THE NEW CELLPHONE RULES – A GENTLEMAN’S GUIDE
This aricle has been brewing for some time and may have been touched on before. I remember some time ago I gave my ten cents with regards to phone calls that come in from Private Numbers – you can read about those here and here. the majority of you agreed.
Today’s discussion (the comments section is all yours) has to do with phone calls vs SMS – particularly on weekends. A concept which will more than likely be covered in my book.
I don’t like talking on the phone and, believe it or not, neither do a lot of people. Personally, I’m either writing (stories/emails/sms’s, with music on in the background) or eating or hanging with friends or chilling out or attending an event or making love to a beautiful woman. I’m hardly ever doing anything else. Now why would I want to interrupt any of those things by talking on the phone? Doing nothing (chilling) is an actual activity these days. It is one of the joys of living the holiday. If you’re phoning me every time I’m chilling, then I’m not chilling – I’m talking to you.
And if you find out I’m doing “nothing” on the beach or at home, why does this mean that I must welcome a phone call from you? Then I won’t be doing “nothing” anymore. Or maybe I am fine with a chat on the phone – but at least give me the option?
1 – Change your message, Live the holiday
Before I get into that, I want to support this argument by highlighting the fact and congratulating those who have changed their voicemail message on their cellphones to announce that the caller would be better off sending a sms than leaving a message (as per my previous tips for a better life). My one buddy has gone even further, proclaiming, “Hi, sorry I couldn’t answer your call. Please send me an sms and let me know what’s up. But please, don’t leave a voice message because it has been turned off and I won’t get it, thanks.”
He’s probably telling a fib about the voicemail being completely disabled but that’s besides the point – the person at the other end has no option but to sms. Personally, I have a message that encourages people to sms or email. That way I can’t forget to get back to them.
This culture and system suits both the very busy and those who are trying to live the holiday. Whichever one it is, it really is their perogative.
2 – Go on, send a SMS!
So tell me, what is so difficult about sending an sms? A lot of people respond to that question with, “oh it didn’t suit me.” So then why exactly did you assume it suited me?
Unless you have large amounts of money to give me or your house is burning down or you have an urgent answer or message I’m expecting that pertains to something I/we are doing or about to do or you are coming for a pre-planned braai and you’re on the road, lost, looking for urgent directions – what is so hard about typing a few words down? Or if you really cannot put it into written words, how about sending a text asking the question, “Can you chat?”
Why can’t you do that? And please don’t tell me you don’t know how or your phone has a bad sms system. In a very nice way, that has absolutely nothing to do with me. Just as people stopped arriving at each others houses uninvited, following the invention of the telephone, so too should things change with the advent of text messaging.
Convenient, quiet, polite
Even better are the people who call back after I sms a question. If I sms you a question, I clearly can’t talk! There is absolutely no need to switch to guns. Or, more than likely, I am not expecting the answer right now. That is the nature of sms – I have time. I will wait until the reply suits and is convenient for you. If I need the answer fairly swiftly, I trust that you will have the intelligence to gauge this and respond timeously – if possible. If you are quick to get back to me, I’ll probably ensure you get the same treatment from me.
3 – Don’t worry, I’ll leave a message!
Voicemail on cellphones came along before text messages. We were used to voicemail because, before cellphones, we had answering machines at home. Why did people get answer machines at home? I’ll tell you why – because they didn’t have cellphones and they didn’t have text messaging. They checked their answering machines to see who called them while they were out. And then what did they start doing with the answer machines? Exactly – they began screening calls. The randomness became too much for them. Which is exactly why we don’t answer private numbers.
And so cellphones were invented and they came with voicemail. Very handy. But then came text messages, which, instead of being used as a progressive solution, is seen as an alternate exception. Why would you not want to move forward? Society is changing, my friends – deal with it!
Some of you will bore me argue that I don’t have to answer the phone and that you’re more than happy to leave a message. Tell me something, have you ever had a day, or two days in a row where you have had back-to-back appointments / events / functions and, with each voice message that comes in, the buildup in the message box becomes so big that, even if you find time to check them, it will now take too long to deal with?
Haven’t you?
Oh.
Well, know this – others do!
If I’m (for want of a scenario) having lunch with my mother and some strange number phones, or even a number that happens to be in my phone book, I’m not going to answer the phone – I’m with my mother, that’s what I’m doing. Then, if that person leaves a voicemail message, I’m not going to check it right away and will probably forget to do so after the lunch anyway. That message will be number 15 in the message box which I haven’t found a moment to check anyway and to sit down and listen to all of those may well kill me.
