable to find the idyllic sandy beach I had imagined, we started walking across the rocks to the edge of the sea. And then it started, out of the corner of our eye we noticed one naked body to our left, sauntering across the rocks.

 

A naked man

 

Averting our eyes, we contemplated where to sit.

Of the four of us, only one had started taking off her top.

Ok, so we were taking our time.

It was suddenly a shy, vulnerable moment.

Then suddenly another scuttled across the rocks, his body pasty and unappealingly obese.

Trying not to squeal in disdain and with the beginnings of unbelief at the fact that yes, there were in fact nude men walking around – the atmosphere then turned into pretence.

This was normal and we should just get on with it…

Not for long.

The ‘vultures’, as they were later to be described, had soon formed a precariously close circle around our little group of girls; which is when the ‘fun’ started.

Whispering not to look now, one in our midst had suddenly spotted one of them executing a fairly lonely form of self-satisfaction; in full view of our little crowd.

The other, we realised, was doing so behind the comfort of his boulder. It was all too much and I found myself running the hundred meters in record timing back to the path, the rest of the girls hot on my heels.

[more here]

I trust you enjoyed that. So there is a whole list of comments under the story on gotravel and the one guy writes this:

Can someone please explain why it is offensive if someone masturbates while lying on the beach. Masturbation is natural and is not from the devil. Somebody masturbating who is not disturbing, or harrassing anyone should be left alone. I dont at all get what is wrong with an ejaculating penis, aftert all people get to blow there noses in public..

Hahahaha! And all this time I thought that ejaculating in public was a BAD thing! Can you believe that guy?

I tell you, I’d pay a healthy sum of money to see inside this guy’s home.

Check out the other comments here.

This is the new Miss America, Katie Stam. Her victory was announced in the last week or so and I’ve been keeping it on my desktop, in lieu of the day that I reluctantly publish it.

The day has come.

I give you Miss America 2009, Katie Stam.

Katie Stam

I’ll be honest, I expected more. She looks like too much of a go getter. Like a cartoon. That’s it, her face looks like a cartoon.

She’s 21, by the way, and that certainly counts in her favour.

But I still just don’t think we’d get along.

I’d pretend we did, you know, until the next morning. But then she needs to leave.

Like, pronto!

I’d do that thing where you ask your buddy to phone you and pretend that there is a drama at the office.

“Oh God, I don’t believe it! A client of ours has just dropped a bombshell and we’re having an emergency meeting at the office. Oh God, I’m so sorry sweetheart!”

Personally, I’m fine with it.

My bathroom habits are few and far between. It’s all a bit tedious, really. Like brushing my teeth – Christ, it bores me! And going for a number two – seriously, I don’t have that much time. I’m in and I’m out. I take a magazine from time to time, but it’s not enough.

It would be pretty damn cool if I could use the time productively. Like making playlists, or choosing crazy songs to amuse myself with. I’d probably kick it off with Sade’s Smooth Operator and take it from there.

Apple Mac and iPod in Cape Town need to get hold of some of these puppies.

This, from podcastingnews:

The iCarta is a toilet paper dispenser and iPod player in one. You’ll be relieved to know that the dock comes with two USB ports and also works as a recharger, letting charge your iPod and listen to music while you download.

Unless you’re flush, though, you may want to think twice before taking your iPod to the bathroom.

Features:

* 4 Integrated high performance moisture-free speakers deliver exceptional clarity and high quality sound
* Charges your iPod while playing music
* Audio selector allows you to play iPod shuffle or other audio device
* Integrated Bath tissue holder that can be easily folded as a stereo dock
* Requires AC Power (AC Adapter included)
* Easy to remove from Wall Mount

Specifications:

Dimension (W x H x D):
8.25in x 3.68in x 7.12in
210mm x 93mm x 181mm

Power Requirements:
12.5 V, 1.25A AC adapter

Speakers:
2 x tweeters for highs
2 x woofers for lows

The iCarta retails for $99.95 and is compatible with all iPod with dock connectors.

Nice.

[thanks jason]

I mention a lot of cool eating and drinking establishments and shops on these pages. Everyone from Caprice and Miss K, to Vida e, Butlers and Woolworths. There is a reason for that; I’ve bought into their brands and I feel it is safe for you to do so as well. They are brands that I trust and I’m happy to work with them because of their attention to detail, level of service and quality. And, as long as that is maintained I will continue to do so. They look after me, sure, but that gives you instant recourse. Everybody knows that.

Every now and then I’ll veer off and try other brands and, if they adhere to these basics, I’ll keep using them. Hell, I’ll even give them a second chance.

Or a third (and final) chance, as was the case with Primi Piatti in Camps Bay, who proudly advertise that they will deliver anywhere in Camps Bay, at no charge.

