Here is evidence confiscated at the scene of the crime:

[Thanks, Mike!]

It’s COMPLETELY off the charts! The guy’s lucky he was wearing a helmet.

Click ‘Continue Reading’ below to see the video.
[thanks james]

So whoever you are, I would like to direct you to these two links, here and here, outlining road traffic law, stating that cyclists may NOT ride through red traffic lights, nor may they ride next to each other on the road. It’s single-file, buddy. Not that we want to ruin your fun, as you chat to your buddies. But if you insist on maintaining such delusional arrogance to believe that you are actually above the law, then maybe we should be treating you like a child?

Can you believe it? He said he had been cycling for eight years and he should therefore have a better understanding of what the law states.

Turns out you’re wrong. And you’re arrogant. And you’re delusional. And you’re breaking the law. And your balls are showing. But more importantly, you’re setting a bad example for young children who watch you going through reds and cannot wait to get their first bicycle, so they can do the same. It’s a pity, because you’re ruining it for the other cyclists out there who are obeying the law.

So to answer our persistent question: YES, cyclists actually DO believe they’re above the law.

Vilnius is the capitol city of Lithuania – a place where they feel very strongly about cars parked in specifically allocated bicycle lanes. In this clip, the city’s mayor, Arturas Zuokas, can be seen literally crushing an “illegally parked” luxurious blue Mercedes – with an armored vehicle!

The stunt was set up by frustrated members of the mayor’s office after they received hundreds of complaints, especially from cyclists, saying that parked cars have been blocking their bike lanes. I love how the mayor acts all nonchalant and cool whilst crushing all that glass and steel beneath him – only to get on a bicycle and cycle off into the distance afterwards.

I wonder if such a campaign could be organised locally with regards to douche bags who park their shiny cars in handicapped zones? Either Helen Zille or Patricia de Lille would look BOSS on the back of one of these tanks!

[Source: Metro]

Before riding, cyclists needs to train the bike to pick up their brain waves through the helmet, which is worn while practicing moving an object on an iPhone screen with their mind.  After a while, the bike’s neuraltransmission technology can link the user’s thoughts with a particular shift in gear.

While still in its prototype stage, developers believe this nifty idea coupled with the bike’s aerodynamic carbon fibre design will make it extremely popular with cyclists.

Now drivers just need an app which allows them to read cyclists’ minds and we’ll all live happily ever after.

[Source: Mashable]

Earlier this week Seth told you about the Give Respect, Get Respect campaign in America – an attempt to promote harmony between cyclists and motorists. It seems four- and two-wheeled road users in the UK might also benefit from this message. After seeing a video of himself assaulting a cyclist on the internet, a motorist has now offered his apology, saying he is “severely embarrassed.”

John Nicholls got out of his vehicle and hit cyclist Simon Page after said cyclist slapped his car “in order to let him know he was driving too close.” Unfortunately, Nicholls was driving to a church at the time. Why? To make funeral arrangements for his mother, who had died the week before. As you can imagine, not the perfect time for a cyclist to “slap his car”.

The attack was filmed by another cyclist who was wearing a head camera and later posted it on YouTube. As you’ll see from the video below, Page was luckily not hurt too badly as he was wearing his cycling helmet at the time:

[Source: Daily Mail]

The Give Respect, Get Respect campaign aimed at promoting and enforcing the peaceful coexistence of motorists, cyclists and pedestrians is kicking into gear and has started cracking down on bicyclists.

A traffic-enforcement team of bike cops stopped 803 cyclists and motorists from its May 16 launch. Of those, 600 were cyclists.

Of the cyclists stopped, 590 were issued warnings, while three were cited for moving violations, which commonly include running red lights or riding against traffic and carry the same fine as they do for motorists.

[more here]

Do you understand that? It’s about respect. It’s about give and take. It’s about, dare I say, karma. Essentially, this issue is a two way street.

A similar campaign has been launched in New Zealand. See more at the stopatred.org.nz website.

Much like local taxis receiving a blanket hate from most motorists, when in fact there are a handful of polite taxi drivers out there; there is a LARGE handful (note: not all) of local cyclists who insist on cycling through red traffic lights. You guys are ruining it for everyone else. Why are YOU so different? Why don’t YOU care if children see what you’re doing and want to do the same on their first modes of transport? You know why?

But then you moan when some people treat you like shit on the road? Please – you don’t have a leg to stand on. Do you think these desperate initiatives would be launching all over the world if you were in the right? If you weren’t such a selfish prick?

So, to the cyclists out there ruining it for everyone else – Give respect and you’ll get respect.

A car covering the Tour de France, for a French television station, sideswiped Juan Antonio Flecha of Spain, while Dutch cyclist, Johnny Hoogerland, went flying into a barbed-wire fence at 60 kilometres per hour. Luckily he survived – albeit half-naked, as his pants were ripped off by the fence in the process. The maniac behind the wheel has now been banned by tour organisers.

[Source: Matador]

Wrong. We love cyclists. Hell, we love bikes, and biking around. We just can’t get behind The Prawn.

That said, Danny MacAskill is no prawn. He’s a stylish, skilled athlete, and he makes the infrastructure of our beloved city look oh-so-fine.

[Thanks, Mark!]

Respect to you, Mr Price.

But the BMX and the mankini are only half the story.

Evan Price is being accused of skullduggery during the race by none other than the CEO of Cycletrust Tour, Dave Bellairs. Please enjoy this email exchange between Mr Bellairs, and Evan.

Very good.

Despite his status as a cyclist, this guy is very close to attaining that title of “legend” as well, much in the same way that Lance Armstrong overcame the taboo to become one of the world’s iconic athletes.

The unnamed cyclist completed this years Argus Cycle Tour wearing naught but a Borat Mankini, a pair of sneakers, and his safety helmet. All on a BMX.

If you have knowledge of the whereabouts, or identity of this legend, or know him personally, let us know.

Social cyclists taking part in a Critical Mass event in Sao Paulo, Brazil, we’re struck and injured by a vehicle accelerating through the crowd of cyclists. How no one was killed in the process is mystifying, and the only bright spot on this whole affair.

You can watch the video here.

Police have since arrested the man suspected to have been behind the wheel of the vehicle that cannonballed through the cyclists, so now you all have an actual individual to direct your foaming wrath against.

A police statement says Ricardo Jose Neis was arrested in the city of Porto Alegre after a judge ordered his preventive detention. Prosecutors say they are considering charges of attempted homicide.

Under Brazilian law, suspects are not charged until police finish their investigation, which could take up to 30 days.

Neis is accused of speeding through a pack of more than 100 cyclists taking part in a Critical Mass ride Friday in Porto Alegre. Authorities say 40 riders suffered injuries including cuts and broken bones, though nobody was killed.

Neis’ attorney, Luis Fernando Coimbra, has said that the cyclists were beating on his client’s car and threatening him, and he acted in self defence.

However, people who took part in the ride deny anyone threatened Neis, and the lead police investigator in the case, Gilberto Montenegro, has called the suspect’s story “fanciful.”

Critical Mass is a movement that promotes bicycles as a means of transportation.

“Pack” of cyclists?

Naughty…

[Source : AP]

Long-time 2oceansvibe readers will be aware of our mild allergy to offensive cyclists – you know, the chaps who cruise in to cafes on Saturday morning, sweat gushing from their epidermis, balls cupped by spandex, which are at eye level as they walk in.

That’s not to say that we’re not for cycling. I mean look, science has shown that cycling is an efficient, and enjoyable method of mechanical forward-motion.

The driver of this vehicle in this video has obviously taken light humour to a very dark place.

2oceansvibe could, and will never, condone this kind of vibe.

Who wants to slip a spoke between that driver’s ribs? Hands up?

Indications are that no one was killed – which is a miracle.

[Source : NY Times]

[Thanks, Marc]

Welcome to the madness – enjoy your stay.

