2oceans Vibe

WikiLeaks founder and destroyer-in-chief of American military credibility, Julian Assange, is not a very well-liked chap.

Last week he leaked literally tens of thousands of US Military Afghan War Logs to the press after posting them on WikiLeaks.org.

The logs detail the nitty gritty details of the nine-year US occupation of Afghanistan. Assange himself claims the logs detail war crimes committed by US forces, whereas critics have accused Assange of endangering the lives of individuals named and described in the logs.

Daily Beast journo, Tunku Varadarajan in particular, goes straight for the kill in his piece on Assange.

With his bloodless, sallow face, his lank hair drained of all color, his languorous, very un-Australian limbs, and his aura of blinding pallor that appears to admit no nuance, Assange looks every inch the amoral, uber-nerd villain, icily detached from the real world of moral choices in which the rest of us saps live. Call him the Unaleaker, with apologies to the victims of Ted Kaczynski.

Well sure, the guy hasn’t endeared himself. And ol’ Tunku isn’t alone in his intense loathing of Assange. Calling the American military, and by extension, the American nation “bastards” probably wasn’t a hot PR move.

But watching Assange wallow in the attention that has followed his voluminous data dump, one is struck by his strut, his hubris, his palpable vainglory. “I enjoy crushing bastards,” he crowed to Der Spiegel, one of the publications favored with the right to publish his dubiously acquired material. “The most dangerous men are those who are in charge of war,” he harrumphed. “And they need to be stopped.”

But ascribing “palpable vainglory” to a man who shares a physical similarity with a peeled onion basking in afternoon sunlight seems a little far fetched.

Here are five much, much better reasons to dislike Julian Assange.

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So it turns out that most of what we know about dinosaurs is lies.

ALL LIES. And Steven Spielberg seduced us with deception in the greatest movie of all time, Jurassic Park.

If you’re not keen on having your childhood memories of triceratops and all his mates shattered, then don’t read on. If you value the truth, click through.

CLICK HERE to destroy your memories

I haven’t quite gotten over the fact that the word is pronounced “Karee Yokee,” and yet there is no “e” in the middle. But that aside, karaoke fansd and general trickster will enjoy this little video, sent in by one of our fortitudinous LSM 12-14 readers.

The video features US songstress, Jewel (would you?), in a karaoke bar. But she’s not just there, she’s there in disguise! That’s right – they gave her a big nose and made her look like a geek fatty boom boom beforehand, then sent her in with her “work mates” (actors). When her turn came, her mates begged for her to go up and sing a song by Jewel.

Reluctantly, she went up….

What happened next? What was the reaction? Well, you’ll just have to press play and check it now now, won’t you?

Very clever – good effort.

7/10 (which is brilliant around these parts. No one has ever got 10/10, let alone 9/10).

Right! Moving swiftly on..

[thanks mike]

Drugs, Sex, Prostitutes and Clooney’s babe

Clooney’s Smoking Hot Girlfriend In Drug Sex Scandal – That heading got your attention, didn’t it? And so it bloody well should! George Clooney’s Italian girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis (bum here) has been implicated in a wide-ranging sex and drugs scandal involving businessmen, celebrities and high-class prostitutes. Miss Canalis, a former showgirl, is said to have taken cocaine at a nightclub in Milan that is now at the centre of an investigation into an alleged prostitution ring. [telegraph ]

Theft At Kebble Trial - The Brett Kebble murder trial was interrupted this morning after the stenographer’s recording equipment was stolen from the Johannesburg High Court last night. Detectives were brought in to dust for fingerprints, after the mixing desk and microphone belonging to a private stenographer, paid for by Kebble’s business partner who is in Australia, John Stratton , were stolen. Mixing desk? What do you mean? Was Dean Fuel playing? [timeslive]

Light A Winston Churchill’s False Teeth Sell For R175,000 – Had I known of the auction, I would have paid at least double that price for the great man’s dentures. I mean really, they were in his mouth when he uttered such classics as, “a joke is a very serious thing.” Lest we forget, “A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.” What a beaut! [cnn]

