2oceans Vibe

Every new year a group of us has great fun forwarding and swapping SMSs with each other. You know the ones I’m talking about – “May you and your loved ones have blessed New Year and blah blah blah.” It is a very weird practice, but more-so because the wording is so unnaturally elaborate – one wonders if some people are joking. They craft this generic over-the-top message and then send it to each and every person in their phone book. Very odd.

So anyway I thought I would open it up this year and all of you could copy and paste the outrageous SMSs you receive, right here in the comments section.

I’ll kick it off with this little beauty I received last night:

Happy New Year to you – We will open the book, its pages are blank, we are going to put words on them ourselves, the book is called opportunity and the first chapter is New Years Day! Lots of love xx

Hahaha! Are you kidding me?

“We will open the book!!”

Haaaah!!

“The book is called opportunity!” – Don’t be absolutely preposterous!

Anyway, you get the picture. And I am sure you have received a few yourself. So do the right thing and share them below. And if you’re worried your friend might see it below and know it’s you, don’t worry – they send them to a million people and they probably got it from someone else in the first place.

Naturally 2oceansvibe is now available on mobile, which means you can cut and paste straight from your SMS box into your web browser (into the comments section below). Or just re-type the message into the comments below. Or copy and paste the SMS into an email to yourself – then move to the comments section below. Whatever you do, just get it to the comments section below.

Regular readers and longtime citizens of Cape Town will be familiar with the Mill Street Engen garage, AKA “Club Orange”. A reader sent this photograph in this morning.

Says Dean Delaney:

Hey Seth, just wanted to share this little piece of brilliance with you. Stranger things have happened at the 24 hour Woolworths, I know, but this was just perfect for last night. What makes it even better is that the perpetrators were none the wiser and really couldn’t understand what I found so amusing…

Well done, Dean. Well done.

The Euro Centres English Language School on the corner of Bree and Wale Streets in Cape Town, is on fire. Plumes of smoke could be seen from the high slopes of the City Bowl just after 13h00 on Friday. Paul Snodgrass, who was passing by at the time, submitted this photo.

Click to enlarge

This is happening right now on the corner of Buitenkant and Roeland Street. If you’re in the city, you should get out onto the street, slap your shades on, and enjoy the timeless combination of fresh air and quality humour.

And now from the side.

Click to enlarge

A thing of beauty.

[Thanks, Alan]

Today is the 17th of the month. Instinctively, you know that that means. The Petrol gauge is flirting with the wrong side of the half-mark. The improvised wine-collection is running dry. The packet of cigarettes is looking dangerously roomy, and the Salticrax are beginning to look more austere than opulent. And as the cash-coffers dry up, the first of the budgets to suffer is Entertainment.

I don’t normally get too excited over this kind of thing, but there are certain matters that a man simply cannot turn a blind eye to. One of those things is a good lamb shank. Moreover, a good lamb shank in winter is not only good for the body, but good for the soul. I swear.

Groupon are offering a 60% saving on delicious, sweet, succulent, unctuous, lamb shanks – two of them – served with slow-roasted vegetables and a bottle of Sweetwell Farm Cab Sav. You get that for R106.

Really. No lies. There you are. Your entertainment budget is salvaged. If you want the deal then visit mycitydeal.co.za. On Friday and Saturday you can nab the lamb on the Stellenbosch page, and on Saturday you can Saturday you’ll also find the deal on the Cape Town page.

Just because we love you.

Here’s what you’ve all been waiting for: an intriguing eye witness description of the alleged fight that resulted in Brian Chaplin being maced in the face by police officers, also featuring a video of the aftermath of the widely-reported fight. Check it all out after the jump.

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“But this is CYCLING!”, I hear you blurt, rusk crumbs embedding themselves in your computer screen. “You guys don’t LIKE cyclists!” That said, Danny MacAskill is no prawn. He’s a stylish, skilled athlete, and he makes the infrastructure of our beloved city look oh-so-fine.

That is correct. We have a Jack Friday winner!

The Princess Emma – Winning!

We know who you are. Tomorrow, we’re coming for you, and we’re getting you on a yacht, and we can do it nice and easy-like, or the hard way.

That’s all up to your boss.

So employers of Cape Town. Ready yourselves. Steel your constitutions. Because tomorrow, we could be coming for YOUR employees. Do you want to be the boss who stood in the way of progress, happiness and liberation? Or are you going to seize the moment? It’s going to happen, either way.

So make sure you’re tuned in to 2oceansvibe Radio all day tomorrow to find out who the lucky winner is, and catch all of the unfolding action.

We’ll be broadcasting for the duration of the day from The Princess Emma, kindly provided by the good people at The Last Word, a group of five star intimate hotels in and around Cape Town, with properties in Bishopscourt, Constantia, Camp’s Bay, Franschhoek, Kommetjie and of course, Princess Emma.

“I’m on a boat”. That is all.