What we don’t like is seeing the pronounced, cupped, hugged, and squeezed outline of your block and tackle. What we don’t like are clip on shoes scuffing our floors. What we don’t like is sitting next to a group of people fully robed in lycra, having a great time while dripping the hard earned wages of that recently completed ride all over the floor.

And the helmets look silly when you war them without the reasonable danger of falling down at high speed, say, when you’re standing on your feet indoors.

And mirror shades?

But through all of that, I can see the benefit of cycling. My father is a keen cyclist. He tells me that the meditative quality on long rides is much like getting into that zone of thought when you’re running. Running is my personaly preferred form of exercise, so I can relate to that. i can appreciate that. And no one can argue that the Tour de France isn’t a great sporting spectacle. (Side note: how can you take steroids and have such small arms? Baffling.)

But through all of that, I can’t compromise on this point.

Cycling is terrible for humanity, and more specifically, for your semen.

We all suspected that hours on a moderately firm saddle, legs reeling up and down in what can only be described as an aggravating action, would eventually lead to some kind of testicular discomfort, at the very least.

And those in the know knew why Lance was untouchable. When push came to shove, the Yellow Man didn’t have an aching pair of boys to deal with when he needed to kick into a higher gear going up a 35 degree mountain slope.

Don’t take my word for it, check out this news report:

However, when Wise and her colleagues looked at specific types of exercise, they saw that men who said they spent at least five hours per week biking were twice as likely to have both a low sperm count and relatively poor sperm mobility.

Among men who did not get regular exercise, 23 percent had low sperm counts but so did more than 31 percent of those who biked at least five hours per week.

Nearly 40 percent of frequent bikers had low numbers of sperm with good motility, versus 27 percent of men who didn’t exercise.

Trauma or temperature increases in the scrotum may explain the relationship between biking and semen health, Wise said.

When I see the words “trauma” and “scrotum” in the same sentence, I get the heebie-jeebies.

So there you have it, guys. Donate before you saddle up, but only if you love our species.

[Source : EWN]

The irony of the ‘No Firearms’ sign (a far lesser offense) was not lost on us.

[thanks calvyn]

He says: “Had such fun riding my bike from the hotel down 5th ave to Central Park and then back via Broadway… bet no one has ever been that stupid. Stopped outside a Sunglass Hut next to the Hard Rock on Broadway and took these pics with the staff….cool chicks.”

Andy and the cool chicks

Below is the rest of his email – an account of the race from his point of view. It’s a very cool read, especially for those of you who’ve made a stop at the Big Apple in recent years.

And without further ado…

So many have asked about the NY marathon that I thought it best to send a summary

Having lost one of my closest friends a week earlier it was always going to be emotional – he was instrumental in getting me to enter so we went to Carnegie deli and celebrated his life with a hot pastrami on rye sarmi and I rode with a black arm band for him.

The start is on Staten Island and the only way there is on the organised buses which run with military precision.

Our departure was at 4AM so we had a STUPID 2 AM wake up call – getting almost 400 handcyclist, wheelchairs and bikes there was crazy and I ended up on a bus with a group of Colombian pros. It was so cool meeting cyclists from all over the world.

The elite field was 198 strong and I had a real job convincing them that I belonged in that category having not done the race before. All but three in the field were pros and I guess a fat geriatric from south Africa didn’t quite look the part.

The hospitality tent at the start was well organized and it was quite a sobering sight to see how many of the participants were young military amputees – couldn’t help chuckling at one sicko’s comment that “this war sure is good for the sport of handcycling.”

The start was a tense and congested affair with lots of posing and “chest beating”. The Aussie contingent couldn’t help making disparaging comments about our rugby boys – I’ll use those comments, I thought!

By the time Mayor Bloomberg set us off we were all almost frozen stiff. I’ve never experienced cold like this and my water froze in my water bottle – FRIGGING FREEZING MAN!!!

The race starts at the base of the bridge that joins the island and Manhattan so there’s a two kilometer climb at the start – not fun when your muscles are cold, but I decided to give it everything at the start and then just try and hang on as long as possible…The hectic crosswind and temperature made it the most extreme start I’ve ever experienced, but about 20 of us managed to break away from the rest of the field.

Five miles into the race and there were about four recliners (the same bike I ride) and five kneelers (the bikes the amputees use) up front, and I felt a bit like a hare being chased by a pack of wolves, but the field seemed unable to catch us. The race weaves through the five boroughs of NY and even at speed it was interesting to note the different ethnic groups screaming from the pavements. First the Hispanic block, then the Hasidic Jews, etc.

Fifteen miles into the race and I had an escort cyclist leading me. It was quite a surreal experience and I was really pumped by all the support.

The rest of the race is a bit off a blur, I guess I was just trying to keep going and avoid punctures on the terribly corrugated streets…Just two miles to go and my escort waved me through and said ” You’re on your own now”…Passing Strawberry Fields in Central Park is a really beautiful place to end, the pain and the screaming crowd was deafening…I felt like a rock star for a day.

I finished sixth overall in a time of 1 hour 36 minutes, much better than I could ever have dreamed of, and ahead of some of the ‘big boys’.

Looking back at my Garmin I was in the red for most of the race and averaged 27km/hr on course.

What an experience…Time for some R&R and some Zzzzzzzz’s.

Great job, Andy. Here’s to one more rocking athlete out of South Africa representing on the international stage.

Please make sure you watch that video – it’s quite special.

Read more about this beautiful device here.

[thanks ross]

That was before the concierge at my residence pumped through a text message confirming I had a “fairly large” delivery waiting for me downstairs.

I shoulder-barged Mavis out the way and went down to the lobby. This is what I brought back upstairs. Oh yes, baby! The stars are clearly shining down!

Seth shows off the Cape Royale massive’s gang-sign

The reason why I had spent weeks coveting the bike was threefold. Firstly, the bike folds up, which is pretty handy for when I feel like taking it somewhere in the car. Secondly, the bike has a built in bike lock. You see that wire cable that forms a part of the bike’s frame (you can check behind my left foot in the image)? You can unlock that cable and fix it around a pole or whatever you use to secure it. What’s more, if anyone cuts through the cable, it renders the bike useless. Like your mother.

And lastly, I just dig anything that is limited edition. And, as you will see, I am fortunate enough to be one of 50 peeps in the world who are enjoying this work of art!

I’m number 23 of 50

Yes, those are twin-disc brakes..

Yes, that (23) is Michael Jordan’s number. And no, I don’t know if it has any significance. Ask Puma. They obviously reckon I’m some kind of “online Michael Jordan.” But it’s not for me to say. My number at school when I scored all those tries was 14 and, to be honest, I thought they would have cottoned on to that. Clearly not. But at the same time it definitely is somewhat flattering to be likened to Michael Jordan.

Come to think of it, there was a group of kids at school that referred to me as “The TAJ KING” every time I was on the basketball court. This had nothing to do with India, I should add. The word “TAJ” was actually an acronym which stood for “Turn Around Jumpshot.” I was a bit of a Turnaround Jumpshot specialist, so they were obviously paying homage to that fact when they called me the TAJ KING.”

It’s very humbling, the whole thing.

Here’s a photo of me cycling backwards around Green Point.

Sorry, what did you say?

That’s how I usually cycle. It’s very rare that you will find me cycling the normal way round. I just find it easier going backwards.

Does that make me a bad person?

Hey if you’re keen to join the Magical 50 club, check out this info:

Global sportslifestyle brand PUMA has collaborated with concept-store Colette, artist So-Me and urban bicycle brand Biomega to create 50 limited edition PUMA Bikes, 6 of which will be available for retail in South Africa in October. This combination of art, fashion and bike creates a unique, art-on-the-go fashion statement.

To get your hands on one of 6 limited edition PUMA Bikes, visit Soho in Durban, Cross Trainer Editions in Sandton or Astore in Cape Town. The bikes will retail for R10 000 and will be in store from 1 October 2010.

