2oceans Vibe

I’ll be honest, it’s actually 10 at night and I’ve timed this article to come out in the morning, to grace you with more pearls of glory.

Good morning!

It all started at 1pm, you see. At La Perla. A boys lunch. It was me, “The Big H” and “The Dude” (fresh from his Kika-Sack escapade). In that case you do use “me,” rather than “I.” You should always write it as though the others weren’t there. So if the other guys weren’t there, then I would say “it was me at La Perla.” So then, you stick with “me.” But if you were saying that you all went to La Perla, you would say “The Big H,” “The Dude” and I went to La Perla. Because, if it was just you, it would be “I went to La Perla.”

Get it?

Sorry, that might be confusing, but certainly necessary.

So, anyway, La Perla in Sea Point has undergone major renovations and the result, I must say, is very cool. This, a photo, which I thought would capture the vibe.

The new La Perla – absolutely fine!

I apologise, it was taken on a Blackberry – not ideal. Nonetheless, I give La Perla the thumbs up and I reckon you book a table ASAP – it really has added a certain something to the old establishment. I went for the Kingklip, by the way.

So that started at 1pm and progressed very smoothly to 16h00 with a table outside at Caprice, where the likes of Jeannie D, Jo-Ann Strauss and Roxy Louw (direct from the airport) were spotted downing tequilas (partly my fault) until way after sunset. Justine had another section, and I must say, we were pleasantly surprised at the young, very able, Gina.

Harry was fine with Gina

Nothing much more to report, other than the continuation of the holiday, good times, and a naughty taxi driver who made the mistake of parking in the handicap zone.

BAD taxi driver!

It’s 10.25pm and I’m over the fucking moon that this article is done and I can have a little lie in.

I love you all very very much.

You know that don’t you.

I really do.

I wish you were here with me now.

Cuddling.

Touching.

Smoochie smoochie.

Chat later..

I know it is very naughty of me to give you Amy Winehouse on these pages, renowned for their quality. But it just has to be seen to be believed.

She really is QUITE revolting!

Click pic for NSFW version.

Oh dearie me!

Better things to come, I promise..

[thanks charl]

With the festive season reaching roughly the half way mark, I am sure we have all taken a moment to consider our waist lines. Personally, I’ve pretty much nailed it with regards to diet. So much so that I am dangerously close to publishing The Rotherham Diet. It’s pretty cool and includes minimum exercise and even allows for chocolate – even with my hips!

Mike Tyson, who has been retired since 2005 and won his last fight in 2003, is clearly not using The Rotherham Diet.

“Iron Mike” becomes “Carb Mike”

My diet also allows for wine gums, by the way.

And popcorn.

[thanks andrew P]

By now you would have picked up on the sad death of John Travolta’s son, Jett.

January 2, 2009 – NASSAU (Reuters) – The teenage son of actor John Travolta died suddenly on Friday during a family vacation in the Bahamas, according to police and the family’s lawyer.

Jett Travolta, 16, suffered a seizure at his family’s vacation home at the Old Bahama Bay resort on Grand Bahama Island, attorney Michael Ossi said.

Jett and John Travolta

And, whilst numerous high-profile blogs have used his opportunity to report on John’s alleged gay lover, I thought we could look at the role Travolta’s church of Scientology will be playing.

This, an extract from a piece written by a level 7, ex-Scientologist with 24 years of membership:

1.Ethics interviews and associated procedures. (Scientology’s “Division 1″ services.)

This aspect of services would look into the unfortunate and tragic event of Jett’s death being a possible result of some kind of personal ethics breach or lack of integrity by the parents. In particular the individual parents would have separate interviews about their own role in the tragedy or how come they “pulled in” (a Scientology ethics jargon term) such an awful situation by something in their own behavior.

The Scientology celebrity ethics officer would also actively look for one or more people in the Travoltas’ circle of friends, acquaintances who might be antagonistic to or even anti-Scientology and who could have had sufficient negative influence to “cause” such a tragedy. That person would then be the target of possible disconnection (shunning), firing or lawsuit/fair game. There would be many steps possible for John and Kelly coming out of the “Ethics” handlings, and these could not be predicted here.

