2oceans Vibe

With the wedding on Saturday, we hit Plettenberg Bay after lunch on Friday. Moby Dicks on the beach next to the BI hotel (leading to “The Wedge”) came into play and I tell you what, I was bloody impressed. This was, largely, to do with the very kak view from the restaurant.

The BI Hotel forms a backdrop
As the skyline blends into a lucid blah blah blah..

Being a beach-bar-shack on a gorgeous little beach, Moby Dicks doesn’t need to over-sanitise the place to get away with it. We went back for breakfast and a day on the beach. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Moby Dicks in Plettenberg Bay
It’s a beach bar/restaurant.
It’s a fucking great little beach bar/restaurant.

They’ve got this “flag system” at Moby Dicks. Each waiter wears a colour which corresponds to the colour of the flag he puts up at each table he is serving. Like the yellow guy wears a yellow bandana. And the purple guy (Craig, our first waiter – very efficient. Relaxed, but efficient) had a purple apron. So then “when it’s hectic” the waiters know which tables were theirs.

I don’t know, I prefer each waiter having a section, but, you know, what ever blows your hair back.

Very easy on the eye

Plausible

Foreign angels backpacking through Plett. Nice.

At one with nature

Two more foreign angels
The right, particularly chesty, I thought

The day on the beach was very multimedia, with the addition of my naughty little iTour speaker belting out some smooth tunes.

If you don’t have one of these your life is not complete
They’re only R200 and, for the price, the sound is incredible
Get them at the Project 3 Mac shop in Claremont
(Opposite the Engen Garage)

Whilst it has nothing to do with Plett or the beach, there is one more thing I want to show you before I wrap up this little piece. I was reading the latest Conde Nast “Portfolio” magazine and came across this wonderful portrait of Iceland’s first couple. Check how fucking cool they are.

Iceland’s first couple
Dorrit Moussaieff and President ­Ã“lafur Grímsson

I want a first couple like that. It’s always reassuring to know that your first couple have a wonderful sex life, which these two clearly do. She’s a bit of a cougar, I must say..

I very much doubt Zuma can conjour up the same level of glamour and pizzazz with ANY one of his wives.

Loads more to tell. I’m in Plett until tomorrow I reckon, so I’ll catch you later.

Touch yourself.

If I wasn’t in Plett..

Yup, that’s where I am, friends. There were no planes to be had and I found myself driving to Plett for the first time in years. With The Insurance Broker , no less.

Good times. And I’m happy to report they are widening that part of the road that goes past the water when entering Knysna. David John knows it well. Apparently his car was seen skimming on the water, like a smooth stone.

Check out that stunning new double lane!

But that’s not what I’m here to tell you about. I’m here to tell you how upset I am that I am not only missing out on Goldfish at Spier, but also The Dirty Skirts on Sunday night at Kirstenbosch .

Fuck, man!

I assume those of you in town this weekend will be doing the right thing. I mean, come on, The Skirts at Kirstenbosch – that’s surely what it’s all about?

God, we are so lucky.

We really are, you know.

BANG! Elbow to the jaw.

Check it out:

That’s the flyer right there. Just above this sentence.

It’s got numbers and dates and times and EVERYTHING.

Book your tickets and spoil yourself!

This came out a while back but I didn’t think you were ready to see it.

Now I think you are.

Hey?

Are you ok with that?

I couldn’t possibly imagine dealing with that.

The only option is to remove oneself from the situation.

Just leave.

Hmm, I’m getting progressively more annoyed the longer I stay here.

*POOF* ninja bomb *GONE*

[thanks jonty]

I’ve just received a superb open letter by 2oceansvibe character (“The DJ”) and former KFM morning show DJ, Nic Marais.

Nic in his old position as
KFM morning show DJ

Nic is currently studying law at Yale after flipping a coin, having been accepted at both Yale and Harvard.

Shame, he’s quite dof.

So anyway, Nice just sent me this little piece regarding our upcoming elections.

Check it out:

The right to vote—even when inconvenient.

When I was thirteen—stereotypically worried about school, girls, and my own coming of-age—something very profound happened. I watched the birth of my nation.