I decided to treat The Muse to some lamb chops at The Safe House about a week ago and gave them a tinkle. I thought I had a crossed line with someone in Iraq, as the noise was so loud I could have sworn I heard gunfire. The guy was SCREECHING down the line.

“HELLOOOO!!!!!!!!” shrieked the orange oompah loompah.

“Hi, yes, hello there. I’d like to order some chops for delivery please”

“WHAT!!!???” came the desperate sound of a man dying.

“Are you ok?” I asked, worried for the man.

“WHAT????!!!!” he screamed.

I covered the mouth piece of my phone - “This might end in tears,”I informed The Muse as she winced, noticing my “Moer Meter” going up.

“I WANT TO ORDER SOME LAMB CHOPS FOR DELIVERY!!!!”

“Ok”

“Ok?”

“Yes, LAMB CHOPS?!?! You want LAMB CHOPS?”

“Yes!!!!”

“Ok!!!”

“Cool, is that it? Don’t you want my address??”

“Ok!”

“Ok?”

“Yes, give your address!” (he was in the tank now. Taking the call from a satellite phone INSIDE a tank, in a war)

(they were losing, by the way)

I gave the address. Several times.

“OK!”

“Ok?”

“Yes, we see you now!”

“Don’t you want a credit card number?”

“Ok!”

“Ok?”

“Ok!”

I gave the number. Every four numbers I read out he just said “yes.” It was quite clear that he was trying to remember the card number in his head and wasn’t writing anything down. Jesus, I don’t even do that, and I can recite pi to 75 decimal places.

Surely this wasn’t REALLY happening? Surely I was being Punk’d?

“Can you read that out to me?” I asked, as The Muse tried to remove the knife that I was holding to my throat.

“Can I call the manager?” he asked.

“THE MANAGER!?!?!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? DID YOU WRITE THE NUMBER DOWN OR NOT?”

“Hold on…”

Oh my sweet fuck, I couldn’t believe what was happening.

The manager came on and took the number down, as well as directions.

An hour went by.

They called. They got lost. I gave the directions again.

They arrived half an hour later.

And at R120 PER PORTION of teensie weensie lamb chops, which were so rich I could have started a hedge fund, I just don’t think it was worth it.

I felt violated.

Seriously, guys, don’t say that you can do something when you can’t. There’s a word I use for that – it’s called “a lie.” Either you train your staff properly to handle it, or leave it completely.

And that, my friends, is the end of it. That was the last time I will order R120 a portion lamb chops for delivery from Primi Piatti Camps Bay . The previous two deliveries failed as a result of pretty much the same thing, only more watered down. The result was the same. Unsatisfied..

Such a pity.

When all you want is a good portion of chops to arrive at your door.

God! It’s so tiresome!

CLICK HERE to view HelloPeter’s almost daily list of Primi Piatti complaints.

I’m bringing back Aerosmith at the moment, so I hope you’re all cool with that? ‘cos everyone will be playing it again within the next two weeks and you should get used to it.

I’ve got Janie’s Got a Gun blaring full tilt in The Safe House right now as I type this. Seriously, YOU have been neglecting Aerosmith and I suggest YOU re-adjust your iPod playlists and your “mix-tapes” and bring it back with me.

Jesus, we nearly lost them there! But it’s fine now. They’re back.

Don’t be shy of Love in an elevator, Dude Looks Like a Lady, Rag Doll

and, of course..

..Pink :

PINK
by Aerosmith

Pink – it’s my new obsession
Pink – it’s not even a question,
Pink – on the lips of your lover
(oh)
‘Cause Pink is the love you discover

Pink – as the bing on your cherry
Pink – ’cause you are so very
Pink – it’s the color of passion
Ah, ’cause today it just goes with the fashion

Pink – it was love at first sight
Yeah, Pink – when I turn out the light
And Pink gets me high as a kite
And I think everything is going to be all right
No matter what we do tonight

You could be my flamingo
‘Cause pink – it’s the new kinda of lingo
Pink – like a deco umbrella (shit)
It’s kink that you don’t ever tell her

Pink – it was love at first sight
And Pink when I turn out the light
Pink gets me high as a kite
And I think everything is going to be all right
No matter what we do tonight

Yeah!

I want to be your lover
I, I wanna wrap you in rubber
As pink as the sheets that we lay on
‘Cause Pink – it’s my favorite crayon

Yeah!

Pink – it was love at first sight (yeah)
Pink – when I turn out the light
Pink – it’s like red but not quite
And I think, everything is going to be all right
No matter what we do tonight

Oh my God.

I want that song inside me.

I reckon I could nail it. (Mental note – sing Janie’s Got a Gun the next time satan places me in a karaoke bar (satan doesn’t get a capital letter, bur God does. It’s the least we can do)).