Sick!

No-one bats an eyelid at stuff like this around Los Angeles – it’s completely normal!

‘Awesome’ doesn’t even begin to describe it.

I mean, seriously, there is so much to talk about.

The tassels.

The fact that it is chained up.

Those of you who have spent time in L.A. will agree that the chances of the owner and rider of the trike being an adult, are VERY high!

It’s actually MORE LIKELY to be an adult than a child.

It’s probably an 80 year old woman in a boob tube.

Easily!

[thanks colin]

Especially now that it has gone further than just big city centers, and moved to untouched places of beauty, including Malawi!

This from our intrepid 2oceansvibe Travel Writer, Tony B:

Dearest Seth

It is with deep concern and trepidation that I send you this information, as it has global consequences…

I recently had the great pleasure of a little sojourn to the idyllic beaches of lake Malawi, the warm heart of Africa.

Days were spent without a care, enjoying the sun, warm waters of the lake, smiling locals, Carlsberg greens, and of course the world famous Malawi gold.

One morning, while minding my own business on the beach, a shadow crept across the sand, blocking my sun. I looked up expecting to see my friend, Mr Fantastic, approaching with yet another cob that he had fetched from his grandfather who grew the best stuff way up in the mountains.

You can imagine my absolute horror when I raised my bloodshot eyes to meet the scaly gaze of a fully grown Malawian Prawn!

Now, being miles from the nearest tar road, and surrounded by soft cushioning sand, I had to assume that this was a new breed of Prawn, and nervously enquired it’s name. “Chicane Pisa” was the reply I got.

Confused, it took me a while to realise that this particular Prawn seemed to have tucked into the local gold himself and confused munchies with name, where he got it from I could not tell, as there was definitely no “chicken pizza” anywhere to be seen.
On his shirt he had the words “Ask me the million dollar que$tion”. I was stuck for words at that time, and it was only after he sauntered off that I realised what the million dollar question must be:

“Why the fuck are you wearing your helmet when you are not on your bicycle, Prawn?”

Anyway, I knew immediately that this information needed to be put out there, so that people can be prepared and not go through the trauma I did. There is nowhere safe or sacred when it comes to Prawns. Come on District 10, it is time for some Prawn Pisa.

Tony B

Thank you for that, Tony.

Mother of God, when is someone going to put a stop to the madness?!

It’s only when someone gets hurt that they realise we are being invaded. And you know what it will be? It will be somebody’s child. We MUST unite against this vermin.

Very soon it will be too late.

Do you have a friend who wears his/her cycling helmet when not on a bike?Maybe it’s your mother, or father? Or even your lover?

YOU need to use your voice and tell them, “you look like a doos and nobody likes you if you wear your helmet when entering a public place. We already have to deal with your nuts sticking out, even though there are children around. Haven’t you done enough mental damage to the public in general?”

Not ideal – taking your overseas guests for a lunch and exposing them to a pair of balls on a sunny weekend.

Or your kids – let’s not forget about the kids out there.

Mark my words – in five years time the law will see this in the same light as flashing.

[thanks peter]

Cyclist Thrown Off Tour For Headbutting Rival - Australian Mark Renshaw paid the price for his team’s win-at-all-costs approach to the Tour de France 11th stage on Thursday when he was excluded from the race for headbutting. Iin the final 500 metres of the 184.5km stage from Sisteron, the normally affable Australian lost his head when he tried to headbutt Garmin-Transitions’ Kiwi lead-out man Julian Dean three times. [afp + video]

Bill & Hillary’s New $11Million House – Looks like Bill and Hillary Clinton are moving to this intense 7,000 square-foot house in the Westchester town of Bedford Hills. It’s got a stable and everything! The 20-acre property the Clintons are said to be buying comes complete with a totally useless pond/fountain, pool, wine cellar, and artist’s studio for whenever Bill feels like picking up the watercolors again. Check out the pics after the jump. Might need some redecorating .. [gawker]

Oil Stops Flowing Into Gulf For First Time – A happy milestone for the Gulf of Mexico: BP says oil has stopped gushing into the water for the first time since its rig exploded 3 months ago. “It’s too early to celebrate,” said exec Doug Suttles, noting that the company has hours of testing to conduct before determining for sure that its new cap will hold. Ja, don’t count your chickens before they hatch, my bru. [newser]

MTN Boss Gets R33Million - MTN Group shareholders approved a R33m windfall for outgoing boss Phuthuma Nhleko on Thursday. The settlement, which will be due in a once-off sum, is payable on April 1 2011 and is in respect of a three-year restraint of trade. This dwarfs the R7m paid to Alan Knott-Craig when he exited Vodacom Group in 2008. Yes it certainly does. But it’s still less than this weekend’s EuroLottery jackpots! [koos]

Dramatic Rise In “Smartphone” Car Radio Listenership – Radio listening via a ‘smartphone’ is becoming ever more popular, according to figures released today by the organisation that monitors radio listening behaviour in the UK. Says RAJAR, some 20 per cent of smartphone owners – or 1.4 million people – have downloaded an application that enable them to listen to a radio service via their smartphone. Not surprising, given the FM signal is shutting down in 5 years in the UK. [allmediascot]

Apple Engineer Warned Steve Jobs About iPhone 4 Antenna – Well I tell you what I’m quite pleased I went for the iPad rather than the iPhone 4, at this stage of the game. Latest news on the antenna problems are that a top Apple Inc. antenna expert (kiff job) voiced concerns to Big Steve in the early phases of the iphone 4′s design process. He warned it might drop calls. Oh dear. Personally, I wouldn’t mind – I don’t do phone calls.. [bloomberg]

Pink Goes To Hospital After Stunt Goes Wrong – The 30-year-old singer, who is famous for her acrobatic stage routines, fell out of a harness high above the stage during a particularly difficult move as part of her Funhouse tour. Pink was then rushed off stage and taken to a nearby hospital by ambulance. However, the singer quickly took to her Twitter page to reassure fans who were left terrified by the dramatic accident. Cntd..[dailymail]

World Celebrates With Madiba – Anti-apartheid hero Nelson Mandela celebrates his 92nd birthday at home with his family on Sunday, just one week after the Soccer World Cup showed off the successes of democratic South Africa. “The man who has suffered so much and who, when he came out [of jail] set out to bring peace, solidarity and humanity, he had a dream, and his dream was to see the World Cup in his country,” Fifa president Sepp Blatter said this week. [mail&guardian]

Tycoon Will Pay French Burka Ban Fines – A French property tycoon enraged at his government’s plans to ban women from wearing the full veil in public has promised a fund of €1m (£830,000) to help any Muslim who is fined for wearing the niqab in the street.Rachid Nekkaz, a businessman of Algerian origin who launched a short-lived campaign in the 2007 presidential elections, has already put €200,000 into a bank account aimed at bailing out women who find themselves on the wrong side of the new law. [guardian]

In a First, Full-Sized Robo-Copter Flies With No Human Help – In mid-June, a single-turbine helicopter took off from a test field in Mesa, Arizona, avoided obstacles during flight, scoped out a landing site and landed safely. It’s the kind of flight choppers have made tens of thousands of times before. Except this time, the helicopter did it entirely on its own — with no humans involved. It was the first fully autonomous flight of a full-sized chopper, ever. Quite mean.. [wired]

David Cameron Condemns Dead Fugitive Sympathy – Facebook said it would resist MPs’ calls to remove a page set up in honour of Raoul Moat, the fugitive who shot his former girlfriend, her boyfriend and a police officer before killing himself after he went on the run for a week. David Cameron condemned public sympathy for Moat today and described the gunman as a “callous murderer”. General whinging on the mud island. Surely not? [guardian]

New Ford And GM Cars Will “Talk” To Google Maps – Google’s “Send-To-Car” feature lets users send destinations from Google Maps directly to their vehicles. This feature previously worked with BMW and Audi vehicles, and now Google has extended its partner base for the program to Ford and GM. We have the same thing in Cape Town that helps you find your way. We’ve had the techonology for quite some time here. It’s called “Table Montain.” [mashable]

Tracy Morgan Chats About Mel Gibson – Sandwiched in between talking about the quest to find his biological father and his new motorcycle, Morgan gave his thoughts on the seemingly endless supply of Mel Gibson rants. Explaining why the tapes are selling like hotcakes in Compton, Morgan joked, “Calling women b-tches and using the N-word. That ain’t nothing but hip-hop…He stole that concept from Lil’ Wayne.” [huffers]

Lance Armstrong’s new helmet – picked up on Gizmodo website

Apparently:

[A concept] that has a short tail that tucks in the area between Armstrong’s scapulae. With a head-on wind, it’s slightly faster than Giro’s previous models, but in any crosswind condition, it’s considerably faster –- about 20 to 30 grams less drag. Also, the rider is able to move more easily with the helmet on.

