My children, you know that every now and then I like to treat you with helpful hints and tips that will make your lives easier.

We’ve already had that conversation about how we don’t make phone calls unless absolutely necessary, right? We text first. Okay? Okay.

But some of you came to me recently, with palms outstretched and contrite hearts, expressing your immense pain at not being able to text at work without alerting the boss to a lack of productivity. Fingers on keyboards was all that mattered. Others still bemoaned the irksome cost of texting given the generally uncompetitive rates offered by our cellular network operaters.

While, under no circumstances do I condone these evils called “work” and “peak smses”, I understand that we have to make the best of a bad situation. So I did a little soul (and Google) searching, and I’ve found out more about this delicious little service called FSMS.co.za, which you might have seen featured in the banners of this very website.

in English, it translates to FREE SMS.co.za.

But all YOU have to remember is FSMS.co.za

Send and Receive SMSs for FREE!!
FSMS.CO.ZA

It’s okay, really, you can start smiling a little now. But not too much, you haven’t read the rest.

And get this, you can send smses for free. See what they did with their name there? It’s kind of like how I do my best to bring the VIBE to you, so I call myself 2oceansvibe, and they give you free smses, so they call themselves FREE sms. I think The Marketer calls that kind of thing, “synergy”.

But back to the meat of the issue: How do you get up and running with free smses?

Step one, cruise over to fsms.co.za, and complete the registration process. You’re all big boys and girls, so you shouldn’t struggle with that too much.

Once that’s done, you’re pretty much ready to fire off multitudes of free smses. But if you’re like me, you’ll have your contacts saved in a CSV file.

Stay with me now.

Upload the CSV to your profile on fsms.co.za, and your contacts are loaded faster than you can say “concatenated text message”.

But you know, not everyone’s got a handle on their gear, so please, by all means, add your contacts manually, one by one. Or don’t add them at all, just punch in the destination number whenever you send an sms. Whatever floats your trillion dollar yacht.

FREE SMS ONLINE!
Easiest way to make money is not to spend it!

Naturally your number is tacked on to the end of the sms, so your buddies know who’s text-bombing them.

And I know that some of you naughties like hanging out on the Facebook during office hours. That’s OK. You can send free smses from Facebook, using the FSMS Facebook App. Communication, simplified. Boom.

But most promising of all is that you can actually take this service mobile. FSMS.co.za is available on your mobile via wap, but a little blue bird tells me they’ve developed iPhone, Android and Java apps! Very naughty!

I hear Floyd Shivambu’s cell number is 082 819 9474. Get cracking, beautiful babies.

On second thought, only send Floyd a message if you’re his friend. I mean what I say and you know what I mean.

“Taf” from Sketchbooktrails contacted me about doing an oil painting of yours truly. I had never had an “oil” done of me and was more than flattered by the gesture – especially since she said she was also doing one of Goldfish (The Blonde and Baby Jesus)

“Sure thing,” I told her. “Do I have to pose or something? ‘Cos if I do it’s gonna be tricky, as I struggle to sit still. Unless maybe I could play with my iPad while we do it?”

“No, no,” she replied. “I’ve got just the picture!”

“Oh…. which one is that?” I enquired, nervously.”

Justifiably so, as it seems she had chosen this picture taken from my on-stage Celine Dion miming session I did with Ard Matthews for “The Vibe” party earlier this year!

God help us all!

But there was nothing to worry about because, as it turns out, this chick’s got talent!

  
Baby, think twice…
NO NO NO NOOOO!

We met for a drink at the Cape Royale hotel the other night and I must just say that she is the sweetest angel I have met in a long time. Having held on for as long as possible in Zimbabwe, Taf finally moved here and paid her way through Engineering at UCT by selling paintings. Oh, and she is self-taught. JA, I know – it’s ridiculous. But there is more to her story, which you will learn when you meet her. Her Zim chapter doesn’t even begin to tackle the challenges she has faced and overcome.

“Fattered” doesn’t even begin to describe how knocked-out I am about this. Thank you, Taf, you have a special gift and I think what you’re doing is amazing.

Just to fill you all in,

Sketchbooktrails is the web-based art initiative of the artist, Tafadzwa Mukwashi (Taf). She has recently started work on a collection of 100 portraits entitled “Facing a Century” with the first of the portraits being of the music duo, Dominic Peters and David Poole of the world renowned band, Goldfish, who have just recently completed a tour in Brazil. Whether it takes a year or a decade, she intends to have successfully completed 100 portraits of real people.

