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2oceansvibe Columnists
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Driving Simulators Do Not Simulate Driving
08 Jul 2011 by Ciro De Siena / 7 Comments
At the risk of sounding like a complete kill-joy, I just need to clear this up. I don’t mind a quick flurry on a console every once in a while, but I just can’t stand it when it’s referred to as driving or driving simulation. It’s like saying a war game is war simulation. I imagine if you asked anybody who’s actually been in a war what they think of Call of Duty 4, they will tell you to politely sod off. I imagine if you ask a racing driver what he thinks of Need For Speed 13, he will say the same thing.
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The Stormers Stumble
08 Jul 2011 by silverstreak / No Comments
As a stormers fan, one can hardly be upset by last Saturday’s shellacking at The hands of New Zealand’s finest. For starters they were so vastly superior in every facet of the game that you could hardly hold it against them. They played rugby that was a joy to watch, they were infinitely more physical than us and they had an ingredient in spade loads that we seemed to lack, that is that “they started with the why”.
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Of Age And Aging: Is Older Wine Better Wine?
06 Jul 2011 by Harry Haddon / 2 Comments
One of the things that makes wine stand out in the world of beverages is its ability to age and develop. It is a miraculous thing, tasting something older than you are (frustratingly, this gets more difficulty and expensive as you shuffle along the mortal coil). To taste a living thing formed by the elements [...]
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There Is A House In Orange Grove
05 Jul 2011 by Sipho Hlongwane / 2 Comments
You know how this one goes, right? There is a house in Orange Grove. They call it The Radium… The Radium is reputedly the oldest surviving beer hall and grill in Johannesburg, and unlike places like The Brazen Head, it genuinely has that aged feel. The chairs and tables creak ominously under the weight of the patrons and the food. The pavement outside is littered with ash and the odd beggar. The only things they seem to have added in the last 20 years are a stainless steel urinal and the big TVs. It is exactly my type of place to hang out.
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Vintage Cars, Vintage Clothing: Bad Ideas That Don’t Have To Be
30 Jun 2011 by Ciro De Siena / 2 Comments
Like a hipster to a Sunday clothing market at an art-house cinema, many, many car enthusiasts are drawn to the vintage car market. It’s a wonderful place. Searching for that rare MG convertible, finding an example that still goes and stops without endangering your life, and taking it home to care for it and love it for the rest of your days is… The worst idea you will ever have. And I’ll tell you why. Vintage cars are shit.
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Surviving The Terror Of The Supermarket Wine Shelf
29 Jun 2011 by Harry Haddon / 17 Comments
In last week’s column I asked what kind of wine content you would like to see me write about. The comment that popped up more than most was about supermarkets, that is, how to deal with a wall of wines, all staring at you from the shelf. Which to buy? How do I know I won’t end up with battery acid? Oh god, the decisions. Too. Many. Wines. Fuck it, I’ll just get that coffee-flavoured Pinotage. Well, you are not alone.
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A Truly Awful First Car
28 Jun 2011 by Sipho Hlongwane / 12 Comments
Every person’s first car must be utterly terrible and must visit all manner of misfortunes and financially painful incidents. This is the way of things. How life should be. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that “thus sayeth the Lord”, because they finished that particular book some 1500 years before Gottlieb Daimler’s horseless carriages. I’m happy then to say that my first car is utterly woeful. [Follow link to read the full column]
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Let Me Introduce You To The Nectar Of The Gods
22 Jun 2011 by Harry Haddon / 13 Comments
Introducing the first of Harry Reginald Haddon’s weekly columns, discussing wine, and the life that flows from it. Enjoy – it is the sort of read that ages well. – As this is the first wine column I am writing here, I thought I would ask the question: why wine? Why dedicate these 600 or [...]
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Tiny Homes, Bigger Cars: Why This Curse Of Progress Needs To End
21 Jun 2011 by Ciro De Siena / 3 Comments
I am concerned. There’s an alarming trend that I’ve noticed, and it’s all getting a bit out of control. Every new generation of vehicles emerges fatter than the last. I drove a new Opel Astra last month which barely scraped into my garage. An Astra. It’s hardly a monster truck. Yet every new property development I’ve encountered is essentially a maze of shoeboxes. Are we forgetting the ultimate luxury?
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Where Are All The Good Comedians?