Oh, and here’s PINK singing Janie’s Got a Gun.

I give you so much.

You give me so little.

You should dedicate everything you do today, that is good, to me.

It’s so cool that Bicycling Magazine has a fashion/style editor, called “STYLEMAN.” It’s even better that a recent issue rasies the question we brought up with regards to cyclists wearing helmets whilst dining in restaurants/cafes and eateries around Cape Town.

You’ll find STYLEMAN’S reply might hamper his chances of working for Vogue.

www.bicycling.co.za

Beautiful! It’s like the blind leading the blind!

I enjoy his reference to past persecutions and the fight for cyclists’ rights.

The result is anti-social crimes-of-fashion and the assumption that red lights are made to be run.

Nice.

I mean them no harm, seriously.

Some of my best friends are black gay handicapped cyclists.

[thanks craig]

Look really carefully and you’ll see Lindsay Lohan in this picture.

Lohan - emaciated

That’s too thin, girls.

Now I know we don’t want to look like a tuckbox, but you have to find a middle ground.

We’re not asking for too much.

Honestly. You know, even THIS is fine!

Jeeper Hudders! I remember a time when I perved Jessica Simpson.

Simpson

Chew you food properly, girl.

We’ve brought you a pant load of number plate articles and we’re getting what I call “license-lash” when you’ve seen too many stupid numberplates and you can’t do any more.

Unless, of course, they’re EXCEPTIONAL .

Unless they’re BEYOND human thought.

You’ll remember (here, here, here, here and here) my main issue being about people pretending to have single digit CA plates , by writing them on personalised numberplates; thus enduring the “WP” written at the end of the plate, and therefore completely voiding any kind of street cred that one might get from a genuine single digit CA plate which has no WP at the end?

They usually do their best to pretend to have CA 1, which is impossible, as you will learn via the links in the previous paragraph. That is understandable, as CA 1 is the best. CA 2 is the second best and CA 3, the third. Best. Ever.

But now the whole vibe has been taken to the next level..

I give you, CA 0 WP:

Oh my goodness gracious me!

The funny thing is two readers sent those pics to me in the same week. Here is the other angle.

Alarming at any angle

What’s next?

Minus one?

[thanks david, brandon]

Source : The Telegraph

Virgin: the world’s best passenger complaint letter?

Here we reproduce a complaint letter sent to Sir Richard Branson, which is currently being emailed globally and is considered by many to be the world’s funniest passenger complaint letter.

See the rest of the pics here

Dear Mr Branson

REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008

I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.

Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at thehands of your corporation.

Look at this Richard. Just look at it: [see image 1, above].

I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?

You don’t get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it’s next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That’s got to be the clue hasn’t it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in: [see image 2, above].

I know it looks like a baaji but it’s in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you’ll be fascinated to hear that it wasn’t custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It’s only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.

Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what’s on offer.

I’ll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it’s Christmas morning and you’re sat their with your final present to open. It’s a big one, and you know what it is. It’s that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.

Only you open the present and it’s not in there. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing. That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this: [see image 3, above].

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It’s mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.

Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.

By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to it’s baffling presentation: [see image 4, above].

It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn’t want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.

I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point.

Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment. I switched it on: [see image 5, above].

I apologise for the quality of the photo, it’s just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnson’s face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel: [see image 6, above].

Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. I’d had enough. I was the hungriest I’d been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen.

My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations: [see image 7, above].

Yes! It’s another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff.

Richard…. What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I’d done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard.

So that was that Richard. I didn’t eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I can’t imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary.

As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It’s just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to it’s knees and begging for sustenance.

Yours Sincererly

XXXX

[thanks herbert]

If you missed the first season then you’ve made a fundamental mistake. It’s available at DVD Nouveau (they are Cape Town’s best DVD rental store and have virtually every series. Ever. In the World), so you can sort that out quick quick.

So Season 2 of Californication has started on MNET. It’s on Tuesdays at 22h30 and features David Duchovny (character’s name is Hank) as the main star. He plays a fairly unbelievable, yet amazing character who writes a blog and drinks and smokes weed and bangs chicks and hangs in restaurants all day long. His ex-wife left him and married a jerk who he abuses in his own home. The jerk also has a daughter. And so much more. It’s damn funny and has language, weed use, sex and a lot of boozing.

You’ll enjoy it.

Watch this to get you going.

Californication 2
Tuesday nights
MNET 22h00

Here’s a review from craveonline to get you going:

Sometimes you just can’t escape your past. No matter how much you have changed or try to move forward, some people will always see you in the same light. Hank Moody (David Duchovny) has done some foul stuff in his life and in the second season of Showtime’s series Californication, he is being forced to deal with his past.