Sketchbooktrails not only proves that much can be accomplished from whatever background someone comes from through sheer perseverance and effort. It also is a great testament to the great resource that the African girl-child and African women are. It is the success story of a young black immigrant living in South Africa.

Previous exhibitions of Taf’s paintings include a sold-out solo exhibition, Nature’s Child in 2003 in Picasso’s Gallery, Zimbabwe held in support of Childline, the Ekurhuleni Fine Art Award 2006 Finalist Exhibition in Johannesburg in 2006, ‘Contemporary Visions of Southern Africa’ Exhibition at the Pretoria Art Museum in 2007 and the “Justice For All” Art Auction at the Goethe Institute in 2008 held in support of the Legal Resources Centre (LRC).

For more information on Taf, to become one of the 100 faces of “Facing a Century” or to apply to be a featured artist on the Global Dialogue on Art 2010 please go to www.sketchbooktrails.com.

* Seriously make sure you go to that website, you gotta see this angel’s gallery – mind blowing!

Just when you though they couldn’t push it any further – Nando’s take ambiguity to the next level, offering “free coke” to the South Americans. Given South America’s propensity for making and selling cocaine to the rest of the world, one might think Nando’s are giving away the odd gram with their chicken burgers. Apparently not, if you read the small print.

CLICK IMAGE to enlarge – if you can’t read the small print

Aah, so it looks like the Uruguayan’s could have scored a free Coca-Cola if they had lost yesterday!

Yes, this ad obviously came out before yesterday’s game. Apologies for the lateness, I was busy making love to a supermodel at the time.

I bet you were wondering what happened to “the Morkels lady?” Well I can’t answer you that, but I can tell you where you can keep an eye on her. And it’s the same place that you can check a whole bunch of ads from the 80’s, showcasing everything from the old Joko (with Jeremy Taylor) and Steakhouse Melts ads, to the classic Citi Golf Red/Yellow/Blue and Finesse (”sometimes you need a little Finesse, and sometimes you need a lot!).

This, kids, is how we used to roll..

Hey, I recognise that guy in the glasses at the 4:13 mark.

Anybody?

[thanks rich]

I’ll just kickoff by saying that Ponds did not pay me for this. I swear to God. I found this moisturizer and I want you to know about it. I first used it when I stayed at The Fruit Farmer’s house in Robertson last weekend for the Wacky Wine Weekend. His wife, Cate, uses it. Her skin looks like porcelain, so I gave it a bash.

Pond’s Moisturizer – I’m fine with it

It’s called “Oil Control Cleansing foam,” which, in straight, means “face wash.”

Everything about it is awesome – I have no idea what makes it go, but my face feels so goddamn fresh afterwards I can’t tell you! And with just a small amount on your hands, a bit of rubbing produces a stunning lather – with small little beads in it which act as a very mild exfoliator.

Everyone has been commenting on my incredible “glow” (whilst remaining “matte”) and I urge you to join the Pond’s movement which I would like to kickoff right now.

This product is not only for women, but also gay and straight men alike!

Thank you, Cate, for the heads up.

Or should I say the face up!!

HAHAHAHA!!!

Worst joke ever sorry.

Marriott Machinery has it core business in buying, restoring and reselling used machines. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be sexy! Derek Marriott and a few of his *cough* staff took us on a guided tour of their plant.

Oh, it’s in Epping, Cape Town (no spice).

I tell you what, if I was ever looking to buy hard-core industrial machinery, I would look no further than Marriot..

[thanks ru]

I noticed a few of them driving around Cape town – you know, cars with the SA flag wrapped around their wing-mirrors. Every time I saw one, I wondered where I could get them from. Which was a little bit dof of me. I should have known that 2oceansvibe’s preferred promo company, Kika Promotions, would have them in stock!

Get your wing-mirros before the world cup starts!

Quite mean! I think I might just have to get that for the Jag – what with the Poms invaded our country, we need to show a united force, right?

But wait, Kika Promotions didn’t stop there. You are more than welcome to go the full hog, and indulge your inner-most desires to own and wear a “Makapara” – yes, that’s wait they call these things (not to be confused with a “mampara,” which is what we call you behind your back).