21 Jun 2011 by Sipho Hlongwane / 56 Comments
Who told Loyiso Gola that he is funny? I need answers. How did he come to have a comedy TV show, and why is the country putting up with this gigantic farce? People even follow him on Twitter. Why?! What is so appealing about having an alarmingly round face shout inanities at you in caps lock? I’m serious – I need to know. Am I the loony one here? [click link to read column]
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The 2011 Springbok Rugby World Cup Squad – Morrey Picks His Team
20 Jun 2011 by Steve Morris / 37 Comments
Having reviewed most positions over the last 10 weeks, the time has come to select my Bok squad and starting XV for this year’s Rugby World Cup tournament in New Zealand in September/October. I do not suggest that these are the players I would start in the Tri-Nations – we should consider resting senior players [...]
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How To Be A Petrol-Head And Still Get Laid
14 Jun 2011 by Ciro De Siena / 3 Comments
Look, I’m no expert here, on either subject, but it’s my job to talk about cars. It’s safe to say I may have bored a few people over the years, so I’ve put together a handy guide to avoiding that. As a car enthusiast, or petrol-head if you must, you will have to talk about the object of your desires with the women you desire. Don’t cock it up.
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Diary Of An Exhausted Arsenal Fan
13 Jun 2011 by Sipho Hlongwane / 2 Comments
It’s been a weird sort of season. How do you reconcile the fact that Arsenal beat Chelsea, Manchester United and Barcelona in the last six months of the season with the fact that in the exact same period they lost to third-rate Bolton Wanderers, Stoke City and Birmingham City? How do we come to terms with both the heady highs and the unrelenting lows, like the crushing defeat to Birmingham in the Carling Cup Final and the astonishing 4-4 draw to Newcastle United which effectively ended our title hopes? What does one say of the beautiful football, the young talent and complete lack of any sort of silverware in the last six seasons?
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Lock And Load – Morrey’s Corner
10 Jun 2011 by Steve Morris / 3 Comments
Looking at the lock forwards that Peter de Villiers should take to the World Cup is a quick and easy discussion. Victor Matfield and Andries Bekker cover the number five jersey / four-jumper position as arguably the two best lineout options in world rugby, while Bakkies Botha and Dannie Rossouw should be named as your two-jumpers in the four jersey. But what about Juan?
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South Africa’s Green Car Tax: Why You’re Being Screwed
07 Jun 2011 by Ciro De Siena / 7 Comments
One of the many perks of writing is the freedom to grace an article with the headline it deserves. Many media outlets have covered this story, but nobody has called it what it is. Every single one of us who buys a new car in South Africa today is being screwed. It’s called a Green [...]
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Pub Quizzes Can Sod Off
06 Jun 2011 by Sipho Hlongwane / 8 Comments
Fuck pub quizzes and all who go to them. I’ve been holding on to that thought for as long as I have been in Johannesburg, which is as long as the Barclays Premier League season of 2010-2011 has run. And now that the season is over, I feel the need to tell pub quiz enthusiasts where to get off.
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The Hairy-Chested Man’s Car
01 Jun 2011 by Sipho Hlongwane / 2 Comments
The moment was like that of a bedraggled and thirsty bandito stumbling across a well in the middle of the Mexican desert. Or Henry Stanley finally finding Dr. David Livingstone. It was catharsis. It was all I could do to stop myself from sinking to my feet and sobbing gently, right there on the sidewalk of 14th Street. I was standing in front of a bona-fide, American issue 2010 Chevy Camaro SS. Click link for rest of article.
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Why You Need To Watch Formula One Again
31 May 2011 by Ciro De Siena / 7 Comments
In my humble opinion, Formula One is a sport unparalleled in prestige, tradition, wealth, gamesmanship, sportsmanship and simple, old fashioned bravado. Sure, it’s had its low moments over the years, but name me a sport which hasn’t. The thing is, all this doesn’t automatically mean good entertainment. However in 2011, they really have got it right. Here’s why.
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Big Bosoms
27 May 2011 by Lindsay Williams / 3 Comments
The temerity of those Danes. Here’s a nation whose history has been characterized by men wearing pointy helmets sailing around the Seven Seas and stopping off occasionally for a spot of raping and pillaging that now bans a gloopy spread from Burton-on-Trent, Staffordshire because it contains added vitamins. When I was a lad, a Nanny was a woman with big bosoms who told me stories about three little pigs as I drifted off to sleep, safe in the knowledge that all was right with the world.
