So, apparently cheating is still rife in the sporting world. Well that’s according to Victor Conte. He’s the guy who co-developed a fancy steroid and then fed it to pro baseballers in tight peddle-pushers and motorcycle helmets that only covered one ear.

It was quite ingenious really. You see, he would feed it to a baseballer who would then hit more home runs. Because he was hitting more home runs, there’d be more fat kids eating chilli dogs at the game, each dreaming of being pro-ballers some day. Because they were fat, they would start going to gym, but since YouTube and Myface are shortening children’s attention spans, they wouldn’t have the patience to go everyday meaning they would have to purchase some of Victor’s roids. Like I said, ingenious.

SeeBiscuit..

This meant serious green back for his efforts but, let’s face it, it makes for some pretty sensational viewing. According to Victor, the majority of the athletes that will make it into the 100-metre final at the London Olympic Games will have used performance-enhancing drugs. The majority!?

Follow link for more + Weekend TV Sports times..

Personally, I don’t see what all the fuss is about. As far as I’m concerned, the Tour de France would be a pretty droll affair if there wasn’t a little cheating here and there. I did a bit of research and, according to accounts of the first races, riders used everything from broken glass on the road to nails to itching powder in other riders’ shorts, to get the healthy edge. One time, an angry mob randomly attacked a rider. Now that’s quality entertainment.

The recent addition of the 20/20 cricket was essential because, around the world, old men with beards were getting bored of watching Andrew Hudson block for four days. Instead of bringing India to a grinding halt with a whole new tournament, they should have simply allowed Herschelle Gibbs to line Hudders’ box with itching powder. Problem solved.

What about horseracing? Without betting, drinking, smoking and Leeanne Liebenberg, I think the sport would be more boring than British politics. One of the most memorable moments in the sport was when Sylvester Carmouche cheated back in 1990. He took advantage of a foggy afternoon and won at Delta Downs in Louisianna. He waited for the race to begin and then stopped, waited for the pack to come around again, sped up and won by 24 lengths. Brilliant.

In a test that hopefully won’t need any cheating, the Leicester Tigers take on the Springboks tonight in what will be a serious test of South African rugby depth, and will most probably set the tone for the upcoming overseas tour. There’s been much debate about how much depth the Boks have to offer, so tonight will see the fledglings being put to the test. The first game after a squad selection always makes for good entertainment. Let’s just say that Chilliboy and the team have some Mauger pressure on them tonight. (That was terrible. Apologies. Going to leave it in, though.)

Chelsea have Manchester United to deal with on Sunday in the first sport where cheating is almost socially acceptable. The looks of pain and anguish, the rolling around on the pitch to a point where you feel this could be the end of a career, to miraculous recoveries. It’s all in there and it’ll be a sellout! I can’t wait.

I think everybody should take a collective decision to relax all anti-cheating laws in sport. I think the men with beards would start coming back to watch Hudders block for four days. Everyone would be eating chilli-dogs and be much happier.

Check out the times below…

12:45 PM – 9:00 PM Cricket SS1A, SS1

Pakistan Cricket: Pakistan v New Zealand 2nd ODI

4:15 PM – 11:00 PM Cricket SS2A, CSN, SS2

MTN40:, Highveld Lions v Titans

9:00 PM – 11:30 PM Rugby SS1, SS1A, MNET

Leicester Rugby, Leicester Tigers v South Africa

SATURDAY

5:00 AM – 10:00 AM Golf SS6, SS6A

WGC:, HSBC Champions Day 3

11:40 AM – 5:30 PM Tennis SS2A, SS2

Fed Cup:, Italy v USA Day 1

4:45 PM – 7:00 PM Soccer B SS3

Premier League:, Man City v Burnley

4:55 PM – 6:55 PM Soccer SS5

Premier League:, Tottenham v Sunderland

9:30 PM – 11:45 PM Soccer B SS3

Italian Serie A:, Atalanta v Juventus

5:00 AM – 10:00 AM Golf SS6, SS6A

WGC:, HSBC Champions Day 3

SUNDAY

4:50 AM – 1:30 PM Cricket SS5A, SS5

Indian Cricket:, India v Australia 6th ODI

5:00 AM – 10:00 AM Golf SS6A, SS6

WGC:, Hsbc Champions Day 4

9:30 AM – 6:30 PM Cricket SS2, SS2A

SA Cricket:, South Africa v Zimbabwe 1st ODI

3:00 PM – 6:00 PM Soccer SS4

Super Diski: PSL:, Mp Black Aces v Ajax Cape Town

3:00 PM – 5:30 PM Soccer B SS3

Premier League:, Hull City v Stoke City (Hd)

2:45 PM – 4:30 PM Motorsport SS1A, SS1, CSN, SSM

Motogp:, Valenciana Main Race

4:55 PM – 7:00 PM Soccer SS7A, SS7

Premier League:, West Ham v Everton

5:30 PM – 7:55 PM Soccer SSA, SS3, SS3A, CSN

Premier League:, Chelsea v Manchester Utd (Hd)

7:55 PM – 9:55 PM Soccer SS7

Spanish La Liga:, Valencia v Zaragoza

I can’t comment right now.

It’s too big to get my head around..

[thanks alex]

That’s just how I’m rolling at the moment. And that’s exactly how they ALWAYS roll at “Challah Clothing ,” which is an online T-shirt shop..

You seem confused? Perfectly understandable.

Their About Us section of the website explains:

Challah Clothing was founded in 2009 by two young Jewish entrepreneurs…surprise right! Brad and David had the vision of creating funny Jewish t-shirts, but not just some cheap crap with shitty designs. All of our shirts are printed in the United States on American Apparel t-shirts.

Read more about them in a recent interview here.