Better yet, you can put your brand of the front of the thing! I’ve just ordered 100 for 2oceansvibe! No spice!

They call it a “Makapara”

I know, it’s completely and utterly off the charts!

They’ve also got scarves, beanies, hand drums, Kika-Sack balls and lots more – all waiting for your branding!

And you’ll almost definitely get 10% off if you mention 2oceansvibe.

That’s right – You just let the good people at KIKA PROMOTIONS know that you are a 2oceansviber and wait to see what happens.

For more info:

Contact: colin@kika-sack.com or info@kika-sack.com

Website: www.kika-promo.com

One good thing I can say about the SA iTunes shop, is that our favourite mobile payment application, AMMO, is finally available for everyone with an iPhone to download and dominate!

  
Lose the wallet, buddy..

If you don’t know what I’m talking, then I strongly suggest you read the original AMMO article we posted. Since that day I cannot tell you how much money I’ve spent without seeing the money or using my wallet! I’ve gone through virtually the entire Osumo menu. I’m starting to look like a wrap!

“Hi, could I have the Rotherham Wrap, please?

“Are you sure you want that? It’s quite spicy?”

“Fine, that’s the way I like it.”

“Sure thing!”

“Oh, could I get that with extra vibe and a sprinkling of supermodels?”

“Absolutely no problem!”

Finally, a reason to use the SA iTunes store!

All iPhone users can now download AMMO by simply searching for “AMMO” in the app store on their iPhones. (There is an icon link to “App Store” on all iPhones). If you browse applications, it is under either the lifestyle or finance sections.

It is only live on the South African App store, so if you have an “American” or overseas apple account on the App Store, you should switch over briefly to get this done.

Remember that the application only works reliably if you turn off your 3G (under “settings”). Personally, I’ve never done that and it has always worked perfectly. But I heard this make cause a hassle so, if you struggle, that is the reason!

Happy spending, without spending

CLICK HERE for more info on AMMO..

I’ve just received word from the team at 2oceansvibe Villas, who have agreed to extend a confidential 35% off advertised rates for the dates 30 April to 6 May or 20% discount on advertised rates from 11 to 14 May!

It’s basically the ultimate Camps Bay one-bedroom suite!

The Cams Bay Terrace Suite

Check it out:

The ultimate one bedroom accommodation in Camps Bay, the Suite Apartment offers the perfect retreat for a couple looking for some privacy, be it a honeymoon or just some time together. The apartment has fantastic views of Bakoven Bay, the Twelve Apostles and the Atlantic. It has an en-suite bedroom, lounge and open plan dining room and kitchen.

A separate entrance provides access from off-street parking on Camps Bay Drive via a flight of stairs opening up fantastic views over Bakoven Bay. This entrance patio has a full complement of garden furniture and a barbeque, and is the perfect place for alfresco dining and being out of the midday sun. A large sliding door gives direct access from the lounge.

Inside, the lounge is well furnished with a sofa, two casual chairs and a coffee table. Satellite television, a DVD player and a small selection of books will keep you entertained. The dining area and open plan kitchen are adjacent to the lounge, and make the entire apartment perfect for casual entertaining and living.

Shame

Very kak

The kitchen is fully equipped with quality appliances including glass-top hob, under-counter oven, fridge-freezer, microwave oven, dishwasher, washing machine and tumble dryer. The bedroom is comfortably furnished in modern style with a queen-sized bed. The en-suite bathroom has toilet, basin, bath and overhead shower.

If you do want to get a tan, the bedroom opens up onto a protected sun terrace with a solar-heated splash pool. Two modern sun loungers are the perfect place to lie and soak up the African sunshine.

The apartment is in a fantastic location, within an easy four-minute stroll to the beach and the Camps Bay Promenade with its many restaurants and bars, live music and theatre. It is not suited for guests with walking problems as it is accessed by stairs.

Included:

Daily Servicing: Monday – Saturday except Public Holidays

Laundry Service

Concierge Service

All Linen and Towels

Pool Towels

Toiletries
Satellite TV

[more here + pics]

That’s pretty sweet, I must say!

Or should I say “suite?”

Sorry – worst joke of the year….

So, to recap : 35% off advertised rates for the dates 30 April to 6 May or 20% discount on advertised rates from 11 to 14 May!

CLICK HERE to check out more pics and info about that suite.

CLICK HERE for the whole of 2oceansvibe Villas.

