Planet Bar
(read about Planet Bar here)

Champagne and Oysters:

Bottle of Steenberg Brut 1682 Chardonnay 2009 and 6 Oysters

R290

Planet Restaurant
(read about Planet Restaurant here)

Valentines Dinner (menu here)

6 course menu

A glass of Steenberg Brut 1682 Chardonnay 2009 on arrival.

R520 per person
includes service charge

Valentines Afternoon Tea

The Mount Nelson’s famous Afternoon Tea
and a glass of Steenberg Brut 1682 Chardonnay 2009.

R225 per person

ps: If you’re looking for some pampering, give their Librisa Spa a call and ask about their Valentine’s Day specials – CLICK HERE

“Are you aware of it?” I asked him.

“Cape Town’s best kept secret,” he replied.

Wow – that’s laughable. I know a lot of places and things claim to be Cape Town’s “best kept secret” and they are entitled to those claims. A secret beach, perhaps. Or a little viewing point on Signal Hill – great. That makes sense. But why should a restaurant which is so tranquil and charming, with easy parking and delicious food be a secret? I find that quite bizarre. Actually, it’s more than that – I find it nothing short of astounding.

Seriously, consider me astounded.

I know how to keep a secret and that is why I try not to publicise the various Bakoven beaches I frequent (and sometimes get attacked on) but I’m also in the business of making your lives easier. It’s all about living the holiday, right? So when it comes to a “secret” which will make your lives easier and is open to the public, I would actually be harming you if I don’t tell you about it. Because then you would be living the “nightmare,” rather than the holiday.

If you want to get away from the madness in a place with no noise and nothing but a civilised laid-back atmosphere, then please do yourselve a favour and grab a wrought-iron chair on the terrace overlooking the most beautiful pool and lawns in Cape Town, and kick-back. You can eat from the hot and cold buffet or you can eat off the menu. There is a chef right there and you can select what meat or calamari you want him/her to cook for you and they will cook it in front of you. It’s all incredible because it all falls under Chef Rudi’s jurisdiction – which means it’s as good as it gets. You’ll recall our chat about the Planet Restaurant ..

This is pretty much exactly how we roll, friends.

Did I mention the parking? It’s free and there is tons of it. In the shade too

CLICK HERE for more on The Oasis Restaurant at the Mount Nelson
and make the most of this Cape Town institution.

It’s the 2012 Cape Town Tens tournament this weekend, and by all accounts it will be even more exciting than previous years. Especially since they’re packing it into two days, rather than three. That means we won’t have to witness broken (physically, emotionally) men hobbling along on the Sunday, barely able to determine in what direction they’re going!

They’re even giving away a Golf GTi. Check this out (competition below):

The popular Castle Cape Town Tens rugby event, brainchild of Bob Skinstad and Rob Fleck, is just around the corner! It takes place on Friday and Saturday, 3 and 4 February, and will be hosted at the Hamilton Rugby Club for the fourth consecutive year. This year’s Tens promises to be a highlight of the year with an exciting music line-up, appearances from local and international rugby legends, competitions and giveaways, and a new addition, an exciting rugby expo.

2012 boasts an incredible line-up of live entertainment including the popular group Goodluck, The Graeme Watkins Project, The Lightyears and Me and Mr Brown. With three rugby fields, beer and food tents, kiddies play areas, as well as a host of rugby legends and SA personalities, there is plenty to experience both on and off the rugby field for the whole family. Enjoy a drink with mates in the beer tent while watching the rugby action and the kids will be entertained at the same time in the play area.

Promising to be bigger and better than before, this year the number of teams has been increased from 56 to 72, with four divisions – a heavy and light Beer League, The Vets League and the more competitive Premier League. Rugby legends this year include international stars Leon Lloyd, Malcolm O’Kelly, Justin Marshall and David Rees, and local stars Jake Boer, Breyton Paulse, John Allen and Pieter Muller.

An amazing prize on offer this year is a brand-new Golf GTI to the value of R365 000, sponsored by Stor-Age. Contestants will test their rugby skills kicking for the post to determine the lucky winner.

This year’s Castle Cape Town Tens is proudly brought to you by Castle, Canterbury, Powerade and the City of Cape Town.

Tickets are on sale at R70 per person via Computicket HERE. Kids under 12 are free.

Follow the Castle Cape Town Tens on Facebook at www.facebook.com/CapeTownTens and on Twitter at @capetowntens.

Game Times HERE.

Please contact Andrea Smit on andrea@klprsa.com or (021) 671 4127 for any media enquiries and high res images.

To win a pair tickets to the event, it’s quite simple.

Leave a comment below and tell us why YOU deserve to win.

Competition closes 12h00 on Wednesday

Judges decision is final.

We are giving away 5 PAIRS of tickets.

GO GO GO!

I’ve done a fair bit of “fine dining” in my time, both locally and internationally. I find the local offerings stuffy and artificial, often confusing bothersome over-attention with tip-top service. As any good butler or concierge will know, excellent service can stem from doing nothing at all – ie. knowing when to leave the employer/customer alone. There is nothing I hate more than service staff checking-up over and over again to see if I’m ok. “Well, my friend, to be honest I was ok, before you interrupted my train of thought for the third time today, to ask if I was ok.”

Which brings me to the Planet Restaurant - a plush newly-decorated high-ceiling affair within Cape Town’s most grand and famous hotel, the Mount Nelson. Some people might refer to it as fine dining, but it’s not.

In a good way.

When entering the restaurant itself, there is no doubt that you have arrived at an upmarket establishment, where no expense has been spared in its decoration and presentation. The staff are highly attentive and clearly well-trained, with genuine smiles and warmth replacing the ironically clueless stuck-up snooty attitude that we have grown accustomed to in South Africa’s posh restaurants.

The Mount Nelson’s highly-acclaimed chef, Rudi Liebenberg,  has put together a menu to be proud of, with a selection to suit every palette (check out their awesome menu here). I was not surprised that the cuisine itself was beautifully presented and more than delicious, and want to focus more on the experience as a whole. It should be noted that you are also offered the chance to have a glass of wine to pair with each dish, with an expert available to help you make that choice. I gave that a miss and stuck to the De Grendel.

But the thing that got me was this – once our main meal had arrived, we were checked on just once, and then left alone. Now that might seem like a basic thing to you, but I assure you these days it is not. The waiter could see we were in discussion and I watched him out the corner of my eye – as he looked from across the room, gauging for himself as to whether or not we needed to be interrupted. Every now and then our glasses would be topped up, without a word uttered by the young gentleman.

The “fine dining” “silver service” badge kicked in again, as my partner went to the bathroom. She had just left the table when, quick-as-a-flash, her chair was straightened and her napkin placed, neatly folded, over the arm of the chair – prepared for her return. It’s those little special details that I want out of my dining experience. Those are the important things. Not overdoing the attention and checking five times if “everything is ok.”

The Planet Restaurant at the Mount Nelson is where you want to go for a special dining experience. It could be classed as “fine dining” but I would caution such a description, as that particular term has lost it’s cool. Nobody really wants fine dining anymore. If they want something impressive, classy and cool – with outstanding food and top professional service, this is what they’re after.

You’ll leave satisfied, with a smile on your face – something all too rare in the “fine dining” realm..

If it’s a bit of cool class you’re after, then check this out!

Thursday nights at Planet Bar

Planet Bar is known as Cape Town’s premier venue for after-work week day drinks and the perfect warm up to a weekend night-on-the-town.

Now, Planet invites you to experience Thursday nights, to sample premier beverage brands matched with the soothing sounds of soul and funk integrated with deep house music.

Cocktails are priced from R35,00. Try mind-blowing creations such as Planet’s signature Planet Passion – a mix of Stolichnaya raspberry vodka combined with fresh passion fruit purée, charged with Pierre Jourdan Cuvée Brut and crowned with Chambord black raspberry liqueur.

Make sure to also try out Chef Rudi Liebenberg’s new snack menu offering mushroom empanadas, oysters and a mouth watering range of warm options such as mini ostrich sosaties.

For more details please contact: Tel: +27 (0)21 483 1948 or email: restaurantreservations@mountnelson.co.za

So rad! The DJ plays from 18h00 to 22h00 every Thursday!

And have you seen their “snack” menu? Seriously, don’t even joke…

Find out more about Planet Bar here.

I’ll see you there – MOST of the summer.

Regards,

For reservations, please contact info@18hundreddegrees.com
or phone 021 430 0506

I see the book is available at Kalahari.

Success..

Click here to order a copy of THE WORLD IN VOGUE online now.

021 430 0506

info@18hundreddegrees.com

I’d picked up a high-flying friend at the airport and sped off to the reserve. She had just jetted in from Israel having summered in Tel-Aviv. Situated just past Montague, it takes a little under three hours to get to the entrance of Sanbona from Cape Town. From there you can drive yourself to your lodge or book a transfer.

We drove to our lodge, and it was the last thing – apart from eating, drinking and watching – that we had to do until we left. Car keys were taken, the bags disappeared, and we were ushered inside for a refreshing glass of home-made ice tea while Sharon, the lodge manager, gave us the run-down of the place.

Sanbona is one of the largest private game reserves in the country. At around a 54 000 hectares, it is roughly the size of Singapore. There are three lodges on the reserve. Tinley Manor, family-friendly Godwana Lodge, and the Dwyka Tented Lodge, where we stayed. To call our lodgings “tents” is like calling Madiba “a nice guy”. This place was nuts. Set in an old riverbed, the tent had solid walls with a canvas roof. The bed I could live in, the bath seemed to suck you in and not let you go, and the shower had the most flattering lighting I’ve ever experienced. The ochre tones of the suite, both inside and out perfectly matched that of the landscape.

After doing the requisite happy dance one does in these kinds of situations, we popped a bottle of wine from the mini bar and celebrated. Well, I celebrated with wine, my high-flying friend took the first of what would be many baths instead. She swears it’s the best she’s ever had. The lotions and soaps seemed to be of top quality too, as my friend bought two of everything.

Summoned for dinner at seven, we dressed and walked up to the central lodge. Aperitifs in hand we moved to the deck to take in some fresh evening air and listened to, well, nothing. The silence and stillness of the Klein Karoo evening was upon us. We sipped our drinks, smiling smugly at each other. The silence was broken by the crunch of feet on the track leading up from one of the other tents. It was the only other guest at the lodge that night, and he was coming up for dinner.

Three excellent steaks, one bottle of wine and numerous G&Ts later, we had got to know Edward – a jolly English fellow in his early thirties. It was his last night, but he would be joining us in the morning for our game drive. Outside on the deck after dinner, in the light of an almost full moon, we had a final gin and tonic; our voices echoing off the cliff that towers over the lodge site. Life was good.

Your day starts early at Sanbona, with a wake-up call at 06h30. Another bath for my friend, and another candle–lit shower for me. Over breakfast a bleary eyed Ed explained that the game drive is three hours long with a stop for coffee in the middle.

Our open-topped Landcruiser sat waiting at the entrance to the lodge with hot water bottles and blankets on the seats. Alwyn, our ranger was also waiting. He was brilliant. His deep understanding of all the animals we came across meant that whether we saw a grasshopper or and elephant, each creature was equally fascinating. More importantly, his enjoyment while telling you about them was quite obvious.

We set off, and almost immediately saw a white Lion. Sanbona is home to the only free-roaming and self-sustainable white lions in the world. We had come across one of the females walking with two other tawny females past the big dam. We followed them, only metres from our Landcruiser, until they disappeared into the bush.

The hilarious British banter from Edward ensured that when we weren’t learning about the defence mechanism of the Milkweed Grasshopper (it produces lethal foam made from its blood and toxins from the milkweed plant – taste it and expect an instant heart-attack) we were joking about creative ways to eliminate poachers, and a host of other subjects that are, to be honest, NSFW. At one point, passing a family just arriving back from their drive, Ed said, “Eh chaps, did you see that tiger?” The moment’s look of confusion was priceless. The best game drive I’ve ever had.

We stopped at the dam, and Alwyn made us some coffee and hot chocolate. We chatted about the Rhino poaching problem. I knew it was bad, but not this bad. He told us that it’s estimated that there is almost one Rhino being poached every 72 hours. When my friend asked how many Sanbona had, a pained look flashed across Alwyn’s face as he shook his head and said, “Sorry, I can’t tell you.”

On the way back we came across some Giraffe, a Black-Backed Jackal and some Red Hartebeest. Back at the lodge, large gin and tonics were poured. We said goodbye to our new friend Ed, and looked forward to an afternoon’s relaxation. The high-flying friend decided on a spa treatment – she came back with a dazed look in her eyes and a grin the size of a Kudu horn.

We fell into the rhythm of Sanbona easily. Eat, game drive, eat, relax, game drive, eat, sleep; punctuated in my friend’s case by many baths, and in mine G&Ts. Late that afternoon saw us go on another drive to a different part of the park. Elephants, a Rhino and some hippos were found. Drinks were had on top of a koppie, while the sun sank so we could experience the particular beauty of a Klein Karoo dusk.

We had a final game drive the following morning before making our way back to Town. It was a difficult place to leave. The service was some of the best I have experienced in South Africa. The staff members know your name, remember your preferred drink, and not once did I feel like what they were doing was a chore. It was, I guess, what hospitality is supposed to be like. So easy to forget in this country.

A superb two nights. Apart from the game, good food, brilliant service, one thing sets Sabona apart for me: with all the luxury it offered not once did it feel ostentatious. It was like being at home. A beautiful home in the middle of the Klein Karoo, surrounded by wild animals, where the gin and tonic is on tap. My kind of home.

How much do you think a night like that should cost? R500? Nay!

R335 will nab you this experience, which is completed by complimentary aperitifs in the lobby prior to the meal, and a jazz accompaniment throughout the evening.

Waltz into the Grill Room for an evening of selfish, and delicious, pleasure.

Contact the Eighteen Hundred to make reservations via email, or call them on 021 430 0506.

It is on that note that I ask each and every one of you to spare a click and vote for the Cape Royale Hotel, so that it may, once again, claim its place as one of the world’s most sought-after hotels.

The World Luxury Hotel Awards are the world’s most prestigious Awards exclusive to the luxury hotel industry & recognize the best facilities and service excellence the industry has to offer.

Please cast your valuable vote (takes 20 seconds) for The Cape Royale Luxury Hotel and Residence in the 2011 World Luxury Hotel Awards. Click the vote button below and you will instantly be directed to the voting poll.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE

(TAKES 20 SECONDS)

You lucky fish will get authentic Mediterranean tapas (prepared by EighteenHundred’s wizardly chef, Jonathan Gargan), fresh bread, free bottles of wine, and – best of all in my opinion – free parking with your reservation.

And just when you thought the freedom was at full capacity, you get a dose of free music-induced endorphins via live Jazz. You’re pushing your luck if you ask for much more, I’m telling you.

And while we’re on the topic of the EighteenHundred Grill Room, let’s have a brief chat about an event that you would do well to attend.

On Thursday, June 2 at 19h00, EighteenHundred is offering a four course meal prepared by the self-same Jonathan Gargan, paired with Morgenhof wines, for only R335.

Walk in to the Cape Royale lobby, enjoy the fact that you’re greeted with aperitifs, and waltz into the Grill Room for an evening of selfish, and delicious, pleasure.

Contact the Eighteen Hundred to make reservations for either of the two events via email, or call them on 021 430 0506.

Go on… raise your game a bit.

For reservations contact info@18hundreddegrees.com or call 021 430 0506

The fire apparently started as a line of flames on the Helderberg Nature Reserve, suggesting a planned burn. With strong winds blowing at up to 60km/h, the veld fire got burned of control on Saturday morning and jumped from an adjacent building with a thatch roof on to the hotel itself.

The fire engulfed the hotel complex so quickly that fire extinguishers could not be used to any great effect. Only two charred buildings are still standing. An estimated R20-million worth of damage was caused. Fifteen other houses in the Somerset West community were also destroyed by the fire.

The loss of personal property by staff who resided on the premises, as well as other former home owners is particularly devastating.

[Source: News24]

Stunning!

[thanks carryn]

MASSIVE thanks goes out to www.idodigital.co.za and www.freehandproductions.co.za for their full-service filming and editing skills. Highly recommended! Follow the link to check the video..

And again, to all the 2oceansvibe liquid brands that made the day so special. Hugs and kisses. Mwah. Mwah.

Weather-wise, Cape Town served up a typically stunning Friday evening. The sky was azure, the rays were mild, and oh hey, look at that – a rooftop covered in beautiful people, ice cold beverages, and international music superstars.

Goldfish and Sakhile absolutely devastated the dancefloor with their undeniably fine music.

Genuinely people, one cannot overstate the quality of any live Goldfish performance, and Friday’s night’s intimate gig was absolutely no exception.

Naturally the 2oceansvibe beverage brands were in attendance, ready to slake our considerable thirst.

Check out all of the pics!

So, do yourself a favour and CLICK HERE to go to the webcam and tune-in from 16h30 today!

But because it is so exclusive and ‘intimate’ we can only allow space for eight special people – you and seven friends! So it’s the Cape Royale pool, beautiful boys, beautiful babes, hot music, celebs, super-chilled drinks and some hot tunes!

Oh, and did I mention that the whole thing will be streamed – live via webcam on the internet? So your 9-to-5 mates can watch you from their desks – as you quietly destroy an epic day in the sun! Shame! Shame on you for being such a legend!

I’m FINE with that! See below to WIN the afternoon of your life!!

To win eight tickets (you + seven friends), simply do the following:

- Email competition@2oceansvibe.com and tell us WHY you should win the tickets.

- Send anything you want – photographs, poems – whatever you want.

- We will check it all out and the most fabulous entry (which shows us how much sexy fun you are and and how much you love goldfish and how much you love pool parties and that you promise to be wearing boardshorts, flops, towels and bikinis) will win.

How hilariously awesome is that?

Competition closes at midnight tonight (Thursday night) and if you DON’T hear from us by 8am on Friday morning, then you have NOT won.

If you DO hear from us by 8am on Friday morning, then you will see what the email says – and it will probably say that you are a winner!

Go go go!

New Years Eve dinner at 1800 Degree Grill Room features a choice of starters including Grilled Sashimi of Yellow Fin Tuna, an intermediate of Raspberries and a Champagne Granita. Main course options include Tournedos of Beef Fillet, Truffle Creamed Potatoes, Asparagus and Chasseur Sauce and a choice of dessert including White Milk Chocolate Mousse with Hazelnut Daquoise and Espresso Cream. Set Menu: R450

Set Menu including access to Sky Bar’s New Years Eve Party: R750

Please contact robert.tuboly@18hundreddegrees.com to book your table

Randall Abrahams was also there, funnily enough. Not funny because he has the fashion capacity of a squirrel, but rather the fact that he wasn’t invited.

Blind.

He gets a mention in my writeup in the November issue of GQ, which hits shelves today. I’ll scan it and pop it up for you soon. But quicker would be to get your own

Offer ends 30 November 2010

CLICK HERE to see 1800′s website!

That was before the concierge at my residence pumped through a text message confirming I had a “fairly large” delivery waiting for me downstairs.

I shoulder-barged Mavis out the way and went down to the lobby. This is what I brought back upstairs. Oh yes, baby! The stars are clearly shining down!

Seth shows off the Cape Royale massive’s gang-sign

The reason why I had spent weeks coveting the bike was threefold. Firstly, the bike folds up, which is pretty handy for when I feel like taking it somewhere in the car. Secondly, the bike has a built in bike lock. You see that wire cable that forms a part of the bike’s frame (you can check behind my left foot in the image)? You can unlock that cable and fix it around a pole or whatever you use to secure it. What’s more, if anyone cuts through the cable, it renders the bike useless. Like your mother.

And lastly, I just dig anything that is limited edition. And, as you will see, I am fortunate enough to be one of 50 peeps in the world who are enjoying this work of art!

I’m number 23 of 50

Yes, those are twin-disc brakes..

Yes, that (23) is Michael Jordan’s number. And no, I don’t know if it has any significance. Ask Puma. They obviously reckon I’m some kind of “online Michael Jordan.” But it’s not for me to say. My number at school when I scored all those tries was 14 and, to be honest, I thought they would have cottoned on to that. Clearly not. But at the same time it definitely is somewhat flattering to be likened to Michael Jordan.

Come to think of it, there was a group of kids at school that referred to me as “The TAJ KING” every time I was on the basketball court. This had nothing to do with India, I should add. The word “TAJ” was actually an acronym which stood for “Turn Around Jumpshot.” I was a bit of a Turnaround Jumpshot specialist, so they were obviously paying homage to that fact when they called me the TAJ KING.”

It’s very humbling, the whole thing.

Here’s a photo of me cycling backwards around Green Point.

Sorry, what did you say?

That’s how I usually cycle. It’s very rare that you will find me cycling the normal way round. I just find it easier going backwards.

Does that make me a bad person?

Hey if you’re keen to join the Magical 50 club, check out this info:

Global sportslifestyle brand PUMA has collaborated with concept-store Colette, artist So-Me and urban bicycle brand Biomega to create 50 limited edition PUMA Bikes, 6 of which will be available for retail in South Africa in October. This combination of art, fashion and bike creates a unique, art-on-the-go fashion statement.

To get your hands on one of 6 limited edition PUMA Bikes, visit Soho in Durban, Cross Trainer Editions in Sandton or Astore in Cape Town. The bikes will retail for R10 000 and will be in store from 1 October 2010.

Sick!

It’s not altogether surprising that the Cape Royale hotel has nailed another World Luxury Hotel award – they are, after all, a 2oceansvibe Partner and winning awards for excellence is pretty much standard around here. And I’m not talking about the standards the hotel has set when it comes to “boutique fully-serviced hotel’ living, nor am I talking about the fact that Cape Royale’s occupancy levels were 20% higher in its competitive set during the World Cup.

More to the point, how can the Cape Royale not keep claiming these awards, when some of the other 5-stars out there are either being blacklisted by the United States for ongoing theft problems, or, even worse, making a name for themselves around town for not paying small operators who bring them business and exposure. This type of behaviour creates, what we in the industry refer to as, a “negative vibe.”