I watched history happen. I watched true leadership emerge to steer a relatively peaceful transition. I watched the death of decades of tyrannical, unspeakable minority rule, and the birth of an exemplary constitution and a democracy I could call my own. And I watched as my compatriots voted—almost 16 million of them, in lines that stretched for miles, staunch NP supporters alongside African grandmothers who had
never voted before. My understanding of democracy was born in April 1994: each South African would get one vote, one equal voice, and we would all participate.

Today, two months before our fourth national election, I find myself in America—staring in from the outside, a spectator to the process, effectively disenfranchised.

Make no mistake, the situation is better than it was a week ago. On Monday, the High Court ruled that citizens living abroad are entitled to vote—five years after an amendment restricted overseas voting privileges to those beyond the Republic’s borders for government duty, holiday, business trips, studies, or international sporting events. The case was a slam-dunk affair—our Bill of Rights guarantees every adult citizen the
right to vote in any election—and the previous disenfranchisement of South African ex pats was clearly, flagrantly, embarrassingly unconstitutional.

While the ruling is as significant as it was obvious, it doesn’t really solve the problem. Instead of giving the Constitutional Court and the IEC time to work things out, President Kgalema Motlanthe proclaimed the election date within three days of the High Court’s ruling. That proclamation activates a frustratingly brief window period: we have just 15 days to apply for a special vote. That time is now ticking by, and the IEC hasn’t even updated its website. Newly-eligible voters can only download old forms, and the
VEC-1 application still has no category for those living and working beyond our borders.

There are other problems, too. I’ve never traveled with my green ID book, and I won’t have it come April 22. I have a dozen other forms of identification—including my passport and my fingerprints—but I won’t be able to vote. Many South Africans will have to travel thousands of miles to find a polling station. And those without access to the IEC’s website, or those who haven’t heard of this week’s ruling?

These problems won’t be solved by April—and South Africans living abroad are at fault for taking so long to file suit. But they must be solved, as quickly and as simply as possible. Americans living abroad log on, submit their details and have an absentee ballot mailed to them, anywhere in the world; they fill it in, mail it back, and the deal’s sealed. We could do the same, or have our ballots certified at police stations, or sign them with our fingerprints. There must be solutions, and we must find them.

We’ve already won half the battle: a constitutionally-guaranteed right, perhaps the most important of them all, has been restored. Now we need to make it work.

Nic Marais

Keep abreast of Nic’s thoughts and new adventures in The States. Check out his blog at www.nicmarais.co.za which is clearly undergoing some weird vibe as it currently just shows the letters “NM” on the screen.

Nic, are you ok, buddy?

Here’s a novel way to try and get people to calm down. SAA have erected (penis penis penis) signs at Johannesburg’s Jan Smuts airport, asking travelers not to take their stress out on the SAA staff.

Honestly – do we care about your fragile staff?

WHAT an incredibly amazing vibe! Imagine how cool it must be to have a company which deals in drugs, provides shit service, and then doesn’t have to deal with client backlash!

Clearly the WHOLE of SAA are smoking weed.

Nice.

[thanks lauren]

[This article was written live on Sunday morning]

It’s been a blur of a weekend really and whatever transpired has got nothing to do with the fat joint I had this morning before establishing myself in the Arniston Hotel breakfast lounge.

You see, not only are you dealing with a view which could make Batman cry and gives The Safe House a run for its money, but you are also in a place where they sell Alabama Slammer cocktails, served standard with a dash of holy children’s tears. We chatted about them before, if you remember correctly .

I’m sliding into my second one now and the time is 09h49. I haven’t eaten yet, unless you count the joint I had before I arrived here.

We’ve had a bachelor weekend away and stayed at The Roofer‘s Arniston house. It’s not his bachelor’s, its actually for The Film Guy. Everyone is back at the house. I don’t know what the fuck they’re doing there, but the fact that they aren’t here is bordering on criminal.

I mean, really, do you agree?

Alabama Slammers over breakfast at the Arniston Hotel

WAIT! STOP EVERYTHING!

Something has just happened whilst copying the above picture into this article…

As you will see in that picture, I have an exquisite view from my table in this, the breakfast atrium. The indoor breakfast area is just behind me, and then there is this enclosed atrium area out front.