Last week we gifted you an article about those beer-can stickers that allow you to have a sundowner on the beach without getting arrested. Very cool.

But not cool enough, for the serious beer-drinkers out there, it seems..

The more laddish lads out there will be enthused at the suggestion of this new beer aquapack device; which allows you to not only carry large volumes of beer, but also gives you that beer belly you have always desired. Finally, you can fit right in when you visit your buddies in the North.

I give you, The Beer Belly :

No, I am not kidding you.

I would never joke around about something like this.

Check it out for yourself at www.thebeerbelly.com

[thanks dave]

I don’t know what’s inside them, and I don’t care to be quite honest. But I can tell you right now that these little cookies are the hottest little things on the street at the moment. Apparently they’re available at the Woodstock market. All I know is The Muse got a whole bunch of them for her birthday and they are OFF.THE.CHAIN!

  
Yes – we approve..

Go to the market.

Find them.

Buy them.

Eat them.

Oh, and if you have any more info about these little bastards, leave a comment.

Ta.

I’ve been struggling to keep quiet about this for quite some time now, as the excitement has been too much. After months of travel around Africa, resulting in an archive of thousands of never-seen-before photographs, one of South Africa’s top photographers and my friend, Andrew Verster-Cohen (VC), has finally released his African football book, entitled African Goal.

VC is hosting an exhibition of prints taken from African Goal, as well as combining the evening as the official launch of the actual book. The most anticipated football-themed book for 2010, is now available to you.

African Goal, is a photographic showcase and celebration of Football on the continent. Its tactical launch co-incides with the first ever football world cup on African soil. The book shows the cross section and close link between Africa’s super star footballers and the fans. It also illustrates the sheer joy and hope football brings to Africa’s children in very poor and rural communities. Countries include South Africa, Mozambique, Kenya, Ghana and the Ivory Coast.

The Authors : Andrew Verster Cohen, a photographer and producer by trade who has been in the photo industry in Europe and South Africa for the past 10 years.

Frederic Benistant is a creative director on Woolworths at Agency, Jupiter Drawing Room, Cape Town.

I have had the privilege of seeing the book (will be getting my own copy tomorrow night at the launch!) and I can tell you right now that this book takes you to places you have never been before and shows you African football that is not commonplace in the 1st world. It is, without doubt, the ultimate coffee-table book for every home. And what a perfect gift for foreigners looking for something authentic and away from the mainstream clutter.

Check out this incredible promotional video, to give you a small taste of what you’re in for.

Exhibits will be on sale

Second floor overlooking the courtyard

Drinks and snacks to be served.

Where: Waterkant Street, Cape quarter building.

Date: Thursday 22nd april.

Time: From 5.30pm till late.

Oh, one more thing. VC is giving away one signed copy of the book during the course of the evening. If you want to win the competition, all you have to do is walk up to me at the event between 18h30 and 19h30 and whisper in my ear, “how about me and you go outside and score our own goal..’

See you there

I was really stoked when I found this pack of magic in the Big Blue shop in Kalk Bay this weekend. As some of you will be aware, drinking alcohol on Camps Bay beach and all other public beaches in Cape Town is prohibited. And whilst some of you have taken to making pre-mixed drinks and cocktails served in plastic cups, there is an even easier method for the beer drinkers out there.

Please appreciate “Hide-a-beer” :

Drink beer without fear of being arrested

It’s a pack of stickers displaying tame cool-drink looking brands, which you stick on your beer can to avoid detection. It wraps around perfectly!

How stunning is that?

“Diet Wow” is just one brand they used – wait until you see the others!

As the regulars would have noticed, 2oceansvibe has been plastered with ads for MWEB’s new uncapped broadband service – the first uncapped service in South Africa. They have a number of packages and there is one to suit every pocket and speed. I would like to tell you about my package.

Sis, don’t be rude – I know you’ve come very close to seeing my other package, but that’s not the one I’m talking about!

  
MWEB’s latest offering – uncapped broadband

Ok so as you can imagine, I chow through quite a lot of data – around 25Gb a month. Now that’s a helluva lot, even for small to medium sized companies, but it’s not just for my surfing and email needs. Now pay attention – I promise you need to hear this and will be glad you listened.