The Cape Royale claims yet another award

Cape Royale, on the other hand, has what we call an “awesome vibe.” Something that you can feel from the moment you walk in, till the moment you collapse on the sofa with a room service menu in your hand. From the World-Class Conference Facilities and Pool Deck / SKY Bar, to the Equinox Spa and restaurants, the “awesome vibe” follows through seamlessly.

Do you know that the Cape Royale has one of only three genuine concierges in South Africa? Yup, It’s true. The Westin Grand doesn’t have a genuine concierge. Neither does the One & Only. I think there is a lot of symbolism there. You see, the training and exams to become a genuine concierge, gives one insight into the “vibe” of a hotel – rather than just trying to deliver good service. That’s the difference – the others are just pretending and doing what they think is right – but they’ve actually missed the vibe altogether.

Without even realising it.

Bless.

Hey, have you checked out the virtual tour of my suite ?

“So this guy walks up to me and says, Hey, what’s your problem?”
“And I’m like, What’s my problem? What’s your problem”

Take a tour around Seth’s primary residence..

CLICK HERE to check it out!

Cape Town’s Westin Grand Hotel
Blacklisted by the United States

US Blacklists “Westin Grand” Hotel In Cape Town – A five-star Cape Town hotel has been blacklisted by the US consulate in the city after allegations of “multiple theft reports” from US officials staying there. The hotel, the Westin Grand, is next to the Cape Town International Convention Centre. It should be noted that this is not my residence, the Cape Royale hotel, which is also 5-stars and also happens to have one of only 3 genuine concierges in South Africa (only 3,000 on earth). [timeslive] [post-publish update - the ban seems to have been lifted]

Federer’s Incredible Shot Wows US Open Fans - You got to see this! The legend of Roger Federer continues! In his first-round matchup last night at the US Open, Federer (for the second year in a row) made an incredible, between-the-legs shot against Argentina’s Brian Dabul that sent the sell-out crowd at Arthur Ashe Stadium to its feet. For the five-time US Open champion Federer, it was just another addition onto an already massive career highlight reel. [wired]

Pakistan Cricket Fans Burn Posters Of Alleged Match Fixers (Images) - Pakistani cricket fans burned posters of Pakistani cricket players during a protest condemning them for their alleged involvement in match fixing, in Lahore, Pakistan on Tuesday, Interior Minister Rehman Malik wants to wait for an initial British police report into allegations of match fixing involving Pakistan cricketers before sending an investigation team to England. Palcard reads “Down with Chairman of PCB Ijaz Butt). [newshopper]

France Doesn’t Dig The Iranians Calling The First Lady A Whore - France said on Tuesday that insults in the Iranian media against first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, who has been branded an “Italian prostitute” who “deserves death”, are unacceptable. “The insults in the daily Kayhan and Iranian websites against French figures, including Mrs Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, are unacceptable,” Foreign Ministry spokesperson Bernard Valero said. Mick Jagger and Eric Clapton could not be reached for comment. [mail&guardian]

iPhone Saving Lives – Fact – More than three million doctors have downloaded an iPhone app which is replacing the stethoscope in UK hospitals. The iStethoscope app, created by Peter Bentley at University College London, was originally developed as nothing more than a toy. But now more than 500 users a day are downloading the free version of the application which experts say has already saved lives. [dailymail]

Video of Girl Throwing Puppies in a River Causes Social Media Uproar - A video of a young girl throwing several puppies into a river has caused a huge social media backlash on sites like 4chan and Facebook. The backlash is similar to the Cat Bin Lady, skandaal which hit the net last month. Similarly, some members of 4chan started a campaign to find out the identity of the girl, while a related Facebook group has gathered more than 3,000 members in a little more than a day. [mashable]

Lindsay Lohan Reveals “New” Lindsay In Vanity Fair - In a revealing new interview, Lindsay Lohan details the infamous antics that landed her in jail — but insists that her wild-child days are behind her. “I was irresponsible. And I’m not making excuses,” the 24-year-old star tells Vanity Fair in its latest issue, set to hit newsstands this week with this sensationally sexy photo. What about the court-ordered, drug and alcohol counseling sessions she skipped? [newyorkpost]

Zara Goes Online! - Europe’s largest clothing retailer, Spain’s Inditex, is taking its flagship Zara brand online, but it can expect stiff competition from other giants of high-street fashion already well-established in cyberspace. Zara’s virtual boutique will be available on Thursday in selected European markets: Spain, Germany, France, Italy, Portugal and Britain. [luxuo]

Wyclef Jean Lashes Out In Song – When Wyclef Jean released his new single, not many in the U.S. could figure out what it was all about. The hip-hop star sings it in Haitian Creole. But translated, the song reveals an angry Jean attacking the electoral council that disqualified him from running for president of Haiti, accusing the current head of state of being a deceptive “Lucifer” who betrayed him, and urging the country’s citizens to “remain mobilized.” [newsweek]

Oxford To Phase Our Printed Oxford Dictionary - It weighs in at more than 130 pounds, but the authoritative guide to the English language, the Oxford English Dictionary, may eventually slim down to nothing. Oxford University Press, the publisher, said Sunday so many people prefer to look up words using its online product that it’s uncertain whether the 126-year-old dictionary’s next edition will be printed on paper at all. [associated]

Meet Calvin Klein’s 20-Year-Old Underwear Model Boyfriend - Klein, 67, was first photographed with the blond boytoy as early as May and the pair have since been seen at a number of movie premieres and charity events in Manhattan and the Hamptons. Last week, Page Six ran a picture in the paper’s print edition of the two men walking in Manhattan and described Gruber as Klein’s “partner.” Looks like they know something about their relationship that we don’t. [gawker]

Oval Office Gets A Makeover - When President Barack Obama addresses the nation on Iraq Tuesday night, his Oval Office setting will be sporting a new look – and one that pays homage to Martin Luther King Jr. and four previous presidents. While the president and his family were away on vacation in Martha’s Vineyard, workers installed new wallpaper, a new rug, new sofas, lamps and a coffee table. [associated]

Miranda Kerr On Vogue 3D Cover - Miranda Kerr nabbed the September Vogue Italia cover, which is her first. Shot by Steven Meisel, the cover and its accompanying editorial is in 3D. Kerr’s Yorkie puppy, Frankie, shares the honors. Who can argue with a puppy? Especially a Yorkie. I was raised on Yorkies. Not eating them – I mean we had a squadron of little beasts running around the house. [jezebel]

Blair’s Book To Become Biggest Political Memoir Of All Time - Tony Blair’s autobiography, A Journey, is set to become the biggest political memoir of all-time, according to Amazon.co.uk. Pre-orders of the book have outstripped those for Lord Mandelson’s memoir, The Third Man by 36 per cent. Experts at Amazon claim it is set to overtake the former Business Secretary’s sales figures once it is released on Wednesday. [telegraph]

Today Is Spring Day, Did You Know That? We figured it might have slipped your mind. So we’ve done you a favour, and to forever mark the occasion in your mind, 2oceansvibe Radio will celebrate the day with one Robert B. Skinstad, esq., as well as 2oceansvibe Character and in-house music connoisseur, G-Man. Oh yes, we may have forgotten the small matter of the twins. What twins, you ask? The self-same lovely twins who’ll be in studio, in bikinis, getting us in to spring. Tune in to the Spring time holiday. [1-click tune-in at 2ov.fm]

The guys behind the tune are none other than I Scream And The Chocolate Stix – the same guys who gave you the sensational online viral tune My Cape Town.

People LOVE that tune – including the likes of Helen Zille, I might add!

So anyway, we’ve had a number of requests for the lyrics of the Seth Song. And here theyt are – along with an online recording of the tune.

Press the orange play button below.

Enjoy!

So we wrote recently about Gordon Ramsay making an ever so slightly unceremonious exit from Cape Town, and specifically, the One & Only hotel.

Needless to say, The Big Bad Potty Mouth and his cronies are slightly upset about this. I mean, it must leave a little bit of a sting to be tossed out on your ass, for whatever reason.

And the reasons for his exit have been widely speculated, but we’re a little closer to the truth now that the legal dogs of war have been loosed.

It’s a little bit of a he-said-she-said affair, but Kerzner International says that Gordy’s contract was terminated after he failed to fulfill minor details, for example, like making it a successful restaurant.

That’s a pretty big one I think.

Anyhow, Gordon Ramsay Holdings (who most certainly DO f-bomb in their internal memos) are disputing the details of the contract, and the assertion that Gordon “Noticeably Absent” Ramsay breached it.

Oef, the small print can be quite tart, can’t it Gordon?

[Source : News24]

Professional Crook, Jackie Selebi, Leaves Court
After Being Sentenced To 15 Years In Jail

Jackie Selebi Gets 15 Years Behind Bars – Opposition parties have welcomed the 15-year jail sentence handed down to former police national commissioner Jackie Selebi on Tuesday. Selebi was found guilty on charges of corruption for accepting money from convicted drug trafficker Glenn Agliotti while he was the chief of the South African Police Service and president of Interpol. Judge Meyer Joffe called Selebi “an embarrassment to SA.” I’ll second that. [mail&guardian]

Eminem Blocks Tom Jones From Becoming Oldest UK Chart Topper Ever – Sir Tom Jones has missed out on the number one slot in the album chart, with his record Praise And Blame going in at number two. The 70-year-old is bidding to become the oldest male musician to have a UK number one album, but failed to dislodge Recovery by US rapper Eminem. Sir Tom is trying to take the crown from Bob Dylan, whose album went to number one in the UK in 2009 at the age of 67. [yahoo]

Art world goes mad for Britain’s ‘Mini Monet’ – His paintings fetch thousands and attract buyers from all over the world. But while his watercolours, pastels and oil paintings hint at a talent honed through decades of practice, Kieron Williamson is barely halfway through primary school. The seven-year-old prodigy sold his latest collection of paintings for £150,000 at the weekend, with all 33 works sold in just 30 minutes. That’s close on R2 million. He should put that in his piggy bank. [dailymail]

Morpheus Angry About Daughter’s Sex Tape – In a surprise move, it seems Laurence Fishburne is upset with his daughter’s decision to publish her own porno sex tape. His daughter reckons, “I heard that he’s mad at me, but I haven’t spoken to him yet. I feel pretty confident that I can work things out with him. I think he wants to support me in everything I do, and though he sees this now as a negative, I believe in time he will view it as a positive.” Yes, of course he will. Dad’s dig strangers seeing their daughters’ vaginas. [popeater]

Another Yank Loses The Plot And Kills Co-Workers – Nine people are dead in a workplace shooting at a family-owned beer and wine wholesaler, police said. Sources said Omar S. Thornton, 34, was a driver for Hartford Distributors and was described by a Teamsters Union official as a recent hire and a “disciplinary problem.” I’ll say. Thornton shot a number of people and then shot himself with a .223 caliber semiautomatic rifle as police approached and is dead, sources said. [latimes]

Lady Gaga Admits Using Cocaine Occasionally – Lady GaGa has said that she takes cocaine “maybe a couple of times a year”. However, despite speaking openly about her “occasional” use of the drug, the singer warned her fans not to copy her, saying: “I do not want my fans to ever emulate that or be that way.” She also said she was “quite celibate”, adding that she’s worried that if she sleeps with someone she’ll lose her songwriting talent. Don’t worry babe, we don’t want to sleep with you. [nme]

“Heroes” Creator Tim Kring Discusses ‘Transmedia’ & The Future of Television – In a world where a single TV or laptop screen can no longer contain a worthwhile story, one man dares to spill his epic across multiple platforms. “Heroes had an underlying message about inter-connectivity and global consciousness,” says show creator and writer Tim Kring. “I think we used the phrase ‘we are all connected’ at least 100 times in the first season alone. It’s a message I’m very interested in putting out in the world.” [fastcompany]

Online Threat To Media Tribunal – Online media could thwart the ruling party’s plan to launch a media tribunal that would oversee the content of local publications. The ANC recently released a discussion document on the media in SA, which included the recommendation that a media tribunal be established to regulate the industry. Sadly for them, regulating what is published on the Internet through news blogs etc. would be extremely difficult to police.. [itweb]

Sandra Bullock Is The Highest Paid Actress – and far between, and their paychecks are usually smaller than their male co-stars’. It seems that no number of female-centric hits (like Mamma Mia and Sex and the City) can convince studios to treat the ladies better.And if you’re a woman over 40, you might as well just play a grandma. The roles are even scarcer. But last year Sandra Bullock bucked the trend in a big way. [forbes]

Luxottica Adds A Touch Of Disney To Eyewear Shopping – A wind tunnel. A concierge. A store that’s shaped like an eyeball. It doesn’t exactly sound like an eyeglasses retailer, but then, it’s not supposed to. Luxottica, the $6.6 billion eyewear company with retail outlets like Sunglass Hut and LensCrafters, is experimenting with a concept store that draws a little bit from Apple, and a lot from Disneyland. Very cool! [newyorktimes]

Teleportation Is Basically Just Around The Corner – It’s a tongue-twister, and it can get messy, but “quantum entanglement” may one day make it possible to teleport people across the galaxy faster than the speed of light. And it won’t happen like Star Trek, with people beaming from one place to another. Rather, it involves quantum mechanics in which atoms in different places can take on the properties of the other. [newser]

Local Foodie Blog Right Up Your Alley – It’s not often a new local blog gets me excited. “Confessions Of A Hungry Woman” had me at the intro picture. Written by famed foodie, Sam Woulidge, she reveals, “Perhaps the answer does NOT lie in dieting. Perhaps at age 40 (and a bit), I should begin to honour my body ( in whatever shape it is) and make peace with food. See food as my friend. A delicious, delectable friend. And not some two-faced frenemy whom I profess to love, but secretly fear.” Brilliant! [coahw]

Pamper Yourself Or Your Babe – A lot of people think I might use Maybelline, others think I’m born with it. But the truth is I spend time at Equinox spa – it’s in the Cape Royale hotel after all – so why wouldn’t I? And check this out, they’re doing a promotion at the moment: Aromatherapy foot compress; back, neck & shoulder massage; aromatherapy hand compress, facial & head massage + parking for only R580. Please, give me a break – it’s too easy! [equinox]

Cape Town Winter Specials – Cape Town is a spectacular city to visit in all seasons and in winter, the spotlight falls on the senses: the Mother City is the perfect place to relax and unwind, be wined and dined or be pampered and entertained in style. Cape Town winters are quintessentially cool and can be loads of decadent fun if you’re privy to the secrets of the season. Visitors who came to the city for the 2010 World Cup discovered just how much there to do on the Peninsula and beyond in June and July – and now you can too! [capetowntourism]

[thanks dad, justin, andy]

When Sol Kerzner enlisted the expertise of the man who is arguably the world’s most popular chef, Gordon Ramsay, he would have felt confident that the star food aspect of his monstrous V&A Waterfront hotel, the One and Only, was buttoned tight.

Gordon Effin’ Ramsay opened the five star Maze restaurant at the hotel, but alas, without the mouth-cannon himself in regular attendance at the restaurant (he has a number of other Maze branches dotted across the globe), the masses saw no particularly pressing reason to avail themselves of the establishment’s fine fare.

Combine that with a worldwide recession, and some pretty effing hectic debt, and we have what’s known in the restaurant biz as “closing down”. Bugger, Gord me old mate.

Apparently the One and Only restaurant will slot in its place.

How this man is in debt, I don’t know. It’s certainly not a lack of quality. TV executives from here to Singapore are lining up halfway around the block to do a line off this guy’s sunbed-browned derriere. He’s good at what he does.

Maybe it’s just a case of extending his reach too effin far, gettin his wings clipped by the laws of supply and demand, and all that jazz.

But if you can’t take the heat, Gordon, get the eff outta the kitchen, yeah?

Update: Apparently this story was broken by a Cape-based food blog, Spill, on Friday morning. They’ve got an update on the affair, including the details of the chef likely to take over the mantle from Gordy. Check it out.

[Source : DailyMail]

Pilot Ejects Before Jet Crashes & Explodes – This reminds me of when Goose died. Maverick and Goose had to eject when their plane went into a “flat spin.” Only Goose ejected into the cockpit canopy and was killed immediately. The pilot of the plane in the video above was very lucky to survive, as he ejected just before the plane hit the ground. This happened at an air show in Canada this weekend. Hectique! [skynews]

Alberto Contador Wins Third Tour de France – Alberto Contador of Spain claimed his third Tour de France title on Sunday as seven-time champion Lance Armstrong made his final exit from the race.The 27-year-old Contador stayed safe in the main bunch as the last stage, over 102.5 kilometers from Longjumeau, was won by Mark Cavendish for the second year in a row. Did I mention Tom Cruise was there as well? Oh ja, fully. [latimes]

Video Of Catholic Priests Partying At Gay Club Has Church “Troubled” – Yes, it will do. Using a hidden camera, an Italian magazine owned by Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi caught three Catholic priests inside a gay nightclub and having sex inside a church building. “Those who live a ‘double life’, who do not understand what it is to be a Catholic priest, should not become priests,” the diocese said in a statement. Well that’s fair enough. [gawker]

BP’s CEO Steps Down – Tony Hayward, the embattled chief executive of BP, has agreed to step down and be replaced by Robert Dudley, the company’s most senior American executive who is now in charge of BP’s operations in the Gulf of Mexico, according to a person close to the company’s board. The decision has already been made by mutual agreement between Mr. Hayward and senior BP management. Tony must be counting down the days.. [nytimes]

The US & South Korea Play War Games As Kim Threatens Nukes – The United States and South Korea launched a major naval exercise involving a nuclear-powered U.S. aircraft carrier in the Sea of Japan despite North Korea’s threats of nuclear retaliation. The war games — which began on Sunday — is the first in a series intended “to send a clear message to North Korea that its aggressive behaviour must stop.” Kim won’t dig that. He won’t dig that at all. [natpost]

Steve Tyler Opens Up About Rehab And The Band’s Future – The last time Aerosmith played an American show, things didn’t go so well. At a gig in South Dakota in 2009, frontman Steven Tyler fell off the stage while singing “Love In An Elevator,” causing him to break his shoulder and get a gash in his head — and forcing Aerosmith to cancel the rest of their tour. As Tyler recovered, the band threatened to hire a new singer and told the press they suspected Tyler was back on drugs. [rollingstone]

World’s Strongest Beer Served Using Dead Animals – The stunt has been condemned by animal rights groups as “cheap marketing tactics”. Twelve bottles of The End Of History ale have been made and placed inside seven dead stoats, four squirrels and one hare. And at 55 per cent volume, its makers claim it is the world’s strongest beer. A taxidermist in Doncaster worked on the animals, which were not killed for bottling the new drink, with some having been killed on the roads. [telegraph]

News Of The World Pay Damages To Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie today accepted undisclosed damages at the high court in London to settle their privacy claim against the News of the World over false allegations that they were separating. They were not present. The News of the World claimed they had visited a divorce lawyer and agreed to divide up their £205m fortune and custody of their six children. Very naughty to tell fibs like that, guys. [guardian]

Techno Stampede Kills 19 People At German “Love Parade” – At least 19 people have been killed in a stampede at the Love Parade dance music festival in the German city of Duisburg, police have said. Police had been trying to stop people reaching the parade area because of overcrowding. But the revellers panicked at a tunnel entrance. About 100 people were also injured, dozens seriously. Personalluy I would never get in the way of any German and his techno. [bbc]

Elton John Animal Farm Musical – Elton John and Lee Hall, who wrote the musical Billy Elliot, are teaming up to create a new show based on George Orwell’s Animal Farm. Lee, who won Olivier and Tony awards for his book and lyrics for the stage Billy Elliot, explained, ‘I’m deep into it, writing songs for pigs and other four-legged friends.’ Hall and his associates have been the movers and shakers behind the project having spent a long time parcelling up the various rights – which at one point brought them up against the CIA! [dailymail]

An End To ChatRoulette Penis Flashers? – Chatroulette has announced that it is going to take steps against the worst offenders on its service, threatening people who expose themselves to minors with the police. The site’s founder said in a message on the site that his company has started to collect evidence and has contacted law enforcement officials about the issue. Not that it will work against guys like Joost van der Westhuizen – who will simply claim that his main chap is smaller than the one in the screenshot. [newteevee]

Goldfish & Ard Matthews Get The Sketchbook Trails Treatment – Taf, the immensely talented oil painter who we have previously featured on 2oceansvibe, continues her amazing journey. This time she has taken on Dom and Dave from Goldfish, as well as Just Jinjer’s Ard Matthews. You’ll remember the radical piece she did of me as a mimed a Celine Dion number at the last “The Vibe” party. [sketchbooktrails]

Beatles Piano Up For Sale – Time for Beatles fans to grab one of the most important pieces of Beatles memorabilia – the piano used by the Beatles when they recorded “Paperback Writer” at London’s Abbey Road studios. The Challen upright piano doesn’t comes in the best of condition, and is covered in cigarette burns and coffee stains, but is a collector’s piece for the vintage value it holds. The piano was also used by Pink Floyd and is expected to fetch more than $152,168. [bornrich]

R99 Beef Wellington Winter Special At 1800˚ Restaurant – Sparkling wine on arrival + 200g Beef fillet Wellington, coated with mushroom duxelles, wrapped in flaky pastry and baked to your satisfaction, served with vegetables and creamy mash potatoes. With complimentary parking thrown in, you don’t really have a reason to miss this famous Cape Town Winter classic! [1800]

Celebrity Twit Pics – Russell Brand becomes the Caped Crusader, Martha Stewart strolls in East Hampton, and Alyssa Milano snuggles with her best friend. Quite exciting, I’m sure you will agree. And that’s before we get into Paris Hilton, Eva Longoria, Jessica Alba, Stefano Gabbana, Sofia Vergara and Ashton Kutcher! What do they get up to on Twitter? [dailybeast]