Springbok Rugby Coach Charged With Misconduct – SANZAR has issued a notice of alleged misconduct against Springbok coach Peter de Villiers following comments he made on Australian TV on July 21. De Villiers claimed the All Blacks’ two recent Tri-Nations victories over the Springboks – 32-12 in Auckland and 31-17 in Wellington – were part of a conspiracy aimed at generating support before next year’s Rugby World Cup tournament in New Zealand. Oh dear. [koos]

Over 5 Million Internet Radio Friendly Cars In America By 2015 – New analysis from Frost & Sullivan pins Internet radio as the “most popular” application being developed by automakers, though the report doesn’t specify the data the researchers use. They expect that the “hybrid connected model” — that is, cars that connect to the Internet through smartphones — will have a market size of 5 million units by 2015 in just North America. That market size will only grow as the target market — Gen Y — continues to increase. [kurthanson]

“Old Spice Guy” Cast In Jennifer Aniston Film – We’re big fans of Isaiah Mustafa, here at 2oceansvibe. He is the incredibly good-looking man on a horse in those terribly funny Old Spice ads. If you missed them I suggest you check them out here. Then, when you’ve done that, check how his career is turning into a bit of a roller-coaster ride! [hollywoodreporter]

Details Of 100m Facebook Users Collected And Published – Personal details of 100m Facebook users have been collected and published on the net by a security consultant. Ron Bowes used a piece of code to scan Facebook profiles, collecting data not hidden by the user’s privacy settings. The list, which has been shared as a downloadable file, contains the URL of every searchable Facebook user’s profile, their name and unique ID. Not ideal. [bbc]

America Gets Another Hot Russian Spy – Mere weeks after America banished sexy Russian spy Anna Chapman, another may have surfaced: 24-year-old Anna Fermanova is accused of smuggling military technology to Moscow. She has a bellybutton ring and wears bikinis on Facebook. Fermanova is under house arrest in Texas awaiting trial for “knowingly and intentionally” exporting contraband weapons-grade night-vision scopes to Moscow. Doesn’t get sexier than that! [gawker]

Lindsay Lohan’s Hair And Makeup People Are On Standby – In the clearest sign yet that Lindsay Lohan will get out of jail this week, several top stylists as well as hair and makeup people that Lindsay loves in Los Angeles have been put on call from midnight on Thursday through the entire weekend. You know why, right? It’s for the walk from the front door to the car. I swear – it’s true. [popeater]

How To Listen To 2oceansvibe Radio On Your Android Phone – “2OceansVibe Radio is a new online radio show by Cape Town lifestyle website 2OceansVibe, I’m not going to go into details about the radio show but rather just show you quickly how to get it on your Android powered phone. Currently there are only ways to listen to it on your iPhone, Blackberry and Windows mobile powered phones, so I thought I’d give it a shot at trying to get it running on Android.” [igeek]

Google Is Trying To Kill Facebook – Google Inc. is in talks with several makers of popular online games as it seeks to develop a broader social-networking service that could compete with Facebook Inc. Google’s push into social games represents the latest attempt by the Web-search leader to capture users and advertising dollars that are increasingly flowing to social networking, an area dominated by Facebook, Twitter Inc. and others. [wallstreetjournal]

British Health Minister Encourages People To Call Each Other “Fat” – British helth minister Anne Milton reckons that the term fat was more likely to motivate people into losing weight, adding it was important people took ‘personal responsibility’ for their lifestyles. Stressing she was giving her own personal view, she told the BBC: ‘If I look in the mirror and think I am obese I think I am less worried than if I think I am fat.’ Your personal view is quite important if you’re the Minister of Health, my love. [metro]