ChallahClothing.com

Jeepers, Sea Point is going to go crazy for this stuff!

Maybe you would like to see the rest of their range? They have an AWESOME one with “Shalom” on the front. There is a group of us gentiles who say “shalom” when we greet. Not because we’re Jewish.

Just because it sounds cool. FACT.

Why do you think the Black Eyed Peas through it into their song:

I gotta feeling
that tonight’s gonna be a good night
That tonight’s gonna be a good night
That tonight’s gonna be a good good night (x2)
Tonight’s the night
Let’s live it up
I got my money
Lets spend it up
Go out and smash it
Like Oh My God
Jump off that sofa
Lets get get OFF

Fill up my cup (Drink)
Mozolotov (Lahyme)
[my favourtie part]

It’s too beautiful! CLICK HERE to watch the music video (very very cool video, btw).

Then CLICK HERE to check out the rest of the range at ChallahClothing.com

[thanks neil]

Naturally, I did some island window shopping for you, so you don’t get confused about what to do with the money after you win it.

Here it is, my friends – Leaf Cay island, in the Bahamas, is on the market!

Let’s check it out.

Leaf Car Island – your new holiday home

Leaf Cay, within the beautiful Exuma Cays was bought about 25 years ago by Jack N. Holcomb. The self-contained 25 acre island has white sand beaches, two homes — one for you and one for your staff — a dock, tons of food and living supplies and your own private runway. “It’s not for everybody, but it’s a real good place to get away, completely relax,”

The island is being sold with 4,000 pounds of frozen food and the storage units to keep it that way, plus backup refrigerators, freezers, stoves, microwaves and air conditioners.

This island contains everything; privacy, beautiful beaches, and it’s surrounded by crystal clear waters and is well protected from occasional hurricane winds.The property has 18 buildings on its 15 developable acres, including a utilitarian main house, guesthouse and staff quarters plus other structures for storage.

A total of 7 1/2 miles of electrical cable was laid under the sea to bring power to the island, which sits about 70 miles south of Nassau in the Exumas. And should that power source fail, there are seven generators as backup, let alone the solar power. The communications systems are as sophisticated as the man who installed them. With one phone call, Holcomb was able to activate a radar tracking system for his plane as it departed from Florida. Leaf Cay Exuma also has its own 1,500-foot airstrip.

There is a desalination plant to provide fresh water, plus lumber, electrical wiring and plumbing supplies to make repairs or build another structure, if needed.

Click these thumbnails to see the bigger pics..

Mark my words, if you don’t win the lottery and buy that island, I will! Do you know that you can live on the island in a modern manner, without help from the outside world, for up to 5 years? That’s exactly what I’m talking about!

I found some incredible stuff on the net about Leaf Cay island – most of it from when it went on sale a few years ago. CLICK HERE to see a video of a plane landing on the island’s private airstrip. But first, check out this video:

Prices mentioned in previous literature and videos (as above) are from a few years ago and insiders reckon that you (or I) would be able to pick it up now for about $25 million.

With neighbours down the drag including Johnny Depp, the only annoyance you might have is helping Johnny with his pirate moves for the next Pirates of the Caribbean!

Now I know what you’re thinking – it’s all very well to buy this island with $25 million of your $143 million jackpot winnings, but how are you going to get there?

That is a very fair question and a question that I have addressed. I thought about it and, because we don’t have much time, I chose the fastest private jet available on the market.

The brand newGulfstream G650 (video here)

If I may:

Luxuo tells us:

The G650 offers the longest range, fastest speed, largest cabin and the most advanced cockpit in the Gulfstream fleet. It features an all-new fuselage cross section, allowing a wider and taller cabin than the previous top-of-the-line G550 model. The G650 is capable of traveling 7,000 nautical miles (can easily do New York to Tokyo or Buenos Aires non-stop) at 0.85 Mach and has a maximum operating speed of 0.925, which will make it the fastest civil aircraft flying. It can climb to an altitude of 51,000 feet, which allows it to avoid traffic and inclement weather. The aircraft seats 11-18 passengers (great for all your new mates) and has 16 panoramic windows and in-flight access to 195 cubic feet of usable volume in the baggage compartment.

It might need a longer runway than what we have at the island, but we can use a prop plane for that portion of the journey! We have the ammo, we can fix these things, right?

Now I know what you’re thinking, and I don’t want you to get a fright ok?… It costs around $50 million. (”Oh my GOD, Seth!” you scream). But RELAX, we can share it with someone else. Maybe a movie star? They’ll all be your friends after this weekend anyway!

So let’s just SAY for now that you did buy the whole plane. That means 50 for the plane and 25 for the island. Is it REALLY the end of the world to be left with $68 million? That’s R522 million.

Let’s look at that again : AFTER YOU BUY THE ISLAND AND THE JET YOU WILL BE LEFT WITH R522 MILLION!

SHAME!

Hey look, there’s your mate, Johnny!

Johnny Depp – Your new china!
Lives down the road on his island.. (not as nice as yours)

It is simply BEYOND me that you would not buy a ticket for Friday’s EuroMillions Lottery!

You know what I always say:

“If you’re not buying a few tickets for the big draws, then you’ve kind of missed the whole point of being able to live the holiday. Just like what is suggested in all books about success (including the likes of The Secret and variations thereof), if you’re not able to visualise the success you wish to achieve, then you probably won’t get there. Being able to dream is the basis of all of these formulas – it unlocks the potential. Dropping a few bucks on lottery tickets is as basic as that formula gets.”

Live a little, you boring sod..