***It is worthy of note that the potential question of NOT giving proper or adequate medication would not be considered a Scientology ethics violation due to L.Ron Hubbard’s indoctrination to avoid such medical or psychological types of treatment. In fact, the failure to give doctor-recommended drugs or medications to Jett might factually be considered to be a laudable Scientology ethics matter.***

2.Correction interviews and procedural steps (Scientology’s “Division 5″ services).

These steps, sometimes called “Review” would be services designed to address any failures of John or Kelly (and/or Jett’s caretaker, as I believe he is a Scientologist) to have properly applied relevant Scientology technologies to their son or his living situation within the family. Any strictly Scientology-dictated ways of living that are detected as to having been omitted or misapplied would have to be re-studied and drilled till they become second nature.

3.Technical sessions (“auditing”) (Scientology’s “Division 4″ services.

This would be some very expensive counseling sessions and personal programs designed to remove, if possible, all the negative emotions from this awful tragedy. This can cost up to $1000 an hour. The outcome of this step is varied in its success and can take weeks or months to complete.

Interesting. Read more here.

2oceansvibe’s condolences go out to the Travolta family.

Given his history of banging their staff, it is kind of expected that Victoria Beckham pulled the plug on a planned hour long interview upon arrival in Milan this week. Especially after she did a spot of Googling with regards to the interviewer.

These pictures were probably very similar to the pics she found.

Ilaria D’Amico is smoking hot!

Ilaria D’Amico was set to do the David Beckham interview
Fair enough.. I see Victoria’s side.

This, from The Sun:

A STUNNING Italian TV presenter who likes to wear revealing outfits has bagged the first TV interview with DAVID BECKHAM when he flies into Milan today — sending, it is reported, wife POSH into a furious rage.

Sources in Italy claimed jealous Victoria was so angry she pulled the plug on the special hour-long chat between sexy brunette Ilaria D’Amico and the former England skipper who is preparing to join European giants AC Milan.

After a day of confusion, TV bosses finally revealed that the Beckham Show would go ahead — but last for only 15 minutes.

Sources explained the format had been changed “at the request of the Beckham camp” and after Posh “researched Ilaria on the internet”.

Later though a spokesman for Posh and Becks dismissed that as “nonsense” and insisted the interview would go ahead as planned.

The Beckham clan — complete with kids Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz — will fly into Milan today.

Becks is on loan from LA Galaxy and can play up to ten Serie A matches and two UEFA games during his three-month stint with the Italian giants.

Club shirts with his name on the back were selling briskly yesterday ahead of his arrival.

Advertisement

Becks is said to have been given the £1,000-a-night Penthouse suite of the Chedi Hotel, close to the club’s famous San Siro stadium.

Earlier this month Ilaria became a national heroine after urging Italians to boycott a 20 per cent satellite TV tax.

I honestly don’t blame Posh. I mean Rebecca Loos was about half as hot as this chick and Dave gave her one anyway. I wouldn’t risk it. I’ve done TV. I know the drill. There are little make-up rooms and Green Rooms and “storage cupboards” EVERYWHERE. He could have nailed her between questions and no-one would have seen a thing.

Beckham is quick, my friends. Remember that.

BANG!

Done!

Overs!

No-one saw a thing..

Miss Russia, Kseniya Sukhinova, opted against moving to Cape Town and working at Mavericks, and has now become Miss World.

I very much doubt it pays as well.

Miss India, Miss Russia and Miss Trinidad & Tobago

Jeepers, Miss Trinidad & Tobago is throwing QUITE a vibe there.

Read more here, if your levels of boredom have reached their zenith.

And if you’re interested in becoming Miss 2oceansvibe 2009, send in your pics to editor@2oceansvibe.com. The competition will run next year with the winner receiving over R10,000 in prizes.