Famke Janssen Takes On Penelope Cruz In The 2010 World Cup Final – We said goodbye to Germany last night as they were conquered by The Red Fury in Durban. They will have to work harder on their Vorsprung Durch technique before the next World Cup. And so it’s Spain (Penelope Cruz) vs. The Netherlands (Famke Janssen) in the final on Sunday at 20h30, live from Soccer City, Johannesburg! Don’t know about you, but I’ll be at the Cape Royale Sky Bar! Killing it! [bloomberg]

Nicolas Sarkozy In The Middle Of Secret Funding Probe – If it wasn’t enough living with the fact that he took sloppy seconds from Mick Jagger (and Eric Clapton), the French President is now the target of an investigation into allegations that his election campaign was secretly funded by the country’s richest woman (L’Oreal heiress Liliane Bettencourt). Sarkozy reckons France has bigger problems. At just over five foot, he’s probably right. [google]

Local Traffic Cop Caught Doing 274km/h – A traffic officer from Louis Trichardt was arrested after he drove at more than twice the speed limit in his personal Mercedes-Benz over the weekend. Joe Munyai was nabbed near Bandelierkop on the N1 on Saturday morning after he allegedly clocked 274km/h in his Mercedes-Benz C200 Kompressor. This part of the N1 has only single traffic lanes and the speed limit is 120km/h. Twat. [koos]

Mel Gibson Reckons His Ex “Deserved” The Beating She Got – It looks like Mel has admitted beating his ex. New tapes that have surfaced reveal “What kind of a man is that who would hit a woman when she is holding a child in her hands, hitting her twice in the face? What kind of a man is that?” Oksana reportedly cries on tape. Mel’s response: “You know what? You fucking deserved it.” Charming. I wonder if E-TV will stop reruns of Lethal Weapon after this. [huffpo]

Netherlands Porn Star Promises Oral Sex To Twitter Followers If They Win – In a year already featuring odd World Cup promises, porn star Bobbi Eden appears to have outdone her competitors. The Dutch erotic actress wrote on Twitter that she “will give a BJ to all my followers” if the Netherlands wins the soccer tournament this weekend. With 23,000 Twitter followers, I think I know a little girl who’s gonna be very busy! [huffers]

“Traditional Media” Takes Another Knock – The revelation last week that some Cape Town journalists had been in the pockets of politicians is disconcerting because it involves the very people society has entrusted with the role of watchdog against corruption. Surely that can’t be? I mean, I thought that trained journalists automatically had such high levels of “ethics” and “integrity?” Oh my God, the dream is ruined! [timeslive]

Lindsay Lohan’s Fingernails Said “Fuck U” In Court – I know, this is just quite remarkable. I mean why would you tempt fate by even considering the idea of writing the words “Fuck U” on your fingernail, before going to court? It turns out karma played a role that day, as LiLo was sentenced to 90 days in jail. What a knob-end! Are you confused? Just click the link, honey. [ktla]

Manson Family Member Denied Parole – Leslie Van Houten, onetime Manson family member, was sentenced to life in prison for her part in the infamous and brutal LaBianca murders. Van Houten, who is now 60 years old, appeared before a California parole board for the 19th time on Tuesday to plead her case. Any hopes for parole were short lived, however, as the board found that Van Houten “still poses a risk to society.” [associated]

One Third Of Women Aged 18-34 Check Facebook Before Showering – Young women are becoming more and more dependent on social media and checking on their social networks, according to a new study released earlier today by Oxygen Media and Lightspeed Research. In fact, as many as one-third of women aged 18-34 check Facebook when they first wake up, even before they get to the bathroom. Steady-on, girls.. [mashable]

74% Of 2oceansvibe Readers Have a Degree/Diploma – On the subject of statistics, I thought I would divulge some fresh demographics data I received from Nielsen, following a recent 2oceansvibe study. Pretty interesting stuff! Furthermore, it seems 70% of you earn over R20,000 a month, 60% are business owners/professionals/management and 50% of you are aged 24-34! Good for you, you little LSM 12-14′s! [consumerscope]

Rare Hendrix Bootlegs And Demos Go Digital – The past year has seen the release of Jimi Hendrix’s rarity collection Valleys of Neptune and the guitar god’s long-awaited arrival on Rock Band. Now Experience Hendrix has announced 11 bootleg concert recordings and studio instrumental compilations previously issued on Dagger Records are available as digital downloads for the first time. [rollingstone]

Everyone’s Favourite “TaxiJam” Up For Men’s Health Award – Everybody’s favourite local music video website, TaxiJam (they’ve done everyone from Just Jinjer and The Dirty Skirts, to Die Antwoord and Jack Parow), are up for the “Artist” award! Come on 2oceansvibe, this is very much a part of “The Vibe” and we need to lend our support! Follow the link and give them a quick vote! Let’s keep the magic alive! [menshealth]

Catholic Priest Stole $1m And Spent It On Male Escorts – The “word of the Lord” certainly does take a knock when these priests continue getting caught for things like this. I mean why exactly would a man of God steal in the first place? And then spend that money on rent boys? When you should really be focussing on the scriptures..surely? Similar to those cyclists who cycle through red traffic lights – it’s those guys that ruin it for the rest of them and give the sport a bad name. [nydailynews]

Owners Of NoMU Looking For Decent Oven Brand – Well I nearly fell over backwards when I read a recent article on one of our premium sponsor’s blogs. It seems the owners of NoMU foods, Paul and Tracy, have created an opening for a premium oven brand to be showcased in their home! What an opportunity! Especially with the amount of entertainment these guys do! Oh, and did I mention that their newsletter (to 12,000 people) gets photographed there as well? Spread the word! [nomu]

[thanks henk].

No spice, the Dutch soccer team needs a place to stay.

While the Uruguayans were getting an undeserved peaceful night’s sleep in Newlands (despite a small Twitter campaign calling for Capetonians to please “not” blow vuvuzelas and bang drums outside their rooms), the dutchies were bumming around the Cape of Good Hope looking for a place to stay after Dutch team management underestimated the team’s progress in the tournament.

The Dutch Football Association (KNVB) only made reservations in Johannesburg’s Sandton Hilton hotel up until July 5 – and their home from home is now fully booked.

Keep reading if you’re feeling charitable.

Word is they ended up bunking down at the Castle – one of the guys managed to convince iZiko Museums that their great great great great grandfather’s third cousin, twice removed was buried in the east wall after perishing during construction. No one was very keen to claim relation to Jan van Riebeeck – despite the whole team agreeing that his hair, hat and beard combo was pretty snappy.

If they’d just asked nicely, they could’ve stayed with Seth at the Cape Royale. But then again, they’d have to put up with hoards of super models and CEOs trapsing around the place. Probably not ideal for pre-match preparation.

I would love to put you guys up, but then you know, I’m not sure what my mom would say about it.

Which one of you Joburg 2oceansvibers are gonna give these fine chaps a home for the final?

[Source : News24]

Remember the “alleged” tale of the Grand Daddy Valet who stole a customer vehicle and rolled it 70 kilometres away in Blue Downs?

The Grand Daddy Hotel left a comment on that story. Let’s enjoy it with our morning coffee:

A response to this post from the Grand Daddy:

It is regrettably true that this incident took place. One of our (now ex)staff illegally (and silently) took a guest’s car home to get a change of clothes. The car in question was a Mini Cooper but it is not the one pictured in the blog post – the damages in that picture are a somewhat exaggerated version of the real damage. The staff member has been arrested and criminally charged and the Grand Daddy’s insurers are currently dealing with the situation in order to settle with the car owner.

Okay so, this happened, and Grand Daddy admit the illegality of their staff’s (and therefore their own) actions. Also, the police happen to agree that the valet committed a crime. So this thing is pretty clear cut. Grand Daddy will sort the owner of the car out, right?

Sadly, not all hotels have service at the heart of their business model.

On Friday I got a somewhat troubling email from Rosanne Turner, the owner of the jacked Mini Cooper S, some of which is posted here.

Rosanne picks up with the tragic narrative the day after her car was wrecked by a Grand Daddy employee. As Black Beard would say, “Woe betide thee not to listen, for tharrr be lessons!”

Sergio [Dreyer - Grand Daddy Manager] gave us a letter stating that the hotel would take full responsibility, and that he would ensure that we would not be out of pocket or inconvenienced in any way by this incident.

We now had no transport. I am a travel writer, and had to be in Simonstown on an assignment at 8:30 the next morning. The hotel arranged for a taxi to take me there.

The next morning, we found out that the car had been towed back to the hotel. My husband met with the police to file a report, while I was on my assignment.
Again, another manager Francois van Binsbergen assured me that the matter would be dealt with swiftly. The hotel arranged a hire car for us to get back to Hermanus, and use for a limited time until our car was sorted out.

The next week, I got a call from Jody Aufrigtig, the owner of the hotel. He said that he was shocked by the incident, and guaranteed me that all would be dealt with swiftly, and I was not to worry.

A story on the incident was published on page 10 of the Argus on 20 April 2010, and also on the IOL website. See link here.

In the report, the management confirms the incident happened, as does the police detective. I am not sure how the Argus got to hear of the incident, as it was not from me.
So far so good. At this stage, although very upset by the incident, I am not worried, as I have been guaranteed on several occasion both in writing and verbally that all will be sorted out.

Then things start to take a turn. Ten days later, the hotel’s insurance assessor has still not been to view the car. I follow up (but never harass) approximately every 3 days, either by phone or email, and so does my attorney.
Suddenly the hotel would not return my calls or emails. Manager Sergio Dreyer informed me that the attorney representing their insurance had instructed them not to talk to me.
6 weeks later, I made a call to claim via my insurance, as I was without a vehicle, as the hotel recalled the hire car, and I still did not know what was happening with my car. What I did know, was that the quote to repair it amounts to just below R100 000.

My insurance eventually paid out (less my excess of R9500). The car was a write off.

Some facts:

Yes, we did sign a disclaimer for the valet parking. But, this refers only to the car being parked, so a reasonable radius would be within 2km – should the hotel have off site parking. It does NOT cover the fact that the vehicle was taken, without my consent, by a staff member of the hotel, who had access to my keys, and being driven a vast distance away – for his own personal reasons. The fact that I received a letter from the hotel stating that they take full responsibility, overrides this disclaimer anyway. The hotel owner may argue the fact that the manager did not have the authority to give me such a letter. However, I was led to believe that he did have such authority, as Sergio told me he did.

The fact that the hotel’s insurance doesn’t want to cover them for the incident is irrelevant to me. This is not simply a motor accident claim, but rather a negligence claim against the hotel. Their answer constantly is that they are waiting instruction from their insurance. (we were informed by their insurance that they would not be paying out which is why we eventually claimed from our insurance).
I also have my lawyers fees to cover, as well as being out of pocket by the excess on my insurance.

So the hotel’s original promise of not being inconvenienced or out of pocket in any way, is not being met.

Peachy, eh? And one other thing. Rosanne is a travel writer, and when the Grand Daddy’s attorneys heard about this they apparently threatened a defamation suit against her if any of these details saw the light of day.

Well here’s an education for Grand Daddy’s lawyers:Defamation of Character can only be pursued when untruths are published. So far the Grand Daddy hotel has admitted on a number of ocassions to the events as told above. Hmmm. Tough one to claim then, you’d think.

Well there you have it.

I contacted the Grand Daddy for comment before posting this, and Sergio Dreyer called back and told me that the Grand Daddy was still awaiting official comment from its insurers. As soon as I get comment, I’ll be more than happy to update this post. Evem better, please feel free to leave your response as a comment below this article (as you did before).

You know, Grand Daddy Hotel, I’d like to tell you what I think of you, but you’d probably sue me. What I can say is this: if this is all true then I suggest you take responsibility for your screw ups. You’ll probably find that people forget mistakes that are humbly acknowledged more readily than pouty-faced blame shifting. Although I’m not actually saying the Grand Daddy itself is pouty-faced, per se. I mean, a building can’t pout. But you get what I’m saying.

Also maybe call off the dogs, okay Jody? And then perhaps see to Rosanne. Just forget all the legal jargon for a second. Do what you planned on doing before the share holders and per hour attorneys started whispering in your ear – the RIGHT thing

But nevermind all of that. Rosanne is a tough woman, and she’ll keep on living without her wrecked Mini Cooper S, probably for anything between another 50 to 70 years. I’ll just be sure to always take my money bags some place else, and probably wouldn’t recommend a stay at the Grand Daddy to anyone I care about.

It’s a nice place, sure, but don’t get unlucky, or it seems you might get double-screwed.

It’s a grand thing to have choice in this town.

UPDATE: For those of you don’t feel like reading the comments section, this is The Grand Daddy Hotel Management response:

We are surprised at the version given by Mrs Turner and are disappointed that she now appears to be involving the media in an endeavour to defame us and to harm our reputation. Her article and the version she has given is not correct in various respects and fails to mention important details such as all we have done to resolve the matter amicably. Good faith endeavours were made from our side at the outset to resolve this matter amicably and these good faith endeavours are continuing. As Mrs Turner has been compensated by her insurance company already, this matter must be resolved involving her insurance company, who is required to claim from the Grand Daddy’s insurance company. This is an insurance procedure hence the Grand Daddy’s staff needing to refer the matter to insurers and lawyers. Mrs Turners attack on our reputation in the media is unnecessary, belligerent and without merit.

“Sure thing,” I told her. “Do I have to pose or something? ‘Cos if I do it’s gonna be tricky, as I struggle to sit still. Unless maybe I could play with my iPad while we do it?”

“No, no,” she replied. “I’ve got just the picture!”

“Oh…. which one is that?” I enquired, nervously.”

Justifiably so, as it seems she had chosen this picture taken from my on-stage Celine Dion miming session I did with Ard Matthews for “The Vibe” party earlier this year!

God help us all!

But there was nothing to worry about because, as it turns out, this chick’s got talent!

  
Baby, think twice…
NO NO NO NOOOO!

We met for a drink at the Cape Royale hotel the other night and I must just say that she is the sweetest angel I have met in a long time. Having held on for as long as possible in Zimbabwe, Taf finally moved here and paid her way through Engineering at UCT by selling paintings. Oh, and she is self-taught. JA, I know – it’s ridiculous. But there is more to her story, which you will learn when you meet her. Her Zim chapter doesn’t even begin to tackle the challenges she has faced and overcome.

“Fattered” doesn’t even begin to describe how knocked-out I am about this. Thank you, Taf, you have a special gift and I think what you’re doing is amazing.

Just to fill you all in,

Sketchbooktrails is the web-based art initiative of the artist, Tafadzwa Mukwashi (Taf). She has recently started work on a collection of 100 portraits entitled “Facing a Century” with the first of the portraits being of the music duo, Dominic Peters and David Poole of the world renowned band, Goldfish, who have just recently completed a tour in Brazil. Whether it takes a year or a decade, she intends to have successfully completed 100 portraits of real people.

Sketchbooktrails not only proves that much can be accomplished from whatever background someone comes from through sheer perseverance and effort. It also is a great testament to the great resource that the African girl-child and African women are. It is the success story of a young black immigrant living in South Africa.

Previous exhibitions of Taf’s paintings include a sold-out solo exhibition, Nature’s Child in 2003 in Picasso’s Gallery, Zimbabwe held in support of Childline, the Ekurhuleni Fine Art Award 2006 Finalist Exhibition in Johannesburg in 2006, ‘Contemporary Visions of Southern Africa’ Exhibition at the Pretoria Art Museum in 2007 and the “Justice For All” Art Auction at the Goethe Institute in 2008 held in support of the Legal Resources Centre (LRC).

For more information on Taf, to become one of the 100 faces of “Facing a Century” or to apply to be a featured artist on the Global Dialogue on Art 2010 please go to www.sketchbooktrails.com.

* Seriously make sure you go to that website, you gotta see this angel’s gallery – mind blowing!

The virtual tour itself let’s you cruise around the Cape Royale hotel (spinning 360 degrees up AND down in every room), with “hotspots” which allow you access to the next room – ultimately leading you up to my private penthouse..

The Cape Royale lobby – after you click to open the front door

Above is a screenshot from the actual page you can go to for your own mind-blowing virtual tour. You will notice not only the purple icon in the top left portion of the picture (allowing you to “jump” to the next inter-leading room) but also action icons beneath the main image, letting you move around the current room; up, down, left, right- zooming in and out.

Zooming in and out comes in quite handy – especially when you make your way from the lobby, into the elevator and through to my suite. Once you get there, I’d advise you to pop into the bedroom, as I have a bit of a surprise for you..

And don’t even get me started on the bathroom.

No, I’m serious – there is a bubble bath shot.. Let alone the lingerie shot taken in the kitchen..

There are also incredible vistas of the mother city, taken from the Sky Bar and pool deck, as well as from my balcony, showing never-seen-before footage of the World Cup Stadium in all her glory, at night.

The genius who made this for me also managed to add hotspots to all the various 2oceansvibe brands which are always found dotted around my life. This allows you to follow-up on those brands, should you wish, simply by clicking the green icons dotted around the virtual tour.

So do yourself a favour and check out this INCREDIBLE virtual tour of the penthouse at my primary residence – The Cape Royale Hotel.

CLICK HERE FOR VIRTUAL TOUR

The Cape Royale Hotel and SKY BAR

That’s the Cape Royale hotel. That’s where I live.

On the roof is the world famous “SKY BAR” and pool deck. And guess what – they’re hosting premium World Cup viewing LIVE everyday. Yes, I know. Very exclusive – but it includes you.

They’ve got VIP packages available. Tickets are available from R250 but if you mention 2oceansvibe, it’s only R150.

TO CHECK OUT THE VIP OPTIONS AND OTHER OFFERS, CLICK HERE

GO BAFANA!!!

They’ve got rooms for as low as R800 a night during the world cup, slap-bang in the middle of one of Cape Town’s most exclusive and fashionable areas – Kloof Street!

The Saasveld Lodge
Budget World Cup accommodation
in the heart of Kloof Street

You’ve got Hudson’s downstairs, you’ve got Woolworths and Wellness Warehouse over the road, and a Nando’s and vida e just 30 meters down the drag!

Shame, you poor thing!

Follow link for more pictures and information.

Very friendly

Neat and tidy – that’s all you want!

Plus, with the owner also being the owner of Caprice, I can guarantee you that you won’t have to queue when you go for a night out at Caprice!

No more queues at Caprice..

CLICK HERE for the Saasveld Lodge website and contact information.

Cape Town’s Giant Vuvuzela
Check out some more killer WC action photos at boston

Tickets Available For England Game – Tickets for next Friday’s game in Cape Town are in great demand and we’ve managed to find a whole bunch for you. The 5-Star Cape Royale hotel (my primary residence – directly opposite the stadium) is offering packages which include tickets and rooms. So you won’t have to worry about parking either! Also available are Portugal v Korea and Cameroon v Netherlands. [tickets]

Cape Town Road Closures For World Cup Street Festival – The City of Cape Town has announced several road closures for its spectacular street festival to ‘Welcome the World to the Mother City’, on June 10 at the Grand Parade. On Thursday, some 17 000 revellers are expected to gather at the Fifa Fan Fest on the Grand Parade, and another 50 000 in the city centre. [capetowngov]

World Cup WAGS: The Ladies In The Stands – Meet the World Cup WAGs: the saucy wives and girlfriends of the South Africa 2010 World Cup players. In recent years, charting the WAG circuit has become almost as big of a sport as the game of soccer itself. Herewith, key women to watch for in the bleachers. From Coleen and Cheryl to Posh and Eva, we’re in for a treat! [vanityfair]

Everyone At FIFA’s Number Starts With 083 2010 – Some interesting info I picked up yesterday from a 2oceansviber who has been dealing with some FIFA hotshots. Enjoy this – given their sponsorship from MTN, all FIFA officials in South Africa have cellphone numbers beginning with 083 2010! Not too many to try out if you’re looking for someone specific. I wonder if Sepp got 001? Who got 007? [hello]

John Smit Live On 2OV Radio Tomorrow Morning – Springbok captain John Smit will be joining us in-studio tomorrow, the first day of the World Cup. We will discuss all things vuvuzela, as well as the fact that the Boks will be playing France on Saturday – a day after the French football side have their first game in Cape Town. Prizes from Sunglass Hut and Havaianas. [2oceansviberadio]

Man In Brazil Jails Daughter, Has Seven Kids With Her – Equals Fritzl’s Tally – A man in a remote fishing village in Brazil kept his daughter imprisoned for 12 years, raped her repeatedly and had seven children with her. The man is also accused of abusing a young girl he had with his daughter. Police allege that Jose Agostinho Pereira, 54, kept his daughter, now 28, under virtual house arrest in a two-room, thatched-roof hut. [associated]

Salma Hayek Snake Freakout – For a woman who made her name by seductively dancing with a massive snake around her neck in the film From Dusk Till Dawn, it is surprising to see Salma Hayek completely losing her shit. This recent video was taken during a promotional interview for her new movie. Which gets interrupted by a snake. Watch this. [celebritycafe]

BP Valued At Less Than It’s Assets – The financial toll of the oil spill disaster in the Gulf of Mexico escalated Wednesday as BP’s stock plummeted to a 14-year low and fishermen, businesses and property owners who have filed damage claims with the company angrily complained of delays, excessive paperwork and skimpy payments that have put them on the verge of going under. [huffpo]

How Jay Z Became King Of America – He’s had more Number One albums than Elvis Presley. He hangs with Barack Obama at the White House. And he’s riding high after leaving his longtime label Def Jam to work a $150 million deal with Live Nation, delivering some of his best live performances ever. At the age of 40, Jay-Z qualifies as an elder statesman of hip-hop – so how does he run the game? [rollingstone]

Fresh Satirical Take On 2oceansvibe – I was emailed by a few panicky 2oceansvibers out there, directing me to another local website who wrote a highly entertaining article, taking the mickey out of 2oceansvibe. In particular, they had a go at our passion for quality brands and good service, as we still manage to provide topical world news, humorous content and popular culture commentary. Very flattering! [6000]

Britney Spears May Have Sexually Harassed Her Bodyguard – This is what the reputable Sun newspaper is reporting. Twenty-nine-year-old Fernando Flores claims that the worrisome ex-pop singer traipsed around nude in front of him and made unwanted advances. In Britney’s defense, she thought he was a piece of cheesecake. [gawker]

Luxury Yacht Comes With Free Custom Supercar – As boat accessories go, a bespoke supercar is probably the most extravagant. But that’s exactly what millionaire buyers of the £17m Strand Craft SC122 will get.Beating the Bugatti Veyron hands down for exclusivity, the supercar has 880bhp from its twin-turbo V12 engine and a claimed top speed of 234mph. Only six will be built, each capable of hitting 60mph from rest in 3.2 seconds. [cars]

“Eat Da Poo Poo” – I’ve received this so many times that I guess I need to post it to get the insanity to stop. It’s a true video filmed in Uganda at an anti-homosexual presentation. It is so absurd and ridiculous and crass that it verges on humorous. But funny in a sad kind of way. Nothing graphic so go ahead and view at work. This guy has an incredible view on what homosexual get up to behind closed doors. [youtube]

Tom Cruise To Make “Les Grossman” Film – This is some of the greatest news of our lifetime. Paramount Pictures and MTV Films announced today that they are set to develop a movie around mega-producer Les Grossman. The announcement comes on the heels of Grossman’s groundbreaking and visionary production at the 2010 MTV Movie Awards Sunday night. [variety]

[thanks jase, travis, richard]

First I popped in at Caprice to try out the 2oceansvibe cocktail:

Cafe Caprice on Google Maps “Street View”
Nice day they were having when they shot that!