A while back we chatted about iTunes and how you can get a US account for your media needs – allowing you access to all the American music and movies and apps available on iTunes (our local offering features close on f-all). Then what you do is you buy iTunes vouchers with your normal credit card (US iTunes account won’t allow foreign credit cards) and redeem then via iTunes. Morally I don’t have a problem with this – the people who produced the media are being paid, and it’s better than the only other alternative which is stealing it for free online. But I’m not getting into that debate (if there is one?) right now.

All of that said, my incredibly large data usage comes from the fact that each movie on iTunes is about one gig. So I’ve got an Apple TV (you can get them at Digicape) connected to my plasma (and linked to my US iTunes account) which let’s me buy or rent movies (or TV shows) instantly ($3.99 to rent – around R30 – and a little bit more if you want HD). You don’t even need computer with this thing. I choose a movie, watch the trailer, click “ok” to pay and it starts playing the movie after 30 seconds (minimal buffer required with the 4Mb line). Obviously you could do this all with a slower line, you will just have to wait longer.

I don’t have that kind of time.

Over the last two week I paid for and watched The Bounty Hunter, An Education, The Hurt Locker, Food Inc., Precious, Zombieland, Up In The Air, The Informant and Bad Lieutenant – all of which are either on the local circuit, or haven’t got there yet. At a gig a piece, I would have been paying an extra R70 a movie with Telkom – and that’s before you factor in all the surfing and Weather Girls videos and downloads and all the crap you send me!

I listen to Johnny Vaughan on London’s Capital FM online through streaming audio and I speak to my friends and family for hours on Skype. I also receive some emails which are 20Mb in size and I don’t bat an eyelid.

I downloaded an 8Mb file the other day and it took 16 seconds. I was with Dave from Goldfish – ask him about it when you see him. He nearly shat himself.

This is where we are, guys. Seriously, get with it.

Get an uncapped broadband line at your place and start off with a normal (what you’re used to) speed like 512kbps. WITH line rental it costs R599. If you have an EXISTING Telkom line, it’s only R299 a month. Then you keep that line with Telkom and switch your data over to MWEB.

They have cheaper and slower than that available, but I’m afraid I won’t allow it.

I had a 4Mb Telkom account but switched over to MWEB and kept the Telkom line. So all I am paying MWEB is R539 a month (plus theTelkom 4Mb line for R362 a month). I’m saving over a grand a month.

Switching over from the existing Telkom vibe to MWEB took, literally, half an hour. I was on the phone to the MWEB guy and he told me exactly what to do. Then I called Telkom and cancelled my data, but kept the line. Honestly, it was too easy.

If you don’t think you need it, that’s because you’ve never had it. You’re just as restricted in your thinking as you are with your internet access. Which kind of makes sense if you look at where the world is right now. You cannot afford to carry on the way you are. You WILL get left behind. FACT. You simply cannot afford to stay in the dark any longer.

Grow up – get an uncapped MWEB account, and enjoy the revelation.

Maybe not quite what you had in mind? But don’t fright – this is about a kind of teabagging that doesn’t see you on your back, with your head over the side of the sofa. It’s a novel new vibe, featuring celebrities images attached to teabags, making it look like they’re chilling out in your mug.

Check it out:

Ever dreamed of discussing the state of fashion with Karl Lagerfeld or the benefits of Restylane with Donatella Versace, all over some tea and crumpets? If you’re looking to have some imaginary conversations with the fashion glitterati, check out these Prêt-à-portea tea bags. Just be careful with Naomi Campbell—if the convo doesn’t go well, you could end up with tea in your face.

Very cool, I must say.

I’m seriously considering getting a few of my own made. Then you could quietly get a teabagging from me, anytime you want! Now that’s convenience!

I’d get a pack of 100, if I were you.

You know how you get..

[thanks lancelot]

A week or so ago I told you about the return of the much desired (and missed) Levi’s 507 Jeans. You remember, they’re the ones that don’t taper, they aren’t skinny and they don’t flare as much as a bootleg – they are as straight as they come! Just the way I like it!

As loved as they were, that particular cut disappeared a few years ago. And it is because of that travesty that we see the launch of this Levi’s 507 “Bring Back” campaign.

Check out the Levi’s 507 BRING BACK Facebook page HERE!

The popularity of that particular cut of Levi’s jeans is quite phenomenal. The feedback in the comments section of our previous article, as well as on that Facebook page shows overwhelming support for this old legend. That’s probably why we’ve been comparing it to Polaroid cameras and Alex Jay!

