I write to you from a Starbucks somewhere in Paris. Those of you following 2oceansvibe on Twitster will be well aware of why I am not in Ibiza!

Oh, you’re not following 2oceansvibe on Twitster? Well you’re just missing out then..

That is the hotel I’m staying at in Paris
Weird shape

I am pleased to announce that Air France returned my luggage on my last day in Paris and the British Embassy gave me back my passport after holding onto it for 14 days just to give me a transit visa to pass through on my way home. Wow, thanks so much!

Fun times, nonetheless, and also managed to do The Louvre, which I’ve never done before. I guess you could say it’s like a museum. Wow, they have some stunning sculptures there. And artwork. Some of it looks quite rare, although you can’t really tell these days – what with all the “knock-offs” out there. There was this one painting of a woman and everyone was going mad for it. Spicy.

So ja, I’m gonna hop on the Eurostar and head to London this morning. For those of you who don’t know, the Eurostar is a train that goes under the English Channel between Paris, London and Mexico. I’m kidding about Mexico – that would be one helluva tunnel. I asked for a window seat so as to take in the marine life. The travel agent wasn’t quite sure. I put her over my knee.

Then it’s on to Heathrow and back to Cape Town. Thank God I’m not flying Air France. They are simply the worst airline in the world. Dom from Goldfish emailed me and told me Air France once lost all their luggage and gear ie. musical instruments, decks etc. The stuff has never been found.

I trust you will all have a sensational Friday and I’ll catch you next week.

By the way, what are you wearing?

Please add comments below..

Although it can very often backfire. I’m referring, of course, to the process one goes through buying just the odd item, here and there, hoping to God that the bag will arrive on that day – which it never does.

I bought a three-quarter pant in the South of France, which was all very well. Then, on the first day in Paris, I bought some light blue ninja shoes, as well as a pink T-shirt to wear the next day. Temperatures soared (like an eagle) to the mid-thirties, and I had to switch my long sleeve (very cool) shirt I wore on the plane, for the pink T-shirt – unwittingly turning my entire body into some kind of gay symbol.

Behold:

Why?

Did I mention I also don’t have a passport? Oh ja! Big Time! Remember we chatted (here) about the effing transit visa that I had to get to re-enter the UK (possibly for the last time in my life at this rate) for my flight home? That visa I needed to land at Gatwick, switch to Heathrow and then fly to Cape Town?

Ja, that one.

I still don’t have it.

No clothes and no passport.

Quite a vibe.

Honestly, with all due respect to Liz, I’d far rather do some deal with those human trafficking services than the pain and suffering at the hands of Her Majesty.

So ja, just wanted to let you know about that.

Chat later, God willing.

[apologies for any spelling errors and potential lack of posts today - I am in a slight rush and heading to the visa vibe right now and have no idea what the day has in store..]

The Abbaye Notre-Dame de Sénanque
That’s how the monks roll

The Abbaye Notre-Dame de Sénanque is a beautiful religious site and the perfect place to see Provence’s famed lavender fields.

A monastic community still lives and worships there today. The upkeep of the abbey is financed by the entrance fee, sales of products in the gift shop, and the monks’ cultivation of lavender and honey.

Lavender
A girl’s favourite

So that’s all fine and dandy, until we witnessed some kind of Gumball 3000 wannabe rally – consisting of eight or nine Audi R8s, filled to the brim with the finest Eurotrash one could hope for.

Please enjoy these wonderful individuals.

The pack..
Ok, ok…settle down..

The boss lady
Howz this chick’s vibe?

The Ring Leader
You, my friend, are a GIFT!

So there you have it, Eurotrash at it’s best – full throttle! The guy above had a thick roll of chopped newspaper in his pocket, with a 50 Euro note on the outside of the roll and an elastic band. I’m kidding. But, you know, maybe it’s true.. At least he’s got good taste in shoes..

We left before them and had to endure their incredibly macho high-speed overtake maneuvers a few minutes later as they continued their debauched countryside rally. I wasn’t overly impressed. I mean, I like the Audi R8 and I did have one at my disposal at one stage (here), but if I had to do a little South of France touring with a bunch of mates, I wouldn’t mind trying it out in one of the new Jaguars. Or even an Aston Martin wouldn’t hurt..