I was at the table in front of me, but it had too much direct sunlight and I wanted a chair that faced the ocean.

I am the only person here. Or rather, I WAS the only person here.

Enjoy what has just happened..

\
Uh oh.. what do we have here?

Oh

My

Sweet

Fuck…

Are you KIDDING me?

This couple has just come and sat DIRECTLY in front of me!!!

Hang on.. [Seth pinches himself and uses various techniques he often uses to awake from bad dreams - to no avail].

My scrambled fucking eggs have just arrived and these people have actually gone and planted themselves directly in front of my view.

Surely not?

Am I being Punk’d? I can’t see any cameras..

Perhaps you think I’m over reacting?

I’m going to take a stroll to the other end and snap a pic for you.

The WHOLE place – EMPTY!
Can you see them in the FAAAAR corner?

Can you see where they are? Over there at the faaaar left end! With my spot to the right of that. You will notice that there is NO-ONE else in this ENTIRE fucking place, and they sat directly in front of me, COMPLETELY obstructing my view of the sea. I was staring out to sea for Christ sake, and now I can’t lift my head without looking at them!

Oh God, I can hear them talking!

Come one! Are you fucking KIDDING me??!?

Why would anyone DO this?!

Jesus, I really am struggling to understand this. I would NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS EVEN DREAM of doing this to someone else. SURELY they would have put themselves in my position and thought about what their actions might do to my previously very chilled mood?

How is it possible to be so rude?

Fuck sakes man! I’m out of here.

Seth moves..

I have now moved further down the drag to another table. I picked up my laptop, my breakfast, my Alabama Slammer and I moved.

They didn’t say a word. No apology. Nothing.

Oh hang on a cotton pickin’ second. Something is happening.

Oh my….

I think mine eyes are deceiving me.

[Seth blinks, shakes his head and checks again]

Yes, yes, I do believe it is happening. Oh my God, I need to take a pic for you.

Crap couple relocates to MY table!
Is this real?

I have zoomed in taht picture for you. Can you believe it? They have just moved all their stuff to where I was originally sitting!

Are these people professional pisser offers?

They come into an empty place. Sit on my face. Make me leave. and then take my place. The place I originally chose to be alone and to play on my laptop and stare out to sea!

This is very possibly the worst thing that has ever happened to me. This, and being circumcised, which I remember clearly.

I’m speechless.

I can’t write anymore.

I’m going to eat my scrambled eggs and drive back to Cape Town.

Fuck this.

It seems it is not just Cape Town that is under attack by the indoor helmet wearing brethren. Here we see fresh footage taken at Louis Botha airport in Durban on Sunday.

Indoor helmet attack at Louis Botha airport, Durban

The similarities to suicide bomb attacks are numerous. Most notable is the fact that the person carrying out the attack has no idea that what they are doing is wrong.

When will the brainwashing end?

[thanks doug]

I trust everyone is tuned into the latest SAA crew scandal? they were caught smuggling weed and now, cocaine.

It is not known if the coke has anything to do with Joost van der Westhuizen.

iol reports:

South African airport security equipment needs to be urgently updated to avoid further “national embarrassments”.

Prince Mashele, a researcher at the Institute of Security Studies, who has written a paper on drug control in the country, said criminals were using sophisticated methods to evade security points to smuggle drugs.

Methods employed by criminals included “collusion” with people who operated security systems.

Mashele’s comments come after Monday’s drug bust at London’s Heathrow Airport in which a South African Airways (SAA) crew of 15 were detained for allegedly carrying 2kg of cocaine, with an estimated street value of R3,7-million, in an SAA-labelled corporate bag.

[more here]

That is SO awesome!

Not nearly as awesome as this mock-up of SAA’s new branding..

Sick!

[thanks griff]

One of the most famous pics to come out of the latest Australian fire tragedy, is this one, showing a fireman giving water to a Koala bear.

The bear was first called Ken, but then they found out that he was actually a female. So they went for Sam the Koala Bear.

There was concern as to the health of the little girl and I’m happy to report that she is FINE!

this, From associated Press:

SYDNEY (AP) — “Sam” the koala, the most famous furry survivor of Australia’s worst-ever wildfires, is healing well thanks to the efforts of caretakers at a rescue shelter — and she even has a new boyfriend, “Bob.”