Well enjoy this. I have managed to secure a pair of Levi’s 507 jeans for YOU! Oh yes!

I have one pair of Levi’s 507 jeans that will be made available to me, in your size, if you manage to win this impromptu competition I’ve devised!

She knows the drill..

HOW TO WIN A PAIR OF LEVI’S 507 JEANS

1) Send an email to editor@2oceansvibe.com with the subject “Levi’s 507 BRING BACK!”

2) Include a full length photograph of yourself dressed up the way you would be if you had just won your Levi’s 507 jean pant. But because you don’t have your Levi’s 507 jeans yet, that means you will be wearing everything in the photograph, except your pants. I bet you still look good..

3) Competition winner will be announced on Monday 22nd March.

4) Judges decision is final and winner will be chosen in terms of pure awesomeness – nothing else.

GO! GO! GO!

It’s a massive week for 2oceansvibe and Butlers this week. Not only has the much anticipated “Rotherham” pizza been launched on the menu, but fellow 2oceansvibe sponsor, NoMU spices, is also featuring on the menu. That’s right, for the first time ever, peri-peri will be available as a topping on your pizza – and it’s NoMU peri-peri nogal!

But let’s focus on The Rotherham pizza for now. I’ll get straight to the point, the secret of The Rotherham pizza is that it comes “pre-tweaked.” The true Butlers pizza connoisseurs out there will know than you can pimp your pizza slightly. I’m not talking about the toppings, I’m talking about tweaking it. Like asking for a “thin base,” rather than standard base.

It’s on the left of the menu, in the orange highlight.
CLICK MENU to enlarge

So I’ll kickoff by telling you that The Rotherham comes STANDARD with a thin base. But wait, that’s not all. If you call in the next 10 minutes Enjoy this, it comes standard with only HALF the normal portion of pizza cheese. That’s right. That’s how I like it. Neat and tidy.

Look at you… you want to order one and I haven’t even told you the ingredients yet! Are you ready to hear them? Ok, it’s quite simple..

Bacon, Salami and Feta, with only half the normal cheese, on a thin base.

Hey?

What did I tell you?

Give me a break!

Try “The Rotherham” WITH NoMU peri-peri..

Order it now, but do yourself a favour and ask the lady on the phone to add some NoMU peri-peri to The Rotherham – then you’ll really be getting your vibe on. I just know you’ll love it!

Click the menu above to check it out. The phone numbers are on that as well.

CLICK HERE fo Butlers Pizza – Cape Town’s Number 1

“How much ammo do you have on you? is a common question asked among the hip hop and happening hipsters out there. And now, finally, they can get actual “ammo ” to spend! I shit you not – read on and I’ll tell you how I haven’t pulled out my wallet this whole week. Oh, and I nearly got arrested.

As you all know, we don’t promote just any brands here on 2oceansvibe, and we often find ourselves turning down certain products and services. Filtering bullshit away from your eyes and ears is all part of the vibe. “Living the holiday” is more than just chilling out at the beach, it’s about engaging with pre-approved people and companies who don’t add stress to your life. Being able to avoid assholes is very much a part of living the holiday.

So back to the story, I was approached by a company called Ammo Mobile Money a few weeks ago with a mobile payment solution they have developed, allowing you to pay for goods and services with your PHONE. Yes, I know, it sounds complicated, but listen up.

I was pretty sceptical and told the beautiful people at Ammo that I couldn’t market their product to my readers unless I genuinely likes it and used it in my everyday life. “No problemo” they told me, confidently, as they sent instructions on how to install the app on my iPhone. (BTW, all wap-enabled phones can download ammo by going to www.ammo.mobi in their phone browsers and follow registration prompts. The whole process takes 4 minutes and is a once-off).

I checked out the shops that Ammo is currently linked to, including Sumo, Vida e, Mugg & Bean, Saul’s, Arnolds, Soupa, Kauai, Primi Piatti, Nando’s, with some big ones being added to the system in the pipeline). Not bad. Not bad at all! Oh, and you can buy things like electricity and even transfer money to your buddies.

My Ammo account was pre-loaded with R500 (nice touch), as I looked through the incredibly simple to use interface. You click one icon to load ammo onto your phone (via credit card or even EFT) and another button to spend ammo. It seemed very easy but I was yet to try it out.

