If you watch and enjoy/hate Top Gear with Jeremy Clarkson, you’ll LOVE this clip. It’s with Harry Enfield and the gang as they take Jeremy Clarkson’s character traits and vibe to the very limit. This is genuine quality.

Aaah, God – that was great!

[thanks michael]

It cannot get worse than this.

Possibly the worst looking movie I have ever seen in my life. Including powerhouse acting performances by household names Lorenzo Lamas and Deborah Gibson !!

Oh, you don’t remember Lorenzo Lamas? My god, where have you BEEN!? Well let me just bring you up to speed. He was probably best known for playing Lance Cumson (no spice) on the popular 1980s soap opera Falcon Crest, as well as Hector Ramirez on The Bold andThe Beautiful.

Have a quick look at this..

It’s silly.

They’re just being silly.

Surely?

It should be mentioned that Dave from Caprice was also in the South of France a couple weeks back and actually SAW Ridge Forrester!

No spice.

You can ask him.

[thanks jan]

Don’t let that headline confuse you. It’s just something I got from a recent news article, courtesy of the Korean Central News Agency of DPRK – the mouthpiece of Kim Jong Il, ruler of North Korea.

Kim Jong Il
in a state of undress.
This particular photo has
nothing to do with this story

Ok, so urgently check out this latest article I found on the Korean Central News Agency’s website:

Revenge-vowing Meeting of Young People Held

Pyongyang, June 23 (KCNA) — A revenge-vowing meeting of school youth and children was held in Sinchon County, South Hwanghae Province of the DPRK on June 22 on the occasion of “June 25 the day of the struggle against U.S. imperialism.”

Reporter and speakers at the meeting recalled that after provoking a war of aggression on the DPRK the U.S. imperialists had massacred people without distinction of age or sex in the most brutal way that would make even beasts blush with shame.

They, on behalf of all the school youth and children, bitterly denounced the U.S. imperialists, sworn enemy of the Korean people, saying that every part of the country, including Sinchon County, is permeated with the Korean people’s resentment toward the U.S. imperialists and the departed souls of many people mercilessly killed by the Yankee wolves are still furiously crying out for a thousand-fold revenge upon the Yankees.

More than half a century has passed since the ceasefire of the war, but U.S. imperialism remains unchanged in its aggressive nature, they said, noting that the U.S. imperialists persisting in the hostile policy towards the DPRK cooked up the UNSC’s “resolution on sanctions,” thus leading the situation of the Korean Peninsula to the brink of war.

They warned that the aggressors would only face merciless punishment as long as there are the invincible revolutionary armed forces guided by Kim Jong Il, the great brilliant commander of Songun, and equipped with strong nuclear deterrent and the school youth and children and people with burning hatred against the enemies.

Pretty awesome, hey? That is the kind of stuff that his people are bombarded with every day. And you thought we had problems!?

My personal highlights included:

• The U.S. imperialists had massacred people without distinction of age or sex in the most brutal way that would make even beasts blush with shame.
• The whole of the third paragraph :
  They, on behalf of all the school youth and children, bitterly denounced the U.S. imperialists, sworn enemy of the Korean people, saying that every part of the country, including Sinchon County, is permeated with the Korean people’s resentment toward the U.S. imperialists and the departed souls of many people mercilessly killed by the Yankee wolves are still furiously crying out for a thousand-fold revenge upon the Yankees.
• The whole of the last paragraph
  The aggressors would only face merciless punishment as long as there are the invincible revolutionary armed forces guided by Kim Jong Il, the great brilliant commander of Songun, and equipped with strong nuclear deterrent and the school youth and children and people with burning hatred against the enemies.

It’s basically the whole thing. The whole thing is amazing.

Find your own hilarious articles. Amaze your friends. CLICK HERE for the Korean Central News Agency of DPRK website.

Or click here for our past articles about Kim Jong Il.

I thought I wrote about it before, but I can’t find the article. So anyway I’m sure I told you before about these two US journalists who were arrested in North Korea and have been sentenced to….wait for it… 12 years in a labour camp! Jeepers – how hectique is that?!

You know why? Oh, they were accused of entering the country illegally and committing “hostile acts.”

That’ll do it.

So Hillary is sending out messages to North Korea, appealing for amnesty. And while she’s doing this, she is hoping to God that Kim Jong Il is not connecting this incident to his nuclear weapons agenda.

Good luck with that, Hillary.

