Feeling a little bit wonky…

When their students aren’t quibbling over gay kissing, UCT and Stellenbosch University are waging beer war.

And beer is most certainly worth waging war over. Consider these wise words of wisdom from greater men than I:

“You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.” – Frank Zappa

“Not all chemical are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” – Dave Barry

“All right, brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me – so let’s just do this and I’ll get back to killing you with beer.” – Homer Simpson

But we’re not talking about the predictable, passe, philistine “down-down” kind of beer war. It’s the on-campus beer production kind of war.

Read the rest of this entry »

Those of you who are Stellenbosch University Alumni may perhaps remember the annual “Soen in die Laan” (”Kiss in the Lane”) event, at which scores of students clench lips in a moment of heady abandon.

Such a lovely Casablanca vibe, hey?

Yeah, it is. Except…

CLICK HERE for gayety

Morning, Chaps.

If you didn’t tune in 2oceansvibe Radio this morning, then you missed a cracker. Make sure you hit the podcast when it comes out.

In any event, you have an opportunity to redeem yourself and prove once more that you’re worthy of the Vibe.

Cape Town is hosting the Ubuntu Festival this weekend (no, NOT the OpenSource software). What is the Ubuntu Festival, you ask? Well, as one might reasonably assume, it’s a festival that celebrates the principles of Ubuntu, namely community, respect, stoked vibes and the fellowship of humankind.

At least that’s my interpretation, anyhow.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY: Charly’s Bakery is spicing the vibe up for us on Sunday 18th July, Mandela Day.

Jacqui Biess, and her lovely daughters Alex, Daniella and Roche of Charly’s Bakery, are calling on all Capetonians to join them on a walk through our beautiful city to rediscover our streets and celebrate the life of the Grand Nelson, as we like to call him.

Here’s an appeal straight from Jacqui and the gang:

CLICK HERE for details

Cape Town vibers, a little blue bird told me that South African muso Farryl Purkiss will be playing an exclusive, intimate gig at a chilled, private venue on the Atlantic Seaboard this evening.

The first five vibers to email me (correct email after jump) get their name on the list, as well as the details of where, and when.

Read the rest of this entry »

The smaller half of Die Antwoord’s vocal duo, Yolandi Vi$$er, has just klapped Hollywood in the hol, ek se.

She was approached by some corporate naaiers who tjooned her to play the main betty in a movie-film version of Stieg Larsson’s The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

Moreover, my pedigree chums, the film is to be directed by David Fincher, the oke who churned out the masterpieces Fight Club and Seven.

Yolandi, who can often be seen pootling around Oranjezicht in her running shoes, said…

Read the rest of this entry »

All protocol was relaxed as we granted one photographer and virtual-tour expert (Panascape) unprecedented access to my suite at the Cape Royale hotel. As it is my primary residence, you can imagine what intimate never-seen-before details were caught on camera.

The virtual tour itself let’s you cruise around the Cape Royale hotel (spinning 360 degrees up AND down in every room), with “hotspots” which allow you access to the next room – ultimately leading you up to my private penthouse..

The Cape Royale lobby – after you click to open the front door

Above is a screenshot from the actual page you can go to for your own mind-blowing virtual tour. You will notice not only the purple icon in the top left portion of the picture (allowing you to “jump” to the next inter-leading room) but also action icons beneath the main image, letting you move around the current room; up, down, left, right- zooming in and out.

Zooming in and out comes in quite handy – especially when you make your way from the lobby, into the elevator and through to my suite. Once you get there, I’d advise you to pop into the bedroom, as I have a bit of a surprise for you..

And don’t even get me started on the bathroom.

No, I’m serious – there is a bubble bath shot.. Let alone the lingerie shot taken in the kitchen..

There are also incredible vistas of the mother city, taken from the Sky Bar and pool deck, as well as from my balcony, showing never-seen-before footage of the World Cup Stadium in all her glory, at night.

The genius who made this for me also managed to add hotspots to all the various 2oceansvibe brands which are always found dotted around my life. This allows you to follow-up on those brands, should you wish, simply by clicking the green icons dotted around the virtual tour.

So do yourself a favour and check out this INCREDIBLE virtual tour of the penthouse at my primary residence – The Cape Royale Hotel.

