Big John interviewed Paul Raphaely from NoMU yesterday on 567 Cape Talk Radio, as they discussed NoMU’s nomination in the 567 Cape Talk Small Business awards!

While that’s all very cool! And I think even more cool is the fact that Paul revealed how exactly NoMU got its name! Very funny story!

I managed to record the interview, so you can find out more about that.

Check it out below.

Now if you know the magic of NoMU foods, you’ll be right behind us in supporting them for this award – after all, they’re a 2oceansvibe partner – and what’s good for 2oceansvibe is definitely good for you. The foodies out there will know that Nomu is of the highest quality and is understandably part of the 2oceansvibe “stable.”

So be a treasure and just SMS “Nomu is awesome!” to 31567 and let’s hold thumbs!

While I have you, be sure to check out their latest food recipe mailer, which features wine pairings by none other than Just Jinjer’s Ard Matthews! (It’s hilarious!)

Adverts Soon!

US news wires were buzzing this morning with news that a hostage situation was unfolding at the Discovery Channel headquarters in Montgomery County, USA.

This, from the Associated Press:

James Lee, 43, a gunman with what police described as “concerns” with the Discovery Channel networks took at least one person hostage in the company’s Silver Spring, Md., headquarters Wednesday, Spet. 1, 2010. A law enforcement official speaking on condition of anonymity because the investigation is ongoing said authorities have identified Lee as the likely suspect.

He had “concerns” with the programming? Really? Well I don’t blame you, guy. Those running loops of fish scratching themselves on coral reefs in between episodes of Mythbusters really got on my nuts.

Herewith is an excerpt from James Lee’s manifesto, which he published online hours before his death:

“Focus must be given on how people can live WITHOUT giving birth to more filthy human children since those new additions continue pollution and are pollution.”

“All programs on Discovery Health – TLC must stop encouraging the birth of any more parasitic human infants and the false heroics behind those actions. In those programs’ places, programs encouraging human sterilization and infertility must be pushed. All former pro-birth programs must now push in the direction of stopping human birth, not encouraging it.”

“Saving the Planet means saving what’s left of the non-human Wildlife by decreasing the Human population. That means stopping the human race from breeding any more disgusting human babies!”

“The humans? The planet does not need humans.”

Well, it’s a good thing he wasn’t a radical, right? Radicals make dinner conversation so damned awkward.

Sadly, police killed the man, who had fired a number of shots and threatened the lives of numerous people, apparently in line with his manifesto. Unconfirmed reports also indicate that he was or had claimed to be carrying explosives.

In an ironic twist of fate, the police got all Discovery on his ass when they took him down.

And you can be sure that the Discovery Channel will set this up as a two hour exclusive to be flighted early next month during prime time.

In your quest for better programming, you died, but ensured better programming in the process. Also, there’s one less human on the planet, which I suppose must have provided a little comfort in those final moments. I believe we call that “tragic heroism” on Upper Campus.

Bill Shakespeare would eat that up.

If you don’t know about this yet, you’re probably the last person – so I’m glad to be of service!

This, from JustJared :

Check out this new song from Cee Lo Green!

Cee Lo Green takes off into the stratosphere!

The insanely catchy “F— You,” which has logged over 4 million views on YouTube, is the first single off Cee’s new record, The Lady Killer (on shelves December 10). You can listen to the original and a censored version, “Forget You,” below!

FYI: Cee Lo is no stranger to the music business – he is one half of Gnarls Barkley and is also a member of Goodie Mob!

Read more

FOUR MILLION VIEWS??? Come on, that’s pretty insane! What’s more, he manages to tread the fine line between delivering a song which is both catchy and hysterical at the same time!

Check out the video after the jump.

Anyone who knows anything about anything in Cape Town will know that &Union, Jack Black and The Neighbourgoods Market are three of the most fun, hip, and cool brands in Cape Town. And it’s not just about the brands – it’s about the people. As with most things/brand/products/people that 2oceansvibe deals with, they aren’t dicks – we prefer not to deal with dicks at 2oceansvibe. We like real people – like you! (you’re not a dick, are you?)

In the same way that we like real people, these crazy kids have launched a brilliant initiative, entitled We Love Real Beer!

This is the vibe they’re going for:

Brewers & Union and Jack Black Beer have teamed up with The Neighbourgoods Market in Woodstock, to present Cape Town’s first Craft Beer Festival.

The event will draw on small, independently-owned breweries to unite under the banner of ‘Real Beer‘.

Thursday 23 September (the night before Heritage Day), will see a collection of the Real Beer producers, foodie enthusiast and those that appreciate the art of craft brewing, joining together for an evening of indulgence.

