I really have to apologise to the new readers who started reading 2oceansvibe in the last week and may well think that we are nothing more than a smut showcase. I must stress that this is a highly intellectual, topical, informative website which generally oozes a careful mix of class, culture and humour. It just so happens that Britney Spears chose this week to team up with Hilts and get totally rat-fucked every day of the week in Vegas - resulting in these photographs. I haven't actually looked directly at the photographs and am certainly not impressed that they were taken in the first place. Nonetheless, it is my duty to you to publish these shots.
Click each one but PLEASE be very careful - these are very much NSFW.
Quite stunning, really! I had a multitude of pics from this year's Victoria's Secret Fashion Show and I never really quite knew what to do with them. But then I got an email from The Lawyer with a link to one of the biggest bunches of pics from the show that I have ever seen. Dat ek al ooit gesien het.
I'll warm you up with these puppies and then you can click the link.
Luba - you might remember her from the Misty Clifs house [permalink]
This is quite a fun one. You might remember the article I popped up a while back about those sisters, one of which whose name is Luba. She is married to famous nude photographer, Peter Hegre. He does quite a lot of nude work with her and claims she is the perfect woman.
Brace yourselves. Due to some inexplicable movement or colliding of the planets, 2oceansvibe's staples, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, have become best friends. I doubt you could even script something like this. Extremely wealthy, old-money, sex-tape starring slut becomes friends with extremely wealthy, new-money, white trash pop star. It's too much to handle. The results can only be explosive.
Britney has learnt how to remain smashed for a number of days on end and has already flashed her front bum - and that's only after a couple of weeks in Hilton's care. We're expecting a sex tape with the two of them any day.
Why were we subjected to the story of the Russian spy who was poisoned? The story broke a couple of weeks ago about an ex-Russian spy, Alexander Litvinenko, who had been admitted to hospital in London after being poisoned. Sky News then spent the next couple of weeks watching his decline, until his death, towards the end of last week.
Oh my God! This spy was killed!
That is RIDICULOUS!
Firstly, there is no such thing as an ex-spy. Imagine if James Bond retires and is chilling one day at the Slug and Lettuce in Fulham. It turns out that Goldfinger had a love child a-la-Prince-Albert, who arrives at the Slug and Lettuce to kill James. He walks up to him:
"Aaaaah, Meeeeesta Bond!"
"Awfully sorry, old chap, but who the fuck are you", replies James, very chilled, with a scotch in his hand.
"I am Goldtoe, my fascher was Goldfinger! And I am here to avenge his death"! He pulls out a knife and motions to stab it into Bond's neck.
Bond, always ready for this kind of bullshit retorts, "Now now, squire, I've retired! I'm not working anymore. I'm an EX-spy."
Goldtoe, embarrassed, apologises to James, slides over to the bar and orders a pint. He gets broken, goes to the Redback Tavern that night and comes right.
The point is, there is no such thing as AN EX-SPY! If someone agrees to become a spy, he is fucked for the rest of his life. He can be killed at any point and people REALLY shouldn't make a fuss. Anyway, do you know who our boy was chilling with when he got poisoned? OTHER SPIES!!!!
Secondly, it CERTAINLY shouldn't be the top story on the news for so long. Imagine a headline, "GOLDFINGER KILLED BY JAMES BOND". It's just not going to happen. It's rubbish.
Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish!
And now people are demanding an inquiry into his death. Honestly, they've got police involved and detectives and all sorts of crap. What are you guys doing? HE WAS A FUCKING SPY! Granted, a very shit spy, but a spy nonetheless. Spies live in a separate world to us where death and murder comes standard. THIS IS NORMAL STUFF, GUYS! He got poisoned! Jesus, LEAVE IT ALONE!
Personally, I think the timing of his death with the launch of the new James Bond movie, Casino Royale is a little more than mere coincidence. I think Alexander was poisoned by the producers of the new Bond movie and think it is bloody genius! I mean, really, the leading news story on Sky News is about this effing spy, then they cross over to entertainment headlines and they're talking about the launch of the new James Bond movie.
It seems the word has spread that 2oceansvibe has anonymously received the widely reported pics of Minki van der Westhuizen sipping champagne in a bath tub. Whilst you know we will do anything to please you, I'm afraid we can't do that, so please hold back on the requests.
I think that is MORE than enough
I find myself stuck inside the Meatloaf song. "I will do anything for love, but I won't do that".
2oceansvibe will always look after its friends, and friends of its friends - so I am sure you understand that this falls under that theme. I trust everyone knows that this is for the greater good and the very reason that makes 2oceansvibe, well, 2oceansvibe. It's like the freemasons, but better. Or The Skulls!