I just don’t know where I’d find a pair of cargo pants like that.

Let alone the tart..

You’ll recall previous sightings (here ) of crazy-ass dogs and ears at the markets. Well yesterday was slightly different, in the form of a human child. A baby, to be precise. But not just any baby – this little girl was chilling in the pram, being pushed around, while she FLIPPED THROUGH PHOTOS ON A DIGITAL CAMERA!! Just browsing some of the shots from earlier!

A baby! Flipping through photos on a digital camera! Come on, man!

“Wow, that shot you took earlier was stunning, mom!”

I hope you enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed running alongside the pram as the mother tried to escape me, certain that I was some kind of pedo.

Now please resist the temptation to write in telling me amazing tales about your child or your friend’s child and how brilliant they are on a computer or at programming a VCR. I’m well aware of how technologically advanced kids are these days and the above pic isn’t necessarily mind-blowing. I just enjoyed it.

Write it in the comments section if you must.

Oh, there was another funny thing that happened. God, you know, these French men – they are such characters. Please enjoy this fellow in the background of a little pic I took of The Muse , as she shopped her head off at the St. Remy market:

Clown in the background

It’s like they breed stand up comedians here.

Those are olives, by the way. In those baskets. A myriad of olives with different dressings and God knows what else.

They’re amazing.

Like you.

Wel done also to Stephen Ballot for guessing the closest winning score for our Lions test match competition. Stephen has gone and won himself a case of Jack Black Beer and 5 large Butlers pizzas. Hating that!

So yesterday I went with the folks, The Fabrics Guy and The Muse to the L’Isle sur la Sorgue market, somewhere in Provence.

The Fabrics Guy taking it all in

Built as an island and surrounded by canals, the market is a food and furniture lover’s dream. Looking into the canal from the one bridge, one can clearly see a sculpture of sorts in the shape of an ear. No spice.

“The Ear”

Whilst some suggest that the ear is where Van Gogh threw his ear after chopping it off, the Isle tourist board say that a Dutch sculptor gave the work to the town some 10 to 20 years ago and that they were unsure as to what to do with it. They finally decided to drop it into the river so that it may listen to the sound of flowing water forever and eternity.

Hmm, not bad. I prefer our version which suggests that “The Ear” came off a statue built in Roman times and, at around 5 foot in length, means that the original statue would have been around 36 meters high. It probably resembled The TBG.

I was very impressed with with the manners displayed by cyclists in a first world country. Notice how they remove their helmets in public eateries and (at around 60 years of age) they realise that, whilst lycra might be in order, absolutely skin-tight clothes are not entirely necessary.

Helmet on the table.
And loose lycra for the aged.
Good work, gang!

Dogs came in various packages, literally, as we noticed incredibly high levels of sacrifice on display by various dog owners for their pets.

Chilling

A handicapped giant poodle.
Note incorrect handicapped sign displaying
a human, rather than a canine

Can you deal with that poodle’s vibe? I hope that beast has got pet insurance!

We also pretended we were on the set of Angels and Demons and popped into the Church of Notre-Dame-des-Anges.

Church of Notre-Dame-des-Anges

Pretty cool vibe.

We got home after lunch at Pappa’s cafe and indulged in a few hours in the sun, followed by some peri-peri chicken for dinner. Nothing wrong with that.

But today is gonna be great fun as we join The Surfer and his brood for lunch at Bar de l’Etang in Cucuron – also in the Cote d’Azur. You’ll remember this restaurant as one of the main locations from the movie A Good Year with Russell Crowe.

He won’t be there.

Chat later.

Hey don’t forget JORDY SMITH’s signing session in Kommetjie today! Click here for more info.

It is, quite simply, one of the most awesome T-shirts of your life.

Check it out:

Please excuse the pout
But, you know, what’s a guy to do?

That’s Heidi barely covering her vibe and pulling a zap. I’ve been looking for that T-shirt for a few years now and I just cannot describe to you how I felt when I found it in Avignon – pure.elation.