Come along and show your support for ‘little guys’.

WE LOVE REAL BEER Craft Beer Festival

Thursday 23rd September

4PM – 12AM

The Neighbourgoods Market

Woodstock

call: 082 775 9612 for details

Very clever vibe they’re going for, and anyone who has hung out at the &Union or Jack Black beer stands at the market (personally, I don’t move from that position) will know what a great mix of people cruise around there.

Bound to be a rip-roaring success!

Be there..

It’s been a while since we caught up with South Africa’s only Victoria’s Secret supermodel, Candice Swanepoel. And once again we are reminded why, in fact, we like her so much.

The answer is simple – It’s mainly because there is no quibbling with her. She just gets on with it. Like in the picture below, taking just after I asked her to marinade some meat, as we prepare for National Braai Day.

That’s just the kind of girl she is..

Candi – going for it!

Well done, Candice – 2oceansvibe salutes you!

This pic comes from a new gallery of pics I have never seen before – with Candi posing in a series of (what could only be described as) role-playing outfits.

Which I’m absolutely fine with.

Like this little pearler below (follow link), which takes one back to the airlines of yesteryear – like we saw in movies like Catch Me If You Can where Leo pretends to be a pilot.

[Garron Williams - Howzit, my pilot!]

Stop it.

Are you joking?

Seriously – is this some kind of practical joke?

Am I being Punk’d?

Get more of this fantastic new gallery of CS pics by clicking HERE.

[thanks warren]

Besides the fact that Gauteng will soon be wallowing in a soup of watery mining acid, the Earth has decided to weigh in with yet ANOTHER reason not to live in Johannesburg.

News24 reports:

Johannesburg – Residents of the Witwatersrand may in future experience more and bigger earthquakes due to water rising underground in mined-out basins.

A geophysicist for the CSIR, Olaf Goldbach, weighed in with a keen insight.

“I sat in my home in Weltevreden Park and watched TV just after 21:00 on Thursday when the ground started shaking. I really think we will be experiencing more of this in future…

“This again will have financial implications for insurers when buildings suddenly collapse.”

Well, maybe for YOUR insurance company, Olaf. But not here at 2oceansvibe. We struggle to make insurance claims when we’re covered in a pile of rubble.

Hahaha! This is pretty funny – sent in by all sorts of people and has clearly becoming a bit of a hit on Twitter and other “social medias.”

Well done to thatmandie, who posted it on YouTube.

“Hitler is disgusted to find out that his blog did not crack enough nominations for the 2010 SA Blog Awards, and has a mighty pop at his advisors, as well as the blogs who did make the final list.”

Check it out:

The one lady telling the other that she followed Hitler that morning on Twitter, did it for me!

Good job, and good luck to everyone in the 2010 SA Blog Awards!

We’re hoping for all your support here at 2oceansvibe so that we can keep on giving you more of what you want!

So come on, if you want the vibe to stay alive, get involved!

CLICK HERE TO VOTE!!

Apple’s Big Announcement

Apple Unveils New iPods And TV – Want an iPhone without the actual phone? That’s pretty much what the new iPod touch is: Apple unveiled the device on Wednesday. It comes with the iPhone’s beautiful, crisp Retina display, an A4 chip, a gyroscope, an HD video recorder on the back, and a front-facing camera that will allow for FaceTime video chats. Apple also unveiled its new Apple TV. It will stream rented movies directly from iTunes so that you don’t need local storage. [dailybeast]

Discovery Channel Hostage Situation – A gunman who had what police described as “concerns” with the Discovery Channel networks took at least one person hostage Wednesday in the company’s headquarters near Washington, D.C. Montgomery County Police Capt. Paul Starks would not say if the man works for Discovery Communications now or worked there in the past. Hmm, maybe review your channel’s content? [cbc]

Burger King For Sale? – Burger King Holdings Inc. has been in talks with potential buyers in recent weeks about a possible sale of the second-largest hamburger chain, people familiar with the matter said. The status of the talks is unclear but one interested firm was New York-based investment fund 3G Capital. I say we buy it and open up a branch at the Cape Quarter? [wallstreetjournal]

Michael Douglas Chats About Chemo – Michael Douglas knows he has a tough road ahead – but he’s ready to face it.”It’s a fight,” says the 65-year-old Oscar winner, who is undergoing a grueling course of radiation and chemotherapy to treat a tumor at the base of his tongue, and adds of his treatment: “It really knocks you out.” We back you, big guy [people]

