2oceans Vibe

I don’t answer private numbers. Nor do a lot of people I know. But a lot of them haven’t reached my elite level. The “elite communicator” level is where you find yourself when you have absolutely zero curiosity as to who might be calling. You’re over it. You’re so far gone, that you only answer them when the timing corresponds to an annoying moment in your day and they arrive right on queue for a blasting. Seriously, I only answer private/blocked calls when I need to let off some steam. A bit of sport, is how I see it.

Other buddies of mine who have realised that private calls are fundamentally rude and insulting are able to ignore calls, but the little hamster in their head starts going once the ringing stops. I wonder who that was? Will they leave a message? Why hasn’t it come through yet? Questions like that don’t arise when you’re part of the elite. And anyway, elite level communicators have a voicemail which tells the caller that they mustn’t leave a message, and should rather email or SMS.

So many questions and such a bizarre waste of time, spent on what is inevitably a bank telling you a bullshit story about how you have been selected for a credit card. We’ve all had them, and as true as the sea is blue, every single person I know hates them.

“Hello! We’ve been sent to destroy you!”

What I want to say to all the companies out there is that just because only one in 100 freaks out (me, if I answer to release some energy), do not be fooled into thinking that the other people enjoy the suspense you created, and the call itself. Just because they don’t berate your poorly trained gimps reading from a manual, does not mean they enjoyed the experience. They hate it. And even if they like your company, they hate you for making them go through that minor anxiety.

And please don’t tell me that your phone system “is just like that.” Bullshit. You can have a number come up and your clients/friends can save it for future reference. Fact. And if you can’t, then you need to switch systems.

And so, in summary, I want to say to all the companies out there using private numbers – you are damaging your brand. And the more you do it, the more people will hate you. Fact.

But who gives a rat’s ass, right? It’s not about the customer – it’s about you.

So carry on with that. And the best of luck to you.

A strange number has appeared on the screen of my phone, twice a day, every day this week. I left it – as I do most phone calls – because I was/am usually doing something at the time. And even if I’m doing nothing, that does qualify as doing something these days. My voicemail message notifies the caller that they must not leave a message, but should rather SMS me or email me.

The eighth call from the same number this week, came through just a few minutes ago (I’m currently high on adrenalin) and I answered it, perplexed as to why the caller was unable to follow through with basic instructions.

Turns out it was Nedbank.

Turns out Sipho, who handles FOREIGN EXCHANGE at Nedbank in Sea Point, is not allowed to have a bank email address.

HE HANDLES INTERNATIONAL FOREIGN EXCHANGE AND DEALS WITH CLIENTS IN THE BANK AND DOES NOT HAVE AN EMAIL ADDRESS.

I find that phenomenal.

A recent photograph taken at Nedbank in Sea Point

Sipho needed a document from me, so I gave him a website address, which details my physical address, as well as a handly map and parking instructions.

Guess what, THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GO ON THE INTERNET.

AT ALL.

He informed me that they had an inTRAnet.

Wonderful.

That’s like saying you don’t play golf BUT you have thrashed Tiger Woods on the Nintendo Wii.

Someone in the bank handling foreign exchange and dealing with clients in the year 2011 – with no email address? It’s actually so embarrassing it’s verging on hilarity.

Please, Nedbank – get a grip…

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CLICK HERE for all past articles about Phone Calls and how the world is changing…

That is correct. We have a Jack Friday winner!

The Princess Emma – Winning!

We know who you are. Tomorrow, we’re coming for you, and we’re getting you on a yacht, and we can do it nice and easy-like, or the hard way.

That’s all up to your boss.

So employers of Cape Town. Ready yourselves. Steel your constitutions. Because tomorrow, we could be coming for YOUR employees. Do you want to be the boss who stood in the way of progress, happiness and liberation? Or are you going to seize the moment? It’s going to happen, either way.

So make sure you’re tuned in to 2oceansvibe Radio all day tomorrow to find out who the lucky winner is, and catch all of the unfolding action.

We’ll be broadcasting for the duration of the day from The Princess Emma, kindly provided by the good people at The Last Word, a group of five star intimate hotels in and around Cape Town, with properties in Bishopscourt, Constantia, Camp’s Bay, Franschhoek, Kommetjie and of course, Princess Emma.

“I’m on a boat”. That is all.

Alright, boys and girls. Brace yourselves.

Over a month ago, 2oceansvibe and Jack Daniels combined forces to bring you Jack Friday. Jack Friday is the logical culmination of 2oceansvibe’s ongoing efforts to have Friday afternoon working hours abolished. (Read the extensive history at your own leisure, here.)

So what did we do? We staged a kidnapping. A joyful kidnapping, which resulted in one Capetonian man and four of his good mates spending Friday afternoon chilling out with great food, music, and Jack, instead of slaving behind a desk.