Mmm, that was good!

Follow the link to see where else I went and also learn how to do this on your own computer or iPhone or iPad!

So off I went to Green Point to check out my Primary Residence, The Cape Royale Hotel.

Lookin’ good!

The Cape Royale Hotel
Seth’s Primary Residence

Here are some others:

“Miss K”, just a bit further down the road in the opposite direction
(same side of the road)

“Mabu Vinyl” – just opposite Kloof vida e (2 Rheede Street)

It’s so awesome!

Want to learn how to do it yourself? Ok..

HOW TO USE STREET VIEW YOURSELF:

Using a computer, Click here to go to Google Maps.

Type in an address in the box – eg. 53 Victoria road, camps bay, cape town.

Press Enter.

Click the little “A” symbol that appears:

Then click “street view.”

BANG! You’re “A” for “AWAY!”

If you’re on your iPhone or iPad, then simply click the “Maps” app (bottom right of below screenshot).

Then search for any address and, when you see the little man appear in the orange circle, click that little man!

And there you have it – you are cruising around Cape Town without moving an inch. Pretty much what you do anyway!

Aah yes, these are wonderful times. If you don’t have an iPhone or haven’t booked your iPad yet, be sure to zip over to Digicape and make it happen!

Your move, Blackberry people..

As you know, the Cape Royale hotel has been my primary residence for over a year now. It is part and parcel of the vibe and, as with all things part and parcel of the vibe, they get our full support at all times. Because if it wasn’t for select brands like them, the vibe may well cease to exist. A harrowing thought, I know..

Cape Royale Luxury Hotel has been nominated by the World Travel Awards as South Africa’s Leading Hotel. To win this prestigious award, we need you to vote for us.

Vote for the Cape Royale

Cape Royale Luxury Hotel offers guests the following in luxury service:

Ample living and entertainment areas in all 95 suites

A choice of cuisine, including our renowned 1800° Grill Room

State-of-the-art executive meeting and boardrooms

Enjoy time-out in our French-boutique styled Equinox Spa

Relax by our roof deck pool and Sky Bar with 360° views

Multilingual concierge and front desk staff

Currency exchange

24-hour room service

In-room safe for laptops

Child-minding services

24-hour security and underground parking

Laundry and valet services

Complimentary internet access throughout the hotel

Valet parking

Chauffer services

To vote for Cape Royale; go to http://www.worldtravelawards.com/vote, click on Africa, then on Africa’s Leading Hotel, a list will appear on your left, click on South Africa, and then “South Africa’s leading hotel (in yellow). A new list will appear in the centre of your screen. Select Cape Royale Luxury Hotel.

Votes can be cast up until the 06th June 2010.

This, courtesy of the Cape Town Partnership:

“Traffic will be affected on match days in Cape Town during the 2010 FIFA World Cup™ due to a number of necessary road closures. The City asks the public to be aware of these and to plan their routes and travel times accordingly. We apologise for any inconvenience caused,” said the City’s Director: Communication and 2010 Spokesperson, Pieter Cronje.

Public transport services have been extended as part of the City’s transport plan for the event. “We encourage commuters to utilise these extended public transport services offered by the City,” said Peter Sole, Manager: 2010 Transport Operations.

All trains and certain train stations will have additional security for the duration of the World Cup. In addition, the use of non-motorised transport and car pooling is greatly encouraged.

Full details of all information available follow below. Also, for a downloadable PDF brochure of the City’s Transport Plan during the 2010 FIFA World Cup, please click here.

ROAD CLOSURES ON CAPE TOWN MATCH DAYS

Routes affected within the Central Business District (CBD)

Four hours before kick-off there will be no general access to Hertzog Boulevard between Civic Avenue and Heerengracht, along Hans Strijdom Avenue, and along Adderley Street between Strand Street and Hertzog Boulevard. Premises in this area will be provided with the necessary access via alternative routes and opening the left lane of affected roads as required. The intersections of Hans Strijdom, at Long and Loop Streets will remain open to crossing traffic at all times, but may close for short periods before and after matches to give priority to the Match Day shuttle.

CBD connections to Green Point, Sea Point, Fresnaye and Radlantic (Atlantic Seaboard)

Western Boulevard will be closed in both directions, from Buitengracht in the central business district (CBD), to the Beach Road intersection at Three Anchor Bay. However, motorists will be able to exit the V&A Waterfront using Portswood Road, turning left into Western Boulevard, and then making a left turn only into Buitengracht.

Somerset Road will be closed from Buitengracht to Ebenezer Road in both directions between Ebenezer Road and York Road from 4 hours before the match to 4 hours after final whistle. From Ebenezer Road to York Road, the CBD-bound carriageway will be closed. However, two-way traffic will be accommodated on the Sea Point-bound carriageway. This route is intended for local access only, and should be avoided by non-residents.

Road closures will mostly impact upon traffic leaving the CBD during the evening peak period. People travelling to the Bantry Bay, Clifton and Camps Bay areas along the Atlantic Seaboard are advised to use Kloof Nek Road when leaving the city centre. During match day closures, public transport will be redirected onto High Level Road. It is thus recommended that, due to the expected congestion on High Level Road, Kloof Nek Road be used by general traffic.

On match days, it is expected that traffic volumes on High Level and Kloof Nek Roads as well as at the Buitengracht intersections will be very heavy. Thus, wherever possible, it is recommended that commuters adjust their routes and travel times to avoid these routes during road closures.

FOLLOW LINK for the rest of the information, including around the stadium, the Grand Parade and more..

Avoid all traffic hassles – Stay at my residence, the Cape Royale hotel!

At the Stadium

Beach Road from Fritz Sonnenberg Road to Haul Road will be open for two-way traffic on the seaward carriageway. The mountain side carriageway will be open to accredited vehicles only. Beach Road from Haul to Portswood Road will be open for one-way traffic towards the CBD. Vehicles exiting the V&A Waterfront in the direction of Mouille Point will access Beach Road via Haul Road. Fritz Sonnenberg Road south-east of the Metropolitan Golf Course entrance, Vlei Road and Fort Wynyard Road will be closed to all but accredited vehicles.

ROAD CLOSURES FOR THE DURATION OF THE 2010 EVENT

Around FIFA Fan Fest™ on Grand Parade

The Grand Parade in the centre of Cape Town, near Cape Town Station, is the venue for the FIFA Fan Fest™. This is a festival venue at which all the matches played will be televised on big screens in addition to daily live entertainment. Minimal road closures will enhance accessibility to the venue. As of 1 May the closures will be:

CLICK HERE to read the rest at the Cape Town Partnership’s website.

[thanks jason]

CLICK IMAGES below for individual websites.

I’ve had tons of people tell me they have tried out this special.
If you haven’t yet – trust me, you need to do it..

This is where I send Elbe van der Merwe, when she behaves.
If you see her, ask her about it. It’s 100% glorious!

The Cape Royale has been driving me around in the XF which has been an absolute dream, but I must say I wouldn’t mind an upgrade, if there’s one going!

This month’s Car Magazine

Blamed in the past for boring automotive design, Jaguar broke the mould with its beautiful and brilliant XF executive saloon in 2007. With the all-new XJ due for the South African market in the third quarter of this year, Jaguar steps even further away from its former conservative self in favour of ground-breaking style…

The All-New Jaguar XJ

But there are even more pics and details (including radical virtual instrumentation and Hard Disc Drive!!) :

s  

Oh yes!

Check this out:

Sophisticated virtual instrumentation
There is no physical instrument cluster display in the all-new Jaguar XJ. Instead, a 12.3-inch high-definition screen, which uses sophisticated – and beautifully detailed – virtual instruments, provides all of the functions performed by traditional dials. Jaguar’s designers have also taken advantage of the freedom provided by virtual instrumentation to help prioritise the most useful information as well as creating a real sense of theatre for the driver.

Flexible multimedia capabilities including Hard Disc Drive (HDD)
The impressive flexibility provided by the new display and control systems is matched by the all-new Jaguar XJ’s multimedia capabilities. Depending on market and model, there is a choice of CD/DVD player; analogue, DAB, HD radio or SiriusTM radio receivers; and digital or analogue television. In addition, the Media Hub provides flexible connectivity through two USB ports, Bluetooth® audio streaming and an auxiliary input, which allow the user to connect with iPods®, iPhones®, laptops and Blackberries®, for example. The audio unit utilises a hard-disc-drive (HDD) system, so that CDs can be loaded onto the HDD for later listening. GracenoteTM is included to allow artist and track information to be recognised. The vehicle’s navigation system is also HDD-based, providing quicker access and the ability to store and update detailed mapping information more easily.

And that’s before we even discuss the engine, design and interior of this thing!

CLICK HERE to view the other pics and download the press release.

Read deputy editor Hannes Oosthuizen’s driving impression in the May issue of CAR, on sale 19 April.

[source : carmag]

Word on the street is that a valet attendant employed by the four star Grand Daddy on Long Street may have allegedly abused his position last Saturday night.

And when we say “abused his position”, what we really mean to say is “stole a Grand Daddy client’s Mini Cooper Sport, and wrecked it Jub Jub style 70 kilometres away in Blue Downs”.

Whoops! (a car, similar to the one in the story)

So on reflection, “abused his position” might be a little off the mark.

No doubt when the client heard about the wee mishap, they were less than pleased. Apparently hotel management tried to assuage their alleged grief by allegedly sending up an alleged bottle of fizz on ice.

So far, hotel management has allegedly taken full responsibility for the alleged incident.

The valet is yet to man up and apologise for stealing a girly Mini Cooper Sport, instead of something more care-free and manly, like a Camaro.

Yet this week an irresistible business opportunity and a session with the Aston Martin top brass took me northwards. I naturally tapped my network to establish where I should be to ensure that my vibe was maintained. It is critical to source environs that I am used to, to ease the separation anxiety from the opulence and convenience of my primary residence, the 5-star Cape Royale. Enter the Westcliff Hotel, Johannesburg. Now we’re talking. Style like I’m used to. Style you should strive for and opulence we crave, especially in Jozi.

From the moment I saw the beaming Wonga at the arrivals hall at Jan Smuts, slickly decked out in his regal driver kit, I knew that everything would be okay. Slick. Look, the drive around Jozi is probably not ever going to be a person with any sort of aesthetic sensibility’s wet dream – but the gem that is Wonga made it more than passable. Sure, the new 5 series isn’t the Jaguar I am normally driven around in. But I’m fine with it. Rental cars in foreign cities are generally a shit-show and should be given the wide berth – where possible.

Cool, to the power of Wonga

Essential then for me to gather my thoughts, bask in pristine environs and rediscover the vibe after the commute from the sublime to the not-so-sublime. Imagine my unadulterated joy then, to enter the tranquil world of the Westcliff. You will appreciate that I am well qualified to comment on hotels. The Cape Royale raises the bar pretty high, but the grandeur, style and class of the Westcliff are certainly also up there with the very best.

Suitably refreshed and buoyed by the prospect of a post-meeting infinity-pool session, we hit Jozi hard. The only way I know how. Gordon Gecko would have approved of the clinical, ruthless efficiency which underlined the meetings. In, out and what seemed like minutes later the great Wonga swung the beemer into the oasis that is the Westcliff – perched very nicely on a hilltop overlooking Egoli. Never rush – that is one of the secrets I’m happy to impart. Hence my carefully staggered meetings allowed me plenty of time to savour the delights the hotel has to offer.

The heated pool with Polo Lounge above and my suite to the left

Shame – my private garden leading to the pool

So there I was. Post-meeting domination. Sunset, poolside, cocktail in hand, angels trying to make their repeated stares in my direction subtle (and failing dismally), attentive waiters on hand. Naturally donning the hotels reassuringly heavy white gown, and I thought, on reflection, that Jozi is pretty damn cool if you can immerse yourself in this vibe. In its own way. I also understood just why Westcliff is something of an institution. And why 2oceansvibe Character, The Wedding Singer, chose to drop to one knee in this venerable locale.

Tea in the ‘Polo Lounge’ – terribly civilised..

“Do you know how to make a 2oceansvibe cocktail?”

With Europe now shedding its winter jacket I must confess that at times being in the hotel environment did transport me back to stays in romantic hotels lingering above the Italian Riveria. With a bit of imagination I could quite easily have thought I was swirling a crisp Chianti on the terrace at the Splendido in Portfofino. But then a roar from a lion in the zoo below reminded me that I was still on the Dark Continent. Or maybe the Jameson’s were kicking in. Anyway, I digress.

The views from the manicured lawns and perfectly perched infinity pool are seriously impressive and I was pretty blown away by the vistas over the Joburg Zoo from the pool terrace. So much so that I remarked the Joburg must surely be one of the largest, if not the largest, man-made forest on earth….. Indeed. Wiki it if you must. That’s what I’m here for – informing and keep you abreast of the trivia you should know. Like the fact that Jozi has a higher annual rainfall than London. No spice. Yes, please – go check.

Shame – sorry for you..

But what isn’t trivial is the level of service and quality of scenes at the Westcliff. Drinks, world class dinner overlooking the pool, more drinks. Fine. The beauty of staying at a place like this is the utter joy of indulging in the things which the Jozi heavy hitters who are there for drinks aren’t able to. Nothing better than swanning around in your toweling gown, much like Jack Nicholson would do on St Tropez yet. Because he can. While those there just for drinks or supper look on with the envy which is impossible to repress.

It is rare that I actually get vaguely excited about going to bed alone. Yes, that might sound borderline strange. But when you are positioned to the best suite in the house and your bed is bigger than most pools on the Radlantic you get my point. So a properly productive day, all conducted in the style and vibe I’ve grown accustomed to was complete.

The ever-attentative Dingani and co in their Polo Lounge outfits

Day 2 of the Jozi excursion couldn’t have been kicked off in more perfect fashion. I’m growing quite fond of egg white omelets with feta, ham and rocket. So a ridiculously sumptuous brekkie and a leisurely stroll around the perfectly manicured grounds and a few lengths of the (heated) pool was pretty much perfect. Weird to be in Joburg but in European vibes – but this could be the start of a new love affair.

The ever faithful Wonga delivered us safely to the airport and I must admit to being strangely nostalgic about leaving Jozi this time. It couldn’t have been run with greater precision if a Swiss outfit had arranged my itinerary. Great vibe.

Using my iPhone and my Photostich app, I made a stunning little panorama of the pool deck, overlooking Johannesburg.

Give it a click – you’ll enjoy it.

Click image for seriously impressive panorama pic

Nothing wrong with that, hey?

So as I watch the sun slip into the Atlantic my faith in Jozi has been restored. Slightly envious of those who get to spend more time in the Westcliff – but I’ll be back, for sure. Jozi may well need me.

Until next time.

Personally I’ve had close on 500 massages at Equinox. It’s pretty much a wonderland of pamperrific excess and you need to go.

Mmm, you like that..

Not that we should forget the amusing bushes, glass of wine and 200 grams of the best rump or rib eye your taste buds have ever imagined. For the same price as you will be tipping car guards after the world cup. Such will be the norm following our European guests’ unintentional excessive custom during the tournament.

Put that steak inside your body..

Then they added the lightning for general imagery – which is fair enough.

Hey check this lightning next to the Cape Town stadium from the other night.

Hell’s teeth – look at that!
[picture credit Simon Gottschalk]

That’s pretty much the exact view you get of the stadium from my penthouse suite at The Cape Royale hotel.

I could’ve taken that pic.

I basically took that pic.

It’s basically my photograph.

I took it.

CLICK HERE to listen to Lightning Xesha by LIVE.

He says the words “Lightning Xesha” right at the start of the song.

It’s a tribute to Nelson Mandela.

[thanks mark]
[photos : source]

Why would you care about the Mango Airlines in-flight magazine?

Let me show you..

This month’s cover of “Juice” Magazine
Mango Airlines in-flight magazine

CLICK HERE TO READ THE ARTICLE

No, I am not shitting you – it’s real. Can you even cope with that facial expression? Hahahaha! I’m like, “sure, I slept with your wife, but how good is this cocktail? Here, try some..”

God, what a DICK!

That shot was taken at the Sky Bar, by the way – at my primary residence, the 5-star Cape Royale hotel. The very same hotel which recently had employees from Coral International hotel in the lobby, trying to poach guests as they checked in.

So for those of you who were about to book on another airline, stop what you’re doing right now and get your mouse over to Mango Airlines.You can’t buy these mags in the shops so flying on Mango will be the best chance you have of grabbing a copy. And it’s a top story – written by none other than Simon Hartley .

What’s more, we’re giving away a free Butlers pizza and a free Euromillions Lottery voucher to everyone who sends in a picture of themselves on a Mango Airlines plane, holding up a copy of the magazine. Seductively.

Competition runs until the end of the month.

Send your pics to editor@2oceansvibe.com with the subject “Touch my Mango” and we’ll sort you out.

*If you do not live in Cape Town, you may transfer the pizza to a friend of yours in Cape Town. They will then owe you a favour and you will have the power. If you don’t have a friend in Cape Town then the pizza will be kept for you until you move here.

Thanks to Monique and the crew for an awesome day shooting and mucking about at the 5-star Cape Royale Hotel.

This is the vibe we went for:

Oh my goodness look at this! Kirsten and Lee Ann, our little spunks from Miss K Food Cafe in Green Point (next to our primary residence, The Cape Royale) are up for an important accolade! It’s the News24 Sizzling Hot Chefs competition, and 2oceansvibe is 100% behind them!

Seriously gang, you know how the vibe works – it takes care of people that deserve looking after. And world-class food aside, these girls aren’t the hardest on the eye which, as far as I can see, is the point of this competition!

You’ll never believe who won… Oh, did the headline give it away?

So why don’t you just stop what you’re doing right now and give yourselves a round of applause, because Miss K won the whole thing and are now, officially, the most sizzling hot chef’s in Cape Town!

Kirsten and Lee Ann
Can keep drinking..

Well done Kirsten and Lee Ann!

And well done to all the 2oceansvibers out there for ensuring the vibe remains cool and victorious at all times!

Be sure to visit Miss K if you haven’t already. It’s just to the right of my residence, The Cape Royale Hotel , Main Road, Green Point.

Check out the full results of the Hot Chefs competition here.

Instant respect in any skate-park or motorbike ramp-hall..

“Touch Yourself – Seth”
(Note the Wolverine shirt – instant respect!)

Lest we forget the new Skull & Crossbones Havaianas..
(luminous – glow in the dark – no spice)

I could see a lot of the young punks were starting to look up to me. They could see I had been there – you know – back in the day…. When we were riding the first Christian Hoisoi’s and Rob Roskopp’s. I stuck with Santa Cruz, but Jeffery was bound to Powell Peralta by the hip. Some oke’s had that plastic cover over their trucks, but I didn’t – because I was loose. NMB bearings and Rat Bones wheels was how I rolled.

Jack Parow, however, used to cruise on a Variflex board.

I know..it’s completely off the hizzo!

Jack Parow hit the stage and absolutely killed it. I hadn’t heard some of his other songs. He sang about eight tracks which all rocked, blending a bit of Cypress Hill with Benoni and white-trash Cape Town. What more do you want?

Check it out – live video of Jack Parow singing Cooler As Ekke.

Quality sucks, but you’ll watch it anyway, because it’s rad.

*Wait for box to appear with circle. Then wait for circle to stop spinning. Then play..

And here are the lyrics in English, just for spice.

Translated by Google:

You think you’re cooler than ekke’s
because you smoke cigarettes Yves Saint Laurent
You think you’re cooler than ekke’s
because you’ve got a tattoo of a snake on your tette.
You think you’re’s cooler than me
because you’ve got a poster of Led Zeppelin above your bed
You think you’re’s cooler than me
because you’s every year at the J & B Met.