Minki, as we expect she'll be when you meet her.
Good luck out there.
Friday afternoon started fairly early at Caprice with the angels and ended with an escape out the window from the likes of Fleck. I don't know what time it was, but the bottle of vodka that Mike gave us was finished. So was I it seemed.
It was the next day that I realised my Chanel sunglasses were missing. There are other Chanels amongst the other 15 or so pairs of shades that Mavis keeps in order in a special sunglasses drawer, but these were quite special. They were bought in New York during this year's Strengthening Ties Tour. It was boiling hot in New York and I dashed into the nearest shop to get some air conditioning. It happened to be a Chanel store. A store lady came up and asked if she could help me. Emboerrissed at using them for air conditioning, I asked to look at a pair of sunglasses at the very top of the rack.
She needed a special ladder to get to the top of the rack.
She fell.
Seriously, she fucking wiped on the floor. The situation was getting bad. She got an assistant to get the shades whilst she went to the back to get mended. I had to buy the shades. It was all too emboerrissing. Thank God they were nice. And so, you see, these particular Chanels have a sentimental vibe attached to them.
Have you picked up a pair of Chanels recently? At Caprice, perhaps? Here is a pic to help you.
Seth and the Chanels
2oceansvibe calls upon the community to gather round and have a GOOD look at themselves. I am offering a reward of a case of SKYY vodka to the person who finds and returns them. Thank you.
The herione chic trash drugged up Courtney Love [permalink]
Ja, we've dealt with this type before. Again, I'm fine with it. They have a very good weight and might have even undergone a boob reduction - a process which often ends with fantastic results.
I LOVE stories like this and, because I am made up of little pieces of all of you, you will enjoy it too! I recently stumbled upon an article in GQ magazine (US edition), which described an underground catchphrase / in-joke that has been doing the rounds in the US - particularly amongst TV/sports presenters. The phrase allegedly originated in the mid-90's as a pick-up line in a bar somewhere in Arizona. The story has to do with a famous ESPN sports anchorman by the name of Chris Berman. He has been doing sports on TV forever and, in the States, you're quite a "big deal" if you're as well known as he is. It's slightly different here in South Africa when sports presenters like Joost van der Westhuizen are called "doos" when they walk into a room.
Chris Berman - what a beaut!
Anyway, the following was sent in to the Deadspin sports blog, a very popular website in the States (not the Free State, the UNITED States) which gets stories from anonymous tips, readers and other sports blogs. And so, on April 11 this year, a legend was born. Reporting on an incident from the mid-90's, someone apparently phoned the website with the anecdote. It went like this:
A friend of mine just told me he's getting married. When he gave me the news I immediately thought of the time we were in Scottsdale at spring training, because it's the best pickup story I've ever been a party to. It was about nine years ago, and I actually forget the bar. But my friend was seriously putting the moves on this somewhat attractive young woman, who was wearing leather pants and had a leather jacket draped over her lap. They had been chatting at the bar for about an hour, and my friend thought he was in the house. I had never seen someone work so hard for a score.
But just as he was putting on the finishing touches, Chris Berman walks by. And without even breaking stride, Berman looks at the girl, points and says "You're with me, leather." And the girl looks up, instantly recognizes Berman, snatches up her jacket and walks out with him, leaving my friend in mid-sentence.
"YOU'RE WITH ME, LEATHER"
Whaaah! Are you kidding me?! Have you EVER heard anything funnier than that! IMAGINE walking up to a woman wearing leather pants and saying "You're with me, leather"! It's just too funny for words. What a legend!
Bermers - enjoys it
So you know what happened next - sports presenters, TV hosts, DJ's and anyone else who has a spicy bone in their bodies has been slipping "You're with me, leather" (also known as YWML) into commentary on all media types. The in-joke has been slipped in everywhere, from live sports shows and highlights packages to MTV's TRL show. It's even been displayed on an info box during a broadcast of a New York Mets game. The fact that most sports use leather balls, makes it all too easy.
Here is a beautiful example of how the guys are slipping it into their shows. Wait till the video gets to the 01min15sec mark - then enjoy.
Berman has never admitted that the incident in the bar ever occured. Wikipedia reports:
While Berman has not publicly commented on the story, he allegedly responded angrily when he was asked whether he had ever visited Deadspin by a 15-year-old fan during the 2006 NFL Draft, where he hosted ESPN's coverage. Berman reportedly told the fan, "Why would I go and do that? That is such a stupid question. What are you, stupid? That is so stupid."