Sam, who captured hearts around the world after she was photographed drinking from a firefighter’s water bottle, has also won the affection of “Bob,” another koala whose paws were scorched in the weekend’s inferno, caretaker Lynn Raymond said Thursday.

“Bob is her protector — as soon as she is moved, he’s on the move, too. It really looks like he’s making sure she’s OK,” Raymond said from the Mountain Ash Wildlife Shelter in Rawson, 100 miles (170 kilometers) east of Melbourne in Victoria state, where the deadly fires continue to burn. “They’re good company for each other.”

Neither koala is likely to be healthy enough for release for at least four months, and are being comforted by caretakers who salve their scorched paws every few hours.

Global interest in the fate of Sam has been intense since a photograph of firefighter David Tree offering her a bottle of water in a burned-out forest was splashed across the Internet, in newspapers and on television broadcasts. The telephone at the shelter has rung incessantly with callers eager for an update on the creature’s condition.

“It’s insane,” Raymond said with a laugh. “(But) everybody has been absolutely wonderful.”

[read more here]

Well that’s a relief!

Can we get a little pic of the little thing?

Sure…

BANG!

Sam waits for a wheelchair

Aaaahhhh……BLESS!!

Did you enjoy that sub-heading? “Lewd conduct the order of the day!” Hah! Who talks like that?

Anyway I got an email from The Fruit Farmer, who has an amazing skill of finding local content with a bizarre twist. Always humorous, he gave me a link to an article and asked if I felt the same way as one of the people who left a comment at the end of the article.

Sandy Bay

Here’s an extract from the article (gotravel):

“One hot Saturday a group of girl-friends and I had decided to go skinny dipping at Cape Towns only nudist beach, Sandy Bay.

In our naivety we pictured a lone stretch of sand, the sea to ourselves, with the sun bathing our clothes-free bodies.

It was a first; we giggled with anticipation and excitement.

Arriving at the parking lot we left the unnecessary stuff in the car and started the long walk to the beach itself.

Passing us however we, or at least I, started noticing some strange looking individuals.

All part of the action I guessed, oh the irony.

Unable to find the idyllic sandy beach I had imagined, we started walking across the rocks to the edge of the sea. And then it started, out of the corner of our eye we noticed one naked body to our left, sauntering across the rocks.

 

A naked man

 

Averting our eyes, we contemplated where to sit.

Of the four of us, only one had started taking off her top.

Ok, so we were taking our time.

It was suddenly a shy, vulnerable moment.

Then suddenly another scuttled across the rocks, his body pasty and unappealingly obese.

Trying not to squeal in disdain and with the beginnings of unbelief at the fact that yes, there were in fact nude men walking around – the atmosphere then turned into pretence.

This was normal and we should just get on with it…

Not for long.

The ‘vultures’, as they were later to be described, had soon formed a precariously close circle around our little group of girls; which is when the ‘fun’ started.

Whispering not to look now, one in our midst had suddenly spotted one of them executing a fairly lonely form of self-satisfaction; in full view of our little crowd.

The other, we realised, was doing so behind the comfort of his boulder. It was all too much and I found myself running the hundred meters in record timing back to the path, the rest of the girls hot on my heels.

[more here]

I trust you enjoyed that. So there is a whole list of comments under the story on gotravel and the one guy writes this:

Can someone please explain why it is offensive if someone masturbates while lying on the beach. Masturbation is natural and is not from the devil. Somebody masturbating who is not disturbing, or harrassing anyone should be left alone. I dont at all get what is wrong with an ejaculating penis, aftert all people get to blow there noses in public..

Hahahaha! And all this time I thought that ejaculating in public was a BAD thing! Can you believe that guy?

I tell you, I’d pay a healthy sum of money to see inside this guy’s home.

Check out the other comments here.

Source : The Telegraph

Virgin: the world’s best passenger complaint letter?

Here we reproduce a complaint letter sent to Sir Richard Branson, which is currently being emailed globally and is considered by many to be the world’s funniest passenger complaint letter.

See the rest of the pics here

Dear Mr Branson

REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008

I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.

Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at thehands of your corporation.

Look at this Richard. Just look at it: [see image 1, above].