That’s awesome! You know – if you’re into that kind of vibe.

For me, there was something even more awesome about the article I found on Gizmodo. And it wasn’t in the actual article, it was in the comments section.

Wanna know what it said?

HAAAAH! Beautiful..

Read the rest of the helmet story and the comments HERE.

Unlike this cyclist, who is just awesome.

Enjoy the water bottle holder

A quiet Black Label for the boys!

Beautiful!

[thanks ard]

We received the following, from a fellow 2oceasviber:

Howzit Seth,

Decided to take your slogan to the next level: in fact, screw ‘work is a sideline’ – work is non existent!

I quit my job in london, slapped on a backpack and have been cruising from India to Thailand. I’m currently in Japan, off to China in 10 days before heading home to SA for an EpicFierce diski dance vibe, but you probably knew this from reading all my updates on http://sharmanandhobbo.co.za/blog

Japanese Monk springs surprise public helmet attack

I spent today in a place called Nara and HAD to send this image to you ASAP! The prawns have intercepted the Japanese monks! Oh my word – it’s become a holy war! We’re all screwed!

Hope you’re having a rad time on your holi!

Chat soon
Cheers
Mike

Wow, thanks for that, Mike. I must say, it is incredibly alarming and certainly not something that we had ever comprehended! But now, in hindsight, it seems so obvious. The way they carry on in general society has all the hallmarks of a cult – it makes perfect sense that this would spiral into a flat-out religion of sorts. And now we see it developing from afar – in the East!

We should have seen this coming.

Be vigilant, people. Please, for our childrens’ sake.

But then you get that special type of 2oceansviber, the one whose natural urge to give, completely overpowers them and they start creating something with their bare hands – to give to the vibe.

Take Shawn B, for example. Showing his true understanding of the deeper vibe, created this:

“All things bright and annoying..”

See what he did there? He took the nickname we have for cyclists, “prawns,” and dressed it up with all things annoying; including helmets and Crocs.

What a fantastic job, Shawn!

That’s going STRAIGHT to the poolroom!

Enjoy the cameo by Helen Zille.

Wonderful stuff!

[thanks mike]

One-on-one:
Seven-time Tour de France champion, Lance Armstrong talks to ‘the voice of cycling’, Phil Liggett, about about his battle with cancer, memorable moments on his bike as well as this year’s Tour de France at the ‘Discovery Lance for Life Tour 2010′ breakfast in support of the JAG Foundation.

Lance Armstrong and Phil Liggett

Armstrong arrived in Cape Town on Monday to promote his ‘Discovery Lance for Life Tour 2010’. Now At the end of his tour, his Cape Town itinerary included a visit to Spine Road Secondary in Mitchell’s Plain, an exclusive banquet at Cape Town’s new Green Point stadium, cycling with South Africa’s top business personalities and a breakfast at Constantia Uitsig.

Phil Liggett, Darl Impey and Lance Armstrong

Local is lekker – Top South African cyclist, Daryl Impey joins seven-time Tour de France champion, Lance Armstrong and ‘the voice of cycling’, Phil Liggett, to discuss riding for Team RadioShack as well as his chances of winning this weekend’s Cape Argus Pick n Pay Cycle Tour at the ‘Discovery Lance for Life Tour 2010′ breakfast in support of the JAG Foundation.

If they’re not carelessly cruising through red traffic lights, in full view of our children, or exposing their testicles (again, in full view of our children), another anti-social display of fuck-you-all-ness, is the annoying habit of leaving their alien-looking helmets on their heads when in a public commercial environment. Look at these fucking idiots.

Prawn freaks spotted in London

Dubbed “prawns,” with reference to the unwelcomed aliens in the movie, District 9, it is a shame that these few pests ruin it for the rest of the cyclists out there who choose to set a good example, by appreciating the other people in their immediate vacinity.

Can’t wait to see what Lance says about all of this..

But, you know, that’s just me..

That’s right, my friends, one of world history’s greatest sportsmen and champions, Lance Armstrong, is coming to Cape Town! His legacy covers so many facets, on and off the tarmac. Opportunities like this don’t often come around.

I’d keep reading if I were you..

Lance Armstrong comes to town – CLICK HERE

Check it out:

You snooze you lose – last minute bids open for ‘Discovery Lance for Life’ events

February 2010: With less than two weeks remaining till seven-time Tour de France champion, Lance Armstrong arrives in South Africa, local organisers have just revealed that six tables for the ‘Discovery Lance for Life’ events, are up for grabs through an exclusive blind bid.

The bidding opened on Monday, 22 February and will close on Tue, 02 March 2010. Bids start at R25, 000 for a table of eight at the banquet dinner and R15, 000 for a table of ten at the breakfast. Contact Nikki Ferreira on 079 895 0721 or nikki@jagfoundation.org.za to place your bids. The winners will be announced via Twitter on Wednesday 03 March.

[I'd suggest mentioning 2oceansvibe for special attention ]

In collaboration with leading local charity, the JAG Foundation, Lance will be in South Africa from 9 – 11 March to raise funds for the foundation and promote healthy living in South Africa. The remainder of Armstrong’s visit, from 12 – 14 March, will be dedicated towards training and preparation ahead of this year’s Tour de France as well as participation in the Cape Argus Pick n Pay Cycle Tour.

More details revealed (entertainment, venues and speakers)

On 9 March 450 guests will spend their evening with Lance and South Africa’s most celebrated sporting personalities at the Cape Town World Cup stadium in Green Point. Live entertainment will be provided by Sterling EQ, an all female electric quartet as well as Moreira Chonguica, an internationally renowned saxophonist. An interactive Q&A with Lance Armstrong and the international voice of cycling, Phil Liggett will follow shortly thereafter. The evening will conclude with an auction hosted by Christian Stewart where signed memorabilia with be sold.

The “Ride with Lance’ will be hosted on 10 March with top business and sports personalities embarking on a social 100 km ride with the cycling legend. In true Tour de France fashion, riders will be accompanied by helicopters, motorbikes, police escorts and receive technical assistance throughout the ride. The package includes accommodation, transport and dinner with Lance after the ride, a signed copy of his latest book – ‘My comeback: up and close’, DVD highlights of the Tour and a personalised coffee table book inclusive of images. The riders will also have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to spend one-on-one time with Lance on the day.

An 850 strong crowd will attend the breakfast function on 11 March at the Constantia Uitsig Vineyard. The audience will have an opportunity to listen to Lance’s life lessons as interviewed by Phill Ligett with special appearances from Rob Louw and Daryl Impey.

Tickets to the banquet and breakfast are sold out, but for a rare opportunity to bid for a table. Visit www.jagfoundation.org.za for more information.

Just give me that microphone, just for a second.

I dare you..

Seriously, after two months and nearly 2,000km, Geoff Brink will unicycle into Cape Town later this week to complete The Heart and Sole Tour, an initiative conceived to raise awareness in southern Africa of the continuing devastation caused by landmines.