You’re old news, I go with raw beats
You lie and wait, I gan searching for something
You’re ice tea, I’m JP
You’s lite beer, I’m spirits
You’re the old with the new fresh look
I’m the old with the Pep Stores pants
I watch you, you koekeloer oukes
You forward jokes even Vernon Koekemoer
I’m great, you’s spasties
I take an poppies, you get an small kids
You Voster’s Tim, I’m Chris Edwards
You innie’s forests, I roll innie fat shit
You’re boring as campfire songs ommie
my style slick sneak suutjies like a vampire
your style kak soft like a pink Marshmallow
girls screaming for just “one night in Parow”

You think you’re cooler than ekke’s
because you’re hanging with models and I hang with Slette
You think you’re cooler than ekke’s
because I’m a rapper and you sing in falsette
You think you’re’s cooler than me
because I ride on the bus and you’re flying on a jet
You think you’re’s cooler than me
because you drive a Peugeot two six zero

You roll with a phone in your pen
I still roll with a 3310
My style casting sexy correctly
You wear even breed Mr Price Red
If I denied skrikkie entire breeding bar
You get more money by breeding your mother
I loose the whole Jol papnat
If you start boarding the entire path Jollie vat
I’m American jys Iraq
I lat you bomb the weak kak spat
I’m a Bic pen, you are a Mont Blanc
You walk around with foam on your rear foot-edge
I’s original u’s gecopy
I’m a flash drive, you are a floppy
You make sure you had your mom’s fake Jack Parow bra
I live like a straatmeit

You think you’re cooler than ekke’s
because you drink at Ku De Ta and I drink at De decks
You think you’re cooler than ekke’s
because you are the gentleman’s, bra eksie prette
You think you’re’s cooler than me
because I keep holiday in Hartenbos and hold holiday in Quebec.
You think you’re’s cooler than me
because you have the new issue of One Small Seed

Jack Parow bra I’m a wild cat
You eat caviar and couscous
Klipdrif I drink, you drink Peroni
You’ve got friends in Sweden, I have friends in Benoni
I buy all my clothes at the local Pep Stores save more
You buy all your clothes in a rear store
You only wear Polo shirts breeding
Shame, you listen to the Dirty Skirts

My name’s Parow, thick heavy uitgeskollie
You seem like Jeremy de Tollie
Jack Parow the life of the party
You only wear breeding ISSEY MIYAKE
You’re too cool for school, ex moss kief
I’m Grasshopper, jys Lacoste sports
You flop lat the cake, I lat the house rice
Your girl has a picture of me on her Space Case

Click HERE for the original music video

The party moved from the Ultimate X Games to The Assembly in town.

I received a sms from Jack Parow at 1am: “Fokkit, nice meeting you today man. u should have to come to assembly. ripped the fokkin roof off this jol. was kak lekke!”

What a goddamn legend!

Jack Parow is a national treasure and we should treat him as such.

Check him out playing video games and being interviewed by Zoopy’s Game State here.

Hey, and when you’re done there, check out these two pics from the day at Ultimate X.

Nic de Wit doing a “backflip” on MX bike

Wayne Reiche doing a “front flip”

pics by Eric Palmer

Sick!

[thanks lace]

It’s a stunning path of destruction which ended with Michael currently putting his mansion on the market to scrape up some change – for half the sum he paid for it.

“You’ve got stye..
..that’s what all the girls say..”

The very eloquent, always accurate The Sun had this to say:

SKINT lotto lout Michael Carroll has made an internet video tour of his ruined mansion – as he prepares to put it up for sale. The 26-year-old former jailbird hopes to shift the ailing property for £250,000, a loss of £260,000 on his original outlay.

Former dustman Carroll bought it in 2002 for £340,000 after scooping a £9.7million Lottery jackpot. He then spent £175,000 adding a swimming pool and Jacuzzi, plus a new bathroom and kitchens.

However the thug went on to squander his mega payout and is now putting the six-bedroom Grange at Swaffham, Norfolk, on the market.

But his YouTube “sales pitch” shows potential buyers could be in for a shock.It reveals that carpets, windows and walls have been removed – while the “decor” includes BLOOD-STAINED walls and DOG-FOULED floors.

Water in the pool is avocado-coloured, having not been drained in two years – while floors and walls are coated in graffiti.

At the rear of the property is a demolition derby track – complete with clapped-out cars and piles of RUBBLE.

But at least “mod cons” are in plentiful supply – namely Carroll, who served time for affray, and several of his violent, drug-dealing cronies who were also sent to jail.

More here (including pics and video)

You see, Michael is a prime example on how not to do it.

I do hope the rest of you out there will be doing it differently, should your EuroMillions or SuperEna Lottery jackpot numbers come through.

It’s tricky. You think you can handle it?

Are you sure?

Would you even tell anyone?

I bet you would.

CLICK HERE to by your Euromillions and Superna Lottery ticket’s, safely and securely online.

__________________

[thanks ken]

Click here to watch Madonna singing her 80′s hit “Dress You Up”

By the way, you know that local guy who thought he had won the lottery, and the media went and celebrated his victory? Without checking his ticket (you had a bitch about that here – entitled The Great Lottery Jackpot Winner Disaster)? Ja, well, enjoy this – my guy in the corner cafe near the Cape Royale hotel tunes me that the guy (the deaf mute follow who “thought” he had won the lottery) knew the dates on his ticket were wrong. But he bought the previous days winning numbers, to try and use that ticket to secure a loan at the bank. I swear to God. Shame. Can you fucking believe it? So, while he IS at fault, the media are still complete amateurs for publishing the story without checking the not-so-finer details. And THEN, for the Sunday Times to follow through and re-publish the story, quoting from the original, incorrect source. Seriously, is that what they taught you at play-play journalist school?

I would be celebrating and popping the champagne, if the news came as a surprise. But it doesn’t. I mean, is it wrong to expect these kind of accolades from 2oceansvibe brands and sponsors? Are we not perhaps numbed by the success of the associated brands and advertisers and people on 2oceansvibe? Brands and products and people that fall within the 2oceansvibe culture and mindset of good service combined with coolness and an understanding of what is fair and right, with no red tape to be seen? Is that really so amazing? Please, give me a break – that shit comes standard around these parts.

Check it out, this from my primary residence, the Cape Royale hotel:

The Cape Royale Luxury Hotel and Residence, Green Point, Cape Town, South Africa, is proud to announce that it has been selected as the Overall Winner of the TripAdvisor Travelers’ Choice award for Best Luxury Hotel in Africa.

The award winners are selected based on the millions of reviews and opinions from travelers on tripadvisor.com. Cape Royale Luxury Hotel has been awarded the Best Luxury Hotel in Africa, in the eighth annual TripAdvisor Travelers Choice Awards. 95% of the travelers who reviewed Cape Royale recommended staying at the hotel. TripAdvisor attracts more than 36 million visitors every month.
The Cape Royale is thrilled with the achievement, having only opened in 2008. Boasting 95 luxury suites right in the heart of Green Point.

The Cape Royale Luxury Hotel and Residence is also the recent Overall Winner of the Luxury Hotel Award, in the ‘All Suite’ category at the World Luxury Hotel Awards 2009, which were held at the world renowned Lebua at State Tower Hotel in Bangkok, Thailand on the 27 November 2009. Award winners set the benchmark for luxury establishments in achieving recognition for their world class facilities and service excellence.

Commenting on the Award the Managing Director of Cape Royale Luxury Hotel and Residence, Mr. Nathan Schmidt said, “This is not just an outstanding achievement for our entire team after just two years in business, but confirmation that world class hotel accommodation is available in Cape Town in the run up to the World Cup. Coming on top of our recent selection by distinguished Preferred Hotels as their first Super Luxury hotel in South Africa, this has been a memorable few weeks for all our staff”.

Nice.

Those of you who have stayed in the Cape Royale hotel, in my suite or any other, will agree there is something about the Cape Royale that the others just don’t “get.” That’s probably why more and more people are having their meetings at The Cape Royale – let alone staying at the place.

I’ll tell you something else pretty unique about The Cape Royale. They’ve got a concierge service that will blow your mind. Headed up by Ryan Van Zyl – he happens to be one of only three genuine concierges in South Africa! Ie. the Cape Royale hotel has one of only three genuine concierges in South Africa (there are only 3,000 in the world).

Hotel concierge staff have their own professional association, called Les Clefs d’Or (“The Golden Keys”). It was formed in France in October 1929 and you will see those very keys on Ryan’s jacket lapels.

Ryan is obsessed with being the best concierge and he completely and utterly nails it – and then some. There is simply no task too complex or difficult – and that, my friends, is what I’m looking for. It’s what you’re looking for and it’s the reason why you are here at 2oceansvibe and the reason why we hang out at the Cape Royale and Caprice and HQ and Caveau and Miss K – because it’s safe – we know what we’re getting and we just want to carry on being ourselves and not worry about whether or not the place we’re at is going to get it right.

I do it all for you, I hope you know that…

Seriously gang, you know how the vibe works – it takes care of people that deserve looking after. And world-class food aside, these girls aren’t the hardest on the eye which, as far as I can see, is the point of this competition!

That’s why we simply ALL have to get behind the girls and give them our vote. And I can promise you something right now, it will take you LITERALLY two clicks. There is no registration process. It really is just TWO CLICKS!

Kirsten and Lee Ann
Get hammered on champagne

All you have to do is CLICK HERE TO VOTE FOR THEM and then, on the next page that loads up, simply click the word “SIZZLING” under their picture.

Then you’re done! Seriously, there is nothing more to do. Very easy.

Do it now. Do it for 2oceansvibe. Keep the vibe alive!

CLICK HERE TO VOTE FOR THEM and then, on the next page that loads up, simply click the word “SIZZLING” under their picture.

1800 Restaurant
Doesn’t mess around when it comes to steaks

They offer a range of succulent signature steaks, delectable meat dishes and shellfish. Their grill prepares the meat at a temperature of 1800° Fahrenheit (hence the name). The result is moist, tender, melt-in-your-mouth steak, accompanied by a wide variety of mouth-watering sauces from around the world.

Sound good? Ja well this will sound pretty good as well.

Check it out, they’re having a radical Rib-Eye steak promotion!

18hundreddegrees.com

I chow at 1800 a helluva lot, and assure you this is NOT to be missed! A meal like that with a little starter and glass of premium red thrown in should be going for nearly twice that price.

(Not that we should let our date know!)

Roger Federer stands next to Australian Open loser, Andy Murray

Federer 16, Murray 0 – That is the current grand slam scoreboard between Roger Federer and Andy Murray, after Federer dispatched the Scot in Sunday’s Australian Open tennis final. But I thought this was Andy’s year? Lift him. Lift him high. Then disappear when he drops to the ground. Aah, the British press.. [telegraph]

President Zuma’s Baby Factory Attracts International Interest – The announcement of President Zuma having fostered a 20th child didn’t go unnoticed by the world’s press, as The Times UK ran a story reporting on South Africa’s most famous polygamist. [thetimes]

Hillary Clinton Crashes and Burns – Hillary Clinton–flustered, perhaps, by the news that George Stephanopoulos is her cousin…or by a recent slew of meetings with her “crush” David Miliband–suffered an embarrassing wardrobe malfunction on the steps of Elysee Palace Friday. While ascending to greet President Sarkozy, the secretary of state stepped right out of her black kitten heel. Blind. [thehuff]

Beyoncé and Taylor Swift Clean Up – Beyoncé won six Grammy Awards last night in Los Angeles, setting a record for a female performer, but was foiled in two high-profile categories. The R&B superstar captured song of the year for “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On it),” while Taylor Swift took home album of the year for “Fearless”

Grammys Go 3-D For Michael Jackson Tribute – The Grammys rode the 3-D wave Sunday with a special-effects-laden tribute to the late Michael Jackson in an awards show that featured many big spectacle moments. Entertainment  |  Television  |  Music Jackson’s children, Prince Michael, 12, and Paris, 11 appeared after the tribute to accept a lifetime achievement award for the pop star, who died in June of a prescription drug overdose. [reuters]

Liger Cruising Around South Carolina – Ligers are pretty much my favourtie animal, even though I thought they were just a figment of Napoleon Dynamite‘s imagination. But it seems they really do exist, and they’ve got pictures too! However, Ligers are not the only spicy concoction mother nature (slut) has conjured up. There is also the Zeedonk (zebra / donkey mix), Wolphin (whale / dolphin mix), and Lepjags (guess..). No spice. [telegraph]

Travelers’ Choice Hotel Awards Puts Seth’s Residence Tops – There is nothing quite like the reassurance that you’re living in the right place. Cape Town as a home is the obvious choice, but I’m referring to my primary residence, the Cape Royale Hotel, which has just been voted the Top Luxury Hotel in Africa! That’s right, baby! [tripadvisor]

“Wandering Fever”Ryan Sandes Documentary Imminent – Jeez you gotta see the trailer about my good friend, Ryan Sandes, the desert runner who exploded onto the running scene over the past couple years. African Attachment are in their final production stages and it’s ripe for interested investors. [youtube]

Shipping Container Classrooms – The innovative chaps at Breadline Africa came up with a crafty idea of turning old shipping containers into soup kitchens, clinics and classrooms to help impoverished communities. They also managed to rope in some major celeb star power for their latest campaign. Celebs that you can win a night out with! [breadlineafrica]

It’s very “niche,” don’t you think? And I am SO niche right now..

Anyway, it’s deadly serious and involves a Golden Retriever, named Moscow. The added advantage this ad has over other lost dog ads is the fact that I had a Golden Labrador as a kid. You may have seen a picture of me and Katie in that ELLE Magazine interview they did a few weeks back.

“KAAATIE, KATIE, KATIE, KATIE, KATIEEEEEEE!”

“FOOODIE, FOODIE, FOODIE, FOODIE, FOODIEEEES!!!!”

Sorry about that.

So, ja, retrievers and labs, they’re virtually the same. Imagine if we said we would do missing dog ads, but only for golden retrievers and labs. Hah, that would be funny. Racist, even?

But seriously, don’t. I’ll leave and then you’ll have nothing.

So here it is:

ON New Year’s day? Shit, not an ideal way to start the New Year.

Hangover…

House in a mess…

“Moscow!!!”

“MOSCOW!!!!”

“COME IN, MOSCOW!!!”

Shame, no, but seriously it’s not a cool vibe.

So the big question is, have YOU seen Moscow? Went missing on the Atlantic Seaboard (originally Clifton).

Let’s find this hound and then we can rejoice!

Tell you what, if you find Moscow I’ll throw in two nights in my suite at the 5-Star Cape Royale hotel in Cape Town. No spice.

This is the LAST lost dog ad we’re doing.

Ever.

Seriously.

But let’s not go on about “boosting” numbers and “breaking records” – I just thought that I would show you the ELLE interview, now that the magazine is sold out.

BANG!

Click image to enlarge..

CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE TO READING SIZE
FEEL IT INSIDE YOU

Good times. Did you know about my “C-TAP” nickname?

It’s funny.. I regularly get into what pot-smokers describe as a “zone” during interviews and, when published, I often don’t remember what I said at the time.

My favourite answer would have to be the one about the dolphins. That really made me chuckle.

And howz that pic of me and my labrador? Her name was Katie.

KAAATIE, KATIE, KATIE, KATIE, KATIEEEEEEE!

FOOODIE, FOODIE, FOODIE, FOODIE, FOODIEEEES!!!!

Speaking of which, The Big H has just returned to London and remarked (electronically) at the current weather situation in the capital. My goodness – I was not aware. It would be best to place them (Cape Town and London’s weather reports) side-by-side, to fully understand the contrast our boy is experiencing.

Sorry, did you say MINUS 4?

Not to distract us from this week’s Tuesday Tabs – simply food for thought. Or rather another opportunity for us to pat ourselves (again) on the backs for landing with our arses squarely in the butter here in Cape Town.

Speaking of butter, Luba Shumeyko has featured before on 2oceansvibe’s esteemed Tuesday Tabs list. Quite early on, I might add – Tuesday Tabs Number 7!

That was more than three years ago and came shortly after The Chief and I escaped Cape Town for a weekend of booze, weed and books in Misty Cliffs. That was followed by the realisation that famous naked photographer Petter Hegre‘s WIFE, Luba, and her twin sister Nadya, had been filmed by Peter Hegre in that very house! It’s a famous 2oceansvibe story which some of the old faithful remind me of from time to time.

That rich 2oceansvibe heritage, combined with the fact that her sister Nadya now LIVES in Cape Town, has left me with no choice but to feature Luba as the first Tuesday Tabs angel of 2010.

I’m sorry, but I you have left me with no option..

Click image for higher res, slightly NSFW, version

Thanks Randall, I’ll take it from here..

I wouldn’t say her husband is “out of line” for claiming that Luba has the most perfect body in the world. Seriously, he does. All the time.

It may well be up for discussion, but I certainly wouldn’t go out of my way to call him a “liar.”

She’s in the runnings, I’ll tell you that much..

So anyway, I received a tweet from Cape Town 2010, who attached a far more superior pic of the road I was discussing. I was so impressed I thought I would give it to you right here, right now.

Check it out! Click pic to enlarge..

CLICK HERE FOR HI-RES IMAGE

Pretty cool, hey?!

Also note at the very bottom you can see a bit of the new Green Point Promenade which I mentioned in yesterday’s Beach Cruiser Bicycle article! 4km of brand new running/cycling track right next to the stadium and my primary residence, the Cape Royale Hotel!

Which is exactly where I am right now, funnily enough, enjoying the Sky Bar pool..

[pic source : capetown.gov.za]

Nice.

Nice.

I like what you did there.

Although it’s not that difficult – I can see you’re holding on to those bars on the right hand side of the screen. It’s clearly not 100% magic.

[thanks paul]

Tiger Woods’s Facial Injuries Were Not From a Car Accident – Unless you’re calling his wife a car? Tiger Woods did not suffer facial lacerations from a car accident. They were inflicted by his wife, Elin Nordegren — according to a conversation Woods had Friday after the accident. And now the cops have issued a warrant for his medical records and Tiger is missing his OWN golf tournament..Yu! [TMZ]

A Guided Tour of Roman Polanski’s Luxury Alpine Prison to the Stars – Poor, beleaguered Roman Polanski is being held in the most inhumane of conditions, a luxury ski chalet with a breathtaking view in a posh Swiss town beneath an endless sky bound only by rainbows. [gawker]

Berlusconi’s Wife ‘in 43m Euro a Year Divorce Claim’ – According to Italian daily Corriere della Sera, Veronica Lario, Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi’s wife, is seeking 3.5 million euros per month during divorce proceedings. Berlusconi had rebuffed her demand, and offered a more reasonable 200,000 euros a month. I can imagine that not being enough. [luxuo]

Heidi Klum and Seal’s Brand New Baby [PHOTOS] – For the first time, the world is getting a look at Heidi Klum and Seal’s new daughter, Lou. Over the holiday weekend, the ‘Kiss From a Rose’ crooner published several photos of his family, with little Lou in tow, on his Web site. [seal]

ATTENTION GIRLS! The MUCH Anticipated “Rarely Worn” Clothes Sale – So many of you own clothes that you never wear, some of them still brand new, too valuable to just give away, but wasting away in your closet. This is your opportunity to get rid of all those items while making some money back. Or even better, going to a sale where you can buy practically brand new clothing at a bargain price! 11am, 5 December – Cape Royale Hotel [rarelyworndetails]

Alex Baldwin is Quitting Hollywood – At least he will be, just as soon as he finishes cohosting next year’s Oscars, stops serving as a prime-time magnet for the Golden Globes and Emmys and otherwise decides that he’s tired of being one of the best things to happen to the small screen in years. Then it’s over. [eonline]

Scottish Brewery Creates Strongest Beer in The World – Scottish brewery BrewDog have broken the record for the world’s strongest beer with its new brew, Tactical Nuclear Penguin, which contains an ABV of 32 per cent. I took a sip of one the other day and saw the Lock Ness Monster drive past me in a car. [bighospitality]

Billions wiped off markets as Dubai returns to work – Traders jittery after UAE bank’s bid to restore confidence is overshadowed by emirate’s refusal to guarantee debts. And so they should be after so much money has been blown on people building their houses on sand, let alone building the sand on water. Dubai, the symbol of greed. Burn, baby burn. [guardian]

Essential iPhone Apps – If you’re like me and you understand that iPhones are better than Blackberrys and whatever other kak is out there, you’ll appreciate this. Each month, the best new iPhone apps—and some older ones—are considered for admission into Gizmodo’s Essential iPhone Apps Directory. Who will join? Who will live? Who will die? [gizmodo]

Review: 2010 Audi S4 sedan, Fast and Practical – BMW has its M Division, Mercedes-Benz has AMG and Audi has Quattro GmbH. Quattro of course draws its name from the all-wheel-drive system that has been a staple of Audis since the early 1980s. The Quattro group based in Neckarsulm, Germany creates two levels improved Audis which are distinguished by the model names, these being S and RS. All naturally available at Audi Centre Cape Town. Follow the jump to read about the latest S4. [luxotica]

“The biggest innovation in writing history” – After the massive success of this revolutionary pen in the United States, PenAgain is now availaible in South African stores. I’m still trying to get my hands on one but have been told that the PenAgain’s patented wishbone shaped design has been called “the biggest innovation in the writing instrument industry since the ballpoint pen replaced the quill”. Well I still use a quill (I’m using one to write this article) so I’ll be interested to give it a go! [penagain]

TODAY’S SuperEna Lottery Sports R1.1 Billion Rollover Jackpot – At £88 million, today’s SuperEna lottery draw is one of the biggest jackpots in history. You can use this free triple-ticket lottery voucher if you’re quick enough (7F17-A0B0-89DD-74EC – it will only work once). And, if that doesn’t work (you weren’t quick enough), then you can buy your own at the same place. Safely and securely online. I just bought three (see my numbers here). [playsuperena]

Christmas Decorations and Gifts Sale at Rhubard Room – Fueled with champagne and gaggles of trendy babes cooing over all things glittery, I’d be tempted to advise the boys to swing by! Running from 9am to 5pm today. Go get ‘em, girls! [rhubarb]

[thanks robin]

CLICK HERE to see that original 2oceansvibe article

That was obviously a prelude to the official launch of the new Boschendal Grande Cuvee Brut which, naturally, took place at my official residence – The Cape Royale Hotel – at the Sky Bar, no less!

And what a night it was!

Click pics to enlarge:

Good times..

Winemaker Lizelle Gerber and Seth Rotherham as MC (baking!)

There she is!

Miss Universe and three other guys
Hey, that’s Pascal and Jeremy on the right!

Are we human?

And so it goes on. There were tons more stunning pics which I’ve consolidated into a handy slideshow for you!

To find out more about the night (which included none other than 2oceansvibe Character “The Personal Jukebox,” Sox, spinning the tunes) check out the Boschendal blog about the event HERE.