Ooooh! It's too beautiful! The fact that he is sensitive about it, makes this whole thing even better. I tell you what makes it even funnier, are these T-shirts that are being sold.
It's too funny. You know when something is TOO funny?
This is TOO funny.
Better yet, we've found the video clip from MTV's TRL where Damien Fahey wasn't shy to slip it in, WITH the T-shirt on! Click pic to go to video clip.
Pretty funny. But that's all in the United States. No-one seems to have had the courage to bring it across the waters to the rest of the World.
Until now.
I am happy to report that ex-Springbok captain, Bob Skinstad, has done us proud. You may or may not know that Skinstad has been doing quite a lot of work with Sky Sports in the UK, particularly before, during and after South Africa test matches. He slipped it in on Saturday.
My sources tell me that it was just before the dismal South Africa vs. England rugby test at Twickenham. Sky Sports were about to cross over live to the national anthems when Skinstad was asked who he thought the key players were and what they should be doing. Skinstad replied: "For me there is one key player, and that is John Smit. John has to turn around, look at the boys, get his hands on the pill (the ball) and say, with confidence - you're with me, leather"
Skinstad - hysterical
Two words: Fucking funny! Good work, Bob. That is nothing short of good quality humour. And to add that John Smit should say it "with confidence"!!!!! Haaaaaah! Good boy! 2oceansvibe and its readers send you a big high five.
If you're in London and you spot Skinstad, do us all a favour. Walk up to him, give him high five and say to him, "You're with me, leather"!
I need to go to bed - this is all too funny. It's probably going to put the phrase "Jeepers Hudders" into retirement.
Michael Richards, "Kramer" from the TV show Seinfeld COMPLETELY lost the plot on Friday after being chirped by some "African-Americans" in the audience.
Whoopsie
TMZ reports:
The camera started rolling just as Richards began his attack, screaming at one of the men, "Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f***ing fork up your ass."
Richards continued, "You can talk, you can talk, you're brave now motherf**ker. Throw his ass out. He's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! A nigger, look, there's a nigger!"
The crowd is visibly and audibly confused and upset. Richards responds by saying, "They're going to arrest me for calling a black man a nigger."
One of the men who was the object of Richard's tirade was outraged, shouting back "That's un-f***ing called for, ain't necessary."
After the three-minute tirade, it appears the majority of the audience members got up and left in disgust.
We have received reports that there were three electric topless Russian beauties on Camps Bay beach this weekend. Our sources have confirmed that some boys were seen taking pics from behind their newspapers.
Playing nicely [permalink]
I decided to spend the weekend at the safe house in Camps Bay. So, on Saturday morning I packed a nap sack and drove from the Paris Hilton house in Bantry Bay, around the corner, to Camps Bay. What a lovely weekend away!
The winner of this weekend's Absolute Angel award goes to this little minx who yesterday played very nicely with her lilo on Beta beach, Bakoven. Thank you, angel.
And since we're showing beautiful beach pictures, you might enjoy this selection from the weekend which was, again, very silly. Apologies to the ex-pats, as usual.
For the LAST time now - LOUD AND CLEAR [permalink]
You know, just when I thought everyone knew the rules, some arsehole always seems to phone about business, or schedule a meeting, after one o' clock on a Friday.
Absolutely bizarre! Who ARE these people?
Can't you see everything work related ceases to exist after one on a Friday? Can't you see that even the "working" Capetonians drink beers at their desks from one on a Friday?
Here is an idea of things to do on a Friday. Have a look at these pics taken last week when the ocean forgot how to make waves for five days.
(With apologies to the ex-pats)
Back to the story. I'm talking about those guys who like to pretend. You know the ones I'm talking about. Those 'meeting hunters' who feel that nothing can be accomplished without a physical hour together. They duck and dive and cheat and lie to trick you into having a meeting. But that's not the end of it - they've got your hand and they're not stopping till they rip the whole fucking arm off.
"Hey Seth! I was thinking we should have that meeting we chatted about towards the end of the week. How does that sound?".
[I'm already quite edgy at the mention of the words "towards the end of the week". To be QUITE honest, I personally can't find a more comfortable time than 10h30 on a Tuesday for a 40 minute meeting]
"Umm, ja.....cool....I suppose. When were you thinking?", I stutter.
[I use a tone of voice that, I hope, indicates how HORRIFICALLY awkward I am feeling. My tone of voice could probably be compared to that of a 10 year old boy boy reluctantly agreeing with a priest that playing with his penis is a good idea]
"Well, I was thinking three o' clock on Friday"
[Sweet Mary, Mother of God. Is this guy on crack?]
"I beg your pardon", I allow him to rethink.