2oceansvibe had to turn down business from two different brands this last week. A lot of the haters out there don’t realise that. They don’t think it happens. It does. Constantly. That is why the lovers keep coming back here – because any exposure for any brand is genuine and they don’t mind the advertising. Because it’s not actually advertising. When you see it here, it’s useful and relevant. It’s basically a form of news. The haters should stop behaving like ignorant buffoons and try and live the vibe. Why do you think vibe-lovers are in a permanent state of ecstasy? Because the things I tell you are actually awesome. You’ve just never tried it. Shame on you. This, for someone who claims they “try everything once.” Wouldn’t you like to be that happy? Or do you enjoy being angry and sad? Believe me, the joke really is on you.

Like this. Think about this very carefully. There is not one person I know who doesn’t dig the idea of a great pair of shades to protect their peepers. Even you. Some people want to go big, with flashy names everywhere, whereas others go for a more subtle vibe. Personally, I dig chicks’ shades. Got a pair of Diors this week – very naughty! Oh, and a pair of Persols (were you aware that most of the coolest people in the world wear Persol? It’s true. Look here).

The point is, everyone knows that quality/designer sunglasses can get a bit pricey. Sure they can. But you weigh up the quality and eye-protection with the fact that they make you look incredibly awesome, and it all makes sense. But sometimes it is the person’s first time buying pricey shades and they still can’t convince themselves.

I get a lot of people asking for me to plug them in for secret discounts at every single one of the 2oceansvibe brands, and everyone is getting along just swell “living the holiday” (the feeling one gets when enjoying zero-annoyance and quality products). And when it comes to Sunglass Hut, I’m usually able to organise 20% or so discount (similar to the 2ocansvibe Puma discount of 20%). That often gets people very excited.

Which is why I am telling you how important this article is. This is perhaps the moment that you realise, “Oh my God, I need a new pair of shades,” because, let’s face it, you do. Everyone does. But you never get them because they’re too expensive. And then you get angry with people that don’t mind dropping that kind of tom. By Friday you’re wearing skinny jeans and a trilby and hanging with your new group of ‘like-minded’ people.  Well, you can stop your whining, sunshine.

Listen to this: There is a ridiculous 30%-off (or 40% if you buy two pairs) sale going on at Sunglass Hut at the moment. I want you to grasp now how useful this information is. This is not another sale. This is THE sale that EVERYONE has been waiting for.

This, my friends, is VERY IMPORTANT NEWS. It seriously is – don’t pretend it’s not.

Take your buddy or your chick or your boyfriend and get 40% off your shades if you buy a pair each. do it with great urgency. The Offer only runs for a month or so.

Come on. That’s pretty much half price. They basically giving away free shades at Sunglass Hut.

Think of how many car-guards you will be able to pay with the money you saved..

Seriously.

Maybe it’s time you grew up a little.

When you’re protesting for better working conditions, or any working conditions at all, really, it’s important to be specific in your demands. Well done to this gentleman, who appeared in this photograph on the front page of 13 April’s Argus. Be sure to read that sign he is holding..

The photograph related to a story about about part-time workers suffering (presumably) sexual abuse at the hands of a local employer.

Of course, The Voice went with a harder line. Click link to check that out..
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Yesterday a little blue bird forwarded us a juicy document. That document is the full transcript of proceedings in a criminal case currently being argued in the Cape Town High Court. The transcript details an altercation between Judge Lee Bozalek and Advocate Nehemiah Ballem. And by “altercation” I mean a verbal smackdown. Enjoy this portion of the exchange.

Hear ye, hear ye!

Today is Friday. You know what that means. That means that we knock off at 12h00.

Do you know why we knock off at 12h00? Because we’re not lying to ourselves.

“I”M NOT LYING TO MYSELF.”

You shouldn’t either.

No one is working productively after 12h00 on a Friday afternoon. The only thing that happens is the willful killing of time, begging every second flee before the great hand of 17h00 on the office wall clock.

But enough of that. You can read the rest of the well-reasoned argument here, and previously, here.

We promised you that we would do something to remedy this farcical situation. We’re actually aiming to get local, and someday, national labour law changed, to reflect the actual habits and working hours of Cape Town’s great unwashed (that would be you and me). So we’ve been lobbying our asses off. You can sign the petition here. It’s a pleasure.

So throughout this week we’ve been attempting to deliver the reams of signed petition notices to the Mayoral office. But we’re trying to get a dialogue going, so we won’t engage in mischievous tendencies, like dumping bundles of paper on the steps of the civic offices. No, we want to have tea. Tea, which was offered to us some time ago.

As you can see, our attempt to redeem the Mayor’s invitation to tea has been rebuffed. Dialogue is not possible for the next three weeks.

Hell, we even sent Dan Plato a friend request on Facebook. No dice.

This will not stand.

Stand by for what we call a lobbying “lesson in initiative”.

Almost four and a half years ago a penned an angry missive in an effort to educate the tiny percentage of the population who didn’t know already that ‘work’ related activity on Friday afternoons in Cape Town (should be everywhere) does not happen. Let’s repeat that that for those of your whose minds are exploding at this point. Together now. Breathe in, and hold it, and… “Work does not happen on Friday afternoons in Cape Town.” Click through for an important announcement.