Thanks to Boschendal and the Luxury Brands team (esp. Jeremy, Heidi, Kirsten, Taryn and Danny) for a stunning evening! Cape Royale… it goes without saying..

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE SLIDESHOW!

And WHAT an occasion it is! Who would have thought that Helen Zille would accept the offer of being a 2oceansvibe Weather Girl? My goodness, what a surprise! Although, in all fairness, the allure of joining an exclusive club which counts the likes of Elbe van der Merwe, Lisa/Michelle Cowley, Tracy McGregor and Genevieve Morton in it’s ranks, is quite understandable!

So there we were, in my suite at The Cape Royale Hotel. But it wasn’t JUST me and Helen, I also managed to rope in the girl’s favourite weatherman – Derek Van Dam from E-TV news!

Derek Van Dam, Helen Zille and Seth Rotherham
During the taping of the 2oceansvibe Show
at Seth’s residence – The Cape Royale Hotel

I know! How action packed is that?

So here it is guys! And remember, this 2oceansvibe Show will also be included in this year’s 2oceansvibe DVD which will be out in a couple weeks..

Ok, are you ready to watch the show?

Wait for the box and the video to load under this line____________________

*slow internet surfers are advised to pause video at the start and let it load up before playing.

Thanks to NoMU foods, Helen Zille and Derek Van Dam for the good times!

Keep an eye on the site (note to everyone listening: it is SITE, not SIGHT) for info on the soon to be released 2oceansvibe DVD which will showcase ALL the 2oceansvibe Shows, Weathergirls and MUCH MORE!

I headed through to my primary residence, The Cape Royale Hotel, to chill out and Ryan, the most talented concierge I have ever come across, alerted me of a delivery. Can you bloody believe it, it was from Volkswagen and it was ALL about the end of the Citi Golf.

“Good Lord – they’re really drumming it in!” I thought to myself..

GoodByeCiti.co.za

Then I logged on to MyBrandedLifeTM and noticed that Alex was throwing a fit over the fact that her parents never bought her a Citi Golf. Then she wrote another article and it turns out she got the same media kit as the one VW sent me! (She is currently contemplating never blogging again as she battles with her various demons – keep an eye on her here).

So I started thinking about what Alex said and realised that, although my parents refused to get me the Golf GTi I wanted at the time (“A thirteen hundred is MORE than enough for you!”), I was actually one of the lucky ones! With my white Citi Golf Shuttle (I named her “Claudia,” after Claudia Schiffer – no spice) I unwittingly joined a now very exclusive club. What’s more, MY particular CitiGolf happened to be the fastest production 1300 on the road. Everybody knew it and respected it. I remember hitting 200km/h with a gale force wind behind me on a very steep downhill at midnight travelling from St. Francis to The Cave in Plett..

Aaah, the YEARS of joy we had with the windscreen spray nozzle that I tweaked to spray out the side – allowing us to spray people on the side of the road. With precision aim, I might add. We OFTEN heard the spray hitting their faces. Christ, we were naughty – but damn it was fun!

So many stories – don’t even get me started on the guy that got out of his car and ran towards us with a sjambok in his hand when we got stuck at a red traffic light!! Yu! Good times..

I suddenly felt waves of emotion and nostalgia running through my beautiful body.

I emailed Mother Dearest in France and asked if there was any documented footage of Claudia. Apparently there was – and it wasn’t hard to find either it seems. She reports, “Only had to open 20 boxes , climb over 10 suit cases and move 45 paintings Really not a problem I had to get into that room as half my jewellery was missing and I knew it had to be hidden in there somewhere which it was .”

Good show.

And this, my friends – was the result:

Please appreciate the bow..

Please appreciate the slippers

I’ve had a number of cars since the, including the current Audi R8 and TT – both of which I love very dearly, but I still check the numberplate on every CitiGolf Shuttle that I see – wondering if it’s her. But I doubt she is around. She was probably used in a drive-by shooting or a robbery and sold for scrap [wipes tear].

But maybe she is around..

If you see her around (CA 793-033) – send her my love and get a pic if you can.

Goodbye, Claudia.

Goodbye CitiGolf..

Thanks for the memories..

*THE END*

[*read more on citi bowing out here]

And I didn’t just have the computers – as an only child I lived, breathed, ate and slept them. I even slept WITH them at times. Non fiction. I opened them up and put them back together again. All the work I have ever done has been computer related. I was logging into “Bulletin Board Systems” in the early 90′s and was surfing on the net in ’93/’94 when the speed was 1200bps and there was purely text – no images.

No Tuesday Tabs..

You get the picture – when it comes to PC’s, they truly are all I know. From desktops and the first monochrome screen laptops, to the latest and greatest, biggest and smallest Sony Vaio’s, I’ve had them all. Basically, you couldn’t with for a better authority on the content of this article, than yours truly.

I’ve endured the nauseating ridicule dished out by the Mac users out there and I’ve explained to them that I have no need to “switch.” They’re usually quite aggressive as well – not shy to hit you with things like, “what are you doing with this piece of shit.” Quite a vibe, I thought, especially when unsolicited.

“Everything works fine with my PC,” I would tell them. And, to coin a phrase I came up with a few years ago, “if it ain’t broke, don’t try and fix it.”

[pauses....looks at audience...utter silence...continues..]

Three weeks ago I acquired an Apple Mac and I will never be going back to PC.

FACT.

Let me explain.

It all started some time ago when I published an article about the Apple Mac iStore Shop at the Waterfront. Some of you will recall the mayhem that ensued – it has become something of geek folk legend here in Cape Town. Today, with over 120 comments and that article (mostly in support of my article – with new comments being added weekly, due to the article’s Google position for the search phrase “waterfront istore”), something needs to said for the Mac users out there. They’re a passionate bunch, alright!

My interest had been piqued and I became more and more intrigued with Apple Macs, but I didn’t want to deal with the iStore or Core, as it was quite evident that stabbing my eye repeatedly with a hot fork would give the same result.

The name “DigiCape” came up over and over in the comments section under that story I wrote – perhaps they were the ones to chat to?

I went through to their shop (their online store is hot as hell, by the way – www.digicape.co.za) which is off Roeland Street in Cape Town. I think the development is called “Roeland Square” – just down the road from Wembley Square and in the same complex as ORMS Photographic shop. Yes, that’s the one. I chatted to the owners and they let me test drive the new 13″ MacBook Pro (pictured above). It came with Office for Mac installed, as well as the likes of Dreamweaver, Photoshop and Final Cut. Their quietly smug confidence in the product certainly did get me going. Aroused, even.

www.digicape.co.za

Well, I tell you what – never before have I felt such a sensation. Not with regards to the use of the machine (we’ll get to that shortly) but more to do with the embarrassment that I realised I should have felt for so many years before. I call it “hindsight embarrassment” or, for pure 2oceansvibers, “hindsight emboerrissment.” Oh my God – how many people had secretly been laughing at me? For all this time!

From the outset I can tell you one thing that is quite clear to me. The Mac operating system and machine layout/functionality is far more better suited to human logic. It gets closer to those movies you see where the guy flicks things around a clear sheet of glass (think Minority Report ).

I shot a short video (using the iPhone 3Gs I also got from DigiCape) to show you how the new trackpad works.

Check it out:

I should mention that I filmed that video and uploaded it (directly from my iPhone using the Flickr app) to my Flickr account all in under 3 minutes.

I’ve had an ongoing joke with The Roofer for the last few years and with every new laptop I acquired, he would ask me, “is this one fast enough for you?”

“Hmm, it’s getting better,” I would always answer, “but I still find myself waiting for the machine, which I’m sure is not the point of the exercise!”

Sammy, I can tell you now, I’ve finally found it, pal!

And with regards to those Mac maniacs out there who make it their job to attack you and ridicule you about your PC, without any due provocation…. they’re still a bunch of dicks, but at least now I understand where they’re coming from.

I’m sure I won’t turn into them but, you know……seeing as we’re on the subject – exactly what are you doing with that piece of shit?

It’s won’t be long until you’ll find it at all your favourite 2oceansvibe hangouts, including Caprice, Miss K, 1800 Restaurant, Cape Royale Hotel, HQ Restaurant and Caveau.

Boschendal Grande Cuvee Brut
Now being served at The Safe House

Boschendal Grande Cuvee Brut – the 2oceansvibe Sparkling Wine of choice.

The Methode Cap Classique of choice, I might add!

I’ll be honest, The Muse and I klapped a bottle each on Sunday and I must say it goes VERY well with the Atlantic Seaboard. In fact, it goes very well with the entire weekend. It went well with the post-Clifton-tanning-session Sunday Times hour , as well as the vinyl player interlude, featuring Barry and Barbs.. Yes, it seems to adapt very well.

But you would have known that anyway, if you were following the 2oceansvibe Twitter feed, as well as the 2oceansvibe Flickr feed..

For the more serious bubbly drinkers out there, you can CLICK HERE to download the Boschendal Grande Cuvee Brut cheat sheet (PDF) which will answer all those questions you might be asking. Questions that I cannot answer. All I know is it tastes great and everyone I drink it with thinks the same!

Then, when you’re done there, take a stroll down to their website and see what it takes to become the official 2oceansvibe bubbly – www.boschendalwines.com

The Muse, The Photographer, Eddie S and I decided to take some refuge in the bar at The Bay hotel. It’s a lovely, cosy little bar with great views – a favourite amongst the Camps Bay locals throughout the winter, and summer.

We got to the entrance and got blocked by a security guard who informed us that only hotel residents were allowed access to the hotel.

The Bay hotel – Camps Bay
Locals not welcome

“I beg your pardon?” I retorted, gobsmacked.

“Only hotel guests allowed. Hotel is full,” our security guard friend informed us.

“I can see inside the bar from here, it is completely empty. Are you joking?” I gave the guard the benefit of the doubt – perhaps we were being Punk’d.

“Instructions from management,” he went on.

I realised that perhaps this was the result of the crazy crowds on the beach that day and maybe a blanket instruction had been given to all staff. With this in mind, I thought a bit of communication was in order.

“No problem,” I said, “this makes complete sense. Could you just make a quick call to the manager from the phone in your security booth and let him know that we are local Camps Bay residents.”

I turned to our little crew and informed them that this is obviously a formality and is surely to do with the mayhem on the beach.

The guy came back from making the call and said, “I’m sorry, local residents are not allowed in the hotel – only guests.”

We stood there, gobsmacked. I didn’t know what to say. All I could muster was, “there must be a mistake – did you tell the manager we are locals, who support the hotel throughout winter, when there are no tourists? Can you check again..”

He made another call, came back and said the same thing.

I asked for the manager’s name.

Mario Gomes, is the name he gave me.

And so, Mario Gomes and The Bay hotel, we would just like to thank you for that. It is very interesting to note how you welcome us with open arms in winter and carry on about how special the Capetonians are to you. But then as soon as summer comes, you refuse to let us in to your hotel – with full knowledge that we are locals and supporters of your hotel. Twice.

Not to mention the amount of friends and family we have directed to your establishment in the past..

What a pity.

But let’s hear what the readers out there think of this. Do you think it’s right that The Bay hotel bans locals during summer, but then let’s them in during winter? Perhaps this is standard around the world? We’d love to hear your thoughts – please add to the comments section – below.

Just to run you through the process – I recorded the show on my PVR decoder at The Safe House. So what that does is it stores the show in digital format on the PVR machine – for use at home. There is no facility to transfer this data from the machine to another machine, or computer, or disc or flash drive. Granted, there is a USB port on the decoder – but it doesn’t do anything,

So my friends at iKraal lent me a VIDEO MACHINE. That’s right – an old school style VHS video player/recorder. Awesome! I would hook up the machine between the PVR and the TV and record the show! There was only one problem – I needed a VHS tape..

Not the easiest thing in the world, I’m sure you can imagine. I went to Caldis on Long Street where the staff completely ignored me and managed to muster a mumble confirming that they had no VHS tapes. A very different attitude to when I bought the several plasma screens and DVD players and stereos in the past.

So anyway, should you ever require a VHS tape, I can confirm that Pick n’ Pay at the Waterfront sells them. I got a TDK 180 – quite mean! So I took that home, recorded the show from PVR onto tape and took the tape to iKraal, who have the facilities to transfer that video BACK into digital format! From there I could put it on “le web” – which is what the French call it.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how we got to this point!

So sit back, relax and enjoy the 2oceansvibe feature from SABC 3′s Top Billing show, 15 October, 2009. Wait for the box to load under this sentence and press play!

*Slow connections are advised to press pause to let it load up before playing.

I’m fine with that..

But now, finally, you can watch a live track from that day at the Cape Royale Sky Bar, with Goldfish – courtesy of Olmeca Black Tequila!

Wait here for a black box to appear below. Press play when it does.

*slower connections are advised to press pause and wait for the video to load up, before pressing play

How awesome was that?

Answer = VERY awesome.

Where’s my kiss? (presents cheek for a kiss)

[MWAH!]

Thank you!

And it’s coming out TOMORROW!

Thursday night, 19h30, SABS 3

We had LOADS of fun shooting the feature and I can’t tell you exactly what happens, but there were some hilarious moments that you’re not going to want to miss! I should take this moment to warn you that my hair is extremely mellow and I use a stunt double in some of the scenes.

No spice.

Check out this teaser that has been playing on TV this week. It gives a little mention to warm you up.

They use a lot of footage from that Goldfish concert next to the pool on the roof of the Cape Royale. The one we had after shooting last week’s Olmeca 2oceansvibe Show.

Were YOU there?

Will YOU be on TV?

God knows – you’ll have to watch and find out!!!

And I see Kevin Pietersen cracked the same show as 2oceansvibe (raises eyebrows). Hah! Nice one. That should “raise his profile” a bit!

Don’t blame me if there is another “coincidence” and this episode does a Caster Semenya YOU magazine record-breaker vibe on us. It’s always possible – especially with you lot 2oceansvibing behind the scenes.

And this time we won’t have to pretend the numbers were due to Caster’s makeover “cover story.”

So I’ll catch you there.

Thursday night. SABC 3. 19h30.

Meantime, check out the Top Billing Website here.

*Thanks to Gabbi, Sunay, Kelly, Julian and Wiimpie at Top Billing for the boom directional mics, 2oceansvibe cocktails, Dreamy Burgers and good times at Caprice..

Arthur Jones, the winner of the Seth Rotherham Experience, moved into my Cape Royale Suite on Friday night for a weekend of top brands and luxury. I popped in to visit him and the gorgeous Jess (turns out Arthur is playing out of his socks!) shortly after they checked in

Arthur Jones’s residence for the weekend.
Shame.

The 3-bedroom Seth Rotherham schweet at the Cape Royale
Jess toasts her good fortune at meeting a guy like Arthur

We addressed a few Jack Blacks and De Grendel sav and discussed the various aspects of his MONSTER PRIZE!

Perhaps I should remind you of the finer details?

• Two nights in Seth Rotherham’s suite at the Cape Royale hotel from a Friday to the Sunday (incl. underground parking and free internet).
• A spa treatment for you and your partner at the Cape Royale Equinox spa .
• Free car wash (just next door) at Plush Boutique car wash.
• Free meals at Cape Royale’s 1800 restaurant during your stay
• De Grendel wine and Jack Black beer on the house during your stay (at 1800 bar, as well as stocked in your own fridge).
• Free Vida e coffee (just next door) on Seth’s account.
• A case of Pussy Natural Energy Drink in your fridge.
• Free breakfast or lunch at Miss K (just next door).
• Free Butlers pizza on Seth’s account.
• 2 pairs of Ray Ban Wayfarers from their new Colorize range.
• 2 X R1,000 shopping vouchers for the PUMA store at the Waterfront.
• Being so close to the Green Point stadium, we had to throw in a pack of Kika-Sack balls!
• A test drive in an Audi R8.
• A R1,000 sports betting voucher for www.greatodds.com – SA’s largest online sportsbook!
• Sunday lunch to the value of R500 at Cafe Roux, Noordhoek.
• And, just to top it all off, you’ll be able to skip the queue and enjoy R1,000 on Seth’s tab at Caprice , Sunday night.

I gave him my camera and asked him to take as many pics as possible.

Check it out (click thumbnails for bigger pics):

  
Chilling at the Sky Bar / Taking a 2 hour test drive in the Audi R8

Killing the Waterfront Puma store / indulging in the Equinox spa
at the Cape Royale. It should be mentioned that Arthur is now in
Puma “Cabana” range gang.

Vida e was naturally on the house, as well as the best
breakfast place in town – Miss K in Green Point

Very cool!

But it gets BETTER!

See the rest of the pics of Arthur Jones’s
Seth Rotherham Experience (AWESOME pics) HERE

I would also like to say a hearty congratulations to the beautiful couple, who became engaged the weekend before the Seth Rotherham experience! Well done!

To the rest of you out there who didn’t win, keep an eye out – we’ll be doing another one soon.

Work is a sideline, Live the holiday…

Seth and Goldfish
Killing it..
[photo by verstercohen.com]

Don’t forget, 2oceansvibe and the making of this show will be on TV in a special “behind-the-scenes” feature on TOP BILLING, next week Thursday, SABC 3 at 19h30. Pretty gnarly!

So as not to keep you waiting any longer, I’m just going to give it to you. Right here, right now. Just you WAIT util you see my “dream sequence!”

Enjoy.

*wait for box to load upload below

*slower connections might want to press play THEN pause and wait for video to load

And remember the video recording of the Goldfish concert on the roof of the Cape Royale hotel (Sky Bar – next to the pool – 28 degrees – bikini’s everywhere – ridiculous) will be next week.

For those of you new to this whole vibe. This is a SHOW – it’s longer than 3 minutes. Regulars MAKE time for it. If Letterman was only available online, would you not MAKE TIME to watch it? Have you tried full-screen? This is an EVENT, my friends!

Come on, it’s 2009 – get with the programme.

* a big thank you to Sunay, Kelly, Jermaine and Wimpie from Top Billing for being so cool.

All the professional behind-the-scenes pics are right here.

The boys…the boys!

You’ve seen that face somewhere before?

The venue – shame..

Get in, babba..

I could go on forever. There were many more pics and I thought I would put them in a sexy slideshow for you. They include MANY more beautiful boys and girls and bikini’s and even this week’s WeatherGirl.

By the way, the 2oceansvibe Show is coming out tomorrow..

CLICK HERE TO SEE A SLIDESHOW OF ALL THE PICS!!

pics courtesy anthony fox

Cape Town surfers break Guinness World Record at Earthwave – To say that the Earth Wave CT Event held at Muizenberg on Sunday was a roaring success would be a huge understatement. Never before in the history of South African surfing have so many surfers participated harmoniously in one event. Plus a *BONUS* report on the Cape Royale Goldfish 2oceansvibe party on Friday. [thebombsurf]

The Critics Aren’t Impressed With Lindsay Lohan’s Fashion Week Debut as we took a look at Lindsay Lohan’s first collection as Artistic Director of Emmanuel Ungaro. Since then, the critics have come out swinging, calling the collection everything from “misguided” to “cheesy and dated.” Is that her or her collection? [jezebel]

Suri Cruise sets the standard for the junior style posse – Tom Cruise says he loves the photos the paparazzi take of his and Katie Holmes’ little princess, and it’s easy to see why. At the age of three, Suri is as cute as button and loves to dress up in fashionable clothes she picks out herself. Plutz! [hellomagazine]

The media vs David Letterman – It’s one thing that Letterman came clean on his show about sexual relations with various staff members (like this chick here) and the fact that someone was trying to blackmail him. But how is the US media portraying him, given his history of poking (ahem) fun at politicians and other celebritiy’s sexual transgressions? [cnn]

Moves to oust Chuene – Various attempts are being made behind the scenes to get rid of Leonard Chuene, president of Athletics South Africa (ASA) and professional dick. A government official has said that conversations to put pressure on ASA to fire Chuene are underway. There is “great discomfort” about racial statements surrounding the Caster Semenya saga. [news24]

Rachel Bilson was just in Italy to check out the scene at Milan Fashion Week, but she was back in LA yesterday continuing her stylish ways. She met up with an old friend, the designer Brian Reyes, for an appearance at Neiman Marcus, before joining her mom for lunch at La Scala. Whatever, she’s still gorgeous. [popsugar]

The SuperEna Lottery rolls over again and is now sporting a $100 million jackpot. Which is pretty incredible for a draw that happens every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday! Punters can buy tickets securely online [playsuperena]

U2′s New “Horizon”: What’s Up Next for Rock’s Biggest Band – Go behind the scenes of U2′s massive 360 Tour and get the lowdown on plans for “Songs of Ascent” and music from the Spider-Man musical. Plus, explore the band’s best albums and look back at its three-decade career in photos. [rollingstone]

Stunned Passengers Watch As Pilots Climb Into Each Other – Two pilots have been grounded after they allegedly left their cockpit mid-flight to trade punches with crew members in front of stunned passengers. Severe turbulence broke out on the Air India flight after an air hostess accused the men of sexual harassment. Awesome! [sky]

Obama’s Meeting With the Dalai Lama Is Delayed – In an attempt to gain favor with China, the United States pressured Tibetan representatives to postpone a meeting between the Dalai Lama and President Obama until after Obama’s summit with his Chinese counterpart, Hu Jintao, scheduled for next month. Hmm, ring a bell? [washingtonpost]

Record Set at Hong Kong Wine Auction – Art and dinosaurs may not be moving at auction, but in a tough market, you can count on people drinking. Sotheby’s nearly sold out its entire auction in Hong Kong Saturday, raking in HK$61.5 million (US$7.9 million) from 1,010 lots offered. [luxist]

Why do South Africans hate Nigerians? An acclaimed Nigerian novelist on the difficult relationship between the two African nations. Last week it was reported that Nigerian officials were trying to ban District 9 – a science fiction film set in South Africa, but in which the biggest baddies are Nigerian – from being shown in the country’s cinemas. [guardian]

Kate Beckinsale has been named this year’s The Sexiest Woman Alive by Esquire Magazine. Which is fair enough. I’ve managaed to find you 11 of those pics. Oh, and a video. You’ve obviously been behaving. [idlyitw]

Stop it

It was just this week that 2oceansvibe declared summer open, and what better way to celebrate this awakening moment than with GOLDFISH, who, thanks to Olmeca Black Tequila, will be playing an EXCLUSIVE, INTIMATE set on Friday afternoon from 3pm at the Sky Bar – which is the top deck and pool area on the roof of my residence, the Cape Royale hotel in Green Point. Temperature is scheduled for a mellow 28 degrees – no wind. Cocktails..