CLICK HERE FOR VIRTUAL TOUR

This time we’ve got a guy advertising a digs, with a view to dominating Long Street like it’s never been dominated before! All he needs is a wing man. A straight, good looking, wing man!

Check it out:

See original ad HERE

R3,000 a month for the best time of your life it looks like!

“Let’s help each other get LAID!!!”

Hah! Stifler would approve!

[thanks jess]

As South Africa is only starting to properly get into online dating, these recent stats and figures out of the US tell an amazing tale.

In particular, it is very interesting to note that the gender split is nearly 50/50. That, and the fact that it is a bigger industry than porn!

Now that’s impressive! Because porn is pretty big..

Wow, a third of woman who meet men online have sex on their first encounter!

Ooh, you little sluts

[source]

Aaah yeah, that’s right… it’s all happening on MARCH 19!

You know the party is going to be big when the venue was chosen specifically for its size – so as to accommodate the sheer number of people!

What am I talking, you ask? Oh nothing, just “THE VIBE” – a party in Camps Bay brought to you by 2oceansvibe and Marina’s Little Black Book. Everybody will be there, trust me. All the rock stars. All the schlebs. All the jocks. All the schmodels. All the geeks. All the TV stars. All the film stars. All the party people.

The whole vibe and nothing but the vibe, so help me God!

And that includes South Africa’s HOTTEST party DJ’s on the scene at the moment – THE WEDDING DJ’s will be taking this party into the stratosphere!

CLICK HERE TO SECURE YOUR TICKET
Get there soon – tickets are limited!

For those of you who have never heard of the Wedding DJ’s (pffft!) do yourself a favour and ask your friends about them. You have NEVER had more fun than at a party with these guys playing. Seriously, just ask someone. Do it – they’ll back me up 100% And it’s not weird doof-doof trance/whatever music – it’s the stuff you LOVE. Get-up-and-party music!

It’s gonna be off the chain! Be there and I promise you will never forget it.

CLICK HERE FOR FACEBOOK PAGE

CLICK HERE TO SECURE YOUR TICKET

Get there soon – tickets are limited!

x

I’ve never really had the honours of being caught in the act with another man’s woman. And I’ve certainly not been caught hiding in the cupboard when he arrives home, either! It’s not really my vibe. In the driveway at two in the morning, sure! But never in the cupboard!

If I was caught (in the cupboard) I’d probably have to think on my feet in terms of the excuse I would give the gentleman. It would be tricky.

How elaborate would your story be?

Something like this, perhaps?

Now that’s elaborate!

Sure beats the old “I just came for a cup of coffee” angle!

.

[thanks brian + high-five to graham]

You’ll recall with tears in your eyes the 2nd Neighbourhood Rock/Paper/Scissors Grand National which took place a couple months ago at Neighbourhood bar on Long Street. Ja, well it looks like the organisers have finally surfaced from the tequila haze and have produced a highlights video from the event.

They’re taking it national (properly) soon and want to get a South African champ to send to the World Series next year. No, I’m not joking. You don’t know about the RPS World Series? Seriously – they often show it on ESPN.

Non-Fiction.

Back to the video. I just first want to say that I am completely and utterly blown away by the amount of hot angels in this video. WTF? So many! All hot! Some of them even flash their chest at the camera – it’s seriously wild. I strongly advise you go next time!

Check it out:

Hey?

Best night of your life – FACT!

Don’t be shy to read up on the sport on their Wikipedia page (here), including history, variations, strategy and more!

[thanks toby]

I’m *cough* sure this website has all the right intensions but, honestly, from where I’m sitting it looks tailor made for middle-age affairs and mid-life crises (yes, that is how you spell the plural of “crisis”).

Time for an upgrade? Pop on down to sugarcupid.com!

The website goes for this vibe – and I quote:

Sugar Daddy – rich and successful. No time for games? Looking to support and pamper women (Prada handbags) who will treat you like a king (daily blow jobs)? Interested in a discrete and mutually beneficial relationship? Time to be a Sugar Daddy!

Sugar Baby – attractive and young. Struggling in the early part of your career? Seeking a generous benefactor to mentor and take care of you – perhaps financially? You will make the perfect Sugar Baby!

And what’s more – it’s LOCAL! Jeepers! This thing will be a HIT on Cape Town’s Atlantic Seaboard!

Sugarcupid.com
Check at the honey our boy has picked up!