I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?

You don’t get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it’s next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That’s got to be the clue hasn’t it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in: [see image 2, above].

I know it looks like a baaji but it’s in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you’ll be fascinated to hear that it wasn’t custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It’s only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.

Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what’s on offer.

I’ll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it’s Christmas morning and you’re sat their with your final present to open. It’s a big one, and you know what it is. It’s that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.

Only you open the present and it’s not in there. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing. That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this: [see image 3, above].

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It’s mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.

Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.

By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to it’s baffling presentation: [see image 4, above].

It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn’t want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.

I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point.

Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment. I switched it on: [see image 5, above].

I apologise for the quality of the photo, it’s just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnson’s face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel: [see image 6, above].

Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. I’d had enough. I was the hungriest I’d been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen.

My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations: [see image 7, above].

Yes! It’s another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff.

Richard…. What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I’d done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard.

So that was that Richard. I didn’t eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I can’t imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary.

As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It’s just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to it’s knees and begging for sustenance.

Yours Sincererly

XXXX

[thanks herbert]

It’s quite evident that I spent last weekend in Hermanus. I told you about the sea rescue and I told you about the cock guy with the flashing blue light on the way there. But what I did NOT tell you, was about the Butlers Pizza that I ordered and had delivered to Hermanus, over 100km away from the nearest Butlers branch.

“Erni” was my guy, with over 6,700 missions..

Erni – killing it!

A lot of people don’t realise that these guys are ACTUAL butlers. They will do whatever you want, at a price. Apparently they will change a light bulb for anything between R20 and R50. They’ll even buy other stuff for you on the way to your house; again, at a price..

I thought I’d give the Cape Town to Hermanus delivery a bash.

Naturally I captured it on video for you.

Enjoy.

CLICK HERE if you struggle with that
(TIP: pause it till the whole bar loads up. Then play. Shame.)

Once you’ve seen that video, tell us this:

What did you manage to get YOUR Butler to do?

How much did it cost?

Send the info to editor@2oceansvibe.com so we can put together a comprehensive list of what the going rate for each task is. Maybe you like Tabasco on your pizza? Maybe you’ve run out of Tabasco? Maybe your Butler should fetch some on the way? What is it worth to you? What is it worth to him? That’s got to be in the region of R10-R20 tip, over and above the pizza tip and cost price of the Tabasco sauce?

The best and most ingenious TRUE entries will win a minimum of 15 free pizzas! Proof, although not essential, WILL enhance your chance of winning…

Your driver’s name and number of missions IS essential..

Some of you might have missed this little beauty!

It’s an ad for T Mobile which was filmed during nromal work hours and included 350 dancers who let it rip, as everyday commuters passed through the concourse.

I don’t normally use the word “concourse” but today’s Wednesday, which means it’s basically the weekend, so fuck it.

SICK!

[thanks emma]

I like the sound of this. As the “credit crunch” hits and people begin to think out the box, it’s good to see some people are embracing the 2oceansvibe concept of “Work is a sideline, live the holiday.”

Some of you might be interested in this little job opportunity:

Island caretaker job offer: get paid $150,000 to swim, snorkel
Mex Cooper
January 12, 2009 – 5:16PM

Not the worst job in the world

 

Queensland’s latest tourism campaign is giving job seekers the chance to get paid $150,000 to live six months rent-free on the Great Barrier Reef.

As their Christmas holidays fade and the credit crunch begins to bite, office workers dreaming of a fresh start are being tempted to apply for “the best job in the world”.

Tourism Queensland is looking for applicants willing to walk white sandy beaches, sit under palm trees and swim with turtles as they soak up the sun.

The successful candidate will be asked to keep a blog and photo diary in exchange for six months rent-free on Hamilton Island as part of a $150,000 salary package that includes return airfares and travel insurance.

Australians and overseas applicants must be willing to “swim, snorkel, make friends with locals and generally enjoy the tropical Queensland climate and lifestyle”.

The `island caretaker’ position was created as part of a three-year $1.7 million marketing strategy by Tourism Queensland.

But Tourism Queensland chief Anthony Hayes said the job was not just a publicity stunt.

