Some of you studied at UCT. Some of you may have even been forced to make forays to UCT’s Hiddingh Campus, AKA Hipster-Central. I remember those brief, but terrifying outings. The Hipsters. They’re so, so much cleverer than us. They talk about Nietzsche and Kant, and judge me when I reply by telling them not [...]

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There’s a cess-pit of bad football films out there. Of course, the discerning viewer will recognise that Any Given Sunday rises above the sentiment and excrement that makes up 90% of the movies in this drama. It’s a great film. There’s plenty of old-school Pacino filth and grit in there. And there’s that one, iridescent [...]

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Similar, much? 2oceansvibe was abuzz in Friday afternoon with news that Russian statesman, Vladimir Putin, had cross-bowed a whale. But we thought it was worth the time to point out, on record, that Putin only spends part of his time shooting sea behemoths from rubber dingies, swimming in frozen Siberian lakes, hunting Brown Bears with [...]

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Are you underpaid, undervalued, and sidelined at work? Are you feeling brave? Then QUIT! QUIT I TELL YOU! Everyone else is striking, why not one-up those public-sector amateurs? But if you’re going to do it, you absolutely have to do it in style, like (yes, we know it’s fake), or this. But writing, photography, and [...]

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Sumos…Big hands = big slaps Anyone who knows a thing or two about the intricacies and nuances of life as a Sumo Wrestler (pfft, who doesn’t?) will understand that the Sumo is a creature bred for power, weight, and a surprising degree of flexibility. But they’re definitely not bred for texting, or email, or any [...]

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Word is spreading like wildfire through 2oceansvibe headquarters that a British photographer, by the name of Nick Gleis, managed to sneak onto the private jets of a number of Seth’s closest confidants, who also happen to be the steward’s of many of Africa’s most glorious revolutions. These hallowed men include the likes of Bob Mugabe, [...]

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Singapore – Doesn’t suck We’re already living in a global village. So the idea of national borders is becoming increasingly strained. Gallup has released data describing where in this big village respondents would re-locate if exorbitant costs (i.e. Visas and travel fees) and international borders weren’t part of the process. “Sulplise!” Most people said they’d [...]

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And when I say “SA”, I mean Saudi Arabia. Of course, I couldn’t possibly be talking about the South Africa “SA”. We don’t sever the spinal cords of our criminals. We send them to cooking school. But enough of such tom foolery. Where were we? Ah yes. Corporal punishment. You see, they’re quite keen on [...]

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www.magicmomentsfc.com If you’re pining for a post-World Cup pickmeup, the fine men behind Magic Moments FC have it for you. The “A Team”, as they’re modestly called, are not only incredibly skilled at re-creating the greatest Football World Cup goals in history, but they’re also intelligent, smart, and devilishly good-looking. And you can be, too, [...]

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James: Doesn’t take hints well Every now and then Bond movies get a little bit carried away with themselves, and throw the baby out with the bath water. The baby would be logic, and the bath water would be narrative. Remember Quantum of Solace? Or the airport scene from Live and Let Die? Remember any [...]

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Word is afoot that a film version of my all time favourite childhood comic, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is in the works, with the writers of the Iron Man franchise on the case. Although, whether this film will work for the generation that actually cared about the comic remains to be seen. After all, [...]

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The Guardian reports that an Italian soccer show, Quelli Che il Calcio (of course), has been used as a communications hub by the Mafia to communicate with the Men of Respect doing hard time in the chookie. You know those shows where illiterate viewers text in with their cell phones, and the show scrolls the [...]

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Exxon Mobil positions it’s brand at the vanguard of innovating clean energy for the world. It has a clean, 21st century look. The employees on it’s corporate advertising posters are friendly, sharply dressed, multi-ethnic. It produces print advertisements in National Geographic like this: And they like to chat quite a bit about water on their [...]

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Feeling a little bit wonky… When their students aren’t quibbling over gay kissing, UCT and Stellenbosch University are waging beer war. And beer is most certainly worth waging war over. Consider these wise words of wisdom from greater men than I: “You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline [...]

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The Sun (the vanguard of high-integrity journalism in the United Kingdom) reported this morning that residents of a council estate in West York are being terrorised by monstrously-sized rodents. One man, known only as “Brandon” was the hero of the moment, after he shot one of the beasts twice in the head, thereby smiting it [...]

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Being a rapper is good for business. Or rather, “bidness, yo”. So much so that Forbes has compiled a list of the top ten highest-grossing rap artists of the last year, subtly titled “Hip Hop Cash Kings” And it goes somethin’ a little like THIS, fool.

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Online encyclopedia and paragon of humankind’s collective knowledge, WikiPedia, has proven it’s unbridled accuracy once again. Remember the story about WikiPedia referring to Sepp Blatter as a dickhead? And how the South African presidency made the fatal error of pulling that corrupted biographical info from WikiPedia and pasted it on their site? Well, we hope [...]

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The greatest Canadian scourge since Brandon Huntley Celine Dion, Justin Bieber stirs grown men to panic. The vapid, androgynous, lesbo-chic music has taken the pubescent world by storm, and the boy girl with the pudding bowl kop chop seems to wield genuine power. As demonstrated by his latest foray into social networking, where he tweeted [...]

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Those of you who are Stellenbosch University Alumni may perhaps remember the annual “Soen in die Laan” (“Kiss in the Lane”) event, at which scores of students clench lips in a moment of heady abandon. Such a lovely Casablanca vibe, hey? Yeah, it is. Except…

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Remember the JetBlue flight attendant who pulled off the greatest self-termination of employment ever recorded?

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Are you a business executive? Do you find yourself tempted to remain at work until the wee hours of the morning, churning out directional missives, illuminating memos and pep-rousing employee bulletins? You may be adding too much douche to your vocab. Not sure? Test yourself. Do you, or have you ever used one of these [...]

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Ricky Gervais has announced via his blog that he’s working on an installment of The Office for China, in addition to the Israely, German, Canadian, and French and American versions already in existence. I’m not so sure an obscure, culturally-based sitcom will work in China, especially considering that their gold standard for comedy usually goes [...]

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What do you get when you combine rape, ghetto smack talk, potentially gay men, and Auto Tunes? No, the answer is NOT “Kuilsriver”. That’s not amusing. Shame on you. The correct answer would be: “Greatest DIY Ghetto Anthem of All Time”, or alternatively, “Eat Your Heart Out, Die Antwoord”. Here’s a little illuminating background info [...]

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I’m just going to put this out there. If your father has political ambitions of the presidential kind, don’t be short sighted and follow him into the vote-collecting game. Go into mine management. It can be very, very lucrative. Ask Duduzane Zuma. But be sure to make an appointment. He may be very busy cuddling [...]

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