Maradona Claims “Lies” And “Betrayal” – Diego Maradona has accused the Argentine Football Association of “lies and betrayal” after his contract as national coach was not renewed. Maradona claimed national team manager Carlos Bilardo “worked in the shadows” to oust him after Argentina’s quarter-final exit at this summer’s World Cup. He also accused AFA president Julio Grondona of lying about his future. Hectic. [bbc]

Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding Is A No Fly-Zone – If you were thinking of dropping a bomb on Chelsea Clinton’s head, I’m afraid you won’t be able to on her wedding day. The Federal Aviation Administration says local airspace will be restricted from 3 p.m. Saturday to 3:30 a.m. Sunday. That means they won’t even allow requests for fly-bys as the pattern will be full. [associated]

Obama Didn’t Crack The Nod – President Barack Obama made a visit to the ladies of “The View” Wednesday afternoon to tape an episode that airs Thursday. And although all five hosts were on hand with a variety of questions about his tactics for solving the administration’s biggest problems, there was a burning question the hosts could not resist asking: Will the president be at Chelsea Clinton’s wedding? No, is the answer. Blind. [msnbc]

The Brett Kebble trial has been roaming the news cycle lately, in case you didn’t know.

Incidentally, if you didn’t know, you should probably plug in to the world. It’s quite kiff here. Don’t delude yourself, you’re not a reclusive oil painter, or a brilliant poet laureate wallowing in a malaise of red wine, cheap cigarettes, loose women and angst. You’re just uninformed.

Anyhow, despite the popular name for the sordid affair, Brett Kebble isn’t on trial, he is very much deceased.

The man on trial is one Glenn Agliotti, esq. Glenny Baby allegedly promulgated the premature demise of mining magnate Brett Kebble by sourcing a few ne’er-do-wells to shoot Brett Kebble in a staged hijacking that was in fact a perverse assisted suicide.

That’s right. Kebble allegedly paid Agliotti to have himself whacked. Kebble found motive for offing himself when it became apparent that his commercial interests were up the creek, sans paddle. Evidently he wanted to safeguard his family’s financial future by successfully activating his life insurance policy. Witness testimony indicates that Agliotti in turn delegated the task to Clint “Irony” Nassif, Kebble’s head of security, who in turn enlisted the help of psychopath and part-time heavyweight boxer, Mikey Schultz.

Dammit. What an absolute mindbang.

Sounds sordid, doesn’t it? I bet the whole thing could be turned in to a gritty noir drama set on Jozi’s crumbling streets. Couldn’t it? No, it couldn’t.

Never in the history of criminals have scary criminals made themselves look so frikkin silly.

Just read this, please.

CLICK HERE for criminal hijinx

What a stunning morning we had today – the first daily 2oceansvibe Radio show – LIVE with Richard Hardiman!

Just try and take these guys seriously..

Visitors included Mark Bayly, Jeremy de Tolly, David Levinsohn, Soli Philander and more!!! If you missed it you can grab the podcast below.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE PODCAST (left-click to stream and right-click to download and listen in your own time).

So after an evening of sushi, springbok bruschetta, Belinni coctails, bubbly, and of course, Butlers Pizza (*COUGH* 2oceansvibe Radio launch COUGH*), there’s only one thing you eat for breakfast. And it’s not a bottle of Boschendal!

CLICK HERE to break your fast

About three hours ago a Kalk Bay fishermen walked into the e.tv Studios foyer off Kloof Street, and demanded to see the News Editor of e.tv.

Surprisingly, the arb fisherman was denied access to the ed by security.

And then…And then he lost his temper.

CLICK HERE to go BOOM!

in-cep-tion [in-sep-shuh n]
noun – beginning; start; commencement.

When Christopher Nolan releases a film, the world stops and takes notice… The director started making movies when he was just seven-years-old and 33 years down-the-line he’s still doing what he loves with only several feature length films to date. A short filmography by Hollywood standards, but when you consider Stanley Kubrick, one of the late greats, only made 16 films in 5 decades it puts Nolan’s career in perspective.