But if that person sent me an sms – I could then glance at it and gauge if the person needs a prompt response from me, or if it could wait until after lunch. I could even reply during a toilet break!
Is this starting to make ANY sense to you?
4 – Meetings and Emails
While we’re having this chat, what is it with people who want to tell you about an idea or something and start pushing for a meeting? Especially when it is something that can be perfectly laid out and communicated via email? I can’t do a meeting, but I wouldn’t mind hearing more about your idea. Can you email me all the info, with pics etc?
But then, when I ask you to email me, I get this silence – as though I’m tossing you aside with no hope of follow-through. Let me tell you one thing – there has never been a better hope of follow-through than via email or text. Would you rather I wrote your number down on a napkin and found a paper diary to fumble through and then phone you back with an appointment that doesn’t suit you?
Grow up man – it’s virtually 2010 – we have sms/emails and calenders – let’s work it that way. Let’s email and then, if things warm up and a meeting is necessary, then we can agree on a date and time and synchronise calendars. All without one phone call!
5 – Weekend Phone Calls
Which brings me to weekend phone-calls.. Why, dear Lord, are people still indulging in this bizarre practice? How is it that you are so convinced that this particular moment, which CLEARLY suits you to make a phone call, suits me as well? Who exactly do you think you are calling me or anyone on the weekend? How can you be so sure that I’m not trying to use this time to catch up with The Muse, who I haven’t had a moment with for the last week or two? How can you be so sure that I’m not in the middle of a shopping trip with my mother, or trying to drift away on the beach, or carry bags to my car, or ANYTHING for that matter? Who the fuck do you actually think you are?
And, if you MUST have a loose chat on the weekend, bang out an sms and I’ll reply when I get a moment. It might be right now – or it might be later. It might even be when I’m on the loo – who knows? Point is, it’s the weekend, bru – don’t be rude.
Personally, I feel this rule should apply to the week – not only the weekend. But, to coin a phrase I made up many years ago when living in Italy, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
And you know what the beauty of this argument is? The entire premise behind it is to do with general good manners and considerateness. That’s all. No-one is trying to be cool or show off or claim that they are too busy and that is why they want it like this. No-no, that’s because it is what it is – good manners and considerateness. Do you GET that?
6 – Some Basics to Get You Started
“Have you got John’s number?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.
“Are you going to that thing tonight?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.
“What is the dress code?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.
“Can you recommend a restaurant?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.
“What time are you going?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.
“Have you seen my sunglasses?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.
“Is Mark back in Cape Town?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.
“Are you keen for lunch?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.
“Please give me a call, I need to pick your brain.” No. without any hint as to what the topic is, I will NOT be calling you back. Too many times have I called someone so they can “pick my brain” and they have abused my politeness and cornered me and annoyed me. Or they require information that I could have gathered BEFORE calling them back. Or, better yet, something that can be sms’d or emailed.
Times have changed – let’s help each other live the holiday.
-
2oceansvibe.com is part of the 2oceansvibe Media Group
Most Read
2Oceansvibe Partners
-
Cape Town
Thu 
18 - 24°C Sunny Fri 
16 - 19°C Partly Cloudy Sat 
16 - 21°C Light rain shower Sun 15 - 22°C Sunny Mon 15 - 23°C Sunny Johannesburg
Thu 18 - 25°C Light rain shower Fri 18 - 24°C Patchy rain nearby Sat 
17 - 19°C Moderate rain at tim Sun 13 - 25°C Sunny Mon 16 - 24°C Light rain shower .
-
36 Comments
Brendan
26 Nov 2009
Hallelujah. Praise be to God. Hopefully this gets published in other forums.
Katherine
26 Nov 2009
Does your weekend rule only apply to business calls? If so, then i agree. But personally, I think it’s great if a friend still bothers to pick up the phone and actually call. Much more personal than an sms. And if someone wants to know something like, “what is the dress code for tonight?” they can call me. Why should I waste my airtime answering all their queries?
Jan
26 Nov 2009
Seth, great article, can’t agree more; thanks.
Muse
26 Nov 2009
Very well said!!!!!!!
Chris M
26 Nov 2009
I totally agree – F>CK Voicemail, send a text, it’s cheaper and less obtrusive!