Last month’s lucky winner, Kai Linder, wrote a little bit about his experience over at his blog, check it out if you have a chance.

This Friday’s experience is happening on this yacht. Shame.

If you want to stand a chance to win an afternoon on the Princess Emma this coming Friday, CLICK HERE. You’ve got two hours to enter!

Go!

This coming Friday afternoon (6 May) you could be working – or you could be chilling with four of your friends on a yacht, moored off Clifton 4th Beach, with great food, great drink, and great music – in absolute comfort.

How many of you caught the story, posted earlier in the day, about a Cape Town advocate who swore at a Cape Town High Court judge, and stormed out of the court room?

Look, in no way do we condone his behaviour. Insulting references to another man’s female relatives, most especially The Mother, should never be tolerated.

But look, the guy was clearly backed in to a corner.He’s clearly in the court room against his will. And what would his reasons for not wanting to be in that court room be? If you study the transcript, the answer is obvious.

First off, it is apparent that the advocate has already missed that morning’s proceedings due to some poor luck – his car broke down, and his SilverStreak clerk failed to notify the court of his predicament.

So he’s standing in a court room (his work place), getting a grilling, on a Friday afternoon.

Notice how he gives the judge a way out of this inhumane wreck taking place? He called to suggest that proceedings be postponed until Monday. The judge didn’t get it. He didn’t take the way out.

He called him back to work. After a joke of a morning. On a Friday afternoon.

Boom. All of a sudden you’ve got a man flipping out. See how this all could have been avoided?

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: 2OCEANSVIBE AND JACK DANIELS ARE SAVING YOU FROM A SITUATION LIKE THIS, THIS FRIDAY.

I had to capslock all of that. Just so we’re all clear. Right, listen up, my loves.

2oceansvibe has, for the longest time, protested the violation of the sanctity of the Friday afternoon by employers who insist on forcing their charges to feign productivity. They keep the pressure on them, riding them hard, all the way to 17h00 on a Friday evening, when in fact, it is a universal truth that no one works productively past noon on a Friday. Catch up on all the history, here, here, here, here, here, and, of course, here.

Long story short, Jack Daniels have partnered with us to stage a societal intervention. Jack Daniels and 2oceansvibe are bringing you Jack Fridays, baby.

What is Jack Friday? In Tennessee, Jack Friday is the first Friday of every month, where Jack Daniels employees get to reap the fruits of their toil. Generally, everyone takes a load off, and a few bottles of Jack home with them.

But we’re not in Tennessee, so the Jack love is being brought to Cape Town. Here in Cape Town, a Jack Friday is a life changing experience. It’s a chance for you and four of your friends to escape from work on a Friday afternoon, and spend the time like it ought to be – in complete comfort, leisure and relaxation, all courtesy of Jack Daniels and 2oceansvibe. And the first Jack Friday is this Friday.

What would you prefer to be doing on Friday afternoon? Pretending to work every time your manager walks past, or chilling on top of a mild and friendly Table Mountain with four of your friends, with all the music, sumptuous food, drink and company you could ask for? We’ve got weather reports for sunshine, 23 degrees, and no wind. Ah yeah…

If you’d prefer the first option, we apologise unreservedly for wasting your time. You’re at the wrong place.

Hang out with him instead, mkay?

If, however, you like the second option, keep reading for details of how to win your place on top of that lovely landmark!

A better way to spend Friday

HOW TO WIN:

• Remember our advocate? He went to extraordinary lengths to get off work. To win, tell us your most creative excuse for getting off work.
• Simply tweet your excuse to @2oceansvibe or @2ovfm. Make sure you add the #JackFriday hashtag!
• If you don’t hear from us by tomorrow afternoon, you haven’t won.

Ready?

GO!

We’ve been contacted by a number of you who cannot get hold of a Cape Times and wish to read the open letter that we published today.

No problem – here it is.

Time to grow up a bit people.

You shouldn’t be treated like a child.

You’re better than that.

Yep, that’s right. We’re not screwing around. You don’t perchance recall this little announcement made earlier in the day? Well here’s the first of many benefits to come to you as part of the Jack Friday campaign (formerly known as the 2oceansvibe Campaign For The Abolition Of Friday Afternoon Work Hour Tyranny). Download these sick notes and submit them to your boss on your return to work on Tuesday morning.

You’ll have seen from the numerous banners on the site that we’ve embarked on a campaign here at 2oceansvibe to liberate the people of Cape Town from the tyranny of Friday afternoon work hours. A critical development has arisen, ladies and gentlemen, and we invite you all to read on.

Hear ye, hear ye!

Today is Friday. You know what that means. That means that we knock off at 12h00.

Do you know why we knock off at 12h00? Because we’re not lying to ourselves.