Just like any Kubrick film, Nolan’s are meticulous and carry some serious weight, in substance and in box office return. Nolan has managed to bridge the great divide with the big budget allure of a traditional blockbuster and the finesse of an art house production. His latest offering Inception, is a surreal Matrix-type film with echoes of classic heist movies like Inside Man and Ocean’s Eleven, but does it measure up?

Catch the rest of the review and the trailer after the jump…

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Full time human being impersonator, Gwyneth Paltrow, has given us all a perfectly-weighted surprise (shocks are never perfect) by perfectly capably singing an authentic-sounding but none-too abrasive country music song.

It’s titled Country Strong.

She reportedly recorded the song as part of the sound track to one or other upper-middle tier blockbuster film about a heroin who overcomes the burden of having a needy British musician husband and Yankee-Brit hybrid spawn to nurture in between maintaining your perfectly even skin tone and deluding millions of people into believing that you have a pulse.

Sorry, may have drifted into a description of “Gwyneth” in her down time.

Anyhow. She does a FANTASTIC impression of human emotion. It’s incredible. Everything about Gwyneth is incredible. Incredible.

Catch it after the jump.

CLICK HERE for country

I don’t know how this one slipped through the radar.

Just when I thought people weren’t churning out 100% pure uncut humour anymore, this Ben Folds vide from 2006 surfaces. It’s got him covering the song “Bitches Aint Shit” – the hard-core rap song originally by Dr Dre and Snoop Dogg. But he didn’t just cover it – he turned it into an actual song – with singing not rapping. But it’s not just a song, it done like a James Blunt type love song – but with the same rude lyrics.

Unadulterated genius right here.

You can listen to the original song here if you don’t know it (I went to SACS Junior school so obviously I know all about this stuff. I’ve experinced “the street,” my bru. Don’t even try talk to me about drive-bys… that shit happened the whole time on Dean Street).

I’ve copied the lyrics down below, so best would be to follow the link and load that up at the same time as watching this.

“Bitches Ain’t Shit”

Tiger On The Loose In Mpumalanga

Tiger On The Loose In Mpumalanga – Do not fear, you do not have to lock up your wives and girlfriends, this is merely a wild Tiger, NOT Tiger Woods. Phew – what a relief! Apparently this one (name is “Panjo”) jumped out of a bakkie (not a strip club) and is quite tame. It has been on the loose for a couple days now and if you see it you should apparently let the authorities know. Which I would never do. I would take it home and let Mavis take care of it. [msn]

2oceansvibe Radio Goes LIVE Every Day From Tomorrow – That’s right – you will finally be able to tune-in every single day, as Richard Hardiman kicks off tomorrow morning from 8am and will continue to do so every weekday from 8-12. We will fill in the rest of the gaps as we continue building the content you have been dreaming of for way too long! So much in store. Go to the website and check the top and right hand menu for simple instructions about tuning in at home, work and in your car! [2oceansviberadio]

Girl With Dragon Tattoo First Digital Book With 1Million Sales – Stieg Larsson, a Swedish journalist and detective novelist best known for his Millenium trilogy, has become the first author to sell more than 1 million e-books in the Kindle Store.The three books in the posthumously published trilogy — The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest, are all among the Kindle Store’s 10 bestselling books of all ti [mashable]

Daniel Craig To Star In Dragon Tattoo Remake – Sources confirm that Daniel Craig, the man best known as James Bond, will next play the scruffy muckraker Mikael Blomkvist in the Hollywood adaptation of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Deadline first announced the longtime rumor. Craig, 42, has signed on as the middle-aged journalist in David Fincher’s suspense-filled trilogy, the first of which is set to be released Dec. 21, 2011. There you go, Oksana – why don’t you get your talons into him? [hollywoodinsider]

Yahoo Japan To Tie-Up With Google – Microsoft has denounced Yahoo! Japan’s internet search alliance with Google, saying it would give Google near-total control over the third-largest market for search queries in the world.”Google’s plan would cement its position as essentially the sole provider of search results in Japan for years to come,” Microsoft vice president and deputy general counsel Dave Heiner said in a blog post [nzherald]