Obama Declares Iraq War Over – “But this milestone should serve as a reminder to all Americans that our future is ours to shape if we move forward with confidence and commitment. It should also serve as a message to the world that the United States of America intends to sustain and strengthen our leadership in this young century.” And so it goes on. Intersting, Barack – we’ll stay tuned.. [whitehouse]

Hipster Hitler Will Blow Your Mind – Have you ever imagined what Hitler would be like if he was a bit emo? Or a hipster? Sounds impossible, I know. But luckily a couple of incredibly hilarious individuals have put together a “Hipster Hitler” cartoon strip which will have you on the floor! Like the one where Hitler cruises into the “strat session” wearing on ironic T-shirt. Come on, man – it’s too funny. [hipsterhitler]

15 Celebrities Caught Staring – We all try to steal a peep, don’t we? I know I did yesterday morning when we had the twins in bikinis in the 2oceansvibe Radio studio! But it’s not just boys that do it – girls do it too! And if you don’t believe me I will direct you to 15 examples of famous people doing exactly that – from P Diddy and Bruce Willis to Nats Portman and Dustin Hoffman – they’re all doing it! [unreality]

Is This The Future Of The Music Video? – Have you seen this music video for Canadian band the Arcade Fire’s single “We Used to Wait”? Well, actually, it’s not quite a music video—it’s a website. But it does some pretty amazing stuff. So, the Arcade Fire. You probably have an opinion about them, and their new album. But even if you hate them, and their music, you should head over to this website, which describes itself as “an interactive film.” And, well, it is! But it’s a lot more than that. [gawker]

Real-Life Internet Suicide – When a Reddit user recently challenged the online community to give him a reason not to kill himself, their responses either failed to stop him—or pushed him over the edge. On Friday, August 20, at approximately 5 p.m., a 24-year-old Reddit user named Diefex signed in to the popular social news community in search of a reason not to kill himself. “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t end it right now,” he wrote. “Go.” [dailybeast]

Intimate Acoustic Evening With Ard Matthews, Plush, Theo Crous, Jack Mantis & Friends – Time is running out, people.. if you haven’t got your tickets yet for what is going to be one of the most awe-inspiring musical evenings in South Africa this year. In support of the MyLife Foundation, Ard Matthews is about to pull off a coup of note – giving you an evening you will never forget. Do yourself a favour… trust me.. [webtickets]

Someone Gives Away Seven Lambos.. If you’re in the market for mobile particle-accelerator and have a love of fast cars (because the two go hand in hand?) eBay has a great deal with a bonus of seven Lamborghinis. Free.An eBay user has posted the sale of their Aracor Eagle mobile cargo inspection device for R129.5m. The advertisement says the buyers will receive seven Lamborghini models. [wheels24]

Natalie Portman ‘Black Swan’ Premiere at Venice Film Festival – Umm, yes please! Natalie Portman is red hot at the Opening Ceremony of the 2010 Venice Film Festival at the Sala Grande Palazzo Del Cinema on Wednesday (September 1) in Venice, Italy.The event, which was also attended by her boyfriend Benjamin Millepied, was also the premiere of her new movie, Black Swan. [justjared]

“Sinner” Gets 39 Lashes For Performing To Men And Women – A singer who performed in front of a “mixed audience” of men and women was lashed 39 times to make him “repent,” after a ruling by a “rabbinic court” on Wednesday. Rabbi Amnon Yitzhak, founder of the Shofar organization aimed at bringing Jews “back to religion,” has made it his recent mission to fight against musical performances for both men and women. Ja, look, that’s very bad. Just Jinjer also plays to mixed audiences. We should lash the entire band.. [jpost]

Free iPad! Too Good To Be True? Maybe, but the guys over at OneDayOnly have done crazier stuff. Apparently it’s dead-simple to enter into their draw: Like them on Facebook, declare that to the world and that’s it. Couldn’t be easier. If you truly want to live the lifestyle, it’s stuff like this that you can’t let slip. (A chance to win) free stuff baby! Oh, and they’re selling a Nikon camera for next to nothing today. [onedayonly]

It’s Hard To Improve On A Performance Like Yesterday’s – We did have two bikini clad models in the 2oceansvibe Radio studio, after all. So we’ve gone one better, and brought in the alluring Rob Van Vuuren, AKA Twakkie of The Most Amazing Show. Muso Justin Bergh will be shooting the breeze in studio, and our cinema connoisseur, Spling will be giving you the info you need to tee up that first date. Hosh ja! [1-click tune-in www.2ov.fm]

[thanks faheem, devon, alex, nat]

As we continue the crusade..