[thanks andrew]

Paris Hilton has finally fulfilled her childhood dream of owning a car like the children’s toy doll, Barbie.

Stunning.

I had the same dream when it came to Noddy’s car that he used to drive. But then the shit hit the fan when his African friend, Golliwog, had to change his name, with regulators citing racism. Which is weird, because I call all my African friends Golliwog, and they LOVE it!

Seriously, try it out. It just seems to open doors.

I just didn’t want to get dragged into the mess, so I pretended not to covet Noddy’s wheels. Not that he should have had such sweet wheels in the first place. Noddy is like the most untrustworthy little creep you have ever come across. He seems sweet on TV, but apparently, behind the scenes, he is an A-class prick.

So anyway, check out Hilts and her ridiculous new ride.

I’m not sure what Ken will think of all this..

Those mags are, what we in the industry refer to, as “ridiculous”

I think I know a happy little giiiiirl!

Paris Hilton’s customized Pink Bentley has arrived.

The hotel
heiress recently received delivery of the car – a Christmas
present to herself worth an estimated $200,000 – fulfilling a childhood
fantasy of owning a vehicle like children’s toy doll Barbie.

She said: “I’ve just always wanted a pink car. I think when you’re a little
girl and you have the Barbie corvette you’re always like, ‘Oh I wish I had a
car like this one day’, so I think it just comes from being a fan of Barbie
for so long.

“This is a car that I cannot drive every single day but I will be driving a
lot. They put on protective tint on the windows so no paparazzi flashes can
come through.”

The conversion was done by West Coast Customs, which you’ve probably seen on TV. To give you an idea of how good they are, take the entire staff, systems and workshop of Land Rover in Cape Town, blow it all up and start from scratch, being careful not to hire morons. I would suggest you then take all the new staff and take them on a SERVICE workshop, where they will learn basic skills, like remembering to do the work they were asked to do and returning phone calls.

CLICK HERE to watch Noddy take a ride in his car – gangsta style..

Amazing – remember a couple of years back when Kate Moss was caught snorting cocaine and everyone said that she was finished. There were stacks of labels and high-end beauty products cancelling their deals with her, embarrassed by the association.

Hmm, kyk how lyk hy nou!

Kate Moss has apparently re-signed her deal with Topshop for a reported $6.1 million a year for three years.

The Telegraph reports:

Kate Moss
sells

This morning Kate Moss signed up for another three years at Topshop, where she plans to add new lines of lingerie and accessories to her forthcoming collections…

Kate Moss is continuing her reign as the high street’s style-queen.

The money-spinning supermodel has signed on for a further three years with Topshop, it was announced this morning, and is planning to add new collections of lingerie and accessories.

Moss, 34, originally sealed her design collaboration with Topshop in September 2005, in a deal reportedly worth £4 million a year.

Since May 1st 2007, the high street chain has launched eight best-selling collections under the Kate Moss for Topshop label, available in 22 countries worldwide and also in Australia, Europe and the United States via topshop.com.

Moss’s new spring 2009 collection will go on sale in March next year and will also be available at the launch of the Topshop/Topman flagship store in New York’s Soho district, scheduled for that month.

“I believe this has been a great partnership for both TOPSHOP and Kate. Having had two years experience, I am confident that Kate’s collection now has the potential to become a significant global brand within TOPSHOP,” said Sir Philip Green, owner of Arcadia Group of which Topshop is part.

“The last two years have been an exciting experience,” Kate Moss said. “Topshop has given me the perfect platform to develop my own collection, which is something that I have wanted to do for a long time. I am really looking forward to working with the Topshop team on our new collections and thank everybody who already owns a piece of Kate Moss for Topshop!”

Quite mean.

We’ll see similar things here… when I launch the “Rothers” range of incredibly cool mens fitted clothing.

Whoah! Somebody lend a hand, please!

And I’m not having a go at her for the shape her body has taken, I’m just asking her friends to advise her on what she should and shouldn’t wear in her current state.

Good Lord!

Jeepers! EASY, Pam!

Baking!