Paula
26 Nov 2009
Finally someone that feels the way I do. I get blasted for never listening to voice messages and they can’t understand how I can “ignore” a call while I am having dinner with someone. Hello, wouldn’t you find it rude if I answered this random call while I am sitting here with you??? Think about it.
Dirk
26 Nov 2009
What a douche
Pete
26 Nov 2009
The younger generation is on your side, however most people resist change and the coffin dodgers are almost a lost cause.
Good luck changing the world
DeeDee
26 Nov 2009
I have this friend who ALWAYS WITHOUT FAIL calls when I am either carrying my shopping bags to the car, cooking my dinner, eating my dinner, in the middle of watching a movie or getting ready to go out. I’m going to forward her your article
Couldn’t agree with you more!
Jacqui
26 Nov 2009
Agreed, one million times over!
Drives me absolutely mental. A pointless non-urgent and irrelevant phonecall and you find yourself making an excuse to get off the phone and wish you hadn’t answered in the first place! For me: No private numbers, listen to voicemails a few days after received, and screen all calls. I also send texts to people whose calls I “miss” asking them to reply via text.
RollingStoneCPT
26 Nov 2009
Totally agree with you 150% Seth. Sms is the way to go. Don’t call me to tell me shit when a simple sms will do!
Living the dream…
James
26 Nov 2009
Cool article Seth and I agree mostly with you, everyone has their own preferences and gripes. My phone is for my convenience, not others. My pet hate is people on their phones at a restaurant, even worse if it’s the same table as me! I just want to throw my fork at them!
Freshly Ground
26 Nov 2009
Umm this is ridiculous. What’s the point of a phone? Nobody can phone you during the week when you’re at work (just sms/e-mail rather) or during the weekend when you’re “chilling”(just sms)… Why do you have a phone then? Is it only to for you to phone people when it is convenient for you? When is it appropriate for someone to phone someone? The problem here is that, according to your logic, it is the person that phones you that is rude when actually you are the source of the problem. All you have to do is turn your phone off, it won’t ring then. Voila problem solved! I personally don’t like receiving phone calls at inopportune times (just like you) and agree with you on the private call thing as well that’s why my phone gets turned off when I’m not in the mood to be contacted(by the way I’m playing the ball here and not the man, love your site).
Justin McCall
26 Nov 2009
Finally! I couldn’t agree with you more. If only someone actually phoned or SMS’d me…
FrankO
26 Nov 2009
I agree with Katherine on this one. I enjoy chilling with a mate, even if he/she has to be on the other end of a phone line. And I definitely agree with the voicemail thing… rather send me an SMS.
Grant
26 Nov 2009
Ah man! I’m so uncool….
Kenyan
26 Nov 2009
Some good points….but – That’s an awful lot of rules for where/when to get in touch with you Seth! Your mates must stress themselves out trying to remember if it’s ok or not to contact you in this or that manner!!
Seth Rotherham
26 Nov 2009
Hey Kenyan, thanks for the comment. What are you finding difficult about it? Sms or email me anything you want and, if you want to talk, sms and ask me if I can chat and tell me what it’s about. Is that difficult?
Plus, be sure that I will afford you the same courtesy.
Look at the comments – look how many people are suffering from the same problems. There might be a lot of words written down, but it’s a simple solution.
Society has new tools and we can change a little bit here and there for our mutual benefit. Simple.
Don’t you see it’s just good manners?
Liz
26 Nov 2009
I agree for the most part. I prefer it if someone sends me an sms about stuff as outlined by Seth in para 6. Yet so many people use sms to engage in a long complex open ended dialog which takes about 10 smses to get resolved and would be handled perfectly well with a 30 second phone call.
MaCaNiX
26 Nov 2009
Hey Seth, agree with you totally but need to send you a sms asap and don’t have your number.
Can you email it to me so you dont disturb anyone in the comments section?
Byes…
Seth Rotherham
26 Nov 2009
Nice, Macanix.
All covered in the article. If it’s something current which you are dealing with and they are expecting feedback – go wild, phone.
If it’s a random time and topic, simply sms, “you available? Quick chat about tomorrow.”
Then, once they’ve finished their lunch or finished carrying bags or finished writing the email they were engulfed in, they will sms you back saying, “ok, go”
Really – it’s all covered in the article.
Thanks for the support.