CLICK HERE to buy tickets to the EuroMillions, safely and securely online.
PLUS, here’s a free Euromillions lottery voucher. If you are the first to try it, then it will work. If it doesn’t work, then you are clearly too late!
401C-B982-2359-052D

Candice Swanepoel is a Victoria’s Secret angel - She was spotted by a model scout in a flea market at age 15. By age 16, the gorgeous angel was earning 5,000 Euros or R40,000 for a day’s work. Where is she from, you ask? Oh, just Mooi River, Kwazulu Natal! More pics.. [theblemish]

Shooter at Texas Army Base Kills 12 – A U.S. military officer is in custody after 12 people were killed and 32 were wounded in a shooting rampage at an army base in Fort Hood, Texas, on Thursday. A soldier, armed with two handguns, opened fire at about 1:30 p.m. CT in the base’s Soldier Readiness Center, where troops go through medical screening before being deployed overseas or after returning from a posting. [cbc]

Google Declares War on Facebook – After the search giant upgraded its social-networking tools yesterday, its battle with Facebook might come with collateral damage: your real-life friendships. [dailybeast

The New York Yankees Win the 27th World Series: First Time in Nine Years - Late Wednesday, the New York Yankees won game six of Major League Baseball’s World Series against the Philadelphia Phillies 7-3, earning them the championship. [examiner]

Robbie Williams Hints at a Take That Reunion – Showing off his TAKE THAT tattoo for the first time – Robbie hinted he will perform with the band again. The singer, 35, revealed he had the group’s double-T logo inked on his wrist to commemorate a private get-together with the group. Asked if a reunion might finally take place, he admitted: “I can’t say much – but yes, I hope so.” [thesun]

Michael Jordan’s Son Wears Nike and Costs His School’s Adidas Deal – A fight over the shoes Marcus Jordan’s will wear at the University of Central Florida has cost the school any future sponsorship with adidas. [espn]

Cavendish Square’s Mombasa Cafe Experiences Unprecedented Backlash – The recently published Mombasa Cafe article on 2oceansvibe, which included an email sent from the owner in response to an article published here over a year ago, has resulted in a massive backlash in the comments section from the owner’s ex staff members. [2oceansvibe]

Has Blackberry Lost its Edge? – Research In Motion’s BlackBerry phone has become a cultural phenomenon. But can it stay one? With a confusing mix of new products, poor developer support, lack of innovation and an unwillingness to take risks, RIM is in danger of being outsmarted and overshadowed. [wired]

My Father, the Drug Lord: Pablo Escobar’s Son – While on the phone with his son 16 years ago, Pablo Escobar stayed on the line just long enough for Colombian police to trace the call. Minutes later, the world’s most violent and notorious drug lord was gunned down on a Medellín rooftop. [time]

Caster Semenya Given Unconditional Apology From ASA – Caster Semenya has received an unconditional apology from Athletics South Africa for their role in the row over the athlete’s gender. President Leonard Chuene has been suspended by South Africa’s Olympic governing body pending a disciplinary investigation. [timesonlines]

100 Things Restaurant Staff Should Never Do : Part 1 – A writer for the New York Times is opening a new seafood restaurant. He wrote up a set of 100 rules for his staff to follow… He had me at “Tables should be level without anyone asking. Fix it before guests are seated.” [nytimes]

It’s a Man’s World at Harrods – Whilst shopping tends not to come naturally to most members of the coarser sex – even the most seasoned of male retail aficionados will admit to getting hot and bothered after an hour flicking the rails – the latest all-male shopping experience, devised by London retail monolith Harrods, is set to make a day pounding the aisles that little more permissible. [wallpaper]

Heartthrob Smackdown: Leonardo DiCaprio vs. Robert Patinson – “Not since Leo, circa Titanic, has a young actor been so aggressively beloved by 13-year-old girls worldwide,” writes Evgenia Peretz in her Vanity Fair profile of Robert Pattinson (Twilight’s Hot Gleaming, December 2009). [vanityfair]

Barack Obama Recruits Sarah Jessica Parker – Sarah Jessica Parker has an exciting new role – the Sex and the City actress has been hired by President Barack Obama to advise him on the arts. SJP is one of 25 new appointees to the president’s arts and humanities committee which also includes Forest Whitaker, Edward Norton and Anna Wintour.[hellomagazine]

Five British Soldiers Shot Dead by Rogue Afghanistan Policeman – Three Grenadier Guards and two Royal Military Police were attacked as they rested inside a compound. The soldiers, who had removed their body armour and helmets, were shot by an Afghan national policeman who then fled. [telegraph]

Kettner’s in London’s Soho has hosted the famous since 1867 when Auguste Kettner, chef to Napoleon III, first opened the venue. Close to the theatres and other entertainment, the venue has undergone many incarnations with regular patrons from Oscar Wilde and King Edward VII to Agatha Christie and Bing Crosby each leaving their famous vibes in the space. [thecoolhunter]

A Week in Provence: Winter (2) – It’s been a week of consolidation, unpacking and then planning for the next few months as our project starts to unfold again. But, Amazon did some deliveries while we were away and 24 – Season 7 was waiting. The firewood has been brought in and there has been a steady diet of Jack Bauer! [livingstylishlywell]

[thanks paul]

Naah……nothing!

Like this… I mean why would you ever want to learn how to open a bottle of wine with your shoe?

Admit it, that is probably the best thing you have learnt this year.

SAY IT!!!!!

Luckily for me, most of De Grendel’s wines are screw-top and the Boschendal bubbly just needs a bit of coaxing before she pops!

Can’t wait to see various people around Cape Town opening up bottles of wine this way – can you imagine..

Too funny!

Useful! But funny, nonetheless!

[thanks barry]

Could someone please check who those bags belong to?

What an amazing occasion! I was just at DF Malan last week (en route to Jan Smuts) and the dust from the building over my car was something to behold! I’m glad that will be over – quite weird parking underground and getting more dust than if you were parked outdoors!

Click the thumbnails below to check out the rest of the pics!