I hope everyone noticed the spice headlines on Monday and, in particular, the article about phone numbers being extinct in five to 10 years – something I have been banging on about for quite some time now. Or, more to the point, I simply believe unexpected or unplanned phone calls are socially unacceptable – something which the more lazy/rude folk out there will only grasp when there precious security-blankets disappear.

When phone numbers are extinct (very soon, it seems), only then will the naysayers understand what I have been saying all along. Because they will have no choice but to comply with a logical socially-acceptable system which is plainly obvious to those who have chosen to remove their blinkers.

I’m all for talking when necessary, but the point is people will only be able to call each other on Skype, or Google phone etc. when they are “online” – ie. ABLE to take a call – this is something which people are unable to gauge with phone-calls. So they just go ahead and phone the other person, when it suits them.

If you’re frothing at the mouth at this, or any other stage during this article, I urge you to stop reading and ask yourself what you will do when your phone number is gone? Because it’s a FACT that It will be gone and you will need to adjust your social habits very quickly – so why not start now? More people than you think are are behaving in this way.

It’s where we are.

Deal with it.

More on this, with case studies and continued arguments, after the jump.

And If you don’t believe me – check out this piece from Wired:

According to Nielsen, the average number of mobile phone calls we make is dropping every year, after hitting a peak in 2007. And our calls are getting shorter: In 2005 they averaged three minutes in length; now they’re almost half that.We’re moving, in other words, toward a fascinating cultural transition: the death of the telephone call. This shift is particularly stark among the young. Some college students I know go days without talking into their smartphones at all. I was recently hanging out with a twentysomething entrepreneur who fumbled around for 30 seconds trying to find the option that actually let him dial someone.

This generation doesn’t make phone calls, because everyone is in constant, lightweight contact in so many other ways: texting, chatting, and social-network messaging. And we don’t just have more options than we used to. We have better ones: These new forms of communication have exposed the fact that the voice call is badly designed. It deserves to die.

Consider: If I suddenly decide I want to dial you up, I have no way of knowing whether you’re busy, and you have no idea why I’m calling. We have to open Schrödinger’s box every time, having a conversation to figure out whether it’s OK to have a conversation. Plus, voice calls are emotionally high-bandwidth, which is why it’s so weirdly exhausting to be interrupted by one. (We apparently find voicemail even more excruciating: Studies show that more than a fifth of all voice messages are never listened to.)

The telephone, in other words, doesn’t provide any information about status, so we are constantly interrupting one another. The other tools at our disposal are more polite. Instant messaging lets us detect whether our friends are busy without our bugging them, and texting lets us ping one another asynchronously. (Plus, we can spend more time thinking about what we want to say.) For all the hue and cry about becoming an “always on” society, we’re actually moving away from the demand that everyone be available immediately.

[more here]

Personally, if I REALLY need to talk, I send a quick SMS asking if the other person can chat (if it really cannot be done on SMS or email or face-to-face on Skype). Nine times out of 10 (if you had the common decency to extend such a courtesy) the other person WON’T be able to speak at that exact moment. Believe it or not, the world does not revolve around you. If it’s a question you need answered, why don’t you just SMS or email the question. Oh, YOU prefer talking? When it suits YOU? Oh, I see..

You’ll be amazed how many times your call is answered out of duress. If you were polite enough to give them the chance, you will find them SMSing back things like “Call in 10 minutes, just in a meeting” or, “Can’t chat now does 14h30 suit you?” If it’s the latter then it’s you who is wasting time, because you could probably get the answer before 14h30 if you just pumped out an SMS or email.

I would like to stress at this point (Sherrington) that this is not about needing a PA or extra assistance, it’s about everyday manners and, if you look at the heading, a reality that you may well need to get a grip of. Just like the FM radio signal will be shut down in the UK by 2015 (and therefore here in SA in the foreseeable future), so too will the old telephone exchange system. No more phone numbers. Seriously, are you only going to wait until then before you consider others before yourself?

Some of the more misinformed out there argue that if one is unable to take a call, one should turn the phone off. The problem with this argument is what if I CAN’T, or would PREFER (if you don’t mind) communicating in text? Why doesn’t my preference count? Why is it all about YOU again?

Just because someone can’t make or take a phone call doesn’t mean communication has to stop and, more importantly, why the hell should it be so insulting to you. Why are we we all so goddamn insecure? Get a grip, man – Jesus!

Or, more to the point, people have been so lazy and scared to take on new technology (little things, liking texting to ask for a friend’s phone number, rather than phoning), comforted by the fact that they can always blast off a phone call.