It’s such short notice it won’t have the ability to reach the global headline status it deserves – and that’s why you are tuned in to 2oceansvibe, because we deliver the ACTUAL NEWS – news that people REALLY talk about.

What is the “Sky Bar,” you ask? Well, let’s recap:

Shame..
A sneak preview of the Cape Royale’s SKY BAR

Those of you who have been there will know how crazy the very notion of this is.. I mean, really – how many natural and man-made wonders can you comprehend in one setting? Table Mountain – Robben Island – the Atlantic Ocean, the Green Point stadium – swimming pool – Signal Hill – GOLDFISH..

70 hand-picked individuals will be able to experience this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to experience GOLDFISH POOLSIDE, at the beginning of summer, on a roof – everything paid for.

It’s quite silly, really..

40 of those invites have been reserved for the 2oceansvibers out there who reckon they can do it justice. 2oceansvibers who jump around in shorts and bikini’s without thinking. 2oceansvibers who embrace life. 2oceansvibers who embrace summer and everything that goes with it.

Do you think YOU should be there?

COMPETITION IS VERY MUCH CLOSED. WELL DONE TO THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED OF YOUR VICTORY. YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONES. THE AWESOME ONES..

WINNERS ARE REMINDED TO BRING THEIR PROOF OF WINNING AS PER SETH’S EMAIL INSTRUCTIONS. THIS PROOF WILL CORRESPOND TO YOUR NAME ON A LIST AT THE VENUE. EVEN IF YOU HAVE ID AND YOUR NAME ON THE LIST – YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED ENTRY WITHOUT PROOF OF WINNING. IF YOU BRING ANY MORE THAN THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE ALLOWED – YOU WILL BE REMOVED FROMTHE LIST ALTOGETHER.

HECTIC? SURE.

REALISTIC? DEFINITELY!

* ps. to the Durban crew – we’ll keep Goldfish warm for you before they play at the Sun Coast Casino on Saturday!

Quietly gather around and check out this lineup for the next 7 days.

Feel the forecast inside your body

Seriously, man – give me a BREAK! It’s jumping nearly 2 degrees every day with an explosion of warmth and joy on Friday and Saturday. I can’t WAIT to see how much work gets done on Friday this week. It’s gonna be disgusting.

Personally, I’m shooting the next 2oceansvibe Show with Goldfish at my residence, The Cape Royale Hotel in Green Point. The first interview since they got back from Ibiza. It’s gonna be OFF THE CHAIN!

You may well find us moonwalking next to the pool.

[thanks ken]

The 10 September issue cover
Stunning!

So, for those of you who are yet to find a doctor’s waiting room with the latest issue, here it is.

CLICK HERE for Page 1 CLICK HERE for Page 2

I don’t quite know what to say. I mean, do you think I come across sexy enough? I just wish they had used some of the other shots they took. Like the ones of me doing yoga with my shirt off. Or the ones of me in the shower (yes, obviously from behind).

Those were HOT!!

Welcome to the most wonderful Monday celebration!

Given that he is the victor, he has just won:

Good evening, Mr. Jones
Welcome home

• Two nights in Seth Rotherham’s suite at the Cape Royale hotel from a Friday to the Sunday (incl. underground parking and free internet).
• A spa treatment for you and your partner at the Cape Royale Equinox spa .
• Free car wash (just next door) at Plush Boutique car wash.
• Free meals at Cape Royale’s 1800 restaurant during your stay
• De Grendel wine and Jack Black beer on the house during your stay (at 1800 bar, as well as stocked in your own fridge).
• Free Vida e coffee (just next door) on Seth’s account.
• A case of Pussy Natural Energy Drink in your fridge.
• Free breakfast or lunch at Miss K (just next door).
• Free Butlers pizza on Seth’s account.
• 2 pairs of Ray Ban Wayfarers from their new Colorize range.
• 2 X R1,000 shopping vouchers for the PUMA store at the Waterfront.
• Being so close to the Green Point stadium, we had to throw in a pack of Kika-Sack balls!
• A test drive in an Audi R8.
• A R1,000 sports betting voucher for www.greatodds.com – SA’s largest online sportsbook!
• Sunday lunch to the value of R500 at Cafe Roux, Noordhoek.
• And, just to top it all off, you’ll be able to skip the queue and enjoy R1,000 on Seth’s tab at Caprice , Sunday night.

Overall value? God knows.

R20,000?

R30,000?

Not too kak!

Arthur, all you have to do to claim your prize is to email editor@2oceansvibe.com from the email you used to enter the competition.

Arthur Jones’s name was picked at random by our Euro Millions Lottery affiliate, according to the rules of the competition. For the rest of you that entered, thanks for being a part of the vibe, and remember to keep trying.

You gotta be innit to winnit, my boet!

*By the way, did you see someone won the SuperEna lottery this weekend? It’s true – they won €146.9 million (just over R1.5 billion). You can enter the SuperEna lottery online safely and securely here.

Anyone who buys two lines or more in this weekend’s Euro Millions lottery (it rolled over again and the jackpot works out to virtually R1 billion!) and emails their confirmation email to editor@2oceansvibe.com, gets automatically accepted into the draw for The Seth Rotherham Experience.

I know. How rad?

Experience it..

What is the Seth Rotherham Experience, you ask?

It is a weekend for two in my suite at the 5-star Cape Royale Hotel & Residence with so many extras, you’ll be confused as to what the main prize is.

You see, the weekend isn’t JUST about the stay at the 5-star Cape Royale and all the luxuries that come with it, you also get to live the vibe, just like Seth – indulging in some of the biggest 2oceansvibe sponsored brands.

The prize will include:

• Two nights in Seth Rotherham’s suite at the Cape Royale hotel from a Friday to the Sunday (incl. underground parking and free internet).
• A spa treatment for you and your partner at the Cape Royale Equinox spa .
• Free car wash (just next door) at Plush Boutique car wash.
• Free meals at Cape Royale’s 1800 restaurant during your stay
• De Grendel wine and Jack Black beer on the house during your stay (at 1800 bar, as well as stocked in your own fridge).
• Free Vida e coffee (just next door) on Seth’s account.
• A case of Pussy Natural Energy Drink in your fridge.
• Free breakfast or lunch at Miss K (just next door).
• Free Butlers pizza on Seth’s account.
• 2 pairs of Ray Ban Wayfarers from their new Colorize range.
• 2 X R1,000 shopping vouchers for the PUMA store at the Waterfront.
• Being so close to the Green Point stadium, we had to throw in a pack of Kika-Sackballs!
• A test drive in an Audi R8.
• A R1,000 sports betting voucher for www.greatodds.com – SA’s largest online sportsbook!
• Sunday lunch to the value of R500 at Cafe Roux, Noordhoek.
• And, just to top it all off, you’ll be able to skip the queue and enjoy R1,000 on Seth’s tab at Caprice , Sunday night.

* if you don’t use up all the prizes on the weekend, you will be given vouchers to enjoy each prize whenever you want.

Nothing wrong with that, right?

And it’s pretty easy to enter as well.

HOW TO ENTER THE COMPETITION

Buy two tickets (here) to this weekend’s EuroMillions jackpot and send the proof of your entry (they will email you confirmation of your purchase, which you should forward) to Seth at editor@2oceansvibe.com.

Competition closes Friday 21 August at 18h00.

Winner will be announced on Monday 24.

What are you waiting for? CLICK HERE to enter the Euro Millions lottery for this weekend. They will email you confirmation of your tickets. All you have to do is forward that confirmation to editor@2oceansvibe.com .

The more tickets you buy for the lottery, the bigger chance you have of winning the 2oceansvibe competition!

Shame, not a bad consolation prize, should you miss the $101 million jackpot!

Good luck!

Pretty rad. I might need to practice those moves. Who knows – maybe there will be another video following our Eternal Moonwalk video (here) which we shot at the Cape Royale Sky Bar!

Hey, while we’re at it, I ASSUME you’ve got yourself a bunch of Kika-Sack balls with your company’s logo on them? It would be a travesty if you haven’t. Go to www.kika-sack.com and sought that out quickly.

Duh! It’s the World Cup..

[thanks carryn]

When it comes to TBG sightings in and around Cape Town, the TBG has been somewhat prolific of late, I think you would agree. I’ve been in L.A. for a few weeks and, while being on holiday is great, I’ve kicked myself every time I’ve heard about another TBG sighting .

This is clearly a good time, people, and those of you waiting to grab that special moment with the symbol of all things incredible and good, should keep your eyes peeled. It reminds me of a saying I made up many years ago, “strike while the iron’s hot” which I made up after this one argument I had with Mavis (the keeper of the iron).

Back to The TBG – now try and imagine how this particular sighting felt for Morgan and Nyoko. Mind blowing doesn’t even begin to describe..

“One of the best pics I’ve ever seen of The TBG” – Seth

Hey Seth,

I have been a dedicated 2Oceansviber for sometime now, and have always hoped to experience ‘the vibe’ personally…. anything!

Well, my ambition was realised a few weeks back.

I MET THE TBG, and it was truly surreal! I am still tingling with excitement and have goose bumps all over my body as I write this.

There I was innocently ‘cocktailing’ at Planet Bar with a few mates and the next minute, as if by magic, THERE he was, in all his tall, blonde glory! (I’m convinced I witnessed the planets on the Plant Bar mobile align shortly after his arrival, but can’t be sure.)

 

He really is The “Tall Blonde Guy”

 

He was most gracious when I asked for a photo and even put his arm around me! I nearly blacked out – it was too much to take in, and I needed time to process the shear, unadulterated awesomeness! I feel blessed and am certain that even my unborn children will be enriched by this astounding experience.
I especially enjoyed the picture of the TBG standing next to my pint size friend, Nyoko (what a legend).

Have a good one, and all the best while spreading “The Vibe” Stateside.

Regards,
Morgan

That was just awesome! Well done, Morgs and Nyoko – your life is complete!

Make no mistake, the TBG is HUGE amongst the black community. He does not discriminate and has been known to heal both white and black babies.

Black, white, young and old – his aura and power feels just as amazing for everyone. He’s like a legal drug.

I’d go as far as to say that if his mind was a drug they’d sell it by the gram.

As I was staying at my primary residence, the Cape Royale Hotel , I asked the concierge, Patrick, what he might advise.

“Easy,” he said, “there is a 5 hour treatment at the Cape Royale spa!”

Oh joy to the highest Gods!

The Cape Royale Spa
Mother went..

I presented her with the 5 hour special and off she went as I spent that day catching up on articles for you and fine tuning my hips in the gym!

This was the result – an email from Mother:

To: Seth Rotherham
Subject: Exquisite Yes ……….. Decadent Absolutely
___________________________________________

My Darling Only Child

Thank you for the most Exquisitely Decadent Day. Since being spoiled by the fabulous Spas in Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos never did I expect to find another Spa to compete…….but Yes for sure the Spa at the Cape Royale is sensational, from the charming staff , soothing ambience, and the Delightful Sericha who started my day with a full body massage……… Bliss, then in my haze a pedicure and manicure at the same time how cool is that ( thank you Kim for the manicure ) Lunch chosen from a menu with all your heart could possibly desire served up on the top floor at the pool deck . With 360 degree views of Table Mountain, the Atlantic Ocean and stunning Cape Town. WOW could there possibly be more YES YES YES an hour and a half facial the likes of what I have never experienced by Sericha. The Day is deservedly called “The Exquisite Package”

Thank you Thank you
My Love always
Mummy Dearest

Thank God!

Highly recommended, it seems..

You will recall Mavis was hemorrhaging cash from me before I left for Provence. Someone died and she had to go to The Eastern Cape for a funeral. She was gone for a week, which blew all her cash for that month. So I gave her the usual interest-free zero-payback loan scheme that we have been developing over the last few years. How it works is I give her money and she never has to pay it back – although every time she swears she will. She says I can gradually take it off her pay, but, if I do, then she’ll ask for another loan half way through the next month. I actually made up a saying to describe the process, I call it a “vicious circle.”

Use it, don’t use it (also mine).

So anyway, just before I left for for a month visit to our house in Menerbes (which, in turn, means that Mavis will be getting a month off – paid leave) she felt she would surprise me by washing my car. Hopefully that would rinse away any memory of the debt.

You what? [pause] You say it’s “SWEET” of her?

Oh really?

And is it still “sweet” of her when you discover that she was using a VIM on the tough spots?

Do you know what a VIM is? It’s basically wire wool.

One of these guys:

Ja, I thought you would enjoy that. Do you think the green part is good for a car’s coat? No, it’s not. It’s probably worse than putting Carol Boyes stuff in the dishwasher. Mavis has done that as well.

Well enjoy this, which is a pic I took of ONE of the EIGHT tough spots that she gave a real working. I thought I’d use it for an article about how she ballsed up, but I never had the energy to complete it until now.

Nice one..

Pretty rad, hey?

But don’t worry, I didn’t get angry with her. I thanked her for cleaning the car and just mentioned that she shouldn’t do it again, as she scratched it without (I assume? ) knowing. In eight places.

So I left it as it was and headed off to the South of France and Mavis went off to wherever she goes on holiday – probably Mauritius or the Cayman Islands where all her loot is stored. When I returned to Cape Town and moved into my primary residence at the Cape Royale Hotel in Green Point, I received an email from a guy called Neil. You’ll enjoy this, because this is a prime example of how “the vibe” works.

So he tells me that he has just opened “PLUSH”, a boutique Cape Town car wash. Boutique is one of my favourite words, so I kept reading. It seems the cape town car wash is located in the underground car park of that block in Green Point where Vida e is (“Port side” is the name of the block, I believe). Melissa’s also used to be there but they have been replaced by Bravado (ex-Bravo from Mouille Point – I went there, it’s good – try it). That’s a pity for Melissa’s but what do you expect when you charge over R700 for a sandwich and dive head-first into an overly-ambitious Waterfront shop?

Boutique is what you want

He tells me it is just next door to The Cape Royale Hotel. I asked him if he knew that I stayed there and he replied in the negative.

“Good Lord, well there are too many coincidences to not bring my car to you. Do you do scratches?” I asked.

“Yes we do scratches and dent removal.” He claimed the moment and went on, “We do everything from window tinting and sticker removal to plastic/vinyl restoration, mag repair and fallout removal!”

I had no idea what fallout removal was/is and I still don’t but it’s sounds pretty impressive.

I dropped my car off at 10 and got it back a few hours later, looking like this:

That’s what I’m talking about!

All 8 scratches were gone and the car looked brand new. That’s all I’m saying.

They’re our current cape town car wash of choice. And it’s not just me that thinks so – the amount of +R1 million cars there tells a story (they do ALL cars, obviously).

Use them. Mention 2oceansvibe and you’ll probably get a discount.

It’s amazing how that story fell into place and, in a way, I’m almost glad that Mavis scratched my car. In.eight.places.

I’m sorry to do this to you, but daddy is going away for a little bit. I know you must be scared, but just realise that it is very necessary as it will bring me us one step closer to global domination. You know how busy daddy gets.

I will be gone for just over two weeks and will return somewhere around the second week of August. But don’t fret, you’ll be hearing from me the whole way through – with a whole new angle. A Los Angeles angle!

In fact. Actually.

Let me fill you in: You’ll recall a few days ago I gave you the trailer (here) to that new Pauly Shore “mockumentary,” called ADOPTED, which was filmed predominantly in Cape Town. Remember the movie has to do with Pauly attempting to adopt an African child. Think Angelina and Madonna, but in a far more hysterical way (although those two are pretty hilarious in their own right).

ADOPTED, with Pauly Shore

I went to the premiere last night and suggest you go ASAP – it’s an absolute hoot. Ex Pats in the UK, US, Dubai and God knows where else will also get a major kick out of the visuals – everything from Camps Bay and Table Mountain, to game farms and orphanages.

So anyway, that movie is launching this week and Pauly Shore will be taking an ADULT African on a trial adoption in Los Angeles for a week. Because he can. The winner was announced on Radio 5 on Friday and it is none other than DJ Fresh lookalike, Zinzi Mangweni!

Zinzi Mangweni
Is being adopted by Pauly Shore

Take a good look at him, because that very same fully grown African man is going to be Pauly Shore’s child for a week. I know – can things get any more ridiculous?

Where do I fit in? Well I’ll be going with, my love! To report back – for YOU in the form of a daily video diary! Think 2oceansvibe Weather Girls (here, here, here, here and here) with Pauly Shore, gallivanting around the best and worst of LA’s shops, bars, restaurants, clubs, strip joints, ball games and house parties.

Yup, you heard me!

I leave today and will be setting things up a week ahead of Zinzi and the team’s arrival. Much fun to be had as LA is also home to all sorts of 2oceansvibe Characters, including The Advertising Guy, The Italian , Cokey Falkow and others. Nic Marais will be coming up from New York to spend time with the vibe as well.

Thanks to the Cape Royale for looking after me these past few days and taking care of my sweet suite while I’m away. Although I was only back for a couple weeks since my South of France 2009 Strengthening Ties Tour, I’m glad we managed to get that Jack Black Beer tap installed at the 1800 bar downstairs. Mmm, sweet sweet nectar! Matt Damon will be pleased.

With their stock of De Grendel wine in the fridges, that bar is complete and can finally get Seth’s seal of approval. Congratulations!

Chat later – articles will carry on as per usual, featuring everything from Los Angeles to Cape Town. Regulars will know to follow 2oceansvibe on Twitter (here ) for live updates along the way..

I want you inside me.

I am also pleased to announce that I am writing and publishing this article from said venue with the new software I have installed on my iPhone! How cool is that?! I’m just testing it before I go to Los Angeles on Thursday.

Ja, you heard me. LA, baby!!!

Anyway, he did INCREDIBLY well by sending this in. It’s a website which strings together random video clips that people send in of themselves moonwalking across the screen – all linking together to form an ETERNAL MOONWALK! It starts with Michael Jackson doing his moonwalk and when he reaches the end of the screen, the next one (sent in by the general public) starts.

IT.IS.PURE.GENIUS!

You need to see it to understand/believe it. It even measures the amount of METRES covered!

Naturally, we HAD to make our own eternal moonwalk and send it in to that website! So that’s exactly what we did next to the pool at the Cape Royale Sky Bar!

And then I made a seperate version JUST for you.

So here it is – enjoy The Dude, me and G-Man (in that order!) doing the “eternal moonwalk” next to the pool at the Sky Bar on the top of The Cape Royale , overlooking the Green Point Stadium, Table Mountain, the harbour and pretty much everything else!

Look, we had just klapped a bottle of De Grendel red..

Click here to see it as a part of the Eternal Moonwalk website.

Go check out the website and send in your own at www.eternalmoonwalk.com.

Your life has just improved by 20 points.

[thanks dave, thanks rich]

ps. don’t forget all original 2oceansvibe vids can be seen at 2oceansvibe TV – slightly different web address – www.2oceansvibe.tv

Aah, good, the 10 larges had obviously arrived! Wonderful. They’ve got a lovely bunch of staff, here at the Cape Royale hotel and 1800 restaurant . Some of them, including the likes of Patrick, have been here since the beginning.

It is my first time in the suite I acquired some time ago, and I must say I am pleased as punch. Of the many views from my residence (including the likes of Dan Skinstad waving from a neighbouring building!), I do enjoy this one of the Green Point World Cup Stadium .

One of the many views from the suite

Do you know the entire phone at the Cape Royale is VOIP (same concept as Skype)? Seriously, they’re very tech-aware here – with wireless networks on every floor, as well as downstairs.

I have my meetings either in my suite, or downstairs at 1800 restaurant. We’ll chat about that another time. But read up on their mind blowing (first in South Africa, imported from New York) grilling technique here.

Did I mention the SKYBAR, at the top of the hotel? It’s pretty rad – check it out:

Nothing wrong with that

That’s where we live

But how could one go to the top of the building without having another glance at the stadium? This is probably the highest and nearest point that you can get to it:

Pretty awesome!
(here is another very cool one I took on Twitter)

I know, very cool. And to think there is a Vida e on the one side, and Miss K on the other!

I’ll keep you up to date on my vibe here. I still have to try the spa.. let alone find the gym (having not exercised since I left on the 1st of June for the South of France!). God, I hope I’m not turning into a fatty boom boom!

Oh, and a MASSIVE thanks to De Grendel, Jack Black, Vitamin Water, Steri Stumpie, Puma, Ray Ban, Haut Espoir, Cosmo & Marie Claire for stocking up the penthouse before I arrived! Why you so naughty?

That’s all for now, folks! Remember to follow 2oceansvibe on Twitter to get the LIVE behind the scenes action all day, every day.

ps. CLICK HERE to check out the Cape Royale’s “love winter” special. It’s something like R747 per person, including breakfast, dinner, spa and chauffer.

No, I’m not kidding. Click here.

The 5-star Cape Royale Hotel and Residence
Seth’s Primary Residence

I want to give you a brief overview of this place because I’m really stoked with it.

There are a number of reasons why I chose the Cape Royale – most of which can be lifted from their website:

Set against the iconic outline of Table Mountain, with panoramic views over the city and Atlantic Ocean, Cape Royale Luxury Hotel and Residence provides an enclave of luxury and refinement right in the heart of South Africa’s most beautiful metropolis.

From the grand and elegant façade and entrance to the intimate and relaxed atmosphere of the designer furnished suites, the Cape Royale is the first choice for discerning travellers seeking the very best in comfort and convenience. With ample living and entertainment areas in all suites, a choice of two restaurants, state-of-the-art executive meeting rooms and boardrooms, a Spa and Wellness Centre and gym and roof deck pool and bar, the Cape Royale is set to become a landmark hotel in Cape Town.