Surely that’s a no-no?

Oh my God – it’s Nelson!

I tell you, if you had said two years ago that Tuesday Tabs would still be going today, people would have said you were CRAZY! And now look at us – still COOKING after 111 weeks. It is interesting to note that we didn’t even blink an eyelid six weeks ago when we hit the two year mark. That’s how cool we are around here when it comes to shit like that. I was like, “whatever, call me when we hit the five year mark.”

Ok, ja, so today it’s the nanny that David Beckham bonked that time, Rebecca Loos. Her surname is such a gift when it comes to wordplay and headlines, that we won’t even use it in a clever sentence. You can’t when it is so obvious.

She really has turned into a rubbish since her rise to fame as “the other woman.” My God, she even has her own website.

That aside, she certainly packs them, and managed to feature this week in the UK’s Zoo Magazine.

Let’s check it out. Click for NSFW image.

Rebecca Looooos!

Fine. But she tries too hard.

Shame, it’s starting to get a little sad now. I tell you, Brad must be so stoked he’s moved on from Little Miss Psycho. I mean, it’s three years since he and Angelina started bonking during the making of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and Jennifer Arniston (it’s funnier if you call her Arniston, rather than Aniston) is STILL referring to them in magazine interviews. Isn’t that a bit emboerrissing? Surely a pride-check is in order? Jesus, get over it, Rachel!

Here she is in the latest US GQ (which I get mailed to me every month – it works out virtually the same as buying the local pretender off the shelves every month – click here to subscribe).

Just because my clothes are off..

..doesn’t mean I’m not a psychopath

Good luck, John Mayer.

I remember a girl friend of 2oceansvibe being ever so slightly scorned at the emotional neglect dealt to her by 2oceansvibe’s “The Kitesurfer.” We had ploughed through a bottle of bubbly at Karma the one night and time came for me to exit. A tad tipsy, she said unto me (with her fingers snapping in the air), “And you go and tell The Kitesurfer that he can go and chase the phillies at the J&B Met, because THIS thoroughbred ain’t hanging with the kids, I’M AT ROYAL ASCOT BABY!!” (as she sank the last of the champers in her flute).

THAT, my friends, is the difference. And THAT is where the L’omarins Queens Plate comes in. This is not just a horse race, this is probably South Africa’s most prestigious and historic EVENT, period! This is South Africa’s Ascot..

On Saturday, 10 January 2009, Kenilworth race course will be transformed into a setting where elegant fashions, vintage cars, fine wine and the country’s top thoroughbreds take centre stage.

The Queen’s Plate 2009

Just to fill you in, the L’Ormarins Queen’s Plate is one of SA’s premier horse races over 1600m and a weight-for-age contest in line with the world’s most prestigious Grade 1 events – with a stake of R1 million. The historic horse race was first held in 1861 in honour of Queen Victoria. When she died, the race became the King’s Plate up until the accession of Queen Elizabeth II to the throne in 1953.

You get the picture? This is the REAL DEAL. There is a dress code, for example: “Both Ladies and Gentlemen are required to dress in a manner appropriate to a smart occasion adhering to the dress code BLUE AND WHITE. Ladies are encouraged to wear hats (you gotta love that!) although this is not compulsory. Gentlemen are requested to dress in a suit or jacket. Casual wear such as t-shirts, jeans, shorts and sports attire are strictly forbidden.”

And I bloody well hope so! This is not a country fair! This is the Queen’s Plate, for goodness sake. Please, NO riff raff! God, I can’t wait to see the angels on the day. There is something quite wonderful about girls dressing up for a proper classy do like this. Walking around with straight backs, talking nicely and minding their manners – but meantime they’re absolute ANIMALS when the sun goes down!

Sorry about that.

The day will provide not only superb racing (we’ll chat about that in a second) but also play host to some of South Africa’s finest bands and DJ’s including Louise Carver, Arno Carstens, Goldfish and Shaun Duvet. Sick!