So it’s a delicate vibe Hillary is throwing and the New York Times agrees that the arrested journalists needs to be kept seperate from that of Kim Jong Il’s nuclear aspirations and The U.S.’s increasing dissent thereof.

Her comments on Friday appear to reflect a changing picture that has been complicated by the North’s test of a nuclear missile in May and its decision to fire seven ballistic missiles into the Sea of Japan on the Fourth of July.

Mrs. Clinton’s comments during a town-hall-style meeting at the State Department came in response to an employee who did not identify herself, creating the appearance that the question was planted in an attempt to send a message to North Korea.

Experts said that Mrs. Clinton appeared to be trying to keep the issue of the journalists separate from the conflict over the North’s nuclear ambitions.

“It’s clear to me they don’t want this tail to wag the nuclear dog,” said Michael Green, a top Asia expert for former President George W. Bush. “They are trying to keep it in a separate lane.”

But Mr. Green said the North was unlikely to release the women without getting something in return. Although North Korea does not expect the Obama administration to abandon its effort to impose sanctions on the North for its recent nuclear test, he said, it is likely to want a “high-profile visit” by an administration official to demonstrate that “it’s possible to return to business as usual.”

Well they should go straight to Kim Jon Il’s online mouthpiece, The Central Koren News Agency (go there – it’s amazing) and they will realise that he sees the arrest of the journo’s and his nuclear shinanigans in EXACTLY the same “lane”!

The quicklinks on the front page say it all.

Kim Jon Il
1 X Amazing

This, a recent news report I found under their “Trial of American journalists” quicklink on their front page (you need to spend some time cruising around that website – trust me) which says it all.

KCNA Detailed Report on Truth about Crimes Committed by American Journalists

Pyongyang, June 16 (KCNA) — The Korean Central News Agency on Tuesday released a detailed report laying bare the facts about the crimes committed by the American journalists who were arrested for having illegally trespassed into the border of the DPRK and committed hostile acts against it for which they were tried.

According to it, at dawn of March 17 unidentified two men and two women covertly crossed the River Tuman to intrude into its bank of the DPRK side in Kangan-ri, Onsong County, North Hamgyong Province. The two women were arrested on the spot.

The arrestees were confirmed to be Chinese-American Laura Ling, 32, correspondent of the Current TV, and south Korean-American Seung-Un Lee, 36, editor of the Current TV.

The investigation proved that the intruders crossed the border and committed the crime for the purpose of making animation files to be used for an anti-DPRK smear campaign over its human rights issue.

The preliminary investigation proved that they had a confab on producing and broadcasting a documentary slandering the DPRK with Mitch Koss, executive producer of programming of the Current TV, David Neuman, president of programming, and David Harleston, head of the Legal Department of Current TV, and other men in Los Angeles, U.S. in January.

A trial of the accused was held at the Pyongyang City Court from June 4 to 8.

At the trial the accused admitted that what they did were criminal acts committed, prompted by the political motive to isolate and stifle the socialist system of the DPRK by faking up moving images aimed at falsifying its human rights performance and hurling slanders and calumnies at it. [I enjoyed "faking up"]

In the name of the DPRK the Central Court determined ten years of hard labor according to Provision 69 of the Criminal Code and four years of hard labor according to Provision 233 of the Criminal Code for the accused Laura Ling and Seung-Un Lee and sentenced them to 12 years of hard labor according to Provision 44 of the Criminal Code.

The prison term is counted from March 22, 2009, when the accused were detained and it was pronounced that the judgment is unappealable.

The criminals admitted and accepted the judgment.

We are following with a high degree of vigilance the attitude of the U.S. which spawned the criminal act against the DPRK.

Did you enjoy the last paragraph!!???

That line is DIRECTLY from Kim Jong Il himself. I swear he talks to the West through The Central Korean News Agency. That’s like Twitter, for him.

He’s saying that this little incident (if there ever really was one) was a direct criminal act by the USA against North Korea (Democratic People’s Republic of Korea).

And by “attitude of the US,” he is referring to the anger they (The US) are expressing as he tests his warheads and plays nuclear-nuclear.

Why do you think the only other Quicklink on their front page (alongside the quicklink going to “Trial of American Journalists“) is “Nuclear Test?”

It’s one of three things. He’s either going to keep the journalists while he completes his nuclear testing. Or he is going to force someone senior from The US to go to North Korea and kiss his ass (he’ll spin this one to seem as though Obama himself came to beg for nuclear mercy). Or he’ll strap the journalists to the end of a nuclear warhead and fire it over to them – thus creating the ripple effect which will, ultimately, lead to the end of the world as we know it.