A few days later I was cruising around the area, hungry, and I realised I didn’t have my wallet on me. Perfect! I thought to myself – I’ll go to Sumo and use my AMMO! The circumstances weren’t ideal, I’ll be honest. I had just had a small toke on a joint and was ever so slightly nervous. I hoped to God it was as easy as they promised.

I walked up to the counter, where I noticed the little Ammo logo on the till. Safe..

“Umm, hi there, could I please have a Chunky Chicken Wrap?”

“Sure,” the lady said, “that’s be R30.” I can’t remember if it was exactly R30, but there was definitely a “3″ in it.

I looked at the app and started to panic. The first button on the screen said “quick pay,” which I liked the look of. I clicked it and a randomly generated code came up on the screen. I stared blankly at the lady at the till and showed her my phone. She acted like everything was normal and typed the number into the till. Nice vibe.

Suddenly, as if by magic, my phone’s screen read, “Sumo R30 – ACCEPT or DECLINE”

“My God! It’s all happening!” I shrieked! “Accept!! Accept!!”

Transaction Complete, came the following message on the screen.

“Thank you very much,” said the young lady, as she handed over the slip and my Chunky Chicken Wrap.   I pretended everything was normal and walked away with the goods. After five strides I broke into a flat-out run. The paranoia from the weed had set in and I kept looking over my shoulder, waiting to be arrested for stealing – because that’s how it felt. My car was parked up the road in the Kloof Lifestyle Centre (free parking for first 30 minutes – Owwwehh!) and I hid inside the car park until the effects had worn off.

I stole this Chunky Chicken Wrap

But there was no crime – I had simply made my first mobile payment. Not only had it made my life simpler and better, but It was, simultaneously, the most amazing feeling I have felt in a long time.

Imagine getting that rush every time you spend money ammo?

That’s what I’m going to do anytime I can now. I’m going to spend Ammo wherever and whenever I can. Watch me.

I’m also going to urge all 2oceansvibe brands to get on board and allow Ammo payments. Then, when I’m done with that I’m going to urge every other retailer in Cape Town and South Africa to do the same. And howz this : You can even add a tip to the payment if you want!

You know how we like to keep up to date on what hot and happening?

Well THIS is happening. THIS is now.

You need to be a part of it. Trust me.

CLICK HERE and get some AMMO MOBILE MONEY now!

It’s not often that I give away trade secrets on how to be an awesome individual. But when I see the lack of knowledge resulting in pain for you, my treasured 2oceansvibers, then I realise that I have an obligation to tell you.

Take for instance my special tuna mayonnaise that I make The Dude from time to time, as we watch the live financial figures on CNBC.

But wait, I don’t need to TELL you about it, you can WATCH it right here! I did a special video showing you EXACTLY what to do in the kitchen!

* Slower connections should wait for window to load below this line. Wait for circle to stop. Press play then pause to let it load up fully before playing again

So there you go… the cats out of the bag.

Did you REALLY think my tuna mayo wouldn’t have something larney in it?

Whoomp! There it is!

Come now – you know me better than that..

NoMU Foods and Spices

.

I gotta say it, Spling isn’t far off the mark with their observation of SA’s top online shopping destination, Kalahari.net – stating “Kalahari Gets a Whiff of The 2OceansVibe.”

Spling asks the question : When was the last time you spotted a gorgeous woman wearing nothing but cut-off jeans? I don’t think I ever have… that’s until today when I received this weekend marketing HTML email from Kalahari.net.

He makes a good point:

Okay, I know that sex sells – but this is ridiculous… this tanned beauty is not only topless, but looks as though her shorts have been painted on. Now I get the weekend vibe with palm trees in the background and maybe they only intended for males between 16-35 to receive this sassy little mailer, but come on… is this barely legal teen stuff really going to make me want to buy bestselling books, jewelery, watches, pens, electronics, DVDs, music and games up to 35% off?

Especially when what they’re selling is predominantly intended for indoor entertainment… see the connection? I’m actually sensing a strong 2OceansVibe breeze in this email, Tuesday Tabs… the palm trees… the weekend vibe. The only thing that doesn’t match up is the fact that this mailer was sent on a Saturday – which does not gel with the “work is a sideline” protocol. Don’t get me wrong, I love Kalahari.net... but this just came across as distinctly different to their usual marketing slant and I just had to say something. We’ll probably hear that a mailer advertising Kalahari.net’s “Spice” Shop got mixed up with the generic mailer stock photos or maybe they were just feeling naughty? Either way… I’m looking forward to what they come up with for next weekend – a guy in a g-string or maybe a nip slip? Eye-catching… yes, cheeky… yes, hard-sell… I’ll leave that for you to decide.