Schalk
26 Nov 2009
Seth, you’ve got an iPhone right? Surely somewhere there must be a kind of a PABX app on iStore, that would be cool. Imagine this, someone calls your nr. and gets a voice menu like this:
Please dial “1″ if you want to discuss business(automatically reads out the procedure to execute this to the person calling, for instance: business discussions ONLY via sms, email, whatever..)
Please dial “2″ if you want to socially converge with Seth(automatically prompts a secret code only friends and people who matter know.)
Please dial “3″ if you want to….
list goes on to whatever you want to preset it to.
For any of the above selections, if someone is calling from a private nr. and selects a preset nr. then they get disconnected.
I actually want a Dual Sim setup that works simultaneously so that I can split personal and business calls.
Shezza
26 Nov 2009
Cool Seth. I’ll have my people talk to your people. No sweat. (You do have people, right, or is this maybe the problem?)
Seth Rotherham
26 Nov 2009
Shezza you beaut!
There’s a lot of people WITH people who subscribe even more to this list than I do…
It’s a new simpler system for life. Instructions to live the holiday…
It should appeal..
Harry
27 Nov 2009
Spot on Seth. I’ve had a work phone for 12 months and refuse to change the voicemail from the previous owner. I assume any messages left are for him. I’ll respond to sms’s.
Kenyan
27 Nov 2009
Hey Seth,
I guess I am not used to the idea of etiquette applying to cellphones, emails, voicemails etc….It’s such a young technology (compared to writing a letter, or going over to someone’s house) that we as society are still sort of making the rules up and so far it has been a bit of a free for all – hence my initial uneasiness with your protocol on something where i could previously do as i liked! Makes sense and good on you for laying down some rules!
Fergus
27 Nov 2009
Spot on Sethster. Fuck!! Everything there I came up with long ago…EVERYTHING I TELL THEE!! Did you invade my individual thought processes and plagiarise my musings?!
(see what I did there?)
Anyway, disagree with Pete re. the younger generation. My dad’s 78 and my mom’s 69 and they’re more than happy communicating via e-mail and sms. Which suits me fine.
Carl
27 Nov 2009
My voice mail stopped working about 2 years ago. I never bothered to get it sorted out. My life was simplified ten fold by that little problem. Just disable your voicemail and watch your free time increase.
If only my office will get a PABX that doesn’t hide the number then I can completely ignore private numbers as well.
Saatchi
27 Nov 2009
Where’s the “like” button -> because I want to push it
Saatchi
27 Nov 2009
I just realized i actually have no idea what the number to dial is to get to my voicemail? lol
Peteskete
27 Nov 2009
Nooit bru, is this one of the steps to becoming an “untouchable” or something?
How much time dont you have?
How do you sms while taking gaps in traffic?
What kind of inbox software do you have, to cope with the overload of sms’s that need to get deleted after use?
Do you have a thumb attachment thingy so you can punch text quicker?
Can one sms for restaurant bookings?
How do you reject an sms you dont want to know about, only to find out once you’ve read it?
Can one conference sms?
How do you hang up a sms if you sent it to the wrong number?
How do you change your mind half way through a sms? Delete all that hard punched text?
Just curious.
Marsh
27 Nov 2009
If you own a mobile phone and distribute your number to people, then the obvious outcome is that you are going to receive some phone calls. I personally do not have the time or the dexterity to respond in writing every time I want to communicate. By the sounds of things, you should consider getting yourself a PA. It will make the whole answering your phone thing a lot less stressful. Love the site!
alex
28 Nov 2009
“Can I borrow some bucks?” That’s not a SMS, nor a phone call.
Claire
28 Nov 2009
How do you SAY SMS?? Is it ‘Smess’ or ‘ESS EM ESS’?
If its the latter it’s ‘aN’ SMS not ‘a’ SMS. The article before a noun is guided not only by the vowel or consonant but also the SOUND used. eg A University or AN honour. Just a free guide to correcting an irritating bit of grammar in a generally enjoyable article Thanks
Clint
30 Nov 2009
Shane Warne clearly found it a lot more fun sending SMS’s then phoning!!
Chifundo
02 Dec 2009
Couldn’t agree with this more. For the past 6 years I’ve worked in a call center but I’m still not comfortable getting calls on my mobile, I always get annoyed. SMS on the other hand is less obtrusive and it gives me a chance to think up the proper response.
Keep up the good work bru
Leave a Comment