Click here to read past 2OV articles about the amazingness that is Kim Jon Il.

In another STUNNING up yours to the Western World, North Korean leader, Kim Jong il has gone ahead and tested another nuclear weapon.

What did you say to me?

This, from Rupert Murdoch:

Secret Atomic Arms Test ‘Bigger And Better’

“Bigger and better”- that is how North Korea described the secret detonation of a 20 kiloton nuclear weapon.

The North Korean News Agency said the blast was larger and more powerful than a similar device that earned worldwide condemnation when it was detonated in October, 2006.

The size of the latest explosion was similar to the power of the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima by the US in 1945.

The decision to thumb its nose at world opinion will leave Kim Jong Il’s rogue regime even more isolated.

But the success of the weapons test will give the North Korean leader a much-needed boost in his popularity among the military, who effectively control the country.

It also sends a clear message to US President Barack Obama’s administration that Pyongyang is now a fully paid-up member of the world’s nuclear club and, as such, needs to be dealt with in one-to-one talks.

President Obama termed the nuclear test and subsequent launch of a short-range missile as “a matter of grave concern to all nations”.

“North Korea is directly and recklessly challenging the international community. North Korea’s behaviour increases tensions and undermines stability in North East Asia,” he said.

[more here]

Well, I don’t know who to believe. There are, obviously, two sides to every story and if you cast your eyes over to his state owned and run Korean Central News Agency, you’ll see a very interesting story about the United States’ own ambitions.

North Korea - Peace loving

U.S. Invariable Ambition for World Domination Flayed

Pyongyang, May 22 (KCNA) — The United States made public its military budget for the fiscal 2010 shortly ago. According to it, the U.S. plans to spend 534 billion U.S. dollars for military purposes in the new fiscal year.

Commenting on this, a news analyst of Rodong Sinmun Friday observes: This is a 4 percent increase over the military budget for the fiscal 2009 shaped by the former Bush administration and larger than the military budgets of the 25 countries with the biggest military spending in the world put together.

Referring to the policy orientation of the new U.S. administration, the news analyst notes:

It is the strategic goal and hegemonic ambition of the U.S. to turn the world inhabited by nearly seven billion people into one dominated and controlled by it.

To this end, the U.S. is hell-bent on the reckless arms race and aggression and war against other countries.

The new U.S. administration is keen to move the theatre of its “anti-terrorism war” for aggression fought by the former administration inside the territory of Pakistan and escalate it.

It is increasing the threat and blackmail against the anti-imperialist and independent countries including the DPRK.

The U.S. groundlessly found fault with the DPRK’s successful launch of satellite Kwangmyongsong-2 under its space development program for peaceful purposes. It pressurized the UNSC into issuing an unreasonable “presidential statement” critical of the satellite launch.

It is also escalating its pressure upon Iran, taking issue with its peaceful nuclear development project this or that way.

The new U.S. administration is putting spurs to the moves to build an adventurous missile shield, which sparks a worldwide arms race, and working hard to realize its ambition for world domination through the expansion and reinforcement of the NATO.

This goes to eloquently prove that no matter how frequently a regime changes in the U.S. its imperialists’ ambition for world domination based on the “upperhand of military strength” and their scenario for hegemony remain unchanged.

[more here]

So, ja, there you go… I don’t know who to believe!

Kim Jong Il
Smooth..

Especially when Kim Jong Il is the son of the late Kim Il Sung, who according to the Korean Central News Agency, was recently praised by Kembo Campbell Dugishmohadi, head of the Zimbabwean government delegation who visited the DPRK, stating that President Kim Il Sung is “the greatest man in the world.”

It’s true – this, from the Korean Central News Agency:

Pyongyang, May 22 (KCNA) — Kembo Campbell Dugishmohadi, head of the Zimbabwean government delegation who visited the DPRK, praised President Kim Il Sung as the greatest man in the world.

During his stay in the DPRK, he keenly felt the greatness of the President, he said, and went on:

Born in a house with low straw-thatched roof in Mangyongdae, the President acquired personality of a great man and an indomitable fighter while receiving the revolutionary education from his parents in his childhood.

He is the savior of national resurrection and a legendary hero as he liberated the country by leading the arduous anti-Japanese revolutionary struggle to victory and turned the DPRK into a socialist power independent in politics, self-supporting in the economy and self-reliant in national defence.