Judging by recent reports, your days are numbered my friends..

And don’t even get me started on private numbers. Perhaps you heard the rant on 2oceansvibe Radio about ADT calling from blocked numbers for another day.

Sometimes without you even knowing

You know the story…. ADT clients justifiably not answering private numbers while in meetings, not knowing that it was ADT calling (because the alarm went off and their kids were in trouble at home). Should ADT legally be allowed to call from a blocked number? Would you not like to know it’s ADT calling and your kids are in trouble? Is a private number the right thing for a security company to be calling you with, when it might have to do with your loved ones being in danger?

Surely an SMS would avoid this life-threatening habit?

For past articles on this topic click here, here and here.

[big love, shezza]

China is suffering under the weight of a societal malaise. And this time it’s not due to the influence of the Great Western Devil.

In the sweltering heat of summer, when the refreshing breezes desert the city, Hu Lianqun absent-mindedly reaches for a solution: He rolls up his shirt to expose his belly, often fanning himself with the garment to create his own air conditioning.

From the countryside to sophisticated urban centers such as Beijing, men of all ages, social standing and stomach sizes resort to a public display of skin, a hot-weather fashion faux pas that’s the Chinese equivalent of knee-high black socks with shorts.

They’re known as bang ye, or “exposing grandfathers”(despite their age range). In the hottest weather, bang ye seem to be everywhere, striding among the tall buildings in Beijing’s business district, playing chess in parks, holding children’s hands at the zoo and negotiating crowded alleyways.

Woah. Let’s just back up there for a second. People who society has labeled “exposing grandfathers” are free to roam the business district, bide their time with chess in the park, and hold children’s hands at the zoo?

The Chinese obviously haven’t heard of a global problem that we westerners like to popularly refer to as “kiddy fiddling”.

Not even a sophist of the highest calibre could argue that the combination of public places, semi-naked men and impressionable children could ever result in anything but bad news.

But this isn’t the only fashion faux pas du jour (please note: four French words in a row) common on Chinese streets. Apparently it’s not unusual to wonder the streets in you PJs during the summer months.

And I should also mention that China manufactures Crocks(TM). But I think that’s more and indication that there’s a portal to hell somewhere in China.

But you know what they say. The naval-liberating apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Many defend the practice, insisting that history is also on their side: During the Cultural Revolution, when good manners were condemned as bourgeois, it was considered a compliment to be called a dalaocu, or “a rough old guy.”

A-ha. Because every true socialist knows that a shirt-covered pot belly is so very, very bourgeois.

Let’s leave it there, shall we?

[Source : LA Times]

Salt was originally written with the intention of becoming an espionage action-thriller with Tom Cruise as the lead. However, when Cruise backed out of the production… Jolie substituted the big name Mission: Impossible star and the script was rewritten for a female lead. Salt’s loosely modeled on the Bourne series with short, sharp bursts of action and a rogue agent on the loose.

This is your typical (wo)man-on-the-run actioner with a hot pursuit from government authorities in an attempt to dispatch the “traitor” with as little collateral damage as possible with one really big twist… it’s a lady spy. Don’t get me wrong, The Last Kiss Goodnight made Samuel L. Jackson look like the damsel in distress… but why can’t we just leave the kick-ass espionage to real-life characters like James Bond and Jason Bourne? “Who is Salt?” is this movie’s tag line… yet somehow “Pass the Salt.” may have been more fitting. Sorry Angie, better give it a rub.

Catch the rest of the review and the trailer after the jump…

There are very few Hollywood female leads who can pull the role off convincingly. Thankfully, Angelina Jolie can… she’s sexy, beautiful, sleek and designed for speed and strength, which is exactly why she was cast as Tomb Raider. However, this is no Tomb Raider… Jolie has slimmed down, a little too much some would say. Her death-defying stunts seem a little impossible with such a slight frame, yet it’s reported that she did do most of her own stunt work. You’d imagine she’d use the wind to better effect given her physique, with her jumping from truck-to-truck in rush hour traffic. Her on-foot escapes even look a little awkward, more so than Keanu Reeves, and makes the spy role difficult to believe at times, even when she dresses up to look like a pretty Russian man.

It’s the sort of film and role we’ve become accustomed to seeing Ukranian-born Milla Jovovich in and frankly it was probably written with her in mind considering how little talking and acting was required. Jovovich has worked on similar lead female roles such as the successful Resident Evil video game adaptation franchise and the box office flop Ultraviolet, the latter being a collaboration with Salt writer, Kurt Wimmer. However, the job landed in Jolie’s lap with Phillip Noyce in the director’s chair after the Salt production was attached to several other directors, including Michael Mann.