“I”M NOT LYING TO MYSELF.”

You shouldn’t either.

No one is working productively after 12h00 on a Friday afternoon. The only thing that happens is the willful killing of time, begging every second flee before the great hand of 17h00 on the office wall clock.

But enough of that. You can read the rest of the well-reasoned argument here, and previously, here.

We promised you that we would do something to remedy this farcical situation. We’re actually aiming to get local, and someday, national labour law changed, to reflect the actual habits and working hours of Cape Town’s great unwashed (that would be you and me). So we’ve been lobbying our asses off. You can sign the petition here. It’s a pleasure.

So throughout this week we’ve been attempting to deliver the reams of signed petition notices to the Mayoral office. But we’re trying to get a dialogue going, so we won’t engage in mischievous tendencies, like dumping bundles of paper on the steps of the civic offices. No, we want to have tea. Tea, which was offered to us some time ago.

As you can see, our attempt to redeem the Mayor’s invitation to tea has been rebuffed. Dialogue is not possible for the next three weeks.

Hell, we even sent Dan Plato a friend request on Facebook. No dice.

This will not stand.

Stand by for what we call a lobbying “lesson in initiative”.

Gang, we’re facing a serious problem. It affects our daily happiness. It affects our ability to be effective human beings.

I’m talking about the creeping, evil tendency for wolves among us to insist on work commitments on Friday afternoons. Or on Fridays at all.

Don’t these people value life?

Look, I’ve talked extensively about this problem, here, and more recently, here.

Hell, you can even listen to me having a good rant right now.

Friday Rant by 2oceansvibe.com

And I’m not the only one. I hope some day you’ll join us, and we can live as one (on a Friday afternoon).

Amen

How rude, INDEED!

We do.

But want I want is less complaining, and more change. Genuinely. I want your signatures, and I want to get this to local government. And who knows, maybe even national from there.

We’ll deliver this petition to local government next week. You have our word on this.

Are you with me?

Are you with me?

CLICK HERE to download the PDF of the petition. Print it, sign it, send it around your office, scan it, and mail it back to us.

If you don’t have a printer or scanner, leave a comment below. Use your real email address when you leave the comment, and your name to let us know that you’re in (email address will not be displayed in the comments section – just your name and message of support). Also, don’t be shy to have a rant. We need a groundswell here, people.
GO!

Almost four and a half years ago a penned an angry missive in an effort to educate the tiny percentage of the population who didn’t know already that ‘work’ related activity on Friday afternoons in Cape Town (should be everywhere) does not happen. Let’s repeat that that for those of your whose minds are exploding at this point. Together now. Breathe in, and hold it, and… “Work does not happen on Friday afternoons in Cape Town.” Click through for an important announcement.

One of the worlds front-runners when it comes to social observation, Dilbert’s Scott Adams, has joined the groundswell tsunami of support for a change in how we communicate in the era. In particular, voice calls vs emails and SMS. Here at 2oceansvibe, we have written REAMS on it (here, here, here, here, here, here and here) and it’s nice to see the uptake is both fast and furious.

Enter Dilbert, stage left.

Dilbert

Scott Adams writes about things that we all know full well, but the idiots choose to ignore. For example:

While voice calling is getting worse, texting is becoming easier. More smartphones have full keyboards. And texting isn’t the huge inconvenience that phone calls are. I explained in another post that all phone calls have a victim, i.e. the person receiving the call. You’re ALWAYS in the middle of doing something else when someone calls to yack. The worst offenders are the people in cars who don’t have satellite radio, or books on tape, and they’re just calling to make their drive less boring.

Texting is way better. It can fill in all of the tiny spaces in life while you’re waiting for something else to happen and a voice call would be too large for the space. When I get a text alert, it always makes me happy, even before I read the message. When my phone rings, I think, Uh-oh, what fresh hell is this?

But that is only the beginning.

CLICK HERE for his 19 reasons why wireless (cellphone) voice calls are obsolete.

Just a quick one to the people out there who are just learning about calendar invites on their computers. You know, the function in Outlook (on PCs) and Entourage/Mail (on Macs) that let’s you create an appointment in your calendar, with an invite that sends to other people involved in that meeting.

Thing is this, whatever you name that meeting, will show up in the other person’s calendar. So if your name is Randall, and I send you an invite for a meeting and I call it “Meeting with Randall Abrahams,” then it will show up in his calendar as “Meeting with Randall Abrahams.” As you can imagine, that is not very useful – he is well aware that he will be there.

What one should do is take the other person and their diary into account and call the appointment, “Randall and Seth meeting.”

Then, when the other person glances at their calendar, they will know who the other person is in the meeting, besides themselves!

See how much more useful that would be for the other person?

Onwards and upwards!