More from Spling here.

So let me get this straight… you’re saying that they’re using palm trees, suntans and beautiful topless women to sell their products?

That is RIDICULOUS! It’ll never work!

Funny, it reminds me of a professional jerk-off who emailed me three years ago saying, “fuck you, Seth – this won’t last forever – people will get tired of the fast cars and the beautiful women and the palm trees and the sunsets and the champagne.”

I’m sure they will. Eventually.

They’re calling it “the party of a lifetime” and it is a known fact that you will die if you miss it. That is why I am giving you this warning so you can’t blame me when that happens.

It’s on March 19th and there will be NO tickets sold at the door on the night . Now besides having the party of your life with the Wedding DJ’s and all the 2oceansvibe people that make up this beautiful place, your measly R80 will also get you:

- VIP entry to the party (because where we’re from EVERYONE is VIP.

- Delicious Canapés from Pomegranate catering

- Peroni beers and De Grendel wine on arrival.

- Lindt Chocolates (and yummy promo girls) and Evian water throughout the evening.

- Company including the various 2oceansvibe bands, brands, peoples and Weather Girls.

- The Wedding DJ’s, giving you the guaranteed party that they can’t help giving.

- Video of the night will be featured on the next 2oceansvibe DVD.

- The next 115 people that buy tickets from the time the article was published, will get a 20%-off voucher for Puma!

- One lucky 2oceansviber will win a 1 and a half hour sunset cruise with Peroni and 30 friends. Now THAT is a serious prize! Anyone who purchases 5 or more tickets for The Vibe party will automatically enter this draw!

Listen to me carefully now – This is NOT one of those parties where R80 gets you entry. This R80 gives you the most orgasmic evening of your life.

All the media, press, TV and radio stations will be there with their flashing light bulbs. Only the sexiest angels and only the best people – good people – 2oceansvibe people like you and me. No twats..

As I said, tickets are LIMITED and will NOT be sold at the door.

You snooze, you lose, ou pel!

CLICK HERE FOR FACEBOOK PAGE

CLICK HERE TO SECURE YOUR TICKET

With the Rotherham Diet gaining massive momentum across South Africa, a lot of people ask me how I “roll,” when it comes to fast food. I usually stumble around the question, trying to give examples of how, exactly, I roll – always wishing I had a visual clue.

Luckily, thanks to The Cool Hunter and EatDrinkChic, I am now able to show you.

This, my friends, is how I roll..

Pretty rad, don’t you think? Right up my street, and a lot of yours too I’m sure. Unfortunately they aren’t really making Hermes and Burberry fast food. This was merely a pitch to McDonalds for an upmarket pop-up restaurant for fashion week. The concept was to give McDonalds food a complete makeover and re-brand the fast food giant with an aesthetic suitable for a 5 star restaurant.

This, from The Cool Hunter :

Today’s demanding consumers expect even their beloved, favorite brands to step up their game. Many run-away online successes of offline brand “stunts” attest that consumers expect, and get really excited about, experiences that are unusual, fun, thought-provoking and emotionally engaging. With the power and immediacy of social media, surprising offline events and stunts have now turned into truly powerful promotional tools.

For McDonald’s, we envision a cool, surprising and fun mix of concepts. First is McFancy, an upmarket temporary McDonald’s store that launches at Fashion Weeks around the globe — London, New York, Paris, Milan, Sydney, Hong Kong. McFancy is part art installation, gathering spot and, of course, a restaurant that offers a traditional McDonald’s menu but packaged in a way that makes a playful yet stylish nod to the lifestyle of the highly desirable, influential consumers that attend Fashion Weeks.

It goes on. More here.

If you’re in the “ad games” or want to embrace “social media” and work on your “personal brand” then you should give the rest of that article a read.

Personally I’m just glad to be here, hanging with you guys, showing you pictures of burgers and stuff. That’s all I need. Seriously, I want for nothing. Just a supermodel here and there and some champagne. Dripping off.

Mmmm, you like that too, do you?

Why don’t you let me pour it over you now?

God, you’re so beautiful.