Nice. Real nice.

Looking forward to the world cup fans arriving at DF Malan and enjoying a hassles free experience!

[thanks dad]

It was on a Friday (the whole day 08h30 to 16h30) and I realised at that moment that we have NO idea that, at any given time in our week, normally people like you and me could be SCREAMING around a race track during working hours! And that’s exactly what I did! Not that I have “working hours” per se, but you know what I mean!

Wernich, from Audi Centre Cape Town ensured that I was settled and then bolted then moment the head instructor walked into the room.

I turned to the front and that’s when it all fell into place.

Do you remember this guy from Top Gun?

“Viper” – from Top Gun

Of course you do. His name in the movie was Mike Metcalf (callsign: Viper) and he was the instructor at the Top Gun fighter pilot academy.

That was basically the vibe I got at the beginning of the day. I sat there in my chair as the head instructor, John Simpson (same vibe as Viper) explained the day’s schedule. I looked around and sized up the other people attending. I couldn’t help but wonder, who was the best of the best?

I caught the end of something he was saying – “in case any of you are wondering who the best is, it’s not you – it’s these guys right here.” As he pointed to the professional driving instructors standing beside him.

Viper runs us through the day’s lineup

The Audi Top Gun pilots

“These men will be taking three of you in each car and they will gauge your strengths and weaknesses. Listen to them and you will learn a lot.”

Nice vibe..

My team mates, Lorinda and Allan and I got the best instructor of the day, Gary. Try and get him when you go – he’s an ex-racing champion. I get on well with ex-racing champions so I knew we would have a good day.

I beg your pardon? You want to know my involvement with ex-racing champions.

Seriously, do I have to?

Okaaaaaay, if I MUST!

  
Michael Schumacher asked if he could record this moment.
“No problem,” I said, “as long as you get my Judrons in the shot.”

So anyway, back to the Audi High Performance Driving Course. I can categorically state that I have never become so enlightened in just eight hours, as I was at Killarney that day. I did the fixed-wing glider course once – and that took a week. Not a lot of people have that kind of time.

Besides hurtling around the track at (by the end of the day) at 180 km/h and TEARING into corners, the learning that went down was something to behold! In this one test, they show you how where the car stops if you slam on brakes at 60 km/h. Then, after marking that off, they do it again at 120 km/h. Do you know how much further the stopping point was?

Just a bit more the original distance?

Twice the original distance?

No my friend, it’s something like four or five times the distance!

These are the kind of things you get exposed to which result in your insurance premiums going down. Because you leave a better informed and more skilled driver.

The guys also take you through technologies like ABS and ESP and explain to you exactly how they work. But they don’t just explain, they get you to try it out yourself. slamming on anchors at 100 km/h, violently turning from one side to the other, trying to roll the car – stuff like that. It’s pretty hairy stuff but totally in control at all times.

That’s the one beautiful thing about the day, is the slickness of the whole operation. Not for one second did I worry about my safety – such is the calming effect of being around professionals like these.

And THIS is the result!

Seth becomes a Top Gun pilot

Oh yes! Not to be silly or anything, I would prefer it if you called me “Maverick” from now on. Thanks very much.

Check out their vibe at the official Audi High Performance Driving Course website for these training days – www.4rings.co.za

Besides the reduction in insurance premiums, this is a brilliant way to spend a day and learn at the same time. I couldn’t imagine a better team building initiative for companies out there looking for something different.

Here are some pics from our day.

Thanks again to Audi Centre Cape Town for such an incredible experience. And remember, if you’re in the market for a new car, give them a shout. I’ve got the TT and the R8 and can’t say enough about them. Go for a test drive – apparently they’re got some HOT new S4’s in..

You don’t get better service and, if you give me a shout before, I can probably organise you a cheeky little discount to make your buying experience even more fun! CLICK HERE

Brad Pitt - Enjoys his pot..

Hollywood’s Top Potheads – Medicinal marijuana is now legal in a handful of U.S. states. But if it was up to these 29 stars, pot – for medicinal purposes and otherwise would be available anywhere, anytime! [foxnews]

Gucci’s New Shoe : Available Only by iPhone – Mark Ronson collaborated with Gucci Creative Director Frida Giannini to design this exclusive beaut for the launch of the new Gucci iPhone App, as well as a new Gucci pop-up shop. If you haven’t heard of pop-up shops, they’re designer stores which exist for just a couple of weeks. [luxist]

Lindsay Lohan’s Desperate Cry For Help: Dramatic Call (audio) – It’s all just a bit much. Three minutes of a recorded audio tape revealing Lohan’s “heart-wrenching” and “desperate” plea for help. The tape was recorded from phone calls Lindsay and her mom Dina made to Lindsay’s dad Michael Lohan. God, this angel is a mess. [radar]

Obama’s Nine Funniest Moments Since Taking Office (video) – As part of HuffPost’s One Year Later series, they have decided to judge the president on what’s really important: His jokes. [huffington]

60% off 7-night packages to 5 star Zimbali Costal Resort on offer at Luxury4Less as their ludicrous limited-time offers extend further that just designer sunglasses, fragrances, clothing and Tag Heuer waches! New users remember to use promotional code “2oceans@luxury4less.co.za” for instant access [luxury4less]

Great White Sharks Coming Closer to Shore Than Thought – For years, humans have thought of great white sharks wandering the sea at random, only occasionally venturing close to shore. We were wrong. [washingtonpost]

11 Year Old Gives Birth to Baby Girl and became one of the world’s youngest mothers – after she went into labor at her wedding. Kordeza Zhelyazkova, from Bulgaria, was still wearing her wedding dress en route to the hospita. “I’m not going to play with toys anymore – I have a new toy now,” she said. The dad is in a bit of trouble, given that the legal limit for sex in Bulgaria is 14. Yes, 14! [nydailynews]