Chelsea Football: Dressed By Dolce & Gabbana – Dolce & Gabbana, the Italian designer label, has signed a three-year fashion partnership with Chelsea Football Club. The style deal means we can expect to see the likes of John Terry, Frank Lampard, Didier Drogba, Nicolas Anelka and Ashley Cole out on the town in exclusive, dark blue, three-piece suits, with matching shirts and ties, designed by D&G, the same duo which dresses George Clooney, Morgan Freeman, Sir Mick Jagger, Bono, David Beckham – and AC Milan, among others. [telegraph]

Revolting Bloemfontein Students Plead Guilty – The screening of the infamous Reitz four video during court proceedings in Bloemfontein yesterday evoked renewed disgust at the university students who filmed it. The four former University of Free State students – Schalk van der Merwe, Johnny Roberts, RC Malherbe and Danie Grobler – pleaded guilty to, and were convicted of, charges of crimen injuria. Wait until you check the story they gave in court. [timeslive]

Elvis’ Piano Expected To Get $1 Million At Auction – Elvis Presley’s white grand piano and his 1955 contract with RCA Records are going up for auction in Memphis next month, with the piano expected to fetch more than $1 million, auctioneers said on Monday. The purchase agreement for the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll’s Graceland mansion, and a letter Presley wrote in 1955 to his then girlfriend shortly after entering the U.S. army, are also among the highlights of the 270-lot Elvis memorabilia auction on Aug. 14. Thangyaverymuch. [msnbc]

Protesters Disable London BP Petrol Stations – Protesters from environmental group Greenpeace disabled some of BP’s 50 petrol stations in central London on Tuesday in protest at the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. Greenpeace and BP said activists stopped the flow of fuel by flipping safety switches on forecourts before removing them to prevent the service stations from reopening. Very cool. I think we should do the same here or, at the very least, boycott BP petrol stations. [reuters]

Law Student Killed Controlling Father: Buried Him In Concrete – A gifted law student murdered his father and buried him in their back garden because he resented the ‘weight of his expectations’, a court heard yesterday. Determined to finally have his way, Alexander killed his 70-year-old ‘barely mobile’ father at the home they shared. He is accused of attempting to dismember him with a saw and trying to burn his remains, before burying them under four separately laid levels of concrete two months later. [dailymail]

Vuvuzela Rage: Man Fires Gun – An Italian man was so infuriated by the constant buzzing and droning noise of Vuvuzelas at his local bar that he undertook a ‘walk by’ on it. The 51-year old, who has not been named exploded with rage after enduring hours of listening to the controversial instrument. Exasperated by the noise, the man grabbed his rifle and fired shots in the air, the warning had no effect as the crowd simply ignored him. Failing to command some respect from the revellers, he resorted to ramming his car into the bar several times before fleeing the scene. [popjolly]

Yoyo Ono Opposes Parole For Lennon’s Killer – Yoko Ono will again oppose the release of the man who nearly 30 years ago killed her husband, former Beatle John Lennon, and who comes up for parole next month, her lawyer said. Ono has consistently opposed parole for Mark David Chapman and has again sent a letter to the parole board, her lawyer, Peter Shukat, told the Daily News. “Her position has not changed,” Shukat said in an article published Tuesday. [yahoo]

Wikileaks: Welcome To the New Age Of Whistle Blowing – They have been denounced as “a criminal act” and hailed as the future of investigative journalism in equal measure. But the question is: how did the Wikileaks disclosure of US military documents come about? More than 90,000 documents, dated between 2004 and 2009, on the war in Afghanistan, have been released, but the whistle-blowing website will not disclose the identity of any of its sources. [bbc]

Rotisserie 360 Celebrates Its First Full Rotation – For a year now the little hole in the wall on the corner of Bree and Bloem has been serving delicious street fare to a loyal lunch time crowd and treating the after work crew to scrumptious take home meals. To celebrate their first year of fowl play Rotisserie 360 is doing R7 coffees all week: time to treat your central nervous system like an amusement park… [rotisserie360]

You hear the news? Multi-talented musician and purveyor of all things chilled, Wyclef Jean, is perhaps, potentially, maybe, could-be, considering running as a presidential candidate in the forthcoming Haitian elections.