Brink and Howard Donaldson, the tour’s back-up driver and official blogger (see www.fredhatman.co.za), left Durban on December 28, 2009, and have defied intense heat, thunderstorms, hail, rugged terrain and lack of funding to achieve their objective on behalf of The Sole of Africa, a South Africa-based NGO committed to the removal of landmines in southern Africa and the upliftment of those affected by landmine explosions.

Geoff Brink, giving it a full go

Brink and Donaldson left Heidelberg in the Western Cape yesterday morning (Monday, Feb 22) on the last leg of the journey which should see them arriving at the Clock Tower at Cape Town’s V&A Waterfront on Friday afternoon (Feb 26) at the latest.

Brink, a freelance photographer based in Umdloti on the north coast of Kwazulu-Natal, has overcome severe knee pain, horrendous chafing of his upper thighs, occasional back spasms and broken “distance bars” (small handlebars used on long-distance unicycles), which have snapped three times to unicycle a record distance on a one-wheeled cycle in Africa.

He said: “This tour has been the most amazing thing I’ve ever done – and the hardest. This unicycle ride was far harder than doing my army training and that was hard enough! To be honest, I’m just hanging on at the moment and can’t wait to get finished to get back to Umdloti to my fiancee – we get married on May 8 – and our five dogs which I have missed terribly.”

“Yu, yu, yu!!”

The Heart and Sole Tour received funding from Rotary Umhlanga which also assisted in arranging accommodation in those towns where Rotary clubs exist. Although Brink and Donaldson were fairly well equipped to camp on the side of the road, not once did they have to do that. South Africans of every race and income group rallied behind them to provide free or discounted accommodation or food wherever they went.

“I’d like to thank all of those people who, when they found out what Howard and I were doing, went to such great lengths to help us find a bed and a good meal after a day’s riding. Not only is our country of South Africa unbelievably beautiful but so are our people. The generosity and support we received was just immense. I am proud to call myself a South African.”

“Apart from a couple of close shaves involving crazy drivers on the road, not once did we feel at risk of being harmed or affected by crime. What people should realise is that the vast majority of South Africans of every ethnic background are amazingly good people who will do anything to help others in need. I would never want to live anywhere else!”

Read more and spend time at one of my favourite local blogs, FredHatman.co.za

This incredible report filed by Paul M:

Dear Seth

I was happily fighting the last few minutes of bottlenecked traffic on Kloofnek, homebound to Camps Bay this afternoon at around 17h30.

Crawling in 1st gear after I had managed to shift myself from the double lane into the single lane, something suddenly overtook me with pace, on my left, and caught my eyes….

Initially I almost shat myself, as I wasn’t expecting any movement (vehicles, motorbikes or scooters) to be coming up on the left, as traffic was now officially hurded into the single lane.

Hello! What’s this?

With my airconditioned knuckles, I rubbed a conbination of amazement, and disbelief, from my eyes…. regained some focus…. and sat with my jaw on the car floor, witnessing what seemed to be an Unidentified Cycling Prawn, athletically maneuvering itself up the steep hill, on what appeared to be a piece of extreme circus equipment!!!

Can I help you?

Was anyone else there for the unusual “sighting”?

Yours flabbergasted,

Paul Moolman
Cape Town

Unbelievable scenes there on Kloof Nek, Paul. Thanks for sharing that with us.

I think we should all take that on board and just go home and think about it.

What does this mean for us, as a city.

As a PEOPLE?

This recent account from a 2oceansviber tells a sad tale, as we witness the carnage occurring across the globe.

When will it stop?

When will our children be safe?

When will we all realise how fragile this life is?

Hey Seth,

My eyes have been corrupted and seen pure evils spread across the globe.
So Here I am in Venezuela, trying to check out all these Miss Universes that this place seems to have growing on trees.

However, I saw a prawn that probably was 3 Prawns in one!
You could see that this prawn was very comfortable in its new environment. Also taking it to another level of not just coffee shops, but attacking Shawarma take outs in shopping malls.

Click pic to enlarge

Click pic to enlarge  

Please note that this images has not been altered in anyway.

People may question such evils, but its true, get the professionals to analyze the images for any kind of manipulation.

Oh BTW man, also another evil which is quit dominant, is the high volume of Croc attacks here. Its amazing to see a beauty queens wearing these things.

The force of the Prawns is very strong here and I am sure to find a Prawn with crocs in Venezuela.

Peace bro to da max

Shawn B

Amazing how you captured those two moments in such a hostile environment! The second shot includes such a treat, in the form of our boy at the counter. He is throwing an impossible vibe there – such absolute awesomeness!

Thank you for this important *cough* heads-up.

I’m referring to the vibe I first showed you during my June/July 2009 trip to Los Angeles. When we dominated Venice Beach and Marina del Rey on our beach cruiser bicycles. So chilled… and so suited to the Cape Town 2oceansvibe lifestyle.

That was when the seed was planted – we desperately needed beach cruiser bicycles in Cape Town!

To fill you in:

Cruiser bicycles, also known as beach cruisers, combine balloon-tires, upright seating posture, single-speed mechanicals, straightforward steel construction — with expressive styling. The bikes, noted for their durability and heavy weight, were the most popular bicycle in the United States from the early 1930s through the 1950s — and enjoyed renewed popularity since the late 1990s. [more]

Taken in Los Angeles last year
The Advertising Guy ties up his bike before grabbing a brekkie..

I wanted to get some of the same bikes to Cape Town, so that I could enjoy cycling the way most of us would prefer – leisurely. I checked on the net and couldn’t find the right ones. Or rather, couldn’t find anyone able to export them to South Africa. And if they could, there were massive import charges to incur.

That’s when I placed my index fingers on either side of my temple and closed my eyes. I imagined the bikes in Cape Town and I imagined myself cycling leisurely along the pavement from Camps Bay to the Waterfront and back, with my hat on and some tunes coming from my iPod speaker strapped to the bike.

That was a few months ago and I can now confirm that dreams do come true. Some of you would have spotted the Olympic Cycles ads that have been running on 2oceansvibe. Well those are the bikes! They cost hardly anything so I ordered two – one for me and one for The Muse and they arrived on Christmas day!

Check it out!!! It’s called the Silverback “Casablanca!” – a fucking cool name for a fucking cool bike!

CLICK BIKES to enlarge..

The Silverback Casablanca!

Pink, with leather handles and tassles..
For the angels..

Hey, are those not the exact bikes you’ve been looking for? Yes they are, my friend! And they’re even better than the original beach cruiser bikes because they’ve got gears (full specs here). Not that you need them because you’re so goddamn laid back and won’t be going faster than a canter!

It’s a given that Cape Town as a whole is somewhat “hilly” and not conducive to full time cycling, but I tell you what…. I have found just the route..

We got on the bikes at the end of Camps Bay, near the police station, and rode on the pavement the whole way to the V&A Waterfront and back. I installed a bell on each bike and we would ring way ahead of time, if it looked like we would get in anyone’s way. The ride was so chilled and cool, and no-one gave us a hard time. In fact, the majority of the reactions were people asking us where to get the bikes!

Click image to zoom in on my vibe..

You’re not really allowed to ride on the Sea Point promenade (above pic) and a helpful road marshall confirmed that we would be absolutely fine on the pavement (same side of Beach Road as the promenade, just on the other side of the grass) – which was just as cool to glide along.

We popped into the Woolies along the way and got some dinner, as we made use of the all new bike/walking/jogging track built alongside Green Point’s Main Road and World Cup stadium. It runs from the Sea Point Library (bottom of Glengarriff Road) all the way to the Cape Town Traffic Department.

Check it out – very cool..

The Green Point promenade!
Brand new 4km stretch for walking/jogging/cycling

Honestly, between that and the Mouille Point stretch from the lighthouse to the Waterfront, you’re spoilt for choice.

