You can tell I was caught off guard as Bicycling Magazine editor, Mike Finch (Fincheeeey! – bloody good rep!) took me from behind in the Claremont Vida e.

Check it out:

We’re getting there, guys.

Slowly but surely..

[thanks mike]

It seems the prawns are moving further and further away from District 9, as my Saturday morning was punctuated with prawn activity. I was leaving Pick ‘n Pay in Camps Bay and had to slam on the brakes as a large group of them on bicycles came speeding through a red traffic light. I noticed a man walking out of the Pick ‘n Pay with his son – the little boy pointing at the prawns. The prawns didn’t care as they exercised their usual COMPLETE disregard for the laws we, as humans, have created in order to maintain a functioning society.

Prawns – blatant disregard for human law
As they force co-existence upon us

I have one question : Will this lawlessness only be addressed when children start being knocked over, as they attempt to re-enact what they’ve seen the prawns doing on the roads?

This “fuck you” attitude displayed by some of the prawns (and I stress “some” of them, who ruin it for the rest) continued at Caprice where prawns were spotted climbing all over the furniture with their damaging “clip-shoe” footwear.

The “fuck you” attitude displayed by prawns
in human society continues.

I’m not sure how things work in District 9, but here in the human areas and among our own, we have a very clear understanding about manners and general etiquette. At a very basic level, we obey traffic signals, and we don’t stand on furniture. You need to adhere to these basics – if you wish to coexist. Especially when it comes to bicycles.

A bicycle is the first mode of transport for most human children. They cannot wait to get their first bicycle and probably can’t wait to have the ability to go through red traffic lights, like they see the “adults” (prawns) doing on the road.

Why do you let them do it? Why do you just sit in your car and shake your head? Why don’t you hoot at them? Why don’t you wind down your window and ask them to please stop?

I guess we’ll just have to wait for a child to get hurt before this is addressed.

What are your thoughts?

INCREDIBLE scenes over the weekend outside Vida e in Green Point, as we see a “prawn” approaching a car guard.

A “prawn” approaches a car guard
outside Vida e, Green Point

The car guard is not quite sure about that prawn – as we notice continued multi-species integration on the streets of Cape Town – so very far away from District 9.

With the prawns’ relentless disregard for law, including blatant red traffic light violations, how much longer can society and the police afford to turn a blind eye?

I didn’t give this much of a chance when it was sent in to me. But then I did, and I was pleased.

2oceansvibe’s relationship with non-A-to-B-transportation related cycling and cyclists is a torrid and well-documented vibe, a lot of which can be seen in graphic detail in our much celebrated and aptly named “CYCLING” section (here).

It therefore makes absolute perfect sense that we publish this wonderful music video made by a cyclist for, what looks like, non-cyclists. Although I’m sure the hard-core red-traffic-light-shooting brethren out there will have a little chuckle to themselves as well.

Whatever camp you’re in, you’re bound to enjoy it.

What did I tell ya?

As my buddy’s at Watkykjy would say, that was “kak” funny.

[thanks warren]

A horrified Justin L just sent this in. It seems not even Sainsbury’s stores are safe from helmet attacks..

Where does it end?

Hey Seth

I was cruising around the Putney Sainsburys yesterday, pretty idle thursday, nothing crazy, when I turned a corner into the bread aisle and got hit with this..

Justin L

And she seems like such a normal girl. Possibly even intelligent and/or attractive..

God, what a waste!

See other cycling helmet attack articles here. Help us put a stop to this madness.

In by far the most interesting news I’ve found on iol (ie. REUTERS) in quite some time, this article may well be all you need to get you through your miserable day.

Check it out:

Brothel offers discounts for cyclists

Berlin – A Berlin brothel has come up with a novel way to negate the impact of the global economic crisis and target a new group of customers at the same time – offering a discount to patrons who arrive on bicycles.

 

 

“The recession has hit our industry hard,” said Thomas Goetz, owner of the “Maison d’envie” brothel.

“Obviously we hope that the discount will attract more people,” he added.

“It’s good for business, it’s good for the environment – and it’s good for the girls.”

Customers who arrive on bicycle or who can prove they took public transportation get a €5 discount from the usual €70 fee for 45 minute sessions, Goetz told Reuters.

He said the environmentally friendly offer was working.

“We have around 3-5 new customers coming in daily to take advantage of the discount,” he said, adding the green rebate has helped alleviate traffic and parking congestion in the neighbourhood.

Germany is one of the few countries in the world where prostitution is legal. It has about 400 000 prostitutes who, since 2002, have been allowed to enter formal labour contracts. – Reuters

[source:iol]

Now you can cycle to the village bicycle!

I think the question on everybody’s mind is, will the cyclists have the common decency to remove their helmets before they frequent the establishment in question?

I doubt it.

More about the ongoing cycling helmet issue here.