The Korean people with the history of 5,000 years could demonstrate their dignity as the great people as they had the President as founder of the country.

His revolutionary history is the brilliant history that propelled the cause of global independence.

The President, possessed of far-sighted wisdom, made great contributions to the human cause of independence by founding the immortal Juche idea.

Mankind looks up to socialist Korea where the Juche idea has been successfully applied as a beacon of hope.

The Korean people and many foreigners are ceaselessly visiting the Kumsusan Memorial Palace where the President lies in state and his native home in Mangyongdae. This clearly shows how deep all people’s reverence for him is. The exploits performed by him for the times and humankind will shine forever.

[more here]

Maybe we should take off our blinkers before we judge incredible and dynamic leaders and playboys like Kim Jong Il and his dad.

Oh, were you not aware of how incredibly cool Kim Jong Il is?

Oh Ja!

CLICK HERE to find out about the REAL Kim Jong Il.

CLICK HERE for the BBC profile.

While he bills himself as a God of sorts, I think a more likely scenario is that Kim Jong Il is the reincarnation of Dr. Evil. But slightly more extreme and in a very cool way. We have already documented his love of designer shades, champagne and crayfish (articlehere – entitled “Kim Jong Il Lives 2oceansvibe Lifestyle”- make sure you read that) and, whilst his brainwashing of “his people” is certainly something to be frowned upon, one should take some humour out of his incredibly amazing vibe.

Kim Jong Il
Leader, tyrant, legend

Firstly, an awesome Wikipedia recap:

Kim Jong-il (also written as Kim Jong Il) (born 16 February 1941, Vyatskoye, Soviet Union; official biographies state 16 February 1942, Baekdu Mountain, Japanese Korea) is the de facto leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. He is the Chairman of the National Defense Commission, Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army, and General Secretary of the Workers’ Party of Korea (the ruling party since 1948). He succeeded his father Kim Il-sung, founder of North Korea, who died in 1994, and commands the fourth largest standing army in the world. North Korea officially refers to him as the “Great Leader” , formerly referring to him as the “Dear Leader “.

CNN has described Kim as “one of the most mysterious leaders in the world .” Much of this reputation stems from his infrequent media appearances, his emphasis on isolation as a key element of North Korea’s foreign policy under his leadership, and recent rumours of his declining health or possible death.

And then there was his recent “provocative” move, launching a satellite into orbit on the back of a missile. The world held their breath and warned him not to do it – worried that he might just have a nuclear warhead stapled to the missile. He didn’t, BUT IT DID HAVE A SOUND SYSTEM ATTACHED TO IT, PLAYING REVOLUTIONARY SONGS ABOUT KIM JONG IL AND HIS LATE FATHER.

No, I am not spicing you.

The New York Times reported:

Defying world opinion, North Korea in recent weeks had moved steadily and fairly openly toward launching a long-range rocket that Western experts saw as a major step toward a military weapon. The launching itself of the three-stage rocket on Sunday, which the North Korean government portrayed as a success — even bragging that the supposed satellite payload was now broadcasting patriotic tunes from space — outraged Japan and South Korea, led to widespread rebuke by President Obama and other leaders, and prompted the United Nations Security Council to go into an emergency session.

And so it went into “orbit” in sheer defiance of the Western world. A big “up yours” was the theme, I’d say, as Kim flexed his muscles. The incredibly biased propaganda machine that is the Korean Central News Agency (you MUST have a flip through the headlines – please), reported:

It is a striking demonstration of the might of our Juche-oriented science and technology that our scientists and technicians developed both the multistage carrier rocket and the satellite with their own wisdom and technology 100 percent and accurately put the satellite into orbit at one go, he noted, repeatedly praising the patriotic devotion of the scientists and technicians who are playing a vanguard role in the drive to open the gate to a great prosperous and powerful nation.

They also hilariously confirmed and reported (here) to Kim’s people, that the launch was HAILED overseas.

In truth, according to The New York Times, the missile actually landed in the ocean:

North Korea failed in its highly vaunted effort to fire a satellite into orbit, military and private experts said Sunday after reviewing detailed tracking data that showed the missile and payload fell into the sea. Some said the failure undercut the North Korean campaign to come across as a fearsome adversary able to hurl deadly warheads halfway around the globe.

