It’s finally paid off – my constant musings and coverage of North Korea and, in particular, Our Dear Leader Kim Jong il, has resulted in a special invite from VISA to attend today’s game against Portugal!

Why thank you, VISA!

This is the first time North Korea has been in the World Cup since 1966! Coincidentally the same year as England’s last World Cup win. North Korea played well that year, but lost 3-5 in the quarter-finals against… you betcha, Portugal! That was the last time they played in a World Cup.

North Korea

vs.

Portugal

Live in Cape Town at 13h30, 21 June 2010

Intrigue in this highly secretive nation has already been partially satisfied this World Cup with two hilariously over-the-top stories already surfacing. The first, which might raise an eyebrow or two, is the confirmation by the North Korean coach, that he receives live gameplay instructions during the games from North Korean Eternal President, Kim Jong il. How does he do this, you ask? With an invisible telephone , that’s how! (A phone which Kim invented himself).

But wait, that’s nothing! there’s more..

The second beautiful little nugget was the report that North Korea hired Chinese actors to pretend to be North Korean fans at the World Cup. Now that I can believe – how else would the North Korean fans get there? They’d be promptly returned to North Korea and a life-time of hard labour as punishment! Such is the nature of life inside the single party state, where the majority have no idea of what is going on in the outside world.

There have already been a couple scares for FIFA, as reports were circulating that a couple players from the North Korean side had run away. They appeared the next day at training, but the notion of players trying to make a national side, in order to defect when competing overseas, is not uncommon. This is sometimes their only way out. You might recall the Tanzanian athletes who vanished during the Melbourne 2006 Commonwealth Games.

Our Dear Leader – Kim Jong il

That’s why I think we should all support North Korea. Even though “Our Dear Leader” is a dictator and has brainwashed his people, you have to give him credit for those human mosaic displays he gets them to do for him. You know, the ones where they spell out his name using 40,000 child gymnasts. I mean, come one, that’s pretty awesome, no? Look, I know it’s sad and all, but just picture your name being spelt out by humans! Wow! Not even an iPad can do that! Also, he is up against the whole of the Western World and might indulge in nuclear war against the United States – he needs all the support he can get!

But in all seriousness, if you forget about all of that for a second, it is quite wonderful to see a team like this actually make it to the World Cup. I mean, they’re here, for God’s sake! It really is incredible.

If you are as intrigued in this nation as I am, click on this YouTube video the next time you want to watch a DVD. Here it is, it’s an hour and more informative than anything you will ever find on the instanet. It’s called Welcome To North Korea.

Then, when you’re done with that, check out this quick clip of the yank who defected to North Korea for a number of years, and then came back. Glowing reports of Our Dear Leader…

Then, when you’re done with that, read these:

VICE guide to North Korea.

Escape From North Korea

Catch you at the game!

PS. If you tweet a pic of you and anything Portuguese to @vidaecaffe today, they will give you a free vda e caffe!