The two worked together in The Bone Collector, while Noyce brought his film experience from Harrison Ford vehicles: Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger to the table. On paper, this combo presented a pretty lethal synergy waiting to happen… and in eventuality a fairly formulaic, predictable and ordinary actioner match-up ensued. It’s not horrible, it’s just nothing special… in the same league as other middle range action-thrillers like Murder at 1600, Naked Weapon 2 and Die Another Day in terms of story, action intensity and overall appeal.

“Salt… shaken, not stirred.”

Angelina Jolie’s sex appeal is subdued in Salt, despite reinventing her character’s image three times. It has nothing on Tomb Raider for skin, but she’s still easy-on-the-eye even dressed as a Russian toy soldier with a few K.D. Lang albums. One thing Salt does well is keeping you guessing until the final scene with the evolving mystery of who Evelyn Salt really is… defector or wrongfully accused special agent. This keeps the story alive without leaning too heavily on Jolie’s acting or action abilities, keeping everything fresh, upbeat and entertaining.

If you’re a fan of the (wo)man-on-the-run action-thriller genre or Angelina Jolie for that matter, you won’t be disappointed. Salt cheekily leaves on an open-ended note, making room for a follow-up sequel. Essentially it’s a poor man’s Bourne Identity, which may explain why Tom Cruise declined the role. Who wants to be a rip-off of James Bond or Jason Bourne and besides Cruise has already got Mission: Impossible to look after.

Female leads usually do best in action-thrillers when there’s a strong emphasis on sex appeal or violence. Salt lacks on both counts – diminishing the return on the action and thrills. Quality supporting actors, Liev Schreiber and Ejiofor Chiwetel have been brought in as Tommy Lee Jones type bloodhounds, but unfortunately don’t get much in terms of screen time or chew toys for that matter.

Make Salt your back-up plan for movie night. Watch it for the exciting action set pieces, the quick pacing and the rousing soundtrack. Salt is definitely one movie you need to watch on the big screen, which is why you probably shouldn’t wait for it to come to DVD. The story is almost implausible and ridiculous, even for its genre, but let’s face it – popcorn just isn’t the same without a little Salt.

The bottom line: Entertaining.

Release Date: 3 September, 2010

Watch ‘Salt’ Movie Trailer

Book Tickets at Ster-Kinekor
Book Tickets at Nu Metro
Catch more movie reviews at SPL!NG

It’s Spring Day. Wonderful, isn’t it?

Sure, depending on where you are in the Southern Hemisphere, the weather might not be very Spring-like. But such is life, and the meteorological musings of our planet. The good news is that the days are getting longer, the sun is shining more regularly, animals are copulating left, right and centre (I’m looking at you, Columba livia), and blossoms are beginning to appear on plants.

(At this point I should probably mention that the expats in the Northern hemisphere can feel free to take everything I’ve just written and completely reverse it to describe your current situation – sorry chaps.)

But there are a few guys who won’t get to appreciate the happy change of Spring Day, because it’s pretty hard to see the lovely flowers, let alone smell them, when you’re trapped in a deep-level mine.

Yes, this is a shout out to you, my Chilean mining friends. I empathise with you guys. That’s right, empathise, because I also get what it’s like to live in a dark hole for an extended period of time.

Forget the “scientific” advice that NASA’s been throwing your way. You think the guys who drew up that survival memo had ever lived in a hole for four months? Forget about it. I’ve been there. I know your pain.

So you can trust these ten tried-and-tested tips, my pedigree chums.

1. Play Uno. Even when you’re not trapped in a hole. Play it.
2. Annex the hole and promulgate a government: The hole is your little universe for four months. There is literally no one else to rely on for your governance. Rise up, workers of the hole, and unite!
3. Form a chamber choir. CHAMBER choir, get it? CHAMBER choir? C’mon…Okay, not my best. Use it, don’t use it. Singing’s great for your spirits, that’s all I’m saying.
4. Express yourself with coal drawings: I’m not being glib here, but you’re in a pretty stressful place right now, and one thing you do have at your disposal is ground minerals.
5. Start a blog: Turn lemons into lemonade with a sarcastic, pithy, irony-saturated blog. If you’re wearing black-rimmed glasses at all times, you can pretty much blog about anything and get away with it.
6. Open a Twitter feed: Oh wait, you already have.
7. Negotiate a reality TV deal: This is a no brainer. You’re in a hole for four months. People want to know about that crap. Think Big Brother, except this time round the cast have real problems.
8. Decorate tastefully: You’re going to be down there for a while. Whatever you do, don’t let the flamboyant guy (there’s always one) get his way when the group is debating the merits and demerits of a shocking green sofa against bright red wallpaper. Think soothing colours. Since I made the move to a neutral pallet, “aqua” has become my new favourite word.
9. Pay your TV license: Chaps, if I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again. The SABC does not care that your set can’t get reception down there, or even that you’re located in Chile. If you’ve got a television set, the SABC wants its cut of the pie. And believe me, they WILL dig into a collapsed mine to collect their debt.
10. Re-invent yourself: Let’s be honest. It’s time for a career change. You’ve got four months to pen your Jerry Macguire Manifesto. There’s absolutely no harm in going into telesales after something like this. Or motivational speaking. Well it’s pretty much the same thing, isn’t it? Point is, you’re not likely to wind up in another bind like this.