I know you want one and I must say that they’re very hard to find. But I just searched for you for an hour and found this website, in another language. Better than nothing, huh?

2oceansvibe Twitter followers would have seen that pic a few days ago. That’s because they have their finger on the pulse and they’re “down with it” (a saying I made up a few years back – use it, don’t use it).

Remember to follow 2oceansvibe on Twitter (here) to get all the behind the scenes action. There will be loads to come over the next few weeks as we welcome a whole bunch of 2oceansvibe Characters to the bastide in Menerbes. Including The Silent Assassin, The Fabrics Guy, The Surfer, The Inside Centre and The Muse.

Also remember that 2oceansvibers who Subscribe To The Vibe – (do it NOW here) get weekly newsletters, as well as all the behind the scenes action, photos, freebies, restaurant favours, special favours, special powers etc. etc.

You won’t BELIEVE who is on that list.. If you’re not, then it’s nothing short of emboerboer.

Mboert.

Brrt.

Paris Hilton in blue
More getting out of car NSFW here

PEOPLE reports:

“In response to the inquiry on whether Paris Hilton has split up with Doug Reinhardt, yes, this is true they are no longer together. They remain friends and ask that you please respect their privacy,” a rep for Hilton says.

Hilton, 28, and Reinhardt, 24, had been together for six months. Reinhardt’s rep had no immediate comment.

Blah blah blah. Ja, whatever. I think we should be focusing on the fact that Paris is throwing around a pair of shades from the new Ray Ban Colorize range. I’m fine with them. It took a while for her to get into them.

You’ve seen a few of mine, haven’t you? The black ones in the main 2oceansvibe logo (sick!), the red ones in most of The Weather Girls Videos (here), the tortoise-shells in yesterday’s picture with Mother dearest (here) and those of you who follow me on 2oceansvibe Twitter would have seen the white ones I wore this week in Avignon (below).

The white Ray Ban Colorize Wayfarers
Very cool – FACT.
You should find them at any Sunglass Hut
(Please forgive the pose – I was
daydreaming about you, if you MUST know)
(photo courtesy of Erica de Zitter!)

There will be more – oh yes, there will be more. I have a similar blue pair to Hilts, except with mirror lenses (I know!). I might just save those for when I’m in Ibiza with Goldfish in a few weeks time.. We’ll be doing an interview so look out for that. In the meantime, check out the first season of The 2oceansvibe Show here.

Is that ok?

Betty Boop
Smoking hot..

Cost me 40 quid, that did; and I can’t say for sure WHY I bought it. It just sucked me in, tractor-beam, wrrrrrrrr.

I had just finished off a couple pints with The Inside Centre and was cruising down the high street and Betty Boop was basically PRESSING her body against the (dare I say) “bric-a-brac” shop window. She was openly flirting with me from inside the shop. I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but her mouth seemed to be saying, “Don’t you want a piece of this?”

I walked out with her, arm in arm, less than ten minutes later.

[New readers should note that I'm an only child and was raised in a home with 1,000 antique porcelain dolls and a pack of a Yorkshire Terriers. And if that wasn't enough I had a computer from age 6 to keep me company.]

We end off with a showcase of Betty Boop’s more risqué appearances!

Naughty, Betty!

Click here for some little known facts about Betty Boop.

Click here for the official Betty Boop website.

I took a pic of the gang, so as to give you a feel of the vibe.

Vide e Caffe, London
Unit 8a, 43-69 Regent Street

Outside the shop
(cnr. Regent and Air)

Apart from claiming the honour of being the first MVP to visit the London Vida e Caffe, I was bowled over by a beautiful woman in her fifties (Mrs. Fabian, if I remember correctly) who approached me and said, “excuse me, but aren’t you Seth from 2oceansvibe?”

In London, of all places! Quite a surprise, bearing in mind I wasn’t wearing my usual red Ray Ban Wayfarers, but rather a dark tortoise shell Wayfarer (part of my latest stash, courtesy of Sunglass Hut at The Waterfront) which I think you will enjoy.

The tortoise-shell Ray Ban Wayfarers
Enjoying their London debut

“Well yes, madam, indeed I am!,” I replied, gobsmacked. “And I should add that I am more than pleased with this further confirmation that the 50+ female readership is alive and well! I should let Cosmo and Woolies know!”