Goldfish

Arno

Louise

Now, just to bring you up to speed, let me fill you in on the ponies. Earlier this year, a capacity Greyville crowd witnessed race favourite Pocket Power and Dancer’s Daughter slug it out in a nail-biting sprint to the post for a thrilling finale to the Vodacom Durban July . In the end Pocket Power, could not be separated from Dancer’s Daughter. Judges were left scrutinizing the “photo finish” before declaring a dead-heat, only the second dead-heat in the race’s 112 year history.

The 2009 L’Ormarins Queen’s Plate will see the continued rivalry between SA’s two greatest thoroughbreds – the extraordinary Dancer’s Daughter and the illustrious Pocket Power, the latter having consecutively won this race over the past two years. He will be chasing his record-breaking third consecutive win. The two last met when they dead heated at the Durban July and this rematch will be the most anticipated racing battle in years.

It’s going to be nothing but awesome. Nothing but class. For a change.

The L’Ormarins Queen’s Plate will take place on Saturday, 10 January 2009 at Kenilworth Race Course. If you do not go, you are incredibly uncool. FACT. Tickets in the picnic area are R30 (R10 of which goes to charity) and includes a R20 betting voucher. Entrance to the premier admission are priced at R200 (Jameson Gold Style-Lounges). Tickets are available at Computicket.

CLICK HERE for more information,
tickets,corporate packages etc.

Make sure you’re there. Trust me, this is THE event.

2oceansvibe Character and professional red-head, “Six Figures,” sent this in – asking if I had seen it and admitting that he is not on the cutting edge. No, Six Figures, I had not seen it. You’ve done well…this time. It comes as a great relief, following your last email with subject “brilliant!” with a link to a monkey falling out of a tree.

Dickipedia
Quality

Whoever came up with this site has done a tremendous job. Whilst certainly not as comprehensive as Wikipedia, it does carry a handsome list of subjects.

The person Six Figures referred to in his Dickipedia link, was none other than Russell Crowe. And on further investigation, I feel it is definitely one of the best. The Russell Crowe Dickipedia page includes such gems:

Russell Crowe

Russell Ira Crowe (born April 7, 1964) is an Academy Award-, Golden Globe Award-, Screen Actors Guild Award-, and BAFTA Award (whatever the hell that is)-winning dick. He is also an actor.
After establishing himself as a household name by appearing in such classics as Mystery, Alaska, Russell Crowe went on to star in every Ridley Scott film ever made. This includes Gladiator, a movie for which Crowe won the Oscar for “Best Mandals.” They really were exquisite mandals: strappy, all kinds of buckles. They’d be the pride of any former-Yugoslavian’s shoe collection.

Russell Crowe is an Australian. His accent, however, comes and goes, especially during films in which he’s supposed to be a tobacco industry insider. Or a hard-boiled NYPD detective. Or a Depression-era boxer. Or any role aside from drunk, violent prima donna.

Once again, with the release of Body of Lies, Ridley Scott has tapped Russell Crowe to slather yet another man-biscuit of a movie with his hot country gravy. This time he is paired with Leonardo DiCaprio, who has himself once again grown a nice little geopolitical thriller goatee-mustache.

Russell Crowe began his meteoric rise from poor man’s Mel Gibson to slightly richer but still poor man’s Mel Gibson from his birth on April 7, 1964, a birthday he shares with Ravi Shankar and Oates (as in “Hall &”).

Interestingly enough, Russell Crowe is not originally from down under, the land where beer does flow and men chunder. He was actually born in New Zealand, which is kind of like Australia’s baby brother—the one that wasn’t eaten by a dingo.

Born Russell Ira Crowe—that’s right, his middle name is Ira—to a pair of movie set caterers, he also claims to be part Maori, a warlike indigenous people known for its elaborate tattoos and choreographed fighting style, which often incorporates beating up innocent desk clerks with a telephone. He is a cousin of both Martin and Jeff Crowe, two of the greatest cricket players in New Zealand history. This fact would be impressive if anyone gave a crap either about cricket or New Zealand, except as a location to shoot an elaborate film trilogy.