[thanks peter]

Cycling helmet attacks in the Southern Suburbs and beyond are a rarity – a rarity that surely adds to the draw of that particular semi-rural lifestyle.

Well that’s all changing now, as the helmet attacks in public spaces are becoming more and more common that side of the mountain.

This revolting display was taken at the Vida e at Constantia Village.

Hi, Space Boy!

Why would you be so in our faces?

Why do you find it necessary to draw so much attention to yourself? Are your exposed balls not enough as it is?

Why is your skin so thick that you don’t realise you are making a spectacle of yourself?

Why? Why would you do that?

[thanks clint]

Please enjoy this tool wearing his helmet indoors.

While shopping, no less.

You, my friend, are a tool

Shame.

[thanks grant]

It is not only the larny sidewalk cafe’s and trendy restaurants that are subjected to this madness and intolerable behaviour dished out by cyclists. Cyclists who seem hell-bent on wearing their helmets in public places; in some kind of sick alien-style ritual that forms the core of these helmet attacks that seem to be spreading like vermin.

A clearly shaken “Jon,” shares his story with us.

Look what you’ve DONE!

 

Hi Seth

Well it looks like the attacks have now spread as far afield as the sleepy suburb of Meadowridge (aka “God’s Waiting Room” )

This taken over the weekend at the local checkers – what a chop!

Cheers

Jon

Why would he do that?

Why would he subject us to such a display and willingly draw so much attention to himself? Is there something that we did that bothered him and distracted him to such a point that he chose to go to this extent?

Where are we heading (scuze el punno), as a society?

So many unanswered questions..

BLATANTLY ignoring Vida e’s polite public-led request (here) for cyclists to remove their helmets when frequenting their establishment; it seems that THESE cyclists couldn’t care less about the general public’s wishes regarding their grossly inappropriate, anti-social and imposing behaviour.

This, sent in this morning by a 2oceansvibe reader and concerned fellow citizen.

Camps Bay Vida e
Skin doesn’t get much thicker than that

I tell you, this whole vibe (past stories here) becomes more and more mind-blowing as it goes on. I’m certainly not saying that I am a saint, but one thing I try very hard to display, is general considerateness . I simply cannot help but worry about the comfort of those around me. If I am out and about with my fellow citizens and I am doing something or behaving in a way that bothers them – I would like to know about it.

Wouldn’t you?

Vida e’s “No Helmets” sign
is up at all stores (story here)

Society simply cannot operate in a civilised manner when a group of people decide to go against the grain and do as they please. And the above display is just the beginning, compared to the other liberties that they (the relative few) seem to be taking. I’m talking, in particular, to the blatant disregard for traffic lights and safety, as we witness cyclists continually riding straight through red traffic lights on Sea Point’s Beach Road, among other places.

Given the fact that a bicycle is the first mode of transport for any child, surely this is not ideal when it comes to impressionable children watching from their parent’s car? Just a simple argument – not even taking into account things like “safety” and “public law.”

We’re not going against ALL cyclists here, it’s just the few that are ruining it for the rest.

It is SUCH incredibly uncool behaviour.

Seriously, who do you think you are?

[thanks reinier]

Only a week since the last overseas attack we received from New York (here ), this new report comes in from a victim in the UK.

Let’s hear Ryan A’s reaction:

Madness

Seth,

Many of us have been sitting in the relative safety of the UK watching, with horror, the shameless helmet attacks back home. We’ve got quite laid back about it over here, some might even say sloppy.

Imagine my surprise in Sainsbury’s last night when this utterly senseless attack occurred. You can see from the picture that I instantly dropped my shopping and tried to get a picture of the perpetrator. Apologies for the poor picture quality – I was a bit shaken when it first happened.

Anyway, I guess it’s a bit like swine flu and has spread pretty quickly into a global problem. Would you recommend people in the UK try and quarantine any future attackers that are caught?

Perhaps a mock charge a la Gordon Brown would be in order?

Ryan

I don’t know what to say, Ryan. I am sick to my stomach. Having spent a couple nights in London, and now currently writing to you from the South of France, the buzz of my holiday has kind of fizzled. You know what I mean?

It’s one thing dealing with ignorant rubes back home, but to find it here on the continent – in a genuine first world culture – my God!

It’s just so sad..

[Read about past attacks here .]

As the resounding chorus of dissent aimed at these senseless attacks continue, each new sighting becomes more and more difficult to comprehend. Like this recent accosting at the Shell garage shop, on Buitenkant. What is this alien doing?

Take me to your leader.

Vida e in South Africa have followed the 2oceansvibe led initiative to place “No Helmets” signs on the windows of all branches. And boy, do the lacy-clad pinched-faces get worked up!