Defying world opinion, North Korea in recent weeks had moved steadily and fairly openly toward launching a long-range rocket that Western experts saw as a major step toward a military weapon. The launching itself of the three-stage rocket on Sunday, which the North Korean government portrayed as a success — even bragging that the supposed satellite payload was now broadcasting patriotic tunes from space — outraged Japan and South Korea, led to widespread rebuke by President Obama and other leaders, and prompted the United Nations Security Council to go into an emergency session.

Shame. Next time, my boy. What do they know, anyway?

It should be mentioned that he did detain some US journalists back in 1996 (still there) for foolishly “questioning the official version of certain historic events.” The historic event is which they dared to question was the very true story of his birth, from the heavens, which according to Official Biographers was “at Baekdu Mountain and was foretold by a swallow, and heralded by the appearance of a double rainbow over the mountain and a new star in the heavens.”

Ja, that sounds more like it!

Mount Paektu
Throw in a double rainbow, and you’re laughing!

You see? He is 100% awesome!

If you don’t believe me – check this video about their “Dear Leader”:

Pretty sick, hey?

Even better is this video, showing the training that his bodyguards go through.

For a full report on his life of booze and woman, be sure to read our first 2oceansvibe report (here).

But the way, I emailed his News Agency and asked them for a signed photograph of their Dear Leader.

I’ll let you know what happens there.

I thoroughly enjoyed the Business Day article yesterday and thought I would do some research on this fellow. I don’t know why everyone is losing their minds over Kim Jong-il, just because he tested a nuclear weapon. I think the big thing that is annoying the West is that no-one knows the first thing about the diminutive rock star. Not the best looking guy in the East, he certainly has made the most of his power by bullshitting and abusing – something I would probably do myself if I was the supreme ruler and leader of one of the world’s largest armies and robot-like people.

Kim Jong-il – playing nicely

He has done damn well to confuse everyone as he continues to rule an incredibly secretive North Korean regime, punctuated with cruelty and unpredictability. Obviously the guy is just playing very nicely. He is reported to be an “eccentric ladies’ man who loves fine cuisine, luxury cars and alcohol”. This is obviously fueled by his love for movies (he has over 15,000 movies in his collection), of which the James Bond series is his favourite. Seriously. Think of all the bad guys in the James Bond series – he must be acting out every part!

He loves movies so much that he once even went so far as to KIDNAP a South Korean actress, Choi En-hui, and her director husband, Shin Sang-ok, to help him make a movie. Whaaaah! Are you enjoying this?

“Kim held Choi under house arrest and imprisoned Shin for four years for a failed escape attempt (silly fool). Kim then FORCED them to work in the North Korean film industry, paying them handsomely while keeping them in the gilded cage of his artistic and social circles. Although the country was having problems paying its debts, Kim lived extravagantly and spent tens of millions of dollars on their film productions”.

I think we’re starting to understand what is going on here – the guy is just living out a fantasy – ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!

Whilst he fucks around with the minds of world leaders, he is quietly fucking around at home as well. Enjoy this – the hard-partying playboy has quite an eye for the ladies and once “recruited attractive young girls of junior high school age to take part in ‘JOY BRIGADES’, whose function was to help in relaxation to his senior officials”.

[silence]

Come on! The guy is living the dream!

Not scared of designer shades.
Double thumbs up.

In response to the 2oceansvibe mantra, ‘Work is a sideline, Live the holiday’, Lil Kim travels on a heavily armoured train and, in 2003 on a journey across Russia, had live lobsters FLOWN out to supply the train EVERY DAY! Now THAT’S what I’m fucking talking about!

He even created a story about his birth. His people (who refer to him as “Dear Leader”) believe that when this “genius of literature, art and military strategy” was born, there were “flashes of lightning and thunder, the iceberg in the pond on Mount Paektu emitted a mysterious sound as it broke, and a BRIGHT DOUBLE RAINBOW rose up”!

UN BE LIEVABLE! A fucking DOUBLE rainbow – Jesus, this guy rocks!

Mount Paektu
The venue for Lil Kim’s double rainbow

Lil Kim, you’re hilarious, pal! Keep it up and, when you’re in town we’ll have a couple of toots in at Caprice. I’ll pretend to be a spy or something – it’ll be a hoot!

Oh before I go I must also mention one more outstanding paranoia. For some reason, our boy believes he will be replaced by triplets, and none of his children were triplets. So enjoy this – “all triplets in North Korea are being forcibly removed from parents after their birth and dumped in orphanages. The policy is carried out on the orders of the dictator, Kim Jong-il, who has an irrational belief that a triplet could one day topple his regime”.

Hysterical!