We’ve all been there. You swipe right. They swipe right. You meet up, maybe hook up, and then they ghost.
Tinder tried to change their image a while back, but let’s face it, it’s a jungle out there. If you’re looking for love, you’d better be ready to field some weirdos along the way.
That said, every now and then you meet a good one, and a there are now 36 questions to get the love going.
The questions have been doing the rounds for a while. The New York Times says they originate from:
…a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.
You can read the full list here. In the interim, here’s a preview of the first 10:
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
So far so good. Nothing too hectic.
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
Okay, now we’re heading into death and deep childhood trauma.
And it gets worse. As the sets go on, the questions become more intimate and probing.
You can really get the party going with “Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?”.
I feel like that’s guaranteed to kill any good vibes you’d cultivated over the course of the evening, but I’m not an expert like psychologist Arthur Aron.
To make things more awkward, the sets end with a task. You have to stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes.
Apparently, it works. But it’s a risk. You could also end up holding your sobbing date, before scaring them off with an impromptu staring contest.
Best get your date’s consent before springing this on them.
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