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Bringing Up The Rear
26 May 2011 by Steve Morris / 2 Comments
Having covered off flyhalves and loose forwards thus far over the past weeks, Morrey continues to select his Bok world cup squad, position by position. This week’s selection focuses on the back three – best done as a unit as some players can oscillate between wing and fullback.
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Gran Touring Like A Boss: We Drive The New BMW 650i Convertible
25 May 2011 by Ciro De Siena / 3 Comments
A car launch is a wonderful thing, and I do my utmost to appreciate every aspect of it. The flights, the airport lounges, the car itself, the expensive hotel, the expensive food, and then all of that repeated on day two. And every now and then a manufacturer will just fire the accountant and go nuts. Which, I imagine, is exactly what I’ve just experienced on the national launch of the BMW 6-Series Convertible.
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If Africa Was Unoccupied…
23 May 2011 by Sipho Hlongwane / 4 Comments
In my Grade Eight IsiZulu class, our set book was a novel set in the early 1800s. It was a fictionalised account of what the Iron Age existence of a tribe living in KwaZulu Natal would have been like – before the white man arrived in his ships; even before Shaka Zulu’s fearsome warriors began their raiding expeditions. It was a well-written book and within its pages I was transported back to those simple years when the greatest challenge of the day was finding a cave where iron ore could be mined from. But the book was horribly flawed in one respect. Click link for more..
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Big Heads, Little Heads, And The Merits Of Wanking
20 May 2011 by Lindsay Williams / No Comments
Both Dominique Strauss-Kahn and Arnold Schwarzenegger are the latest in a long line of high profile men who have allowed the smaller of their two heads to gain the upper hand when making crucial decisions. Their fall is especially tragic when one considers the elegance of a simple solution. [Click link for more]
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Not Good Enough – It’s As Simple As Asking The Correct Question
16 May 2011 by Steve Morris / 11 Comments
Surely if you were paid to act as the TV match official to assist a referee controlling a rugby game, you would pride yourself on your capacity to communicate. You don’t have to run anywhere; you don’t have to blow anything and you don’t even have to get out of your pyjamas for the Lord’s sake. All you need do is watch the game and share an opinion if asked. Easier money than a Bangkok rub ‘n tug parlour operator. Click for more.
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When A Bad Album Review Really Doesn’t Matter
16 May 2011 by Sipho Hlongwane / No Comments
It must have been on 29 April or thereabouts and I had decided to see what was happening in town with a friend of mine. Thinking that it was dubstep night, I suggested to my friend that we should go to Kitchener’s Carvery Bar in Braamfontein. We arrived there at around 23h00, only to discover that no, it wasn’t dubstep night, but rather live band night. Not to worry, I thought, it would take a really bad band to ruin Kitchener’s on any night.
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Pondering The Stormers
13 May 2011 by Steve Morris / 4 Comments
What made the Stormers loss to the Crusaders at Newlands on Saturday most disappointing was the fact that the Cape Town boys played most of the rugby. And in the second half we had two golden opportunities to win the game but were let down by the little things. Click link for more.
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Strength Of Will And The World’s Strongest Man
09 May 2011 by Sipho Hlongwane / No Comments
Has the human species made any noticeable progress since that first unknown person picked up a sharp instrument and made a mark on a rock? Are we any better than our barbaric ancestors? Are the iPad, satellite television and fuel-injected engines signs that we can rightfully look back with conceit at the gloomy depths from whence we came? By what measure should we gauge our history and achievements? What should our flagpole be?
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The New Super Rugby Format – Do You See The Value?
05 May 2011 by Steve Morris / 1 Comment
I’ve been asked twenty times in the past month to explain the format of the Super Rugby knock out phases. It requires a PhD to fully understand. I first encountered it in Australian club rugby when I coached at Eastern Suburbs some eight years ago. This is the format they play under. It’s more egalitarian, and a fair go for more teams, mate. Typical Aussies. And let me tell you, we’ve been spared the full version (à la rugby league) where eight teams reach the “finals”, as they call it. And some teams get to lose a knock out fixture and continue on – go figure. Click for more..
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