After bouncing back and forth between New Zealand and Australia throughout his teens and early 20s, Russell Crowe—a high school drop-out—appeared on an Australian soap opera and in an Australian cop drama, but was spared the indignity of winding up in Australian soft-core porn by landing several roles in Australian shoot-em-ups. In 1992, Crowe starred in Romper Stomper, for which the Australian Film Institute awarded him Best Actor. This fact would be impressive if anyone gave a crap either about non-Academy Awards or Australia, except as a location for American dicks to go on their honeymoons.

[It goes on, with the same level of hilarity. CLICK HERE]

It’s genius. Pure genius.

Click here for Dickipedia and read up on some more dicks, including everyone from David Blaine to Pope Benedict and, not surprisingly, “Your Mom” (no kidding).

Normal people and cricket fans alike will be tickled by this little announcement – the fact that the Ozzie’s have put together a $2 million musical production about their most controversial sportsman ever, Shane Warne. Entitled Shane Warne – The Musical.

Tickets are on sale now. Check it out.

Shane Warne – The Musical

The Herald Sun reports:

Wicked wicket ways of Shane Warne: The Musical
Article from: Herald Sun by Colin Vickery
December 05, 2008 12:00am

SHANE Warne might not be happy that there’s a musical about his life, but everyone else will be.

Shane Warne: The Musical is a wild, funny, outrageous, and by the end, surprisingly moving account of the champion spin bowler’s life so far.

It will stump critics who thought it crazy to make a stage show about cricket’s infamous bad boy.

Whether he’s lazing on a bean bag, texting at the supermarket or dancing with a giant cigarette, star and composer/lyricist Eddie Perfect is – you guessed it – perfect as the bleached-blonde, jelled-up Warne.

And he’s backed up by a terrific cast in the $2 million show, directed by Neil Armfeld, and shaped by Keating’s Casey Bennetto.

The fun starts straight away when patrons are told that this is one show where it’s perfectly fine to keep your mobile phones switched on.

Early scenes are straight-up hilarious as Perfect’s Warne tries and fails at a football career with St Kilda.

A first-half standout is a dance piece set at the Australian Institute of Sport – with more than a hint of the Village People’s YMCA.

The musical can’t capture the actual on-field brilliance of Warne (Perfect can only mime bowling the Poms) but where it really hits pay dirt is in its portrayal of his romance, subsequent marriage and break-up with Simone.

Simone, played by Rosemarie Harris, comes across as little more than a blonde bimbo at first but romantic duet Dancing With The Stars shows the genuine, if naive, love between the pair.

The second half starts with a classic sledging song, We Never Cross the Line, and there’s a Bollywood-style extravaganza about the Indian betting scandal (one of the pleasures of the show is the diverse music styles).

After a riotous look at Warne’s overseas dalliances with The Away Game and What An SMS I’m In, where he struggles to answer a stream of text messages while he shops in a supermarket with Simone, things deepen.

A tear-filled torch ballad, What About That, Shane, performed by Harris, drives home the shattering impact of his betrayal. It is the emotional highlight of the show.

This is a show that even Shane Warne would like. Among the fun, there’s genuine respect for his enormous talent but it doesn’t gloss over his personal failings. I predict it is going to hit everyone for six. Nice one, Shane!

Two words – OUT STANDING!

CLICK HERE for the website and check out the trailer here .

I simply LOVED the words on the bottom of the website – “AUSTRALIA YOUR MUSICAL IS READY” Whaah! Gotta love the Ozzie’s humour.

And if you’re in Melbourne, make sure you go see it – please – for us!

Go on, WARNIE!!!

[thanks mtunzi]

Kid Rock is possibly one of the last true rock stars left. Not only is he not helping orphans in Africa, but he is also refusing to stop wearing fur. So much so that he has told PETA to bring it on!

