I donÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t mean to cuss, but I just came back from a fucking evening of note! Some good guys have opened a new club called Vegas Room. Oh, ok, I see what youÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ve done. ItÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s like VEGAS. Ohhhh, VEEEGAS. Crazy mental! Is that what you want from us? Do you want us to go crazy? Aaaargh!! IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢m crazy! Hold me down! IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢m a fucking lunatic!
[insert 6 hours of sleep here]
So the owners of Vegas Room made us feel special by giving us a 6-seater booth for the launch party on Saturday night. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY? I said they gave us a BOOTH. God that feels good! IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢m so stoked my arse is happier in a booth than other peopleÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s arses at normal tables. Thangyaverymuch.
So I never quite got the brief, but Vegas pumps very nicely for you. ItÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s at 98 Long Street (The same venue as the Dirty Skirts album launch coming up on Wednesday) and is probably the same size as Eclipse. The idea is for comedy acts and God knows what else to do their thing on the stage and then for everything to be cleared away to make way for a party. The shareholders include Sox from Caprice so youÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ll struggle to get off the dance floor. Last night was no exception. Angels were seen pumping their hands towards the roof shouting (in unison) key-party-phrases like ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“Pump it up some moreÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢. Is that not what itÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s all about?
The evening was introduced and hosted by comedian Cokey Falkow, who is also involved in the club. Finding good comedy is a bit of a task these days. I don’t have an expert’s knowledge of Cape Town comedy, but I think it would be absolutely fine if you physically pissed yourself watching Cokey. The mess created from peeing yourself would probably be fine with your fellow patrons. They realize how hard it is to watch this guy and restrain yourself from having the best laugh of all ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â‚¬Å“ the one where you pee yourself. The guy has it spot-on. Jesus, Cokey! When you have a hamster in your head than runs on its wheel at 300 revolutions a second ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â‚¬Å“ you certainly donÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t have to plan your stand up act. ThatÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s why he doesnÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t. And thatÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s probably why itÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s so fucking funny! Cokey, youÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢re good.
The second guy, somebody Taylor from some TV show was pretty funny. He was followed by the fat white guy from Plumstead who brought a good chuckle – but the LAST act, Bevan Cullinan, can only be described as completely HYSTERICAL! At one stage he described someoneÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s hair as a ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“Recently Sodamised BadgerÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢. I canÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t hold in any amount of pee when stuff like that is being thrown around. At the end of the show he did a dance to QueenÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“Bohemian RhapsodyÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ that was completely and utterly off the charts. It would do it great injustice to try and explain it. Either youÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ve seen it or you havenÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t. Personally, IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢d pay money to a get a video clip which can play it on repeat on a plasma screen at home until I die. Thank God it was the last act because you couldnÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t end on a better note.
Non-booth tables and chairs were removed to open up the dance floor and, after Rizla was finally outsourced (An ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“A+ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ for service ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â‚¬Å“ a rarity in this town), some funk-ass tunes sailed through the air. Teasing us. Wooing us to the dance floor. ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“Come to meÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢, the dance floor said. After seven rounds of tequilas with our GORGEOUS angel waitress (They let them drink. WeÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢re all adults here), we were more than ready to pull some intoxicating dance moves. Do those little angels on the dance floor want a piece of me? YouÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢re fucking right they do. The girls knew the only option was to feed off me. They did, and letÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s face it, it worked out for everyone. IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ll conceptualize our dance moves for this song. I want you to see what IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢m doing, and feed off me. ThatÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s it. Feed. And feed. Good.
Two paragraphs have now ended with the word ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“goodÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢. Is that bad?
Mother of God, I just remembered that CapriceÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s Dave was breakdancing – I shit you not. Read that sentence again. Visualize it. HeÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s pretty good as well. Interesting. So thatÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s DaveÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s thing. He throws out some signature breakdancing moves. Everyone has to have their own secret signature. Daves is breakdancing. ItÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s different. ItÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s good. I like it.
ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œIsnÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t that the guy we saw breakdancing the other night?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â.
ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œYes, IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ve heard about that breakdancing guyÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â.
Vegas Room is tailor made for top quality mayhem. There really is nothing better than pissing (there is now, officially, too much pee on this page) yourself with laughter for an hour and hitting the dance floor afterwards. It is a fact that laughter makes the angels feel sexy. So in this case they laugh their heads off, drink Red Bull, tequila, vodka, wine, digest God knows what else and THEN they hit the dance floor. What a pleasure! Say it like some of your friendsÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ fathers used to say it.
ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œWhat a PLEASUREÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â.
Or theyÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢d throw in an ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“AaaayyyyyÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ beforehand.
Like, ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œSo John, I believe you visited the new Shambokkie game Reserve. How was it?ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â
ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œAaaaayyyyyyy, WHAT A PLEASURE!ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â
Thanks guys. Give me more.
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