Microsoft to Cut 800 More Jobs – Microsoft Corp. will eliminate 800 more positions from its workforce, the company announced Wednesday. The company said the job cuts will be spread across multiple businesses and locations across the globe, but Microsoft would not specify when the layoffs would occur. Those job cuts come on top of the 5,000 jobs the company said it was slashing earlier this year. [cnn]

Are You a Metrotextual? – Men have become so openly affectionate with each other using mobile technology they’ve taken to signing off text messages to male friends with a kiss (x), giving rise to a new generation dubbed “Metrotextuals”. I do that the whole time x [news24]

Toyota Quits Formula 1 – Toyota has officially become the latest automaker to quit Formula 1 in response to the economic crisis and its exit comes only days after tyre-maker Bridgestone quit. Toyota said its decision reflected “the current severe economic realities”. [motoring]

China Approves Disney Theme Park in Shanghai – After a courtship of about20 years, the Walt Disney Company has won approval from the central government of China to build a Disneyland-style theme park in Shanghai, Robert A. Iger, Disney’s chief executive, said Tuesday. [nytimes]

Kim Kardashian Wins Halloween – The Los Angeles socialite and reality series star, Kim Kardashian, took things to the next level with her Disney inspired Halloween costume (Aladin, to be precise). Think cartoon. Think cleavage. [egotastic]

Adverts Soon!

Mombasa Cafe – Cavendish Square

An excerpt from the article which I wrote LIVE, on location:

Not that I was going to judge them for being empty. The only waiter in the establishment welcomed me as I chose a seat, suggesting he brings me a lime and soda with the menu.

I opened up my divine little Sony Vaio laptop as the drink arrived.

My SHOCKING toasted chicken mayonnaise experience at the Kelvin Grove pool on Friday (where I chilled before getting ready to watch Rupert Mellor and the Thunderbirds in the Kelvin Grove ballroom) had left me yearning for a decent variation, so I gave my order to the waiter.

“Toasted chicken mayo on wholewheat please with chips. Please also bring some cheap white vinegar, Tabasco sauce and a Hansa.” (They didn’t have Jack Black).

“We don’t have Tabasco sauce,” came the reply.

“Chrrrrrist, are you fucking serious?”

“Yes Sir”

“Must I go and buy some for you?” I asked.

“Heh heh,” he laughed nervously. “Can we make you some fresh chilli?”

“Yes,” I said. “I won’t use it but I want you to make it as punishment.”

Off he went to put in the order, as I decided to write this article. The beer never arrived as our boy fucked off out of the restaurant for over 10 minutes. I kept an eye on the bar to see when the beer would appear so that I could fetch it myself.

Freak Show came back and I asked him how the beer was looking. “Oh shit” came the reply as he sprinted to the till, realising he had forgotten to put the beer order in. Bearing in mind that I was and STILL AM the only person in the restaurant. WHAT a fucking knob-end!

He brought the beer and the food which was fine, I suppose.

Whilst I was eating I heard a discussion between him and the barman where he mentioned, somewhat surprised, that La Scala and MOST of the other restaurants in Cavendish Square were full.

Yes, my love, they are full.

And I am still the only person in your restaurant.

I wonder why.

I’m not saying the reason is because you don’t have Tabasco sauce – but I’m quite sure it’s helping your quest for zero turnover.

Good bye.

And now, more than a year later, the owners of the establishment GOOGLED their restaurant and found the aforementioned article.

So, firstly, a big welcome for the owners to 2009 and the internet in general. Welcome aboard!

This was their belated email response which came in this weekend (CAPS LOCK ATTACK warning):

From: Pat Pryce-Fitchen
Date: 01 November 2009 12:31:16 PM SAST
To: editor@2oceansvibe.com
Subject: Mombasa Cafe Cavendish

Your write up on Mombasa is way old …..10 march 2008

Please GO & EAT before you speak as its a NIGHT SUPPER VENU FORCED TO BE OPEN BY THE SHOPPING CENTERE TRADING HOURS.

THE BEST AFRICAN RESTAURANT In THE CAPE TOBASCO IS NOT AFRICAN BUT BECEAUSE SOME A>>>>OF A WAITER DID NOT KNOW THAT WE DO HAVE IT,!!!!!! YOU DONT PHONE ME OR ASK FOR THE MANAGER YOU JUST GIVE A BAD WTITE UP< I DONT EVEN WANT TO SELL TOASTED SARMIES BUT WHO EATS GRILLED EAST COAST SOLE AS 10 AM ?????

Fillet out of this world LAMB SHANK In THE MOROCCAN STYLE TO DIE FOR.

Mauritian prawn curry just BRILLIANT

Mombasa is so passionate about food that it makes 3 types of prawn curries all BRILLIANT The SWAHILI one sells by the ton!!!!! No tobasco BUT REAL EASTERN SPICES MAKING MOMBASAS FOOD WORLD CLASS

Potjies served at the table are also to die for

best spare ribs you ever had

Vegetarian foods fantastic
AND IT HAS ALWAYS HAD JIM Beam BLACK

I owned La Scala AS well at the time of your write up & ironicly MOMBASA CAFE has always had the HIGHER TURNOVER BY FAR…………..

You see if you can find better BURGERS ANY WHERE

Try an omelette

TRY A MARGARITA OR A COSMOPOLITAN BEST YOU EVER HAD

The owner cant always know what iddiottic things waters can do or SAY & its unfair to beline a brilliant restaurant beceause of some FOOL>
ALSO SADELY MANY MANAGERS ARE REALLY DAMERGERS!!!