CLICK HERE to get your own Cape Town beach cruiser bicycle and further enhance the holiday you’re living.

Still got a 9-to-5 job? Hmm, best you check out 2oceansvibe Jobs and sort that out pronto!

Check it out:

We’re getting there, guys.

Slowly but surely..

[thanks mike]

Prawns – blatant disregard for human law
As they force co-existence upon us

I have one question : Will this lawlessness only be addressed when children start being knocked over, as they attempt to re-enact what they’ve seen the prawns doing on the roads?

This “fuck you” attitude displayed by some of the prawns (and I stress “some” of them, who ruin it for the rest) continued at Caprice where prawns were spotted climbing all over the furniture with their damaging “clip-shoe” footwear.

The “fuck you” attitude displayed by prawns
in human society continues.

I’m not sure how things work in District 9, but here in the human areas and among our own, we have a very clear understanding about manners and general etiquette. At a very basic level, we obey traffic signals, and we don’t stand on furniture. You need to adhere to these basics – if you wish to coexist. Especially when it comes to bicycles.

A bicycle is the first mode of transport for most human children. They cannot wait to get their first bicycle and probably can’t wait to have the ability to go through red traffic lights, like they see the “adults” (prawns) doing on the road.

Why do you let them do it? Why do you just sit in your car and shake your head? Why don’t you hoot at them? Why don’t you wind down your window and ask them to please stop?

I guess we’ll just have to wait for a child to get hurt before this is addressed.

What are your thoughts?

A “prawn” approaches a car guard
outside Vida e, Green Point

The car guard is not quite sure about that prawn – as we notice continued multi-species integration on the streets of Cape Town – so very far away from District 9.

With the prawns’ relentless disregard for law, including blatant red traffic light violations, how much longer can society and the police afford to turn a blind eye?

2oceansvibe’s relationship with non-A-to-B-transportation related cycling and cyclists is a torrid and well-documented vibe, a lot of which can be seen in graphic detail in our much celebrated and aptly named “CYCLING” section (here).

It therefore makes absolute perfect sense that we publish this wonderful music video made by a cyclist for, what looks like, non-cyclists. Although I’m sure the hard-core red-traffic-light-shooting brethren out there will have a little chuckle to themselves as well.

Whatever camp you’re in, you’re bound to enjoy it.

What did I tell ya?

As my buddy’s at Watkykjy would say, that was “kak” funny.

[thanks warren]

Where does it end?

Hey Seth

I was cruising around the Putney Sainsburys yesterday, pretty idle thursday, nothing crazy, when I turned a corner into the bread aisle and got hit with this..

Justin L

And she seems like such a normal girl. Possibly even intelligent and/or attractive..

God, what a waste!

See other cycling helmet attack articles here. Help us put a stop to this madness.

Check it out:

Brothel offers discounts for cyclists

Berlin – A Berlin brothel has come up with a novel way to negate the impact of the global economic crisis and target a new group of customers at the same time – offering a discount to patrons who arrive on bicycles.

 

 

“The recession has hit our industry hard,” said Thomas Goetz, owner of the “Maison d’envie” brothel.

“Obviously we hope that the discount will attract more people,” he added.

“It’s good for business, it’s good for the environment – and it’s good for the girls.”

Customers who arrive on bicycle or who can prove they took public transportation get a €5 discount from the usual €70 fee for 45 minute sessions, Goetz told Reuters.

He said the environmentally friendly offer was working.

“We have around 3-5 new customers coming in daily to take advantage of the discount,” he said, adding the green rebate has helped alleviate traffic and parking congestion in the neighbourhood.

Germany is one of the few countries in the world where prostitution is legal. It has about 400 000 prostitutes who, since 2002, have been allowed to enter formal labour contracts. – Reuters

[source:iol]

Now you can cycle to the village bicycle!

I think the question on everybody’s mind is, will the cyclists have the common decency to remove their helmets before they frequent the establishment in question?

I doubt it.

More about the ongoing cycling helmet issue here.

[thanks peter]

Well that’s all changing now, as the helmet attacks in public spaces are becoming more and more common that side of the mountain.

This revolting display was taken at the Vida e at Constantia Village.

Hi, Space Boy!

Why would you be so in our faces?

Why do you find it necessary to draw so much attention to yourself? Are your exposed balls not enough as it is?

Why is your skin so thick that you don’t realise you are making a spectacle of yourself?

Why? Why would you do that?

[thanks clint]

While shopping, no less.

You, my friend, are a tool

Shame.

[thanks grant]

A clearly shaken “Jon,” shares his story with us.

Look what you’ve DONE!

 

Hi Seth

Well it looks like the attacks have now spread as far afield as the sleepy suburb of Meadowridge (aka “God’s Waiting Room” )

This taken over the weekend at the local checkers – what a chop!

Cheers

Jon

Why would he do that?

Why would he subject us to such a display and willingly draw so much attention to himself? Is there something that we did that bothered him and distracted him to such a point that he chose to go to this extent?

Where are we heading (scuze el punno), as a society?

So many unanswered questions..

This, sent in this morning by a 2oceansvibe reader and concerned fellow citizen.

Camps Bay Vida e
Skin doesn’t get much thicker than that

I tell you, this whole vibe (past stories here) becomes more and more mind-blowing as it goes on. I’m certainly not saying that I am a saint, but one thing I try very hard to display, is general considerateness . I simply cannot help but worry about the comfort of those around me. If I am out and about with my fellow citizens and I am doing something or behaving in a way that bothers them – I would like to know about it.

Wouldn’t you?

Vida e’s “No Helmets” sign
is up at all stores (story here)

Society simply cannot operate in a civilised manner when a group of people decide to go against the grain and do as they please. And the above display is just the beginning, compared to the other liberties that they (the relative few) seem to be taking. I’m talking, in particular, to the blatant disregard for traffic lights and safety, as we witness cyclists continually riding straight through red traffic lights on Sea Point’s Beach Road, among other places.

Given the fact that a bicycle is the first mode of transport for any child, surely this is not ideal when it comes to impressionable children watching from their parent’s car? Just a simple argument – not even taking into account things like “safety” and “public law.”

We’re not going against ALL cyclists here, it’s just the few that are ruining it for the rest.

It is SUCH incredibly uncool behaviour.

Seriously, who do you think you are?

[thanks reinier]

Let’s hear Ryan A’s reaction:

Madness

Seth,

Many of us have been sitting in the relative safety of the UK watching, with horror, the shameless helmet attacks back home. We’ve got quite laid back about it over here, some might even say sloppy.

Imagine my surprise in Sainsbury’s last night when this utterly senseless attack occurred. You can see from the picture that I instantly dropped my shopping and tried to get a picture of the perpetrator. Apologies for the poor picture quality – I was a bit shaken when it first happened.

Anyway, I guess it’s a bit like swine flu and has spread pretty quickly into a global problem. Would you recommend people in the UK try and quarantine any future attackers that are caught?

Perhaps a mock charge a la Gordon Brown would be in order?

Ryan

I don’t know what to say, Ryan. I am sick to my stomach. Having spent a couple nights in London, and now currently writing to you from the South of France, the buzz of my holiday has kind of fizzled. You know what I mean?

It’s one thing dealing with ignorant rubes back home, but to find it here on the continent – in a genuine first world culture – my God!

It’s just so sad..

[Read about past attacks here .]

Take me to your leader.

Vida e in South Africa have followed the 2oceansvibe led initiative to place “No Helmets” signs on the windows of all branches. And boy, do the lacy-clad pinched-faces get worked up!

Now why exactly would cyclists get worked up about it? Everything is cool bru, you simply have to remove your helmet. Why is that such a big vibe? Why are you freaking out? Is there something deeper and darker that you want to chat about? The rest of the outfit, perhaps? Do you think it’s something to do with that as well?