“..discrete and mutually beneficial?” – ie. an affair? (I assume they meant “discreet”?)

“PERHAPS financially?” - Hahaha, as if it’s an afterthought! That’s just too special! In English : Studies, car, iPhone, handbags, holidays and jewellery.

I’d like to see the state of the angels in their database. Better yet, I’d dig to check the state of the guys who reckon they make the “sugar daddy” grade!

These guys should do a deal with Harley Davidson and create some kind of a mid-life crisis package. Better yet, rope in a law firm to take care of the divorce at the same time!

Aaah, good times..

[thanks brett]

Sharks Rugby have really outdone themselves this time! They’ve expanded the successful sharks brand and franchise into an online dating service. And check out the chicks they’ve got on the front page – wowzers!

singlesharks.co.za

Ja, look, those are obviously just promotion or Sharks girls on the right of the screen – I doubt they’re “available” on the dating site. But look at “Tarryn” – that little angel at the bottom, third from the third. Damn, she looks like a bona fide cracker!

And for the girls out there, have a squizz at “Jacques” in the middle. He looks like he’s good to go, right?

Apparently when girls go on it asks what kind of guy they’re looking for, and then it gives them options in that category, using names of Sharks players as examples. So girls can choose from the “soft and caring” list and then, within that list, they’ll have guys like John Smit and Beast Mtawarira. Or they can choose the “sex machine” list, which has names like Rory Kockott and Francois Steyn. So they choose which player is closest to what they’re looking for, and it spits out options closely resembling that player.

Pretty cool, hey?

[thanks michael]

UPDATE – it should be noted that recent intelligence suggests that the website above is in no way OFFICIALLY linked to sharks rugby. We also confirmed that the birds shown above are not available to date on the website. I don’t know what that leaves you with but, you know, enjoy it anyway!

For some real sharks Rugby action, check out The Barndog and the boys at sharksrugby.co.za

One of the 2oceansvibe readers were cruising around Gumtree, trying to find a place to rent. As one might expect from a 2oceansviber, she wasn’t shy to peruse some places in Clifton.

That’s when she stumbled upon this little BEAUT!

3 bed, Fully Itatlian Furnished Clifton beach house
Ad ID: 139760893

Hi All you gorgeous cape town ladies out there! I am an adult film producer and own a 3 bedroom house (fully furnished with imported italian couches etc) on Clifton 1st beach. I am not asking for rent, just beautiful open minded women who appreciate the finer things in life. Ideally I am looking for 2 girls to occupy whenever is convenient or needed. I’m not really there much as I travel a lot for shoots etc but expect the right candidates to be comfortable on adult camera. Think of this as a mini playboy mansion in a much hotter location. I’m a pretty chilled guy, 27 years old, white and single. All adult shoots would be paid very well too so basically the house is just a deal sweetener

 

He included this picture
of the Clifton beach house

 

To apply send one full length photo fully clothed and one other photo showing me your naughty side and you will be contacted personally by me if you make me look twice ha ha

Thanks – PS – if you take offence to this ad please note I have nothing to hide and am being completely honest – then, if you still have a problem go to the next one

Later, Al

[click here for ad]

Hey?

Gotta love that guy – for sheer ballsiness. That, and the fact that he really is “living the holiday!”

And the PHOTO that he used, instead of a shot of the house? Let alone the heading “Itatlian.”

Quite simply – awesome!

Hey, give me a break – I’m 27. I’ve got a Clifton pad on the beach. I dig beautiful women. Let’s chat – I’m sure we can come to an “arrangement.”

Can I fix you a drink?

Hysterical! Check out (apply to?) his gumtree ad here.

[thanks clare]

Cape Town suffers from late night drunk texts just as much (possibly a tad more) as the rest of the world. You know the ones. When you wake up in the morning and see a string of “WHERE ARE YOU???” texts and booty calls from various girls and boys, sent at 3am.

Or, should I say you wake up in the morning and see a string of “WHERE ARE YOU???” texts and unanswered booty calls in your own sent items folder?

Ja, well, a website has been made to showcase all of the various late night drunk text messages that are sent around the world. It’s called Texts From Last Night (www.textsfromlastnight.com ).

Go there right now and enjoy it. Who know, you might even see some of your own handiwork..

CLICK HERE for Texts From Last Night

Just a tip before you send these kind of messages – NO ONE IS STILL OUT AT FOUR IN THE MORNING! And if they are, it WON’T be the person you are trying to contact!