Apparently he’s been tempted to run because of a grassroots youth following lobbying strongly for his political voice in that country. It’s called Face to Face.

Well, that’s great, Jean, but we’re talking about HAITI, here. Again, with capitals, HAITI.

Here are five incredibly sound reasons why this would be a very, very bad idea.

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Unlike our Northern cousins, British model Kirsten Varley does not support the Blue Bulls. Rather, she has been spotted doing work for the likes of Jaguar, Motorola and Toni & Guy. She also recently caused a spot of havoc after appearing starkers for S Magazine. We managed to get those pics for you – that’s after we decided to enroll Kirst as a Tuesday Tabs ambassador.

She really is a striking young lady, don’t you think?

Kirsten Varley

Ok, nice – I like what I’m seeing.

So I think we all agree she has the necessary pedigree. Good job, good job..

It is at this point that I must warn you that clicking further will reveal Kirsten in her natural form – the way God made her. Perhaps you work for a company which controls your thoughts and actions? In that case you better not click the link as that will reveal links to Kirsten’s flesh. And you know how dangerous that is! Goodness – you could easily get fired for doing that! Although the same photo in a Vogue magazine would probably be alright lying on your desk. That’s pretty weird, I’m sure you will agree..

Continue Reading

B++

Good effort.

[thanks alex]

Seth posted this footage of a man allegedly trying to steal the World Cup (that’s right, the trophy) at the 2010 Fifa World Cup final at Soccer City on July 11.

Some of you were kind enough to point out that “a man” was actually Jimmy Jump, a 34 year old professional pitch invader and downright flamboyant Spaniard.

Jimmy Jump’s real name is Juame Marquet Cot, and apparently his main intention was to place a barretina on the shiny scalp of the trophy – the red beany-like hat is a spanish symbol of freedom, liberty, and presumably, naked running.

What’s more, all indications are that this last stunt was Jimmy’s final Jump, and he’s hanging up his barretina for good.

With that in mind, please enjoy an overview of Jimmy’s illustrious jumping career.

CLICK HERE for the jump (get it?)

The original Fight Club with Brad Pitt is on a lot of people’s “Top 10 favourite movies” lists. It’s exciting , it’s scandalous and, for the ladies, one might even deem it sexy. This is exactly what Jane Austen has offered with the upcoming film, “Jane Austen’s Fight Club” which witnesses the uprising of illegal organised brawls amongst the women of the day – somewhere in the 1800′s.

Yes, of course this is absolute kak. It is what we call a “spoof” movie trailer and it has been viewed over 200,000 times already. This is slightly less than the video we made that time for Randall Abrahams and IDOLS, but can definitely still be called “viral.”

Let’s see what The Telegraph had to say about it:

A spoof film trailer, Jane Austen’s Fight Club, has gone viral, gaining nearly 200,000 hits on YouTube in just two days.

The video shows Lizzie Bennett and other Austen characters – including Emma and the Dashwoods – setting up an underground boxing club, in manner of the cult David Fincher film Fight Club. Lizzie plays the role of Brad Pitt’s character Tyler Durden: “The first rule of Fight Club is, one never mentions Fight Club”.

The society ladies engage in fights on a croquet lawn and sit bleeding during high tea.

It is not the first ‘mashup’ of either Jane Austen’s work or Fight Club. Recently, a book called “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” imagined what would happen if events in the Regency-era novel had been interrupted by an attack of the undead.