The SkyBar, pool and deck
Looking over the ocean and 2010 stadium

Cape Royale Luxury Hotel and Residence offers guests a rare combination of ‘home away from home’ comfort and a venue exotic enough for you to want to leave the world behind. The Cape Royale brings together the familiarity and sophistication of Europe and the vibrant spirit of Africa. Here your arrival is celebrated through personalised service of staff trained to indulge your every whim with the utmost professionalism and discretion and the warmth of African hospitality. Our concierge will leave no stone unturned in assisting you with information pertaining to the many pleasures of Cape Town and its surroundings.

The acquisition of one of the penthouses was a well thought out and strategic move. With the luxurious facilities, including spa, restaurants and bars, stunning position and easy access, it suits Seth to the ground.

The Lobby and concierge facilities

High-back chairs.
You know you love them

Lest we forget the penthouse itself!

Oh, do come in!

Free your mind

Free your body

Whether in residence or not, all deliveries for Seth and 2oceansvibe can be made to the concierge at The Cape Royale, who will ensure the various correspondence are personally directed to Seth.

Cape Royale Hotel & Residence
47 Main Road
Green Point
Cape Town

Phone: +27 21 430 0500
Fax: +27 21 430 0797
Email: enquiries@caperoyale.co.za

ps. For our more sensitive readers, it should be mentioned that this article was written in the third person in some places as it also forms a permanent page in the left menu, entitled “Seth’s Primary Residence.”

[This article was written live on Sunday morning]

It’s been a blur of a weekend really and whatever transpired has got nothing to do with the fat joint I had this morning before establishing myself in the Arniston Hotel breakfast lounge.

You see, not only are you dealing with a view which could make Batman cry and gives The Safe House a run for its money, but you are also in a place where they sell Alabama Slammer cocktails, served standard with a dash of holy children’s tears. We chatted about them before, if you remember correctly .

I’m sliding into my second one now and the time is 09h49. I haven’t eaten yet, unless you count the joint I had before I arrived here.

We’ve had a bachelor weekend away and stayed at The Roofer‘s Arniston house. It’s not his bachelor’s, its actually for The Film Guy. Everyone is back at the house. I don’t know what the fuck they’re doing there, but the fact that they aren’t here is bordering on criminal.

I mean, really, do you agree?

Alabama Slammers over breakfast at the Arniston Hotel

WAIT! STOP EVERYTHING!

Something has just happened whilst copying the above picture into this article…

As you will see in that picture, I have an exquisite view from my table in this, the breakfast atrium. The indoor breakfast area is just behind me, and then there is this enclosed atrium area out front.

I was at the table in front of me, but it had too much direct sunlight and I wanted a chair that faced the ocean.

I am the only person here. Or rather, I WAS the only person here.

Enjoy what has just happened..

\
Uh oh.. what do we have here?

Oh

My

Sweet

Fuck…

Are you KIDDING me?

This couple has just come and sat DIRECTLY in front of me!!!

Hang on.. [Seth pinches himself and uses various techniques he often uses to awake from bad dreams - to no avail].

My scrambled fucking eggs have just arrived and these people have actually gone and planted themselves directly in front of my view.

Surely not?

Am I being Punk’d? I can’t see any cameras..

Perhaps you think I’m over reacting?

I’m going to take a stroll to the other end and snap a pic for you.

The WHOLE place – EMPTY!
Can you see them in the FAAAAR corner?

Can you see where they are? Over there at the faaaar left end! With my spot to the right of that. You will notice that there is NO-ONE else in this ENTIRE fucking place, and they sat directly in front of me, COMPLETELY obstructing my view of the sea. I was staring out to sea for Christ sake, and now I can’t lift my head without looking at them!

Oh God, I can hear them talking!

Come one! Are you fucking KIDDING me??!?

Why would anyone DO this?!

Jesus, I really am struggling to understand this. I would NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS EVEN DREAM of doing this to someone else. SURELY they would have put themselves in my position and thought about what their actions might do to my previously very chilled mood?

How is it possible to be so rude?

Fuck sakes man! I’m out of here.

Seth moves..

I have now moved further down the drag to another table. I picked up my laptop, my breakfast, my Alabama Slammer and I moved.

They didn’t say a word. No apology. Nothing.

Oh hang on a cotton pickin’ second. Something is happening.

Oh my….

I think mine eyes are deceiving me.

[Seth blinks, shakes his head and checks again]

Yes, yes, I do believe it is happening. Oh my God, I need to take a pic for you.

Crap couple relocates to MY table!
Is this real?

I have zoomed in taht picture for you. Can you believe it? They have just moved all their stuff to where I was originally sitting!

Are these people professional pisser offers?

They come into an empty place. Sit on my face. Make me leave. and then take my place. The place I originally chose to be alone and to play on my laptop and stare out to sea!

This is very possibly the worst thing that has ever happened to me. This, and being circumcised, which I remember clearly.

I’m speechless.

I can’t write anymore.

I’m going to eat my scrambled eggs and drive back to Cape Town.

Fuck this.

And yes, I did remember to bring a note:

I really had no idea that Le Quartier Français was in fact another world which you step into upon arrival. The Franschhoek experience itself is quite magnificent but the return to the “hotel” puts everything into place.. THIS, is where it’s at. People don’t stay here whilst in Franschhoek, people visit Franschhoek whilst staying at Le Quartier .

A wonderland of sorts, with lush intricate pathways taking you to places you never imagined. They’re all interlinked and on your way you might pass a couple of swimming pools, and maybe even a spa or a private cinema. But you’ll ALWAYS end up in one of the restaurants, and it is quite apparent THAT is where the soul of this place lies. Or the Yellowtail, as was the case today (pan fried with pickled fennel quinoa, lemon mousse and coriander beurre blanc). I would tell you it was out of this world, but that would be stating the obvious, because that’s where we are.

The one side of the Le Quartier Français Bistro restaurant

The Yellowtail
Comes highly recommended

I placed the word “hotel” in inverted commas earlier, as I don’t believe it is – that just wouldn’t be fair. Between the previous paragraph and this, I sauntered inside my Four Quarters Suite (one of four, with private pool) in the search of Le Quartier Français literature – hoping to see if it was indeed referred to as a “hotel.”

The first thing I found was a guest book, with messages from previous lodgers, mostly international guests from Europe and beyond. I was quite taken aback by an entry which seemed to magically end my quest, by nailing it 100% on the head.

27th Dec 2007:

This is a sad day for us as we are once again having to say goodbye to the best place we have ever had the pleasure to be a guest at.

I don’t use the word “hotel” on purpose – this is more like being a loved & treasured guest in a very luxurious home!!

And to the lucky person reading this – relax and enjoy! You will never find better than Le Quartier Francais

Lou Tel – UK

Thanks, Lou. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty close to tears.

But more importantly, I hope this helps to subdue the pain you’re feeling inside from your neglect at the hands of the person you trust and adore…. and worship. I’m kidding.

I’m just going for a dip in the pool now. We had to pass on the Le Quartier Francais “public pool” when we remembered we had a pool of our own at the Four Quarters Villa Suite .

The “public pool”
Shame!

We completely forgot the Four Quarters private pool!
God, can you IMAGINE!

Right here.

Right now.

There is loads more to tell you.

But, for now, allow me to indulge.

A long weekend in their finest suite was proposed and, I’m the first to admit admit, I caved in – I couldn’t say no. I’ve always plutzed for Franschhoek and my Mother talks about Le Quartier Français like it’s her very own residence. Seriously, she pushes it a bit.

In fact, if I recall, she throws around SUCH a familiar vibe, that she doesn’t even mention the “Français” part of the the name. Like a nickname of sorts.

“So we popped into Le Quartier yesterday,” she’ll muse to her friends as they climb into another bottle of Veuve and rattle their tennis bracelets with delight.

Hysterical!

Le Quartier Français
Franschhoek – CLICK HERE

I must say, I’ve been dying to go, ever since I read about this year being their 20th birthday and the ridiculous Just For You offers they’re giving at the moment. You might want to check that out. Seriously, one doesn’t need to travel overseas to experience luxurious pampering and spectacular food. Click here to find out more.

Now, I know what you’re thinking..

How the hell do I get the “c” to look like a “ç” when I type? I’m glad you asked, because I asked the Le Quartier Français angels the same thing and apparently anyone can do it, as long as you are mentally strong.

Here it is:

Hi Seth

Ç or ç shortcut instructions (incredibly nifty to have around):

Windows = CTRL + , (COMMA) + C or c and Mac = ALT + C or c.

See you on Thursday evening,

Nikki.

Excellent work Nikki Noo!

Now you too can type out funny letters, in the comfort of your own home!

I need to prepare myself mentally and physically for the weekend and I’m sure we’ll chat more about it later when I get there.

Kisses.

“The Pink Lady” let’s her hair down for New Year’s

Very much in tune with their continued alignment with the younger hipper population, the one that caught my eye was the New Year’s Bash in The Ballroom. Now, whilst The Mount Nelson and The Ballroom might lend itself to something overly grand, you can be sure that the theme of “Funky Old School” and “Smart Elegant” dress will ensure an evening that is anything but! No doubt lavish (as only The Mount Nelson knows), the reassuring price tag also suggests that no stone has been left unturned!

Entertainment includes Musician / DJ Jacques Lagesse and things kick off at 19:00 / 19:30 on December 31. The menu is nothing short of SUMPTUOUS and the price is R1,250.

They have two other New Year events with alternate pricing plans, including one in the Cape Colony (R1,650, formal, with four piece band) and one in The Oasis Restaurant (R295 / R125 for kids with extensive New Year’s eve buffet).

For reservations please call 021 483 1948 or email restaurantreservations@mountnelson.co.za

Cape Grace gives Butlers Pizza the thumbs up
(Reiner, on his 1,973rd mission)

I received a call today from Julie at reception and I can confirm that The Cape Grace staff have given Butlers Pizza a double thumbs up! I will go even further and tell you that we experimented with their new range of pizzas, which feature the new special ingredient – PESTO .

It’s like magicians do when they reveal the trick – HEY PESTO!

Sorry about that incredibly poor joke. I’ve been enjoying and couple beers and weed at the Cape Grace pool all day, indulging in various important meetings with people of great influence.

Your father was here.

But seriously – I even tried one of their new pizzas, called The Gonzo – I’ll be honest it’s got a fucking kick to it.. It’s got “Chorizo & Chilli Tomato Puree”… that’s where it’s at. If you’re a man.

Otherwise, try Pops’ Princess – that’s what I also got (I don’t eat ALL of them – I’m not a tuck box – I just nibble – like a Yorkshire Terrier), again, with pesto… mmm, it’s good.

I fell out the lift and headed towards one of the restaurants, waiting for a member of staff to appear (usually bowing). “Michael” appeared out of nowhere, noticing I had shit to do.

“Are you ok, Sir?” he asked.

I read his name badge and gave him my thoughts, “Michael, this is the story. I have a meeting at 11. I have a scooter to be fetched beforehand and a car booked to take me there at 10h30. It’s 10h10 now and I am wondering if God is able to produce some eggs and grilled tomato for me?”

“Where will you be, Sir?” came the reply.

No umming and arring and confusion. No negativity. NOT EVEN A FUCKING “YES.” You see, he has gone FURTHER then “yes” – YES IS A GIVEN – he just wants to know WHERE. That is the concern at the moment. “WHERE,” not “IF!” It’s a whole new level – somewhere The Grand Restaurant in Camps Bay should think very seriously about sending their staff for training. You know, to add some service to “compliment” the food.

I pretended not to be impressed and said I would be at the pool.

“And an orange juice, please,” I thought..

[I have come across two Michaels. This Michael should not be confused with the Michael on the front desk who managed to outsource a set of Boule at 17h00 on Saturday. There is a shop in Tygervalley Centre that stocks them, by the way - should you need.]

Back to Michael and the breakfast…

I shit you not, the food arrived in 7 minutes – which is EXACTLY how long it COULD take you to make eggs and grilled tomato – you know, IF you were trying to break a record.

A Guiness World Record – and no-one knew..

I devoured the breakfast, realising that time was now in MY hands.

10h30 came and I proceeded directly to the front entrance of the Cape Grace Hotel. Before I even stepped out into the lobby, Lance appeared next to me, walking at exactly the same pace. Almost like those people that drive alongside cyclists, giving them supplies, like water and thick skin.

“Your car is ready, Mr. Rotherham,” he confirmed.

Now I don’t know how the fuck he knew that I was the guy or how things work here. It’s almost like the Truman show. Whilst I am quite aware that the hotel is full, it honestly feels like it’s all about me. A notion that I am, naturally, quite fine with.

Seriously, it’s actually bordering on amusing and outrageous at the same time. I am tempted to suggest that they are downstairs the whole time, strategising on what I might want next and ensuring that every member of staff is 100% in tune with my MIND – let alone what I have actually UTTERED.

Off I went to Eurojet to get my scooter:

Lance – BMW 7 series il chauffer.
(And part-time motivational speaker)

Service was becoming a bit of a theme in my brain, as I asked Lance about his time at The Cape Grace. God, it was unstoppable, as he went on about how awesome his job is and how he has been here for 15 years and how he feels it is HIS sole purpose to make everyone’s Monday better.

I am NOT making this up. And yes, I checked for cameras..

I fetched my scooter, sideswiped Vida e, and headed off to the meeting. Which was very positive, thanks for asking.

I stopped by The Safe house to check up on Mavis, who (as you can only imagine) was VERY relaxed on the sofa with a toasted sandwich and a cup of tea in her hands (WWE wrestling on the TV – naturally). We negotiated her new leveraged pay structure, which allowed for random thumb-suck family death grants, as well as the continued “turn-a-blind-eye-to-chilling-out” understanding and no-rules wrestling TV viewing allowance. I left on the scooter with some essentials, including the Vanity Fair, my red jeans, De Grendel Rose and another six pack of Jack Black (the Jack Black which was pre-stocked in my suite’s kitchen fridge has already been klapped) and some pot.

Back to home base..

Chilled

I gathered myself in my R12,500 a night (off season) 2-Bedroom Luxury Suite at Cape Town’s Cape Grace 5-star hotel. Now, whilst two bedrooms may seem a bit over the top, it is clear that senior management understand the necessity for a study (albeit king-size en-suite).

The master bedroom – for recreation

The study – for “work”

And so the day went on. I spent the rest of the afternoon next to the pool, drinking whisky and fielding sms’s; filling up various time slots for the rest of the week. It’s looking like a good lineup.

Pools to the left of me

Yacht basins to the right..
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you..

So that is where I chilled – with the iPod on random.

Tracks next to the pool included:

Queen – Under Pressure
Joss Stone
Tupac
Beatles – Help
Kriss Kross – Alright
Thelma Houston – Don’t Leave Me This Way
INXS – Devil Inside
Dirty Skirts – You’ll Be Amazed
Jamelia – SuperStar

And, of course, Michael Jackson – Heal The World.

Chat later..

“Our 2 Bedroom Suites epitomise luxurious home-from-home comforts and are ideal for families or friends travelling together. These spacious suites feature two private en-suite bedrooms and a sizeable balcony and include a fully equipped kitchen, separate lounge and dining area as well as a CD player and DVD machine – ensuring a comfortable stay for those wishing to make the most of their in-room downtime.

As with all rooms at Cape Grace, facilities such as a separate bath, shower and toilet, satellite TV, secure room safes and even an iron and ironing board are standard in every 2 Bedroom Suite.”

Cape Town’s Cape Grace Hotel

This morning’s delivery to you was stunted, due to a little drama. You see, The Muse stayed over and, upon leaving this morning, found her car clamped.

Panic and mayhem ensued and, with a collaborative team of ten people (including Cape Grace Reception and Concierge staff and Waterfront security guards), we dealt with the problem. I orchestrated the proceedings, naked, from the suite (sweet!) balcony, with a cellphone strapped to one ear (tuned into The Muse in full blown spin-out mode) and the room line on the other ear (direct link to the General Manager in the control tower).

The matter was dealt with and it looks like we’ll all live to see another day.

The Muse confirmed everything was sorted out and, before she put down the phone I asked, “Why did they clamp your car if I’m staying at the hotel?”

“Oh, no, there is another section which has been demarcated and is separate to the hotel parking zone.”

I had a feeling there was more to this. “Are there no signs there to warn motorists not to park in that area”

“Yes,” she said.

“What do the signs say?” I probed.

[wait for it....]

“Wheel Clamping Zone,” she replied.

“WHEEL CLAMPING ZONE?!” I asked, bewildered.

“Yes….”

As ludicrous as it seemed, I just wanted to see exactly how ludicrous it was.

“Umm, where exactly was this sign?” I enquired.

“Directly in front of my car where I parked.”

“Basically the only thing in your line of site when you parked the car?”

“Yes.”

So that, my dear friends, is why we’re off to a staggered start this morning. There will be more later, I just need to re-adjust my whole vibe.

Don’t forget to have a snoop around my suite and also take note of the Cape Grace’s many accolades:

“Best City Hotel” Travel & Leisure World Service Awards (US) 2008

” Best Independent Hotel” Luxury Travel (UK) 2008

“Top 10″ in TripAdvisor Traveler’s Choice Awards (US) 2008

” Best Hotel in the World for Service and Staff” Condé Nast Traveller (UK) 2007

” Gold List” – Condé Nast Traveller (UK & USA) 2007

“Best Business Hotel in Africa & The Middle East” – Travel & Leisure (USA) 2006

“Best Hotel in the World” 2000 & “Best Hotel in Africa” – Condé Nast Traveler (USA) 2001, 2003

I’ll smell you later..

FINE!

Very kak

Robben Island and the Volvo Ocean yachts
The luxury motor yachts were not a part of the race..

Today brought a surprise courier package in the form of a huge pile of brand new Playstation 3 games, which included Guitar Hero III. My God, I nearly wet myself as I opened the package. It seems a local game distributor, Megarom , has picked up on the lunch time rock madness afternoon we had at M&J’s place a few weeks back. I’m just waiting for a second guitar and a PS3 console to arrive and God only knows what will go down.

Excalibur
..has arrived

I showed The Muse what had arrived and she wasn’t quite sure..

“Oh,” she mumbled, verging on a wobbly. “So does this mean that you and G-Man are going to get stoned all day and play video games?”

It appeared that she was not using the filter system.

“Probably,” I replied, as I chose some cool stickers to put on the one guitar.

It can’t be easy for her. I mean, I AM 17 days into growing my moustache for the month of Mo-vember. I ran into The Guru today, whose ‘tache (“Taj”, if you’re Indian) is also coming along very nicely, I must say. So much so that he noted, “I am not growing a moustache any more, I now have a moustache.”

Touché!

Seth’s ‘tache – coming along nicely
Click here to find out more about Mo-vember

Other than that I think we’re in for loads of fun in coming days and weeks – not least of which is the fact that I’ll be moving into The Cape Grace 5-star hotel for a week from Saturday. Gifts and trinkets can be delivered to the main desk from the 22nd to 29th of November. Lunatic angels will be restrained at the door.

Cape Town’s glorious Cape Grace hotel
Seth’s 5-star residence

Yes, that’s right. One of the World’s most famous and finest 5-star hotels have asked if I would like to make it my home for a week. I graciously accepted the invitation. With full spa available, yachts, pools, bars, restaurants and a chauffer carting me around, I’m sure I’ll be FAR more productive!

I trust the cutest little angels will be shifted on the main desk over that time.. And, er, Nigel, maybe a bottle of Veuve on ice in the room, to get us started?

For the uninformed and those of you who don’t know about the hotel or have never heard of Arniston before, I took the liberty of getting this “excerpt” (oh, excuse me!) for you from the hotel website :

“The Arniston Spa Hotel is set in one of the Cape’s most exquisite locations, next to an old fishing village, surrounded by pristine beaches and nature reserves. The luxurious 4-star Arniston Spa Hotel is internationally known as one of the world’s great getaways. Touched by the spray from the Indian Ocean, we welcome you with panoramic views of the unspoilt ocean and endless beaches. Blessed with an abundance of sea life, the hotel promises delicious oysters from nearby shores and the freshest fish from the local fishing boats.”

Aah – fucking chilled

The “Residents Only” sign didn’t bother us too much as we decided it was for management to protect themselves when getting rid of undesirables. We made ourselves desirable by chilling in the sun and requesting a cocktail menu. It all sort of fell into place as I opened the cocktail menu – the first cocktail my eye caught was the classic…

“Alabama Slammer”

“Christ Almighty,” I exclaimed to The Surfer , who confirmed that it was becoming “all too easy.”

“Have the gentlemen decided what they will be having?” the waiter asked.

“We certainly have, my good man! Why don’t you rack us up two of your tightest Alabama Slammers !” I confirmed.

“Oh very good, sir!” he shrieked, walking away.

I called the waiter back to the table as I asked, “I beg your pardon, what is your name?”

“Jason,” came the reply.

“Great, with a dash of speed please, Jason!”

He clicked his heels and off he went.

The Alabama Slammer
Feel it inside you

It became all too apparent why some folk travel half way across the globe to try the Alabama Slammers at The Arniston Hotel. They were absolutely fucking incredible – an explosion of taste – something out of a porno. We had about five each which, at R42 a glass, gave us the confidence to indulge in the thoroughly sexual swimming pool. The sun was shining down on us as we silently said a prayer of thanks to the God of Cocktails and played a game of Diver Dan.

The rest of the afternoon was a blur and I can’t remember a thing. We weren’t thrown out or anything, but I definitely recall the Alabama Slammers making the world feel like a better place. A softer, more fun place. Like everything was made of marshmallows.

I just wish that you were there so I could stuff marshmallows into your mouth and tickle your bum.

As you yelp with joy..

Maybe next time..

And if you’re there next time without me, just remember that you’d be a FOOL not to dry hump a few of those Alabama Slammers at the pool.

Spread the good word..

CLICK HERE if you want to book a room
at the Arniston Spa Hotel and
try these beauties first hand