"Where were you yesterday? I waited an hour for you. I thought we agreed to meet for lunch?"

"Oh, God, yes I totally forgot. Sorry. My bad."

I fucking beg your pardon? YOUR bad? What in God’s name are you talking about? What the fuck is a bad? Is this some sort of experimental social game that we’re playing? Is everyone allocated a certain amount of "bads" per day and have to acknowledge when each one is used up? Are there "goods" as well? Can you rack up goods and use them to cancel out bads? What the muff is going on, man?

You’re not going to get away with cutifying the situation with an Americanism that should stay an Americanism. You missed our lunch which I was going to forgive you for – but now, I’m afraid, we’re never having lunch again – not if you’re going to talk like that. Who are you anyway? Are your parents television sets? Cos that’s what you were clearly raised by. You’re a mini-TV and I’m just going to have to use the mute button on you.

Christ. It was fine to play American-American when we were kids, cos that was just how cops and robbers spoke – but we’re all grown up now, guys.

Can we please act accordingly.