Adverts Soon!

Cape Town’s Westin Grand Hotel
Blacklisted by the United States

US Blacklists “Westin Grand” Hotel In Cape Town – A five-star Cape Town hotel has been blacklisted by the US consulate in the city after allegations of “multiple theft reports” from US officials staying there. The hotel, the Westin Grand, is next to the Cape Town International Convention Centre. It should be noted that this is not my residence, the Cape Royale hotel, which is also 5-stars and also happens to have one of only 3 genuine concierges in South Africa (only 3,000 on earth). [timeslive] [post-publish update - the ban seems to have been lifted]

Federer’s Incredible Shot Wows US Open Fans - You got to see this! The legend of Roger Federer continues! In his first-round matchup last night at the US Open, Federer (for the second year in a row) made an incredible, between-the-legs shot against Argentina’s Brian Dabul that sent the sell-out crowd at Arthur Ashe Stadium to its feet. For the five-time US Open champion Federer, it was just another addition onto an already massive career highlight reel. [wired]

Pakistan Cricket Fans Burn Posters Of Alleged Match Fixers (Images) - Pakistani cricket fans burned posters of Pakistani cricket players during a protest condemning them for their alleged involvement in match fixing, in Lahore, Pakistan on Tuesday, Interior Minister Rehman Malik wants to wait for an initial British police report into allegations of match fixing involving Pakistan cricketers before sending an investigation team to England. Palcard reads “Down with Chairman of PCB Ijaz Butt). [newshopper]

France Doesn’t Dig The Iranians Calling The First Lady A Whore - France said on Tuesday that insults in the Iranian media against first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, who has been branded an “Italian prostitute” who “deserves death”, are unacceptable. “The insults in the daily Kayhan and Iranian websites against French figures, including Mrs Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, are unacceptable,” Foreign Ministry spokesperson Bernard Valero said. Mick Jagger and Eric Clapton could not be reached for comment. [mail&guardian]

iPhone Saving Lives – Fact – More than three million doctors have downloaded an iPhone app which is replacing the stethoscope in UK hospitals. The iStethoscope app, created by Peter Bentley at University College London, was originally developed as nothing more than a toy. But now more than 500 users a day are downloading the free version of the application which experts say has already saved lives. [dailymail]

Video of Girl Throwing Puppies in a River Causes Social Media Uproar - A video of a young girl throwing several puppies into a river has caused a huge social media backlash on sites like 4chan and Facebook. The backlash is similar to the Cat Bin Lady, skandaal which hit the net last month. Similarly, some members of 4chan started a campaign to find out the identity of the girl, while a related Facebook group has gathered more than 3,000 members in a little more than a day. [mashable]

Lindsay Lohan Reveals “New” Lindsay In Vanity Fair - In a revealing new interview, Lindsay Lohan details the infamous antics that landed her in jail — but insists that her wild-child days are behind her. “I was irresponsible. And I’m not making excuses,” the 24-year-old star tells Vanity Fair in its latest issue, set to hit newsstands this week with this sensationally sexy photo. What about the court-ordered, drug and alcohol counseling sessions she skipped? [newyorkpost]

Zara Goes Online! - Europe’s largest clothing retailer, Spain’s Inditex, is taking its flagship Zara brand online, but it can expect stiff competition from other giants of high-street fashion already well-established in cyberspace. Zara’s virtual boutique will be available on Thursday in selected European markets: Spain, Germany, France, Italy, Portugal and Britain. [luxuo]

