2oceans Vibe

The temerity of those Danes. Here’s a nation whose history has been characterized by men wearing pointy helmets sailing around the Seven Seas and stopping off occasionally for a spot of raping and pillaging that now bans a gloopy spread from Burton-on-Trent, Staffordshire because it contains added vitamins. When I was a lad, a Nanny was a woman with big bosoms who told me stories about three little pigs as I drifted off to sleep, safe in the knowledge that all was right with the world.

Both Dominique Strauss-Kahn and Arnold Schwarzenegger are the latest in a long line of high profile men who have allowed the smaller of their two heads to gain the upper hand when making crucial decisions. Their fall is especially tragic when one considers the elegance of a simple solution. [Click link for more]

May 18 is coming up, which is a relief given that by that date South Africans will have endured 11 days of unbroken work without a public holiday. When is the ANC going to realize that if they want to keep the 25% unemployed happy, we need more holidays, not fewer. How are these people that have been failed so spectacularly by the government supposed to feel part of society when the rest of us are out working?

Prince William seems like a decent bloke. Genetically though, he’s been dealt a difficult hand by life, in all her ruthless vagary.

His father, Prince Charles – on the occasion of his painful press conference to mark his engagement to the fragrant, dim-witted, but virginal Lady Diana Spencer – so infamously replied to the question “Are you in love?” with, “Whatever in love means”. Charles is a tragic and slightly comical victim of the last vestiges of the old Royals.

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For reasons that need not detain us, one day last week I found myself in the early hours of the morning watching the Hanna-Barbera cartoon “Stop the Pigeon”.  If you ever feel that your mind is slightly out of synch with the rest of the world’s, and that perhaps you should visit a good nerve specialist in the Swiss Alps, do yourself a favour and watch an episode of the aforementioned. After half an hour you’ll realize that there are people out there with minds that should be shipped to underground bunkers in Roswell and monitored by the Pentagon by means of electronic probes, and that in fact your numbingly normal.

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Two years ago I sought the counsel of a brainy acquaintance of mine on the subject of my flagging and flaccid career as a broadcaster. In his study was a device that was to be the prop that formed the basis of his argument. Here was a gizmo that allowed this pale and interesting fish to tune into digital radio in far flung territories at the flick of a dial. This, he said, is the future of broadcasting. Go forth, he said, as casually as he might buy some more Japanese stocks.

Cao ni zu zong shi ba dai. It’s probably about time I learned to speak Mandarin. According to research just published by the Conference Board, a highly respected research institute, the Chinese economy will overtake that of the poor old US by 2012 in terms of output.