Our boy is clueless, "I said three on Friday is looking good for me", he repeats.
WELL ITS NOT LOOKING GOOD FOR ME, FUCK NUT!
And so we are forced to lie about a conference that is going on "the whole of Friday". Shame on you for making me lie!
I don't know who these people are and I don't know what they're trying to prove, but no-one is impressed. Maybe they're new in town and they haven't heard about the rule. Maybe they're from Jo'burg and they're trying to show us how HARD and LATE they work. Well I am VERY impressed! You guys work VERY hard, now get me a gin and tonic with a twist of lime.
If you MUST have a meeting on a Friday, the only one you can do is the one at 10h30 at Caprice. That's the one that goes on until the sun sets. Chat about business for ten minutes, then relax-ay-vu. In fact, I think that is what I''m supposed to be doing with James Stewart tomorrow. We're collaborating on a new album.
Oh my God! Sell everything! Run for the hills! We're all gonna die!!!!!! [permalink]
They're playing the same movie, but they've changed the actors. The "Zuma for president" death knell sounds pretty similar to the Real Estate Doomsday Prophecy of yesterday (literally). But this time, instead of waiting for the right time, they're running for the hills!
Don't shoot!
Ring a bell?
Don't know about you, but this smacks of the early 90's - the first time I heard 'grown-ups' talking about "leaving" (the country). You know... getting out before it all "goes to pot".
[yawn]
The most frightened I ever got in 1994 (for the unlearnt, this was when they finally gave Nelson Mandela his exeat) was when I realised on a Wednesday morning that we had a science test which everyone had forgotten about. Our physics teacher, Case R, thought he had it in the bag - but he didn't factor in the country's pre-election paranoia (EVERYONE thought there would be civil war). Failing myself and The Photographer was WAY more important to our science teacher than any bullshit general election. I thought I would make use of the state of the nation, at the time.
I went to the phone booth in Founders House, dialed the school's main phone number and, in my best 'African' accent, I cried, "There eees aay boooomb eeen the schoool".
It was easier than I thought. Sirens went off and chaos ensued (Private schools enjoyed the full service - eight police cars, 20 dogs, one helicopter, bomb squad, secret service (we housed the son's of ALL types) and more). Sorry about that, Case. We won. In fact....we WIN.
That was over a decade ago. Some of you may not have realised, but you're still here. If you guys want to go, PLEASE go. But go quietly and don't disturb us, we're having a braai.........thanks.
Get out of here!
HURRY!
I don't know the first thing about real estate or politics, but I certainly have heard people talking about the 'Great Real Estate crash' and the 'Great Civil War' since 1994. In that same time I have had more good times and watched more individuals make an independent fortune buying and selling real estate than I care to mention.
Aren't we all quite tired of calling armageddon? If you're ALL SO SURE OF EVERYTHING GOING TO SHIT, THEN PLEASE, GET THE FUCK OUT. PLEASE GO AND START THAT "NEW LIFE"! Go wherever you want to go. Get your green card. Get your fucking UK visa. Whatever! Just do it quietly. Don't waste our time. Fuck off. It's fine. Don't feel bad. Just go.
The Zuma for president 'thing' is starting to bore me now. Just yesterday we had a NEW REVELATION from FW de Klerk who reckons Zuma will not lead our country. I would love to stop and think about that, but I can't find room in my diary. Maybe next year?
Jonty, at The Fishbowl (my personal favourite South African political blog), shares a Contrarian View regarding the potential Zuma presidential victory. My sentiments exactly.
All the answers you were looking for. Finally. [permalink]
Thank God for the Playground guide! You might have caught the first issue that came out last week. Distributed every two weeks and aimed at the 18 - 30 market, Playground covers everything to do with music, lifestyle and clubbing. The beauty is it's free, and it's small. A small, free glossy guide. Absolutely DIVINE! All the clubs, all the cool, all the photographs (angels, angels, everywhere!), all the time, in a language that YOU understand!
Available at a NUMBER of outlets (you have to be blind to miss it), keep an eye out at the likes of Vida e, Caprice, News Cafe and STACKS of other restaurants and hotels. Just turn your head and it should be there!
With a circulation of 20,000 throughout December alone (10,000 per fortnight), I did a little extra homework and managed to get contact details for any of you who might want to get in touch with Playground with regards to advertising.
All enquiries regarding advertising to be directed to:
This Friday, Shape Magazine brings you a party to remember. Shape's Care for the Carers Charity Ball will be taking place at the newly refurbished Greek Club in Mouille Point. You are assured of a wonderful evening including giveaways, complimentary wine, lucky draws, live entertainment (James Stewart) and much more - all in aid of The Association of the Physically Disabled. Click flyer for full info:
Following the recent success of The 2006 Bunker Boy Classic, there was bound to be a summary of the intensity found within the company of the TBG. The TBG (Tall Blonde Guy) took part in the BBC and put his power and aura to good use.