Granted, we think the rest of it is completely and utterly ridiculous and you look like a tool either way, but we’re focusing on JUST the helmets here. And yet you’re compelled to throw a wobbly?

Settle down. Seriously.

And, in future, would you mind tucking in your balls while I’m talking to you. Ta.

[thanks kate]

This, from Kerrin N in New York City:

 

Hi Seth,

Greetings from Brooklyn (New York, not Millerton), I was just doing a spot of grocery shopping in my neck of the hood when, out of nowhere, I saw this. I was immediately gripped by a rage so intense that I started to shake (that and a fear of being caught exposing the perp) so my apologies for the for quality. I’m now recovering at home with a strong espresso.

Cheers,
Kez

Brooklyn, New York – that is too beautiful. And “Millerton,” instead of “Milnerton” – superb!

Superb, yet worrying. Worrying in terms of the spread of these mindless attacks.

We know now that these attacks are not isolated and they ARE spreading.

Perhaps stores all over the world could get stickers printed, like Vida e recently did (here), BANNING the wearing of cycle helmets?

Only then will our children sleep.

[thanks kerrin]

[thanks rob]

This, from Remo’s restaurant, just outside Mount Edgecombe estate in Umhlanga.

Remo’s stern notice to all cyclists

One cannot help but be reminded of, and to note the similarities between this public rights spar and man’s approach to global warming. With rumours afoot that Vida e are contemplating “No Helmets” signs in their stores, it seems possible that the freewheeling attitude and socially destructive behaviour of cyclists, might just be thwarted before it is too late.

Who knows, maybe some day it will become law..

[thanks adrian]

Having spent some time in my youth in Pinelands, it always cuts me deep when I hear bad stories to do with the once sleepy hollow.

I was having a great day today, between working on the movie script and some down time at Caprice – before I received this email and photo which, quite frankly, knocked me for a six.

[takes a deep breath]

Spotted at the Pinelands McDonald’s

Hey Seth,

It is with great alarm that I give you this attached picture taken today.

A fresh attack at the McDonald’s in the once sleepy suburb of Pinelands.

Who would have thought?

Regards,

Ian M

Can you believe it? Just a day or two after the euphoric announcement (here)that the Old Mutual Head Office in Pinelands had been granted access to 2oceansvibe, we get this..

Not only are these cyclist helmet attacks happening more readily, but the perpetrators seem to be doing it in such an increasingly reckless devil-may-care manner.

No longer reliant on super fast and agile premium brand TREK-type bicycles to escape, the bandits are quite happy to cruise in on a Raleigh Burner circa ’82! Scoffing their faces with Macky Dee fries in a barely plausible “carbo loading” maneuver, while we, the general public are at pains to cover our children’s eyes from the blatantly anti-social and tasteless behaviour.

I am VERY surprised none of the political parties pledged to put a stop to these dining with helmets attacks which seem to spreading like swine flu.

[thanks ian, rich]

So today I have a video I was sent featuring a guy doing urban stunts on a mountain bike.

You gotta check this out..

That was none other than Danny MacAskill.

Wikipedia tells us:

Danny MacAskill is a stunt cyclist who released a five-and-a-half-minute video on YouTube on the 19th April 2009, filmed by his flat mate Dave Sowerby. This film has attracted massive attention on the internet and is a form of bike trials.

As of 21 April 2009, Danny, a twenty-three year old from the Isle of Skye, had been practising for more than 12 years. He gave up his job as a mechanic so he could ride full time. He now lives in Edinburgh. He often listens to music while riding.

Danny draws a lot of skill from influential riders of the trials scene including Martyn Ashton, Chris Akrigg, Mathew Street, Michael Judson, Kenny Wilson, Fraser McNeil and Brian Bleech.

Interesting name he is sporting there. “MacAskill.” Would make a good name for a new line of free-range Macdonald rump burgers – The Mac Ass Kill.

In a nice way.

[thanks andy skin]

I’m talking about this “National Skirt Extension Project” thing that is being advertised everywhere.

So check it out. Here are the ads that are being featured in newspapers and across the nation, including the Sunday Times. It’s pretty funny. They’re stating that all female toilet signs need to be changed with urgency, to an image depicting a longer skirt.

CLICK HERE for the website if you’re struggling to read that

CLICK HERE for the website if you’re struggling to read that

They have also taken out radio spots on various radio stations, including KFM, apparently.

I checked out the WHOIS of their website and it was only registered on 26 March, 2009. It’s owned by an ad agency of sorts, called Osco “Creative Connoisseurs.”

I called them and asked who the client is behind the campaign, or if they did it for themselves as a publicity stunt. Paul informed me that he simply registered the domain name for the client and cannot give out any of their details. If it was a genuine thing, he wouldn’t have been so cagey about that. He says a lot of reporters have called him and he told them the same thing. I mean, who wouldn’t give out a name and number to get people of their back?

I called the “NSEP” number (found on the website above) and there is a pre-recorded message and when you press 0 to speak to an operator, you stay on hold – forever.

There are no government emblems on their site either.

Is it serious? Not a fuck. It’s a pretty expensive joke and a good publicity stunt.

Now we just have to wait for the entity to reveal itself. Ooooooh!

Probably tomorrow. Probably Unilever.

And so, to finish off, I give you the stunning video I received from Jon C which involves the NSEP, as well as some cycling! It may well cause you to choke from laughter.

So, you know, be careful..

It’s SO awesome!

It’s like SO now!

Cyclists – in black shorts
(I think it’s fair to say they are
lined up according to height)

So you get the idea.

Basic stuff.

Now let’s out another group of cyclists, wearing red shorts.

Cyclists – in red shorts
Far more “in your face”

Quite a rad vibe the boys are going for hey?

Ja, pretty sick!

Keep it up..

[thanks corneile]

]]> http://www.2oceansvibe.com/2009/03/30/why-cycling-shorts-always-come-in-black/feed/ 6 http://www.2oceansvibe.com/2009/03/23/lance-armstrong-has-fallen-and-gone-to-hospital/ http://www.2oceansvibe.com/2009/03/23/lance-armstrong-has-fallen-and-gone-to-hospital/#comments Mon, 23 Mar 2009 16:03:00 +0000 Seth Rotherham http://www.2oceansvibe.com/2009/03/23/lance-armstrong-has-fallen-and-gone-to-hospital/ Read more...

When will the madness end?

This, from a troubled Dale S:

Hey Seth,

I am in England this year, Hampstead in London to be precise.
Last night I was at a pub called “The George” in Hampstead. A few mates and I had convened to watch the footie when to all of our amazement, a man with a cycling helmet popped up. This is 10pm in London, which i assure you is dark as fuck.

This bafoon rolled into the pub, ordered a beer, took a seat for a while and then waltzed into the bathroom. I was “lucky” enough to be in the bathroom at the time…

Excuse the quality, iphones are for fun , blackberrys are for photos.

It’s hard to fathom, I know.

Regards
Dale

I am so sorry for you, Dale. To not be able to enjoy a quiet pint in an English pub, without being attacked, is nothing short of a travesty.

Our thoughts are with you, from Cape Town.

Indoor helmet attack at Louis Botha airport, Durban

The similarities to suicide bomb attacks are numerous. Most notable is the fact that the person carrying out the attack has no idea that what they are doing is wrong.

When will the brainwashing end?

[thanks doug]

The “cut your nose off to spit your face” mentality emerges, as we see a terribly sad example at the humiliation endured by a -clearly – low ranking member of the cult. FORCED to order food indoors at Giovanni’s WITH his helmet on.

New recruit at Giovanni’s; clearly forced by
cycle cult leaders to endure the social taboo
of wearing a helmet indoors.

It is cruel, gross abuse of this man’s dignity and human rights.

How long are we going to turn a blind eye?

[thanks nick]

That’s just not going to cut it, I’m afraid.