I kissed the top of her hand and bid her farewell as I headed off for an afternoon blur with The UK Showbiz Guy.

The UK Showbiz Guy

Those of you who are following 2oceansvibe on Twitter (here) would have enjoyed that day as The UK Showbiz Guy (AKA Capital FM’s Johnny Vaughan) answered questions via 2oceansvibe Twitter for most of the afternoon. If you subscribe and follow 2oceansvibe (here) you should be able to scroll back a few pages and catch some of the questions and answers – some funny shit.

Ex-pats living and visiting London are encouraged to visit Vide e Caffe on Regent Street. There’s something special about drinking Portuguese coffee served by South Africans on one of the busiest Streets in London!

(CNN) — Roger Federer has finally won the only grand slam tournament to elude him after beating Sweden’s Robin Soderling in straight sets to claim the French Open title at Roland Garros.

The Swiss world number two had 13 grand slam successes to his name prior to the event, but none of them had been on the Parisian red clay.

However, that changed on Sunday as the 27-year-old cruised to a 6-1 7-6 6-4 victory over 23rd seed Soderling, the man who had caused a sensation by dumping four-time winner Rafael Nadal out of the tournament earlier in the week.

The victory moves Federer onto 14 career grand slam titles, level with American Pete Sampras as the most successful grand slam player in men’s tennis history.

[more here]

He’s too smooth.

And he’s also one part South African.

Fact.

Read more about that here.

Obviousy there will still be articles coming out on 2oceansvibe, but there is LOADS MORE other stuff happening on Twitter throughout the day. Quick things. Small things. Fun things.

The 2009 Strengthening Ties Tour
1 June – 4 July, 2009

Yes, yes, I know. This may come as a surprise to you, and that was my intention. I thought it better to tell you the day I leave, rather than dragging it out. You’re still too young to understand – you see, it won’t make a difference whether I am here or there – I will still be writing to you, reporting on the wonderful adventures taking place within the vibe. And remember, anytime you’re feeling sad, lonely or scared, all you need to do is place your palm against 2oceansvibe and you will feel that I am right there with you. As long as you have 2oceansvibe.com on the screen, you will be FINE!

Let’s try that now. Hold your hand against the screen.

[da-doof, da-doof, da-doof]

Feel that? Ja, well that’s me – right here with you! Shhh..

Now, whilst I will most certainly be writing the whole way through the trip, you are strongly advised to subscribe to the 2oceansvibe Twitter feed (here) as I have no doubt there will be some fun things going on as I negotiate the various airport lounges and spice-masters that are thrown my way. The chaos would normally begin during my departure from DF Malan, as my last drag of Pablo’s finest setles in..

God, I hope they play Jumanji on the plane!

Thank you to American Express for taking a mere three days to print and deliver to me the new Priority Pass card which will ensure access to the various airport VIP lounges. And thanks to Sunglass Hut for the new range of Ray Ban Wayfarers for my trip. Thank God for that!

Menerbes
(The Luberon Valley)
One should note that the pic above was taken in Winter
It’s hitting 30 degrees at the moment..

Whilst this year’s Strengthening Ties Tour is predominantly a Provencial infiltration, we do allow for some other brief adventures.

My itinerary is as follows:

2-4 June : London

4-28 June : South of France (here)

29-1 July : Paris

1-4 July : Ibiza

You should expect reports the whole way through including some video entries, I’m sure. I’ll be interviewing Goldfish in Ibiza as well. Hating that!

As you would have read, I finally took the plunge and acquired a penthouse at the 5-star Cape Royale Hotel and Residence which will become my primary Cape Town residence when not at The Safe House .

The Cape Royale Hotel
Seth’s Primary Residence

That said, any deliveries for me should be directed to the Cape Royale concierge, who will be taking care of things while I’m away.

It should be noted that, because the acquisition took place just before my departure for Europe, The Hooker will be the first to experience the new pad.

I think I know a lucky little boy!

Anyway, I’m off to the airport now. Lots of love.

God, I hope they’ve got Jumanji