Wyclef Jean Lashes Out In Song – When Wyclef Jean released his new single, not many in the U.S. could figure out what it was all about. The hip-hop star sings it in Haitian Creole. But translated, the song reveals an angry Jean attacking the electoral council that disqualified him from running for president of Haiti, accusing the current head of state of being a deceptive “Lucifer” who betrayed him, and urging the country’s citizens to “remain mobilized.” [newsweek]

Oxford To Phase Our Printed Oxford Dictionary - It weighs in at more than 130 pounds, but the authoritative guide to the English language, the Oxford English Dictionary, may eventually slim down to nothing. Oxford University Press, the publisher, said Sunday so many people prefer to look up words using its online product that it’s uncertain whether the 126-year-old dictionary’s next edition will be printed on paper at all. [associated]

Meet Calvin Klein’s 20-Year-Old Underwear Model Boyfriend - Klein, 67, was first photographed with the blond boytoy as early as May and the pair have since been seen at a number of movie premieres and charity events in Manhattan and the Hamptons. Last week, Page Six ran a picture in the paper’s print edition of the two men walking in Manhattan and described Gruber as Klein’s “partner.” Looks like they know something about their relationship that we don’t. [gawker]

Oval Office Gets A Makeover - When President Barack Obama addresses the nation on Iraq Tuesday night, his Oval Office setting will be sporting a new look – and one that pays homage to Martin Luther King Jr. and four previous presidents. While the president and his family were away on vacation in Martha’s Vineyard, workers installed new wallpaper, a new rug, new sofas, lamps and a coffee table. [associated]

Miranda Kerr On Vogue 3D Cover - Miranda Kerr nabbed the September Vogue Italia cover, which is her first. Shot by Steven Meisel, the cover and its accompanying editorial is in 3D. Kerr’s Yorkie puppy, Frankie, shares the honors. Who can argue with a puppy? Especially a Yorkie. I was raised on Yorkies. Not eating them – I mean we had a squadron of little beasts running around the house. [jezebel]

Blair’s Book To Become Biggest Political Memoir Of All Time - Tony Blair’s autobiography, A Journey, is set to become the biggest political memoir of all-time, according to Amazon.co.uk. Pre-orders of the book have outstripped those for Lord Mandelson’s memoir, The Third Man by 36 per cent. Experts at Amazon claim it is set to overtake the former Business Secretary’s sales figures once it is released on Wednesday. [telegraph]

Today Is Spring Day, Did You Know That? We figured it might have slipped your mind. So we’ve done you a favour, and to forever mark the occasion in your mind, 2oceansvibe Radio will celebrate the day with one Robert B. Skinstad, esq., as well as 2oceansvibe Character and in-house music connoisseur, G-Man. Oh yes, we may have forgotten the small matter of the twins. What twins, you ask? The self-same lovely twins who’ll be in studio, in bikinis, getting us in to spring. Tune in to the Spring time holiday. [1-click tune-in at 2ov.fm]

Adverts Soon!

Do you remember those two gorgeous twins from the Sanlam ad? You know, the two little angels running in slow motion?

Should I recap?

Sure thing – check this out from the 47 second mark:

Nothing wrong with that, right?

They also happen to be the twins we had hanging out with us during Friday’s show we did from the MWEB shop at Canal Walk.

Here’s another shot from Friday’s show:

Rotherham and Hardiman – stunned into silence..

So ja, they’ll be joining us in studio tomorrow (Wednesday 1 September, to celebrate the start of Spring!

They will be in bikini’s and will be chilling out on lounging chairs inside the 2oceansvibe Radio Studio at the Cape Quarter Lifestyle Village. So you can come and check out the vibe anytime on Wednesday from 8am to 12noon and catch a piece of the action!

Or you can watch from the webcam which will be live between those hours (here)!

Remember to tune in to 2oceansvibe Radio at www.2oceansviberadio.com or EVEN EASIER – go straight to www.2ov.fm

Go ahead – Tune in to the holiday..

Those of you connected to a neat little trick called the internet (I hear it’s getting quite big) may know that the 62nd annual Emmy Awards went off without nary a hitch last night.

At least, that would be the opinion of everyone besides the event’s host, Jimmy Falon. Much to Jimmy’s chagrin, Ricky Gervais stepped on stage for a total of five minutes, and managed to upstage Falon, and every other soul who had made an attempt at humour that evening.

I’m not going to tell you anything else, except this. You MUST bear in mind that the Emmy Awards has a strict no alcohol policy in place.

Now please, enjoy Ricky’s mastery.

Let’s face it. The man is irrepressible. I can hardly wait for the Academy Awards, which he’ll be hosting in its entirety.

“Not as much as the Jews, to be fair.”

My hero. My HERO.