THE LATEST CELLPHONE RULES
If you call me with a private number or a number I don’t know, I will not answer. FACT .
If you don’t leave a message and call me again, I still will not answer. FACT .
You can do this as many times as you wish over as many days as you want and the FACTS stated above will remain the same. That is why they are called FACTS .
[By the way, the person currently calling me every second day with the number ending in 5193, and never leaving a message - you might need to get these FACTS into your head. That, or possibly some therapy.]
Try me
If you call with a private number or a number I don’t know and you DO leave a message explaining who you are and what you want, then there is a good chance I will probably call you back, possibly immediately – unless you’re trying to sell me something. FACT.
If you leave a message without mentioning a reason for the call, you are a prick and I probably won’t call you back (eg. Hi Seth, it’s wankface here; my number is 1234567, please call me). FACT. And throwing in the words “I just need to pick your brain” is classified as the same thing. Fuck you, you will not pick my brain, you will leave a message with a clue as to the topic.
All of this can be avoided with a simple text message! Don’t you get it?? It is not my problem that you “don’t know how to sms” or that you “prefer phoning” – times have changed, pal. Just like you don’t arrive unannounced at someone’s home, things have progressed and changed in the way we communicate. SMSing is no longer an ALTERNATIVE, it actually has it’s very own purpose.
I hardly ever phone people without sending a warning sms, simply asking when would be convenient. Nine times out of ten they advise a better time. “Call in 10 minutes, just having my hair cut” is a good example of the replies one gets. Which proves the theory, time and again. Phoning out of the blue is so fucking random. The other person could be carrying shopping bags. They could be in the middle of a long conversation. They could be having lunch with friends. They could be with their mother. They could be writing a serious email. They could be in a bad reception area and are aware that the call would be a nightmare to deal with. They could be sleeping! They could be making love to a 19 year old Polish American! Who the fuck are you to pounce on them out of the blue, without taking into account the fact that they just might not be chilling out on the sofa waiting for your call? It’s just not cool.
For example YOU DO NOT PHONE TO ASK FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S NUMBER – EVER. You sms them for the number and they will sms you back. FACT. It doesn’t matter if you are in a hurry. If I don’t sms it back immediately, I am obviously unable to do it at that particular time. Who exactly do you think you are?
I had a mate call me to ask for someone’s number. I kept cool, found the number and started reading it out to him. He stopped me mid way and said, “umm, can you rather sms that to me.”
Jesus Christ bru, do you want me to make the call for you as well?
If your phone rings, turn the sound off FIRST, THEN see who is calling. My head comes very close to explosion when people look at the screen and start mumbling, “Ooh, I wonder what he wants,” as they ponder answering or not (all the time the phone is ringing its head off!). And then someone suggests they turn the sound off and they give it the big, “I was ABOUT TO, but I wanted to see who it was!”
Huh! Sorry, that sentence doesn’t make sense. Please leave.
Phone rings – sound off – then look.
Also, you NEVER phone on a Sunday. Ever. In fact any time on the weekend is a bit silly.
Wake up people. Learn these rules – you’ll be surprised how many people agree with them.
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19 Comments
Sigrid
13 Feb 2009
Hi Seth
I completely relate to this post, I hate answering the phone, especially for social calls! I don’t gt why people can’t just sms, writing really isn’t that hard!
I hope these rules spread far and wide to the culprits of inappropriate callers, and those shitheads who want to sell you insurance over the phone. Where do they get off, demanding your banking details on the phone, do they think we’re all stupid?!
Anyway, I am spreading this post and the word, so may this campaign go far…
Troy
13 Feb 2009
If it’s a mate who keeps doing it to you Seth, next time he leaves his phone lying around, secretly swap his girlfriend’s number with his mother’s.
Enjoy.
Marc Perel
13 Feb 2009
Maybe it’s Randall?
BirdUn
13 Feb 2009
Sites stuck on bold.
BirdUn
13 Feb 2009
Fuck me its fixed.
Seth
13 Feb 2009
better than being stuck on HOLD, I suppose..
Seth Rotherham
13 Feb 2009
Fuck you its fixed.
Liz
13 Feb 2009
Only thing I hate about MANY people who SMS me is when they try to have a long SMS ping pong conversation that could be resolved in 10 seconds with a quick call. I get the sense they’re hoping I’ll call them back and save them the cost of a call.
Example SMS from a friend: “Do you want to meet up this weekend?”
OK so now what happens is I think “OK good idea, but to do this on SMS will take tons of SMSes to see when I’m available and when they’re available and where to meet etc etc.” I hate this kind of time consuming ping pong, and end up just calling them to sort this out. Which irritates me. After all, it was their idea to meet. The ball should be in their court.
These days instead of calling I just reply “OK”.
Nine times out of ten I’ll get no follow up to that reply. Hilarious but bizarre.
People should be specific on SMSes. ie “Do you want to meet up tomorrow at 6pm at Forries?”. That’s easy to reply to. Either “Yes” or “No, can’t make it”. Open ended questions are just a waste of time.
Shawn
13 Feb 2009
Hey Seth,
I would like to add an exception to this.
SUPER-MODELS/girlfriend and family can call anytime.
Oh yeah, and if the president needs you to save the day.
claire
13 Feb 2009
shawn,
this requires you having the presidents or a SUPER-MODELS number.
Mark
13 Feb 2009
Classic! Very entertaining, and I agree with all of them.
Roxy
13 Feb 2009
I personaly DETEST sms’s… would rather put down my shopping bags and talk to the culprit than have to receive an sms about a call that is still going to come… if i don’t answer, i’m busy. Simple.
But will def do what “The Lawyer” does with no name callers: Red Botton- Bam! fuck you! LMAO
Jan
13 Feb 2009
Can’t agree more… brilliant. Thanks.
Shawn
13 Feb 2009
Hey Seth,
Claire raised a point, I dont need the presidents number, TBG is the man for the job, as for the rest, im sorted..thank you Claire.
BTW Seth, the Bugatti Veyron on kloof street is gone
Seth
14 Feb 2009
I did notice that the Bugatti Veyron (as driven by Simon Cowell) is gone. Hope you got to see it in its final throes – as the one day the whole roof had been removed. I think the vehicle basically dissolved, as each person removed a piece from it.
Does Randall also drive a Bugatti Veyron?
Claudette
16 Feb 2009
I never answer private or unknown numbers
Dan
16 Feb 2009
The last point of NEVER phoning on a Sunday is one I agree with strongly, especially when the call comes through during the 8 o’clock movie.
Thulane
16 Feb 2009
So a Please Call me Is Out of the question?
Thulane
16 Feb 2009
So a “Please Call Me” is out of the question?
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