Spotted at Sea Point SuperSpar
Another reason to shop at Woolworths

How long is law enforcement and the public as a whole going to sit back and let this carry on?

When will our children be safe?

[more here]

[thanks raymond]

You’ll find STYLEMAN’S reply might hamper his chances of working for Vogue.

www.bicycling.co.za

Beautiful! It’s like the blind leading the blind!

I enjoy his reference to past persecutions and the fight for cyclists’ rights.

The result is anti-social crimes-of-fashion and the assumption that red lights are made to be run.

Nice.

I mean them no harm, seriously.

Some of my best friends are black gay handicapped cyclists.

[thanks craig]

I swear.

This is not the actual cyclist in question.
Merely another incredible example sent in by a reader

Check this out from hellopeter:

THE INCIDENT

I have frequented OYO Restaurant for the past 8 years!!! Occassionally I take my familiy to breakfast or lunch at this institution. I regulary have coffee and toast on a Saturday and Sunday morning, after a cycling training ride, with my friends ay OYO.

However, we will NOT use them ever again!!! We were chased away like the rinder pest this past week. We were told that no more cyclist will be served. The duty manager mentioned that we were turned away due to the hotel being fully booked.

The time we normally make use of the OYO restaurant is +- 7h30. At this time we normally see 3 or 4 guests. Furthermore, we sit outside! But wait until winter, then they will want us back.

OYO and their attitude toward local residents of Cape Town has been seriously damaged. They do not deserve to have the right to trade! They appear to be snobs and I am disgusted by their attitute.

I for one will tell all my friends and clients about my experience.

Date of Incedent – 3 January 2009
SUPPLIER’S RESPONSE
Time: 16:25:01
Mon 5 Jan 09

 

Hello Edward E

Thank you for taking the time communicating with us regarding your unpleasant experience on your recent visit to OYO restaurant at the V & A Waterfront.

Your valued comments and suggestions regarding cyclists not being allowed in the restaurant is noted and has been forwarded to the relevant principals for feedback.

Please be assured that service is of prime importance to us and that we are constantly striving to improve this in all aspects.

We appreciate your ongoing to support and apologise for any inconvenience caused. We hope that future visits to the Victoria & Alfred Waterfront proves to be more pleasant and memorable.

Yours sincerely,

Zulfa Nordien
Senior Co-Ordinator : Customer Services
Tel : (021) 408 7713
Email : znordien@waterfront.co.za

CUSTOMER’S FEEDBACK
Time: 20:59:05
Thu 8 Jan 09

Utterly disgusted: Even though Zulfa from the V&A Waterfront responded immediately, the OYO Restaurant has ignored me completely!!! As stated, they are not interested in my case. They are pathetic!!

[read here]

Shame. My heart bleeds.

[thanks melanie]

[thanks anton]

This, found on the menu at Pirates in Hout Bay.

2oceansvibe and Cape Town as a whole, applaud Pirates

I must say, my hat goes off to these guys.

Hahahahaha!

Get it?

HAT

GOES

OFF

Whaaaah!

Sorry.

[thanks liz]

Readers are warned that the following image may cause vomiting.

An incredibly thick-skinned cyclist
parades indoors with his helmet on

Now WHAT in God’s name would possess you to do that? Not only is it incredibly bad manners, but you look like a tool. That is a FACT. If it looks like a tool, and it smells like a tool..

What have we done to deserve this?

PLEASE, LEAVE OUR CHILDREN ALONE!

[thanks carmel]

]]> http://www.2oceansvibe.com/2009/01/07/groot-constantia-attack/feed/ 0 http://www.2oceansvibe.com/2008/12/22/we-make-headway-with-the-cyclists/ http://www.2oceansvibe.com/2008/12/22/we-make-headway-with-the-cyclists/#comments Mon, 22 Dec 2008 07:51:00 +0000 Seth Rotherham http://www.2oceansvibe.com/2008/12/22/we-make-headway-with-the-cyclists/ Read more...

This image, sent in by Shads, tells a harrowing story of ignorance, bad upbringing and emboerrissment.

Grown adults, dining in a public eatery
WITH their helmets on.
Now why would you do that?

It is pertinent to note the disappointment and sheer pain on the face of the woman in the foreground, who is physically biting her lip to hold back the anger.

We feel it too, my sweetheart…. you are not alone.

We MUST form a unity of strength.

For more examples of the madness that has gripped the Atlantic Seaboard, CLICK HERE.

Very toilet behaviour

It’s not just emboerrissing, Grant, it’s downright rude. It is anti-social, ignorant behaviour by a handful of people who, as children, were never taught any manners.

I would have got the wooden spoon on the backside if my mother caught me prancing around in a public eatery with a helmet on.

Let alone ball-hugging lycra.. (I can only imagine a reaction which would eclipse the day she arrived home to find me wearing a dress and heels of hers, for the first and last time).

Apparently a NUMBER of establishments are working on a “no helmets” sign which will hopefully afford the brethren a moment’s thought and the opportunity to remove their helmets from their already offensive wardrobe collaboration.

Past articles relating to the alarming epidemic can be found here.

Pete L’s mate sent him these pics he took somewhere in the East, boarding a Vietnam Airlines plane.

Come now

Absolutely no problem whatsoever

He only had the little parachute rucksack and, for him to have to use a far bigger bag (which couldn’t go on his back) he just thought, “bugger that, I’m going to pop this fucker on my head!”

To your detriment, pal.

Nice helmet
Your friend’s balls are also very impressive

Our social etiquette teachings are clearly far from over, as the exact same two cyclists from the last improper cyclist behaviour article are spotted again at Giovanni’s – and again the one fellow doesn’t understand the no-helmet rule.

I remember my mother teaching me as a kid not to wear caps or hats in restaurants and shops.

Surely this takes it to another level altogether?

*sigh*

[thanks sox]

The Hub SA – The cyclists’ place of worship

Whilst the five pages of message board rants hasn’t eclipsed the previous record of 15, it seems to be gaining momentum.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE

[thanks shaun]

ps. I did, however, find it in very bad taste that the 2oceansvibe readers CONTINUE to send me this image. Seriously guys, naughty.. My issue is not to do with hatred, merely general social etiquette..

As mentioned before, WE (as a general public) will reluctantly TOLERATE your latex clothing and funny shoes and exposed ball sacks in public places, but the helmets just have to go. Don’t be silly. Seriously, it’s fucking ridiculous.

This, taken within the hour by The Personal Jukebox at Giovanni’s in Green Point.

Are you serious?
Are we being Punk’d?

That guy he is chatting to looks like a good guy. A sensible guy.

He should chat to his buddy – it’s the right thing to do.

He should say to him, “Rodney, bru.. put your coffee down. You look like a poes, bru. Take off that goddamn helmet.”

But he won’t. ‘Cos he’s known Rodney for years. They’ve done Suikerbossie together.

He doesn’t have the heart..

Q : “Why do cyclists wear such thin latex on their body?”

A : “Because their skin is so INCREDIBLY thick.”

]]> http://www.2oceansvibe.com/2008/11/18/fail/feed/ 0 http://www.2oceansvibe.com/2008/11/10/can-we-at-least-remove-our-helmets/ http://www.2oceansvibe.com/2008/11/10/can-we-at-least-remove-our-helmets/#comments Mon, 10 Nov 2008 13:00:00 +0000 Seth Rotherham http://www.2oceansvibe.com/2008/11/10/can-we-at-least-remove-our-helmets/ Read more...

Like right here, right now. I promise I’m not “having a go” – I just want to make sure that everyone is aware that this is happening; that men my father’s age are wearing skin tight garments, against their body and groin, in public. Their actual balls, clearly visible.

Your dad, at Vida e, wearing spandex

I’m just ASKING if you are AWARE what your dad gets up to in the day. You have a right to know.

That’s all.

Seriously.

For God’s sake, it’s just a question!

[thanks shawn]