“Yes this is part of a unique Tourism Queensland strategy to promote the islands of the Great Barrier Reef internationally, but candidates will have to go through a genuine recruitment process,” he said.

Australian Marketing Institute president Roger James said the campaign was an interesting idea but would need innovative marketing to make sure the winning candidate’s blog was as effective as traditional advertising.

“I’ve got to decide to log on to the blog … and to make that work you have to have a communication that is arresting and interesting,” he said.

“If we end up with little videos or this person wandering around the islands and they’re just happy snaps it may not generate much interest at all.

“On the other hand, if it is something new and arresting and inventive it may be an absolute huge hit.”

The campaign was launched overseas today and a domestic launch will follow this weekend but Mr James said it was likely an overseas applicant would be picked.

The winning candidate will be chosen from a shortlist of 11 and must be a good swimmer, excellent communicator, be able to speak and write English, have an adventurous attitude, enjoy snorkelling and/or diving and be willing to try new things.

The job includes free accommodation in a three-bedroom home on Hamilton Island complete with plunge pool, views of the Whitsunday Islands and golf buggy.

The caretaker will promote the Great Barrier Reef islands, give media interviews and take care of a “few minor tasks” throughout their tenure beginning on July 1.

Sounds good to me! I can’t imagine why you WOULDN’T apply for that job? Do you REALLY love your job at the moment? No you don’t. It sucks.

The key thing is to realise that you literally can do whatever you want. You don’t have to continue the pain. As long as you go the lengths required, you’ll be surprised what happens.

Send photos!

[thanks darren]

My folks sent me this pic outside the house in Ménerbes. It’s pretty much exactly the opposite of the weather we’re having in Cape Town.

Provence – right now

Shopping becomes tricky..

It should be noted that, besides being home to such notables as director Ridley Scott, the mayor of Ménerbes happens to be none other than Yves Rousset-Rouard – the man who created and produced the Emmanuelle films.

The guy basically found soft porn.

What more would you want from your mayor?

God, it’s all just so “festive,” isn’t it? People just LOVE throwing around the word “festive.” And then they frill it up a little more with the word “cheer.” Oh, there is just so much FESTIVE CHEER abound, don’t you think?

I looked up festive in this book I wrote ages ago entitled “The Dictionary” and the definition is “merry; joyous.”

My goodness, it’s all a bit much. Festive, cheer, merry, joyous – just throw in the word “tidings” and you’re A for Away.

Like this young lady:

Tidings of festive merry joyous cheer.

I’m up the road in Hermanus at the moment, away from the absolute mayhem that must be the Atlantic Seaboard at the moment. I believe Caprice was totally mental last night and the angel count is through the roof. The same can apparently be said for the Jo’burg contingent who have adorned our shores (welcome, friends) vests-et-al.

We popped into Shimmi’s in Hermanus a couple nights ago and that was pretty manic. I must say I was slightly taken aback when 5 machine-gun wielding police entered the establishment in what looked like riot gear.

“Jeez!” I said to the guy, “are you guys sweeping the place for bombs or drugs?”

“No,” said the officer, “we’re checking for ID’s”

Checking for ID’s!? Jesus, that’s a pretty serious way to go about it. Can you imagine the size of the stool in the poor 16 year old’s pants at the far end of the room when he sees the S.W.A.T. team arrive? Hectique!

The night went by and at 3am (when the place closed) we joked with the very same cops if they could give us a lift back to the house.

“No, problem – get in the car.”

“That’s bloody decent of them,” we agreed.

We got in the Golf GTi flying squad vehicle and, as we were heading out of (what can only be described as) the Hermanus CBD, The Insurance Guy asked the driver if they had been having a good evening.

That was when the guy changed down a gear and absolutely fucking floored it, shutting all of us up. We weren’t sure if we were going to jail or heading towards some kind of raping situation. Luckily the guy was actually taking us home, but just thought that it would be fun to take the Hermanus circle at 140 km/h.

No spice.

Other than that I thought I would give you a little video. With so much cheer in the air there will no doubt be some dancing to be had as we bring in the New Year.

This, The Evolution of Dance:

I’m fine with that.

Catch you later.