This, from Dan N:
The TBG, with three very lucky young men
Seth, The Bunker Boy Classic – as advertised on 2Oceansvibe last week – turned out to be an exceptional event, with a remarkable addition to the field.
There were plenty of stars on show, from rugby legends Robbie Fleck and Robbie Kempson, to renowned political rights activist Phil Venter, who’d just come off a hunger strike in support of Shoprite workers. But even former Mr 2Oceansvibe Richard Neville – the poor man’s Pieter Dixon – faded into the background when, striding through the morning rain, the Tall Blonde Guy suddenly appeared at Kleinmond Golf Club...
To be honest, while there’d always appeared something striking about the TBG in pictures, I was a little skeptical about the supposed aura of the man; no doubt whatsoever anymore. The TBG appeared to walk across a water hazard towards the clubhouse, where he proved beyond doubt his mystique.
The kitchen at the golf club had caught fire, leaving barely any food; armed with nothing but half a dozen fish fingers, and a couple of bread rolls, the TBG fed the entire field of golfers. Then he smiled, turned, and strode out towards the horizon, a giant of a man.
I still get a shiver down my spine just recalling it – and can picture quite clearly the single, awe-struck tear running down Robbie Fleck’s cheek. I've walked the course with Ernie, played with Gary Player, hung out with Samuel L Jackson at the Nelson Mandela Invitational – none of them compare with experiencing the spiritual delight inspired by the TBG.
May we all, one day, be touched by his presence,
Dan N
What beautiful words. Thank you, Dan N. I canot believe I missed the Bunker Boy Classic this year. I wish I was there, near the TBG - but I am sure everyone agrees that the Leeuloop Investigation in Parys was something that had to be done for the sake of all the 2oceansvibe readers.
It all came back to them in the end, with this report [permalink]
After what was no doubt a week of putting together the various pieces of the puzzle, our correspondent from the Bunker Boy Classic (BBC) seems to have matched them all together, and come out with exactly what we were looking for. Who would have thought it would double up as a TBG sighting!!
The following from Mike M:
Seth,
Douglass Worth and Paul Waldburger won the 2006 Bunker Boy Classic in thrilling form after a close tie saw the Bunker Boy Classic Novices sneak through in a count out against veteran Classic contenders Shaun Terry and Angus Sedgwick.
Banger, Malherbe, Fleck and Skinner
Taking the impressive 1st prize and sipping on a Smirnoff Twist, Worth could not contain himself:
"I am so excited! My best friend, Paul, and I, heard that the TBG and Robbie Fleck were playing in this year's classic and I had to get an entry form. Paul and I do everything together and I am so excited to share this win with him"
Waldburger did not share Worth’s enthusiasm explaining"
"I carried the oke the whole way and he weighs 134kgs. I am pretty tired, I am turning pro next year and this has been very good training for me".
Despite this, Paul 'Banger' Waldburger seemed excited at defending his title:
"I have always wanted to compete in the Bunker Boy Classic and will be back next year. I know that it is such a stern test of golf and that the prizes and sponsors are awesome! I would like to thank the sponsors, Heineken and Brandhouse, Jack Daniels, Pilsner Urquel , The Last Word, La Med, White Shark Dive Company, 2oceansvibe and Bunker Boy Clothing for such a great event".
On a more serious note everyone seemed to have fun and the rumours of a winter classic closer to Cape Town seemed to stir up excitement never seen before.
Attached are two pictures the one is the winners Doug Worth and Paul Waldburger and the other is of the TBG playing in the BBC....
RE – WAKE, featuring Register 7’s Graphic Battle is a celebration of music and design. The event brings together three of South Africa’s most enticing electro and rock propositions: LARK, The Real Estate Agents, and The Dirty Skirts. It also features Oppikoppi highlight Jacob Israel of Chrisus Records who will perform alongside multimedia VJ’s Grrrl (Earthdance) and Pijin.net winners of a Design Indaba Construction Award.
After the shows, all time legendary African Dope producer Fletcher (of Krushed and Sorted) will be deliver a live set. RE-WAKE also features the finale of the Register 7 Graphic Battle, where the general public will get to vote on the 5 finalist designers.
Kate has never been shy to take the twins out for some fresh air, so we are certainly are not alarmed at the discovery of this pic. What we can say, however, is that this is one of the best angles ever taken of the pair.