PLEASE LET THE OWNERS KNOW

REGARDS

Pat Pryce-Fitchen
Owner OF the FANTASTIC & OFTEN PACKED AT NIGHT MOMBASA CAFE

Good for you, Pat – look at you go!!!

Passion!!! That’s what we like – beautiful shit!

I’ll be back…in the evening.

I just need to confirm that you definitely have Tabasco sauce? As well as the 2oceansvibe beverages of choice: including De Grendel wine, Jack Black beer, Boschendal Grande Cuvee Brut and Pussy Natural Energy Drink?

Please respond via the comments facility below this article.

I can’t say I’m a die hard Michael Jackson fan. I’ve never seen him live, owned a Michael Jackson album, worn white socks with black shoes, “moonwalked” or grabbed my crotch intentionally in public. What I can say is that whatever your convictions about the man’s personal life, you cannot deny his immense talent, his star status and the profound effect he has had on the history of music as we know it, after watching This Is It.

Catch the rest of the review and the trailer after the jump…

The audience is given a behind-the-scenes taste of what was in store for the sold out world tour of This Is It. The film is composed of MJ’s biggest hits as each rehearsal is filmed with arguably his biggest fans in tag, the actual dance crew. This Is It takes a little getting used to… firstly, Michael Jackson is deceased and secondly, the behind-the-scenes rehearsal footage format is edited from several takes and forms the majority of the film’s run time with a few “talking heads” thrown in to punctuate the practice sessions and a couple of voice-overs from MJ himself.

People that have only known Michael Jackson as a music icon of the radio, CD player and TV may have a little difficulty in separating this show from the cold hard reality. The songs bring back a wave of nostalgia as MJ works his magic on-stage. He’s a larger-than-life character on camera, despite the publicity surrounding his desire for privacy and his shy, child-like demeanor.

Watching Michael Jackson perform after a ten year absence is something amazing to behold… his voice may have deteriorated slightly, his wardrobe is still “futuristic”, but his dance moves conceal the 50-year-old’s age better than Harrison Ford covered for Indiana’s 20 year hiatus in The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

This Is It showcases the artist’s biggest and most memorable hits… Jam, They Don’t Really Care About Us, Earth Song, Black or White, Beat It, Billie Jean, Smooth Criminal, Thriller, Man in the Mirror, This Is It and even some tracks from the Jackson 5. The behind-the-scenes footage gives the audience a glimpse into Michael Jackson’s perfectionism, passion and nurturing spirit. He treats his musicians with the utmost respect, while demanding pinnacle performances and bigger, bolder attitudes. They’re representing Michael when they’re performing for him, so he only wants the best people on-tour. From the dance auditions to the rehearsals, one can see just how talented each of the accompanying artists are.

It’s a massive honour for them to meet the King of Pop, work with him and even associate with his music. For many of his performers, it’s been a lifelong dream for them to work alongside him, many idolising the man and citing him as an inspiration for their careers and even life journeys. It may sound a little bit much to an outsider, but to Michael Jackson fans it’s easy to understand how they became mesmerised by the man’s incredible performing abilities. Sure, there were literally millions who were crestfallen and disillusioned after allegations against the star, but his trademark fashion, style, music and dancing has always been way bigger than his personal life.

This Is It is a bittersweet experience… combining the music that was going to be heard throughout the world in practice mode with the fact that it will never be heard live ever again. It’s easy to see the This Is It concert as a labour of love for Michael Jackson. He’s constantly being addressed by Director, Kenny Ortega as MJ, Michael and ‘Sir’ in the rehearsal sessions and it’s fitting to hear the deep respect, reminding us that we’re dealing with… the King of Pop.

This Is It captures the essence of the Man in the Mirror and treats him like an enigma. He’s never interviewed, only heard as a philosophical voice-over from time-to-time, only really making himself known through his on-stage presence and unfaltering commitment to his audience. After all, Jackson epitomised escapism with his surreal music videos, bigger-is-better lifestyle, massive concerts and whirlwind of entertainment. The film inserts and green screen effects for his tour are revealed and you can see how he loved entertaining people, even with his small posse of dance “groupies” cheering him on through solo sets. It’s tragic to be immersed in Jackson’s magical history, only to be met with the dawning reality that he is no more.

Michael Jackson fans will want to applaud each song and give the man a standing ovation by the time the credits roll. Others will find a sense of closure in the light of past events, after his memorial service and ensuing media whitewash. This Is It immortalises the man, but dying at 50 puts him alongside the James Deans and Elvis Presleys of this world anyway.

This Is It triumphs as a closing memento and intimate performance experience, but one leaves the cinema a little bewildered… not knowing whether to cry (only in The Green Mile) or smile. As a music documentary, This Is It uncovers a gentle, passionate and humble side to the man we all thought we knew and for that it must be commended. Be sure to catch a few parting shots after the credits roll.

The bottom line: Revealing.

Release Date: 28th October (Now Showing)

Watch Official This Is It Trailer

Get tickets at Nu Metro
Get tickets at Ster-Kinekor
Get more Movie Reviews at SPL!NG

And I didn’t just have the computers – as an only child I lived, breathed, ate and slept them. I even slept WITH them at times. Non fiction. I opened them up and put them back together again. All the work I have ever done has been computer related. I was logging into “Bulletin Board Systems” in the early 90’s and was surfing on the net in ‘93/’94 when the speed was 1200bps and there was purely text – no images.

No Tuesday Tabs..

You get the picture – when it comes to PC’s, they truly are all I know. From desktops and the first monochrome screen laptops, to the latest and greatest, biggest and smallest Sony Vaio’s, I’ve had them all. Basically, you couldn’t with for a better authority on the content of this article, than yours truly.

I’ve endured the nauseating ridicule dished out by the Mac users out there and I’ve explained to them that I have no need to “switch.” They’re usually quite aggressive as well – not shy to hit you with things like, “what are you doing with this piece of shit.” Quite a vibe, I thought, especially when unsolicited.