My favourite recent example was from a mate who sent this at 04h15 after his angel dragged him away from us earlier at around 22h00, “Hey, just woke up from a quick nap – you guys still out?”

Whaah! Whatever!

[thanks everyone]

Ok, it’s not just about her divorce, but she is going through one. I’m told on good authority that she is a 28 year old “smoking hot” white Capetonian, working in the city bowl who swears and takes sleeping pills.

Right up your alley, perhaps?

The website is called This Is The Life (TITL) and you can find it here (madge-thisisthelife.blogspot.com/) and I’d say this is for the laydezz! although the boys could pick up a few tips..

This is the life

A friend noticed that she was linking to 2oceansvibe and, after reviewing it, I thought you’d like to know about it!

Maybe you know her already?

Enjoy this little excerpt:

I’m just not in the mood to bore you all with my rather eventful weekend, but what I will do is give you all a few words and let you fill in the gaps. This could definitely end up being interesting…

Let’s start on Friday: Drinks after work, drunk, speed home, accused of having an affair with my boss (noooooo!) and told to get out of the house, the switch flicks, lots of violence, flashing blue lights…

Just to let you all know I’m fine, apart from having really sore arms, where I bashed into blocking arms.

The moral of the story: “Don’t fuck with me when I’m drunk and in particular when I’m angry at you already!” I must say, it was a good release for me. Probably all the pent-up anger of the past year coming out in one go.

Check it out.

Perhaps you guys should chat?

I picked this up from the BBC.

It’ll make your day.

60-foot penis painted on roof

An 18-year-old has secretly painted a 60ft drawing of a phallus on the roof of his parents’ £1million mansion in Berkshire. It was there for a year before his parents found out. They say he’ll have to scrub it off when he gets back from travelling.

[more here]

Good one

That story includes all eight shades of awesome . God, 18 is a beautiful age.

It’s also interesting to note that important news sources like the BBC also mention unspeakable words like “penis” from time to time.

Goodness! [holds hand over mouth] What would their advertisers think? They should have their hand smacked!

UPDATE: It has been noted that the BBC is a public broadcaster and therefore does not carry any advertisements. I think this fact further bolsters the humorous argument above. The fact that the BBC, which belongs to the public, can use the word penis in a story, vindicates everything. Forever. Amen

[thanks phil]

Welcome home, Megs. We missed you, my babes.

Put your bag down.

Take of your kit.

‘atta girl!

Megan Fox
Comes home

That’s right, team, Megs is back

Check, check, check it out:

 

Megan Fox has split from her fiancé.

The ‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’ star and Brian Austin Green (see you around, Brian) are said to have made a mutual decision to separate after three years together.

A source said: “The relationship had run its course. It’s completely amicable, and they are remaining friends. They are both focusing on their careers.”

Green (35) is also an actor and has regularly appeared on TV show ‘Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles’.

The couple — who showed their love for each other by getting tattoos — met in 2004 before getting engaged in 2006

Only a few months ago, Fox was still talking about marriage.

She said: “It’s not going to be a big wedding. I’m not one of those girls — if it happens, it will be very low-key and quick and unplanned.”

Rumours their romance was on the rocks were sparked in January, when Fox attended the Golden Globes alone.

The 22-year-old beauty said: “Brian doesn’t want to be here. He doesn’t want to be my date. He’s a man. He has an ego. I think he’s probably working on music. I don’t think he cares.”

Jesus, sorry about that Brian… [hand over mouth - muffled laughter] Why did she have to PUNISH him like that?

Let’s go through that one more time:

The 22-year-old beauty said: “Brian doesn’t want to be here. He doesn’t want to be my date. He’s a man. He has an ego. I think he’s probably working on music. I don’t think he cares.”

Whaaah!

Good times. Good times. [head tilted down, shaking head slowly, smiling]

Stoned.

[thanks andrew]

I strongly suggest all girls make their way to the Cosmo Sex Survey. And I strongly suggest that the guys don’t!

I made that mistake, you see..

Get there fast, ladies!

I smelt a rat when I came to the question that asked:

“How long would you date someone before having sex with them?”

- Days
- Weeks
- Months
- Years
- I am saving myself for marriage.