One of my personal favourites, Cavalcade Road is the one you’re looking for. I too used to take random shots at the roads leading down from Sea Point’s High Level Road, in the hope that I would end up near to Giovanni’s and that part of Somerset Road (Vida, Miss K etc.) area. But time and time again I ended up at the arse end of the strip, with a very weathered (and very male) looking whore staring at me, asking if I wanted a good time. No thanks, I’m just looking for a Vida at the moment. Ta.

Enter Cavalcade Road – the missing link.

Cavalcade Road
The one you’ve been looking for..

To fill in those of you who are still in the dark, High Level Road is what Strand Street turns into if you keep on going up to the top. As you go over the top, you can either hang a left onto Ocean View Drive or carry on straight (as the road changes name from Strand Street into High Level Road).

So if you’re coming from town side (Strand Street), Cavalcade Road will be on your right. If you’re coming from Fresnaye, carry on straight over GlenGariff Road and turn left further on into our new friend, Cavalcade Road.

The landmark I usually use is the big palm tree on the corner. Perhaps I should elaborate?

Stop, elaborate and listen

The big palm tree is very useful and, just so you know, it is at 62 High Level Road. There is also a red post box on the opposite corner to guide you. That’s if Michelle hasn’t flattened it that week.

As you come down Calvalcade, you will also be able to take note of the progress on the Green Point Stadium directly in front of you.

Let’s have a look at that..

Stunning

The road bends to the right. Take the bend and continue straight down.

The road will narrow, as you pass residential apartments on your left. Donny Everitt lives in this area so you should keep your wits about you.

Check where you come out.

Do you recognise the intersection?

Not?

Let’s try another angle..

The connection to Somerset Road..

That’s RIGHT! You come out right next to the pharmacy!

Hang a left for Giovanni’s, or a right for Miss K and Vida e!

Enjoy it – I trust your life will be ever so slightly better now.

Very handy during the festive season is the Chapman’s Peak phone number. Save it in your phone right now.

021 791 8222

Chapman’s Peak
Takes you over the Lentil Curtain

Spare a thought for the people on the other end of the line. Imagine spending all day answering the phone, “Chapman’s Peak, good day…”

[pause]

“It’s closed, Sir.”

[click]

Awesome!

Spotted this on SKY News – quite a cool vibe. check it out:

A group of budding scientists have traced every flight in the world over a 24-hour period and plotted them onto an impressive video map.

The science buffs from Switzerland collected data on each commercial flight and put it together to make the map.

The finished product shows clusters of yellow specks moving across the globe, giving a fascinating insight into where the majority of air traffic originates.

It even shows how the number of flights fluctuates according to the time of day.

Although the finished product looks as if it could have taken years of complicated research, number crunching and graphics to develop, it was in fact quite simple.

Dr Karl Rege from the Zurich School of Applied Sciences said: “We used a commercial website called FlightStats to gather global flight and schedule information – so there was no need to contact the different airlines.”

 

Pretty sick!

 

Using that flight info, they used a clever computer system to simulate the path of all flights from start to finish, assuming the flight path would be direct.

They then mapped this on a Miller cylindrical projection of the world map, which shows the globe on a rectangular map with quite an accurate representation of the poles.

A moving haze was then added to resemble the shifting darkness of night – and the video was born.

“After that we drew it, that was it,” said Dr Rege.

“It was that easy. We are astonished that nobody did it beforehand.”

So far, the simulation has been viewed almost 68,000 times online and has a five-star rating on YouTube.

The group also created similarly nifty videos of air traffic above the United States, which shows a soaring number of flights over the east coast in the morning.

Other videos include all FedEx flights over the US and a much simpler-looking video of flights over Europe, which changes angles and shows Britain, France and Germany as the hub of air traffic activity.

I’m FINE with that!

[thanks travis]

We recently covered a couple cases of various individuals wearing helmets in public (here and here). The phenomena and social inadequacy seems to have spread further – this time, air travel.

Pete L’s mate sent him these pics he took somewhere in the East, boarding a Vietnam Airlines plane.

Come now

Absolutely no problem whatsoever

He only had the little parachute rucksack and, for him to have to use a far bigger bag (which couldn’t go on his back) he just thought, “bugger that, I’m going to pop this fucker on my head!”

To your detriment, pal.