2oceans Vibe

Did you know that our ruling party just dropped their new album? It’s all part of their local elections campaign, and it’s totally awesome. No, really, forget the new Radiohead or Lady Gaga, this is what you should be listening to right now…

This is just pure class. Sit back and enjoy as Jimmy Kimmel presents the true story of George W. Bush and his lifelong battle with the English language. An uplifting tale of how an inept president overcame his disability thanks to one unlikely speech therapist.

Aside from hunting, interbreeding and kicking back in caves, looks like our ancestors were totally into hallucinogenics. Researchers have been analysing cave paintings in Spain, and have come to the conclusion that our long lost relatives weren’t adverse to dabbling with ‘magic mushrooms’ from time to time.

This new footage, which has just been leaked, shows an NYPD helicopter’s perspective of the event. The video was obtained under the Freedom of Information Act as part of an investigation into 9/11. Interestingly, actual footage of either of the towers collapsing has been removed. Do I smell a conspiracy?

Attention all Star Wars acolytes: your beloved messiah, George Lucas, has decided to milk even more money out of you. Yes, he’s re-releasing the entire series again, but this time in 3D. All of which will make him richer than Rupert Murdoch and Oprah combined.

Just when you thought the institution of marriage couldn’t become more of a joke, now you can get out of one at the price of dinner and a movie. Thanks to the internet, you can now file for divorce without having to log out of your latest quest on World Of Warcraft. What a pleasure.

Thanks Kim, now when my kids ask me about music back in my day, I somehow have to keep a straight face while telling them how much better it was. But seriously now, this song is bad, like so bad it’s magnificent.

You read that headline and thought, why should I care? Well I’ll tell you why, cause giant holes in the moon are a big deal, especially since they present an amazing real-estate opportunity.

Our commander-in-chief had to be rescued by his bodyguards when an unidentified woman got a little too frisky with him at a gala event in Sun City. The party, which was celebrated on the eve of the ANC’s election manifesto, has left our leader with the daunting task of explaining the incident to not one wife, but three. And you thought being president was easy.

While I may not have agreed with all the Oscar winners, I certainly can’t argue with the prizes dished out at the Golden Rasberry Awards on Saturday night (Razzies for short). The Razzies, for those of you out of the loop, honour the worst films of the year, giving the likes of ‘Sex and the City 2’ and ‘The Last Airbender’ their chance to shine.

Never mind Libya, the biggest story this week has been Justin Bieber’s hair. And yesterday things got even more exciting (if you’re a tween), when the pop culture deity decided to donate a lock of his mane to another famous lesbian, Ellen DeGeneres. She then did what any other sensible person would do when receiving such a prized gift, she put it on eBay.

While the Libyan leader stubbornly clings to power amidst the uprisings that are sweeping his country, we thought we would take the time to remind you just how crazy he is. And let’s just say, as far as tyrannical African dictators go, he’s up there with the best of them.

As a born and bred Joburger, this headline tastes like sweet justice. Looks like Jozi isn’t the only city that’s going to be klapped by the new tolling system. Capetonians are in for it too. See, that’s karma for you, you can’t have that mountain and stunning city without some repercussions.

Street artist, Banksy, who has been nominated in the best documentary category for Exit Through The Gift Shop, has been told by the Academy award chiefs that he can’t attend the Oscars in disguise. Once again proving that the Academy are really just like a retiree committee, only richer.

There was like so much drama (insert nasal whine) at the Joburg Fashion week. David Tlale’s finale on the Nelson Mandela Bridge started two hours late, which lead to many people leaving before it started, and several sad little schmodels. See, Derek Zoolander was right; life’s hard, even when you’re really, really, ridiculously good looking.

Let’s get this straight; 3D is just another means of resurrecting a spluttering film industry by charging you double the price for films with half the plot. Hollywood’s done it before, and they’ll keep doing it. But, just in case you needed another reason to hate 3D, turns out that Nazis were watching 3D propaganda films long before Avatar.

A new Thai airline, P.C. Air (appropriate that), is set to become the first airline in the world to employ openly transsexual flight attendants. Thailand is known for its tolerance of transvestites and transsexuals, known locally as ‘katoeys’ or ‘ladyboys’. But, up till now, the only jobs available to them have been in the beauty and ‘entertainment’ industries.

I’m terrified of motorcycles, and this video just reminds me why. Anyway, the biker in question decided it would be a good idea to attach a helmet-cam to his or her head and take their new ride out for a spin. But sometimes, as you know, goods times, they go bad…

That headline just about says it all. Justin Bieber’s 3D documentary, ‘Never Say Never’, took $30.3 million in its opening weekend at the US box office. Apparently 60% of its audience were women under the age of 18. Surprising, that.

What starts out as just another video of some bored dudes fighting on YouTube, suddenly escalates into something way more epic. How epic? I’m talking full tilt lightsaber epic. Once again proving that lightsabers are awesome, and that Star Wars fanboys are everywhere, even in the hood.