“Everything works fine with my PC,” I would tell them. And, to coin a phrase I came up with a few years ago, “if it ain’t broke, don’t try and fix it.”

[pauses....looks at audience...utter silence...continues..]

Three weeks ago I acquired an Apple Mac and I will never be going back to PC.

FACT.

Let me explain.

It all started some time ago when I published an article about the Apple Mac iStore Shop at the Waterfront. Some of you will recall the mayhem that ensued – it has become something of geek folk legend here in Cape Town. Today, with over 120 comments and that article (mostly in support of my article – with new comments being added weekly, due to the article’s Google position for the search phrase “waterfront istore”), something needs to said for the Mac users out there. They’re a passionate bunch, alright!

My interest had been piqued and I became more and more intrigued with Apple Macs, but I didn’t want to deal with the iStore or Core, as it was quite evident that stabbing my eye repeatedly with a hot fork would give the same result.

The name “DigiCape” came up over and over in the comments section under that story I wrote – perhaps they were the ones to chat to?

I went through to their shop (their online store is hot as hell, by the way – www.digicape.co.za) which is off Roeland Street in Cape Town. I think the development is called “Roeland Square” – just down the road from Wembley Square and in the same complex as ORMS Photographic shop. Yes, that’s the one. I chatted to the owners and they let me test drive the new 13″ MacBook Pro (pictured above). It came with Office for Mac installed, as well as the likes of Dreamweaver, Photoshop and Final Cut. Their quietly smug confidence in the product certainly did get me going. Aroused, even.

www.digicape.co.za

Well, I tell you what – never before have I felt such a sensation. Not with regards to the use of the machine (we’ll get to that shortly) but more to do with the embarrassment that I realised I should have felt for so many years before. I call it “hindsight embarrassment” or, for pure 2oceansvibers, “hindsight emboerrissment.” Oh my God – how many people had secretly been laughing at me? For all this time!

From the outset I can tell you one thing that is quite clear to me. The Mac operating system and machine layout/functionality is far more better suited to human logic. It gets closer to those movies you see where the guy flicks things around a clear sheet of glass (think Minority Report ).

I shot a short video (using the iPhone 3Gs I also got from DigiCape) to show you how the new trackpad works.

Check it out:

I should mention that I filmed that video and uploaded it (directly from my iPhone using the Flickr app) to my Flickr account all in under 3 minutes.

I’ve had an ongoing joke with The Roofer for the last few years and with every new laptop I acquired, he would ask me, “is this one fast enough for you?”

“Hmm, it’s getting better,” I would always answer, “but I still find myself waiting for the machine, which I’m sure is not the point of the exercise!”

Sammy, I can tell you now, I’ve finally found it, pal!

And with regards to those Mac maniacs out there who make it their job to attack you and ridicule you about your PC, without any due provocation…. they’re still a bunch of dicks, but at least now I understand where they’re coming from.

I’m sure I won’t turn into them but, you know……seeing as we’re on the subject – exactly what are you doing with that piece of shit?

We spooned.   

Back to the point of this article – there is something quite silly happening on wednesday, 11 November. Basically, it’s gonna be Bikini City. I can just picture it. There will be hordes of angels prancing around in bikini’s on and off the ramp – whilst you and I sip on cocktails and flutter around the room, undressing each other with our eyes. Because that’s how it was meant to be. And that’s how it always is at the annual Cosmopolitan Swimwear Fashion Show and Summer Party!

Check it out here, as well as how and where to get tickets.

Cosmopolitan magazine’s popular Summer issue is out now and, in true Cosmo style, sets the tone for the hottest months of the year. The issue features a 66-page special shot in Egypt in partnership with Max Factor and showcases the latest in beachwear, from metallics, animal prints, bohemian-inspired fabrics to the very popular vintage styles.

The brands featured in this year’s Cosmo Summer issue are Speedo, Woolworths, Davidoff, Sunglass Hut, Vawter, Clicks, Max Factor, Scott & Wells, Havaianas, AC Activewear and Hang Ten.

To kick start the summer fun, Cosmo will host its annual Summer party at Ignite in Camps Bay, Cape Town on the 11^th of November. All the summer fashion featured in the magazine will be showcased at the Egypt-themed fashion show and the party promises to set the tone for summer. Tickets to the event are available at Computicket outlets or online at www.computicket.co.za.

For any queries contact Melissa Beukman n 011 262 3244.

For more Cosmo, go to www.cosmopolitan.co.za

Shame, it sounds just AWFUL, don’t you agree?

We really must try our best not to go. Seriously, there is nothing I hate more than models and bikini’s (and topless guys in boardshorts for the girls) and cocktails and smooth tunes as the sun sets over Camps Bay.

Sis.

Very poofie..

So anyway we’re giving away 5 pairs of tickets to you, the lucky 2oceansvibe readers. All you have to do to win the tickets is email editor@2oceansvibe.com with subject “Cosmo Compo” and tell me who is on the cover of the latest Cosmopolitan mag (the cover is red and it’s not the angel in the image above.)

Competition closes on Friday 6 November at 17h00 and, as always, is only open to 2oceansvibe Subscribers.

CLICK HERE to SUBSCRIBE to the VIBE.