Hey!? I thought to myself – it doesn’t mention minutes or hours, and it has this bizarre reference to saving yourself for marriage. Errr, (*smoke coming out of ears*) I don’t understand…

MAN

DOES

NOT

COMPUTE..

I shook it off and came across this little question/header:

“Sex with the same gender”

Pffft! BANG! EXPLOSION IN HEAD. Brain….does….not…understand..!

But then the big one came through and I realised this sex survey was NOT for the guys.

“Would you have sex while menstruating”

Whoaaah! PULL OUT! PULL OUT!! DELETE! DELETE! CLOSE WINDOW!!!!

Phew… that was a close one!

But, through this painful yet useful research, I am able to report to all my beautiful angel readers out there that this sex survey is PARTICULARLY SPICY and I suggest you go there ASAP. The results are going to be QUITE something!

CLICK HERE FOR COSMOPOLITAN SEX SURVEY

I’m making use of a number of my resources this week. With the help of my friendly Butlers, there will be a number of Knead Love Boxes being sent all over town to some special angels!

The contents of the Love Box

Knead (Wembley Square – Cape Town) are offering the boxes (with the above delights) at R75, which includes a R10 donation to St. Anne’s Homes which provides shelter and support for pregnant, abused and homeless women and their children. I do hope they’ll be forwarding some of the proceeds to Rihanna.

I thought I would take things further and have got my Butlers to take all of my Love Boxes to the various angels in my life. They liked the idea so much, they are offering it to you as well. For R99, Butlers will deliver your Love Boxes for you. Or the original R75 if you order a pizza!

Look out for my Butlers running around the city with
Love Boxes all over their vibe!

And lastly, when you decide to be a LOVE BOXER,
remember to choose the colour of your card
according to your love vibe:

RED for TRUE LOVERS

PINK for SECRET ADMIRERS

YELLOW for FAMILY AND FRIENDS

GREEN for TEAM WORKERS

BLACK for HATE

I’m kidding, there is no black.

Get involved people – this MUST be the tastiest, easiest, most satisfying Valentine’s Day vibe I have ever come across created.

TOO divine!

Place your order at 0860 BUTLER (288537)
during office hours

or call 072 143 0000

or email loveboxer@butlers.co.za

It’s Valentines day in a week and a bit’s time. Pretty awesome stuff. Takes me back to my days in the boarding house when the various girls’ schools used to exchange red roses with the boys’ schools; with each rose and message being read out at lunch time. Some guys got stacks. Some got none. Some got bust sending roses to themselves, whilst others had to deal with their buddies finding out that their mom sent them a rose. I used to get a few… obviously no-one could eclipse the numbers Jon “Serfs” Serfontein used to haul in.

That story has absolutely nothing to do with this angel, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley .

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
Has been known to model from time to time

Rosie stars in the latest hottest Agent Provocateur lingerie add, with a Valentines Day twist. And that, my loves, is what I wan to show you today. It makes sense. You see, I’m fairly confident that both boys and girls will enjoy this little piece of cinematic glory.

Guys will enjoy the general content.

Girls will enjoy the end.

Oh my goodness, you guys are going to EAT this one up. The Adventurer dropped me an email with a link to one of the most ingenious websites God has ever created..

www.pmsbuddy.com

With a woman’s menstrual cycle (someone had to say it) taking 28 days, rather than a full month of 30/31 days, THAT time of the month does change over time. For guys it can be hard to keep track of, resulting in confusion when their other half flips out over nothing. That’s where PMS Buddy comes into play.

According to www.pmsbuddy.com:

PMSBuddy.com is a free service created with a single goal in mind: to keep you aware of when your wife, girlfriend, mother, sister, daughter, or any other women in your life are closing in on “that time of the month” – when things can get intense for what may seem to be no reason at all.

For women, this is a great way to give people in your life a heads-up of when you might be feeling a bit irritable without having an awkward conversation.

What’s more, we will not only keep you informed, but will give you some free advice on what to do about it. With PMSBuddy.com, there is no reason to ever be blindsided by PMS again.

PMSBuddy.com – Saving relationships, one month at a time!

“Saving relationships, one month at a time” – whaahahah!

They’ve got over 15,000 women that they’re tracking, as well as a gauge showing what the overall combined threat it. Check it out:

Ridiculous. Yet necessary.

I reckon you get to that website and signup ASAP.

www.pmsbuddy.com