And a Funny or Die video called Ferris Club re-set the 1980s teen movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off with Ferris as Tyler and the hapless Cameron as Ed Norton’s unnamed narrator, claiming to see the real psychological truth behind the John Hughes classic. “Cameron is not a beautiful and unique snowflake”, it warns.

[more here]

Nice.

Real nice.

Kebble Hitman – Mikey Schultz

Kebble Murder Trail Begins – Glenn Agliotti’s advocate cornered boxer and hit man Mikey Schultz in the South Gauteng High Court on Monday afternoon, forcing him to admit that he had no direct knowledge of Agliotti’s involvement in the murder of Brett Kebble. Schultz testified that all his instructions and knowledge on the Kebble murder and other matters Agliotti is charged for came from Clinton Nassif, Brett Kebble’s former chief of security. [mail&guardian]

Awesome Manhattan Restaurant Brawl [Video] – Look, no one really enjoys a fight in a restaurant, but you gotta love how things escalate from nothing. Here we see a verbal argument in a New York Mexican restaurant, turn into a full-on brawl, with chairs and fists flying. Oh, and a chain – the one okes is winding a big thick long chain. No spice. Reminds me of my experience dealing with the checkout at Incredible Connection. [huffers]

Tycoon Spends $2.6m On Champagne In St. Tropez – In what could be called as a lavish fight, a pair of rival billionaires set a new world record at a French nightclub to see who could order the most champagne. Zhen Low – the younger brother of big-spending Malaysian billionaire Jho Low – squared off against Winston Fisher of the prominent New York real-estate family Thursday night at Les Caves du Roy nightclub in St. Tropez. The bill? A staggering 2 million euros, or $2.6 million, according to an announcement made at the club. [luxuo]

iPad Owners Are ‘Selfish Elites.’ Critics Are ‘Independent Geeks.’ – Consumer research firm MyType conducted the study, in which opinions of 20,000 people were analyzed between March and May. The firm’s conclusion was that iPad owners tend to be wealthy, sophisticated, highly educated and disproportionately interested in business and finance, while they scored terribly in the areas of altruism and kindness. In other words, “selfish elites.” Nice! [wired]

Crowdsource Your Relationship Issues – So you and your honey are fighting yet again: he won’t take out the trash; she hates your parents; he grinds his teeth; she doesn’t like Chinese food and you LOVE Chinese food and she’s being so selfish because you SO wanted Chinese food for dinner. You know, the usual. These fights rarely have a winner – but we all would love a final independent decision! That’s where CouplesSpark comes in. Pure genius. [mashable]

Jon Bon Jovi Pissed Off He Didn’t Make Forbes List – Jon Bon Jovi is furious that he failed to make it onto two widely followed 2010 Forbes magazine top celebrity lists. The singer was left off the much-publicized “Power 100″ roster of the world’s most powerful celebrities in June topped by Oprah Winfrey. Then he was aghast when he didn’t make it onto the “Musicians’ Rich List,” led by rival rockers U2 last week. [nypost]

Fellow Inmates Taunting Lindsay Lohan – Calling Her ‘FireCrotch’ - Lindsay Lohan reportedly threw a hissy fit and was placed in isolation after several inmates taunted her. “Some of the inmates in our ward, some of the tougher ones, were yelling ‘fire crotch’ at her,” a prisoner released from the Lynwood, Calif., lockup told Britain’s Daily Mirror. “They just started chanting it at her. Lindsay didn’t say nothing. She was crying though.” [nydailynews]

Meteorite Lands On Cricket Pitch During Match – When two spectators standing on the boundary at a cricket match saw an object hurtling down from the sky, their first instinct might have been to applaud.. However Jan Marszel, 51, and Richard Haynes, 52, were not witnessing a six, but an extremely rare meteor strike. The rock, a few inches long and believed to be up to 4.5 billion years old, broke in two when it hit the ground in front of them close to the pitch. Baking! [telegraph]