Now why exactly would cyclists get worked up about it? Everything is cool bru, you simply have to remove your helmet. Why is that such a big vibe? Why are you freaking out? Is there something deeper and darker that you want to chat about? The rest of the outfit, perhaps? Do you think it’s something to do with that as well?

Granted, we think the rest of it is completely and utterly ridiculous and you look like a tool either way, but we’re focusing on JUST the helmets here. And yet you’re compelled to throw a wobbly?

Settle down. Seriously.

And, in future, would you mind tucking in your balls while I’m talking to you. Ta.

[thanks kate]

One would think that in a city which is still suffering the heartache and memories of the 9/11 attacks, people would be more mindful when walking into stores and laying on a full-on helmet attack?

This, from Kerrin N in New York City:

 

Hi Seth,

Greetings from Brooklyn (New York, not Millerton), I was just doing a spot of grocery shopping in my neck of the hood when, out of nowhere, I saw this. I was immediately gripped by a rage so intense that I started to shake (that and a fear of being caught exposing the perp) so my apologies for the for quality. I’m now recovering at home with a strong espresso.

Cheers,
Kez

Brooklyn, New York – that is too beautiful. And “Millerton,” instead of “Milnerton” – superb!

Superb, yet worrying. Worrying in terms of the spread of these mindless attacks.

We know now that these attacks are not isolated and they ARE spreading.

Perhaps stores all over the world could get stickers printed, like Vida e recently did (here), BANNING the wearing of cycle helmets?

Only then will our children sleep.

[thanks kerrin]

You’re rude and you’re coming across as a tool.
Kindly remove your helmet.

[thanks rob]

Public sentiment and general hygiene concern has come to the fore, as more and more restaurants country-wide are now blatantly refusing entry to ALL cyclists, let alone those who refuse to wear their helmets while they dine – a very particular complaint that we have, here at 2oceansvibe.

This, from Remo’s restaurant, just outside Mount Edgecombe estate in Umhlanga.

Remo’s stern notice to all cyclists

One cannot help but be reminded of, and to note the similarities between this public rights spar and man’s approach to global warming. With rumours afoot that Vida e are contemplating “No Helmets” signs in their stores, it seems possible that the freewheeling attitude and socially destructive behaviour of cyclists, might just be thwarted before it is too late.

Who knows, maybe some day it will become law..

[thanks adrian]

This just in.

Having spent some time in my youth in Pinelands, it always cuts me deep when I hear bad stories to do with the once sleepy hollow.

I was having a great day today, between working on the movie script and some down time at Caprice – before I received this email and photo which, quite frankly, knocked me for a six.

[takes a deep breath]

Spotted at the Pinelands McDonald’s

Hey Seth,

It is with great alarm that I give you this attached picture taken today.

A fresh attack at the McDonald’s in the once sleepy suburb of Pinelands.

Who would have thought?

Regards,

Ian M

Can you believe it? Just a day or two after the euphoric announcement (here)that the Old Mutual Head Office in Pinelands had been granted access to 2oceansvibe, we get this..

Not only are these cyclist helmet attacks happening more readily, but the perpetrators seem to be doing it in such an increasingly reckless devil-may-care manner.

No longer reliant on super fast and agile premium brand TREK-type bicycles to escape, the bandits are quite happy to cruise in on a Raleigh Burner circa ‘82! Scoffing their faces with Macky Dee fries in a barely plausible “carbo loading” maneuver, while we, the general public are at pains to cover our children’s eyes from the blatantly anti-social and tasteless behaviour.

I am VERY surprised none of the political parties pledged to put a stop to these dining with helmets attacks which seem to spreading like swine flu.

[thanks ian, rich]

A couple months back we brought you one of the funniest ads of your life, featuring a BMX that a guy was selling (here). That has nothing to do with this article, other than the fact that it involves a bike of sorts. I just mentioned that to, you know, bring across an air on continuity on these esteemed pages.

So today I have a video I was sent featuring a guy doing urban stunts on a mountain bike.

You gotta check this out..

That was none other than Danny MacAskill.

Wikipedia tells us:

Danny MacAskill is a stunt cyclist who released a five-and-a-half-minute video on YouTube on the 19th April 2009, filmed by his flat mate Dave Sowerby. This film has attracted massive attention on the internet and is a form of bike trials.

As of 21 April 2009, Danny, a twenty-three year old from the Isle of Skye, had been practising for more than 12 years. He gave up his job as a mechanic so he could ride full time. He now lives in Edinburgh. He often listens to music while riding.

Danny draws a lot of skill from influential riders of the trials scene including Martyn Ashton, Chris Akrigg, Mathew Street, Michael Judson, Kenny Wilson, Fraser McNeil and Brian Bleech.

Interesting name he is sporting there. “MacAskill.” Would make a good name for a new line of free-range Macdonald rump burgers – The Mac Ass Kill.

In a nice way.

[thanks andy skin]