I don’t answer private numbers. Nor do a lot of people I know. But a lot of them haven’t reached my elite level. The “elite communicator” level is where you find yourself when you have absolutely zero curiosity as to who might be calling. You’re over it. You’re so far gone, that you only answer them when the timing corresponds to an annoying moment in your day and they arrive right on queue for a blasting. Seriously, I only answer private/blocked calls when I need to let off some steam. A bit of sport, is how I see it.

Other buddies of mine who have realised that private calls are fundamentally rude and insulting are able to ignore calls, but the little hamster in their head starts going once the ringing stops. I wonder who that was? Will they leave a message? Why hasn’t it come through yet? Questions like that don’t arise when you’re part of the elite. And anyway, elite level communicators have a voicemail which tells the caller that they mustn’t leave a message, and should rather email or SMS.

So many questions and such a bizarre waste of time, spent on what is inevitably a bank telling you a bullshit story about how you have been selected for a credit card. We’ve all had them, and as true as the sea is blue, every single person I know hates them.

“Hello! We’ve been sent to destroy you!”

What I want to say to all the companies out there is that just because only one in 100 freaks out (me, if I answer to release some energy), do not be fooled into thinking that the other people enjoy the suspense you created, and the call itself. Just because they don’t berate your poorly trained gimps reading from a manual, does not mean they enjoyed the experience. They hate it. And even if they like your company, they hate you for making them go through that minor anxiety.

And please don’t tell me that your phone system “is just like that.” Bullshit. You can have a number come up and your clients/friends can save it for future reference. Fact. And if you can’t, then you need to switch systems.

And so, in summary, I want to say to all the companies out there using private numbers – you are damaging your brand. And the more you do it, the more people will hate you. Fact.

But who gives a rat’s ass, right? It’s not about the customer – it’s about you.

So carry on with that. And the best of luck to you.