Conrad Black Is My Hero – If I were a novel-writing sort, I would consider Black as a worthy character—not because of his fall, but because, even at 65 (in a sense, because he is only 65), he is bound to start again. Now Black is not a sympathetic figure (he and I have, on occasion, exchanged public insults and invective—without, I assume, actual rancor). Foolish, pompous, comical—even his supporters titter behind his back—he was one of the greatest social climbers of our time. [michaelwolff]

Button Has A Go At Ferrari’s Team Orders – Jenson Button has joined the growing chorus of criticism regarding the team orders at the German grand prix, which may yet result in severe sanctions being taken against Ferrari. The incident saw coded messages being passed to Felipe Massa, which eventually resulted in him slowing to allow his team-mate Fernando Alonso to pass and claim victory. Naughty. [guardian]

Rolling Stones Embark On Last World Tour Ever – The Rolling Stones will start their farewell world tour next year, bowing out after half a century of rock ‘n roll, the Sun newspaper reported today, citing an unidentified person. The band, formed in 1962, is in talks with promoters Live Nation about the tour, the newspaper said. The performances are set to last into 2012, it said. [bloomberg]

Top 20 iPad Apps - What made the cut for DB’s Best iPad apps list? Our panelists were quick to highlight apps that help users up their productivity, including a system to make sure you can save and find every bit of digital information you need – let alone the iPad’s usefulness as an e-reader. But most strikingly, many selections tilted toward games and fun – and we even learned about apps that can speak to your spiritual side! [dailybeast]

Scarlett Johansson Chops Off Her Hair – From Marilyn Monroe-blonde to auburn colored tresses, curly to straight, updos to long and flowing, we have seen this movie star look stunning no matter what her hair looks like.The 25-year-old actress debuted a new bob haircut this weekend when she appeared on the Marvel Studios’ “Captain America: The First Avenger” panel at Comic-Con. [stylelist]

Oliver Stone In The Dwang Over Hitler Comments – Oliver Stone found himself the catalyst of an online brush fire on Monday after he made comments published in The Sunday Times of London that were interpreted as anti-Semitic. In an interview with The Times to promote his documentary “South of the Border,” which is about South American politics, Mr. Stone defended Hitler. [mediadecoder]

The Expendables will be the manliest movie you will ever watch in your whole life. Warning: Effeminate viewers may suffer death.

Written and directed by the star of the film, Sylvester Stallone, The Expendables promises pretty much the same kind of action as Rambo 4, except this time there’s more than one guy with huge pecks, and huge guns.

They’ve also got big firearms.

Hell, I reckon the combined weight of these guys’ pectoral muscles tips the scale on the biomass of 2oceansvibe Media.

I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty certain a thick fog of testosterone descended on the set during filming.

It killed all green plants and mimes within a one mile radius (that’s right, MILE, because miles are manlier than kilometres).

Don’t believe me? Well for a start, one of the bulky superstars, and all-round ass-kicker extraordinaire, Stone Cold Steve Austin, broke Stallone’s neck on set. Probably just for the hell of it, too.

Still don’t believe me that it’ll be the manliest movie ever made?

Check this out.

CLICK HERE to have your face melted off

If you’ve just joined us, a whale was catapulted into international news headlines last week, when it was photographed breaching onto a yacht. Pretty hectique, I’m sure you agree.

Well, it’s about to become even more hectique – because now we’ve got the video footage. Yes, you heard me – VIDEO footage of the whale leaping onto the yacht.

Ch-ch-ch-check it out!

CLICK HERE to play video

I like the way they’re investigating whether or not the whale was provoked. If this ocean was in the UK there would be CCTV footage of the yacht’s entire journey. From that we would be able to determine what caused this bizarre behaviour.

They should get the CSI team involved as well, to “analyse” the CCTV footage. They could “clean-up” the sound and eventually they would work out that the captain of the yacht had been taunting the whale for quite some time before the attack.

They would “amplify” the audio and you would be able to hear the skipper calling the whale a “tadpole” just minutes before they were attacked.

[thanks hazel]