Killer Combination
Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin to Co-Host 2010 Oscars

Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin to Co-Host 2010 Oscars – Producers Bill Mechanic and Adam Shankman stated, “We think the team of Steve and Alec are the perfect pair of hosts for the Oscars. Steve will bring the experience of having hosted the show in the past and Alec will be a completely fresh personality for this event.” [popeater]

Warren Buffett To Buy Railroad – Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway Inc. agreed to buy railroad Burlington Northern Santa Fe Corp. in what he described as an “all-in wager on the economic future of the United States.” The deal, the largest ever for Berkshire is valued at $44 billion. Mellow. [bloomberg]

Anna Wintour is Now a Presidential Appointee – No, she is not leaving Vogue, no she is not moving to D.C., no she has not been installed as the monarch of some European country. She’s just on the President’s Committee on the Arts and Humanities. [gawker]

The Many Faces of Agliotti – Norbert “Glenn” Agliotti: A man who “knows all the gangsters” and isn’t ashamed to cry, a fashion connoisseur with a rainbow of ties, a kind-hearted gentleman and a convicted drug trafficker – As seen in the last 11 days as state witness in the corruption trial of his once-friend, former police head Jackie Selebi. [news24]

Rihanna Opens Up About Attack -RIHANNA has finally broken her silence over her attack by CHRIS BROWN. In an interview with Good Morning America which will be screened this week, she warned of the threat of domestic abuse. She said: “This happened to me. It can happen to anyone.” [thesun]

Prince Charles Opens Burberry – The Prince of Wales opened the new global headquarters of British fashion house Burberry, at Horseferry House in London: totalling 160,000 sq ft over eight floors, houses over 800 employees and comprises cutting edge show rooms, design studios, modern contemporary office space and photo studios together with the exterior architectural features of the original 1930s building. [luxuo]

De Grendel Wine Estate Introduces Friday Sundowners – With the most breathtaking view of Cape Town, Table Mountain and Robben Island, it’s no surprise that De Grendel has kicked off this new Friday 17h00 to 21h00 concept – with wine and canapès. Very nice! Check it out. [degrendel]

Robbing a bank is as simple as putting pen to paper – Here are actual demand notes used in successful and unsuccessful unarmed bank robberies – - accompanied by a photo of each robber and appended with details about the robbery itself. [banknotes365]

How Joost Came to Tell the Truth – From the man who wrote the book (the second book, if you are counting), a firsthand account of how the most famous chapter came to be. You know, the one about The Video. [thedailymaverick]

Life of Muhammad to be filmed, but don’t expect to see him on screen – In Hollywood terms, it was the greatest story almost never told – until now. With Middle Eastern money becoming an increasingly powerful cog in the global entertainment industry, it was perhaps inevitable that, sooner or later, someone would embark on a mega-budget epic about the life of the Prophet Mohammed. [timesonline]

Recycled Vespa Scooter Furniture Takes Salvage to New Heights – If different modes of transportation are to be blamed for leaving a major share of carbon footprints, their salvage is to be credited for contributing to a green lifestyle. The category just got wider with furniture made from vintage Vespa scooters. [bornrich]

Photog Dies After Taking Lady Gaga Pics – Lady Gaga stepped onto the red carpet on Monday night sporting a widow-esque black veil, and minutes later, celebrity photographer A.J. Sokalner was dead. Sokalner was working the red carpet at the ACE Awards that the ‘Poker Face’ singer was attending in New York City when he collapsed just minutes after Gaga took to the carpet. [pdnonline ]

Victoria’s Secret Model Stephanie Seymour Divorce Case Reveals Lavish Lifestyle – Starting Oct. 23, Brant, who lists assets of about $490 million, was to begin paying his wife of 16 years $270,000 a month in alimony and support for their three children, according to the order of Judge Elaine Gordon. But that appears just to be drop in the bucket to what Brant is worth, according to the judge’s decision.[stamfordadvocate]

Boris Johnson Was My Knight on a Bike – Boris Johnson has been hailed as a “knight on a shining bicycle” after he rescued a woman being attacked by a group of young girls. Documentary film-maker and climate change activist Franny Armstrong was walking home in Camden, North London last night when she was surrounded by a group of hoodie-wearing young girls. [sky]

Friday’s EuroMillions Lottery Jackpot is over R1 billion – With the Rand / Pound exchange rate at 12.82, the £90,000,000 (Ninty Million Pounds) jackpot works out to R1.153 billion. You will be able to be an island and a private jet and a sexy pad in every big city in the world!  [EuroMillions]

[thanks fred, marc]

Then, using a concept I invented called “mathematics,” I worked out that there are 156 weeks in three years. With Tuesday Tabs coming out every Tuesday, this means that the next Tuesday Tabs installment will bring us to the three year milestone! Quite something, hey?

But that’s all for next week.

Right now I want to chat about one of 2oceansvibe’s favourite American Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models, Marisa Miller. To recap:

Marisa Lee Miller (born August 6, 1978) is an American model best known for her appearances in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issues, and her work for lingerie retailer Victoria’s Secret. After a stint shooting with photographer Mario Testino for fashion magazines like Vogue, Miller began working for both companies in 2002. As of late 2007, she is a Victoria’s Secret Angel, and graced the cover of the 2008 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue to record-setting numbers, accomplishments that have led to her being dubbed the “return of the great American supermodel.”

Nice, ok, we get it. She can skip the queue..

Now let’s look at this refreshing new pose of hers. She calls it “The Mirror.”

Click image for NSFW yet very tasteful image:

CLICK HERE for very tasteful NSFW image

I’m fine with that.

And yes, she has featured before on Tuesday Tabs. I also just realised that. Twice, in fact – here and here. I’m fine with both of those as well.

Oh, did I tell you that I’m featuring in the upcoming Marie Claire Naked Issue? You know, the annual issue where people get their kit off to raise awareness for good causes? Seriously, I’m not making this up – you might remember the famous pic of Christina Aguilera featured in the overseas edition the one year? CLICK HERE for that.

So anyway, ja, I’ll be naked in the upcoming Marie Claire naked issue. Naked.

Can you imagine having me naked…all to yourself?

I know..YUMMY!!!

[thanks kevin]