Californication has been one of the most interesting and original new series to come out of Showtime. The blend of humor and unusual (but somewhat believable, at least in L.A. they are) situations creates a ‘what will happen next’ type interest without becoming overly gimmicky. In this season of Californication the writers (creator Tom Kapinos with Gina Fattore and others) put Hank Moody in situations similar to the first season and then let the audience to see if he has changed at all since the season finale.

In the season finale, Karen (Natascha McElhone) leaves her fiancé at the altar to be with Hank and their daughter, Becca (Madeleine Martin). As season 2 opens the couple is still together and living at Hank’s house. Several times in the premier episode Hank is faced with temptation of the female variety (see below), and in both occasions he turns down the offer. However, by the end of the episode Hank gets in trouble with Karen and then tossed in jail, but at least he’s trying to act like an adult.

Through Hank’s jail excursion he meets record producer Lew Ashby (Callum Keith Rennie); think Rick Rubin meets Phil Spector. Ashby is a lot like Hank, he’s completely unrepressed and somewhat self destructive. Watching the two of them interact is like watching new Hank and old Hank hang out. As luck would have it Ashby needs a ghostwriter for his bio and Hank needs a paying writing gig.

While hanging out at Ashby’s mansion/studio, Hank has a run in with the happy hooker, Trixie (Judy Greer) and while it does not end in a full release, it does wind up complicating things with Karen. To add insult to injury, Sonja (Paula Marshall) returns with a job offer for Karen and some very surprising news for Hank.

Meanwhile Charlie’s (Evan Handler) wife Marcy (Pamela Adlon) has rediscovered cocaine. Back at work tensions with Charlie’s former assistant Dani (Rachel Miner), lead to a big shakeup at his job.

Becca (Madeleine Martin) begrudgingly heads off to private school and winds up with a boyfriend, which gives Hank the chance to play the protective father. In other teen news, Mia (Madeline Zima) is enjoying her new role as an acclaimed author, even if she had to steal Hank’s (re-titled F**king and Punching) book to do it.

David Duchovny is in a role that seems to be tailor made for him and it might even make you forget that he was on that other show. Look for Callum Keith Rennie (Leobon of BSG fame) and Pamela Adlon (Bobby Hill from King of the Hill) who are real stand outs this season. Look out for some cool cameos from Brian Posehn, Sheri Moon Zombie, Pete Wentz, Alexis Arquette and Colin Malone (of Colin’s Sleazy Friends) who all make memorable appearances.

Californication is a once in a decade show that allows its characters to be exactly who they are and lets the audience watch them as they sink or swim. If you missed the first season then now is the perfect time to jump in.

And for the last time, it’s on Tuesdays at 22h30 on MNET. The best way to remember it, is it’s the same day as Tuesday Tabs.

See? Easy!

Girls,

I saw this and thought you might like it.

I KNOW! How stunning?

The Jimmy Choo website tells us the following:

Tube
Rainbow snake clutch bag
€ 950.00

This contemporary evening bag is the epitome of modernist chic. The rainbow snake skin really makes a statement.

Dimensions:
L22.5 x H8.5 x W6cm
L9 x H3 x W2″

[click here for more]

Gorgeous! And it’s a STEAL at only R10,000!

You have three options.

1) Buy it.

2) Win the EuroMillions lottery (R300 million jackpot this Friday) and buy it.

3) Screw the right guy and get him to get it for you.

Lovely little piece of stuff this.

The following “when I grow up” picture was drawn by a kid at school, marked, and brought home for Mommy to see.

The picture came back to school the next day with a note from the mother to the teacher.

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be very clear on my child’s illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint with people offering money.

I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.

This drawing is of me…. selling a shovel.

Mrs. Harrington

That, my friends, is what we call “quality.”

[thanks peter]

Helena Christensen was one of “The Originals” – the original supermodels. Schiffer, Crawford, Turlington, Campbell, Seymour, Macpherson, Moss, Evangelista (“we don’t wake up for less than $10,000 a day”) and Christensen.

She became Miss Denmark in 1986 (Ow, shaiya Fox!) and she has just turned 40 – on December 25, funnily enough. Funny because it is a birthday of a buddy of mine with a similar name. Jesus Christ – you might have heard of him. Quite a good oke.

So anyway, she decided to ABSOLUTELY MURDER this latest photo shoot and show us why exactly she was granted supermodel status.

Imagine running into a cougar like this at The Cape Grace Signal Restaurant or Bascule bar!

I thought I’d treat you to two pics from this very recent shoot, because she’s so damn cool.

That’s right – double trouble!

Click pics for NSFW images.

CLICK HERE FOR NSFW IMAGE

CLICK HERE FOR NSFW IMAGE

Ja, I know.

Just leave it.

It’s best to just pretend it didn’t happen.

[thanks rory]

You do know about this site, don’t you?

Be there now – http://failblog.org/

[thanks trav]