Kid Rock
Doesn’t give a toss

British Sunday Mail reports:

“I want to go to war with PETA. My biggest extravagance is fur coats — I’ve got every kind of animal in my wardrobe.”
The rocker also slams PETA’s activism tactics — which have included throwing red paint on fur-wearing stars — and urges the group to try the same protest with him.
He adds: “I’m just willing the animal rights protesters to chuck some red paint on me.

Beautiful. What an incredibly beautiful vibe. The best thing about Kid Rock is that when they do throw paint on him, he will have no shame in decking the person in the face, regardless of age or sex.

Watch this space..

The Cut has confirmed that Karl Lagerfeld will be shooting a Chanel handbag campaign about the relationship between a young man and a woman almost twice his age.

Karl has, quite sensibly I might add, cast Jerry Hall as the cougar!

JE-RRY!
JE-RRY!
JE-RRY!

The Cut reveals:

Karl Lagerfeld will shoot a Chanel handbag campaign inspired by Colette’s Chéri novel, about the relationship between a young man and a woman almost twice his age. Model Baptiste Giabiconi, who appeared in Lagerfeld’s silent film, will play the young man, and Jerry Hall will play the cougar. Giabiconi will appear “seeking her affections on a bed strewn with a quilt — and a quilted bag,” according to WWD. On the heels of Madonna’s Louis Vuitton ads, we’re glad to see fashion designers not ignoring women over 50 this season. After all, aren’t they the ones buying this stuff anyway?

[more here]

I’m glad they chose Jerry – she would definitely be in my top 10 cougars list. She’d slot very comfortably into The Bascule bar at my former residence, The Cape Grace Hotel.

And, of course, for the laydezz, here is the gent who will be “seeking her affections,” Baptiste Giabiconi.

Baptiste Giabiconi

You’ll be interested to know that, upon searching for this guy on Google, I managed to find this pic of him on a site called HomoTrophy, no less!

Stunning!

P. Anderson

Ja, look, that’s not what we signed up for.

You might know her as Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner’s ex-Number 1 girlfriend.

Holly Madison

But to me and her close family and friends, she’ll always be Holly Cullen, the brunette from Oregan who worked at Hooters. That was around the time she (according to this website I found) indulged in a spot of rhinoplasty (nose job) and breast augmentation, going from a size A-cup breast to a D-cup. I stress to all the girls out there that there is absolutely nothing wrong with what she did.

Let’s check out the real Holly.

Holly Cullen

Jeez, I don’t think she needed a nose job..

Lip my stocking

Not for, like, EVER.

But for now, for a little bit, it’s fine.

I watch a lot of movies and that is why I’ve made a saying for when things, like this, keep on recurring. I call it “a rerun of an old movie.”

Use it, don’t use it.

They should get computers with set timers that churn out stories, programmed with past recurring events and themes. I’m almost convinced that is what The Sun are using, as they reveal:

AMY WINEHOUSE’s husband BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL is going back to jail after failing a drugs test.

The junkie, 26, dashed to his wife’s hospital bedside last night from rehab after being told the news.

He could now be in jail until early 2010 after breaking the early release terms of his 27-month sentence.

 

Blake and Amy
During happier times..

 

A source said: “Blake did a runner. He turned up in hospital and hell broke loose — everyone was totally shocked.

“He was asking Amy to forgive him. As he was going back inside anyway he felt he didn’t have much to lose.”

Fielder-Civil, who had been at Live Works rehab in Woking, Surrey, planned to hand himself in to cops after an evening with her.

A source said: “If he had stayed in prison last month rather than taking the rehab option he was set to be released at the end of this month. He’s blown it.”

Pals of troubled Back To Black star Amy, 25, said having him locked up was good for her.

She has not visited Fielder-Civil since he went into rehab and refused to pay the £30,000 bill until he persuaded her to.

Then last week she was rushed to hospital after a row with him on the phone sent her on a booze and drug bender.

Lawyers visited her to discuss divorce, but pals say Fielder-Civil threatened to harm himself if she left him.

[read more here]

It’s such a waste. I hope they work it out. They were so good together.

Can someone not get this guy into Montrose Place?