As you might have gathered, I cruised up to Hermanus with The Muse on Friday arvee last week, in lieu of Don Corleone’s 70th birthday being held at Wolff’s Nest on Saturday night.
The drive was pretty cool, except for the fact that we had to return to The Safe House about seventy two times for various different forgotten items, including hair dryers, booze, magazines and weed. And then, right at the start of our trip down the N2, we had our own personal experience with one of those “blue light” VIP security vehicles that got so much airtime in this weekend’s Weekender newspaper (the one you SHOULD be reading).
The guy was driving an old fucked up silver BMW (circa late 90’s) with a crap blue light on the roof. No siren. Just a crap blue light. Seriously – it was SO crap. Think of the worst blue flashing light you have ever seen, and divide that by 100. You won’t be even CLOSE to how crap this tool’s blue flashing light was.
The tool muscled his way through the traffic, with only the odd motorist actually noticing the blue light – for the most part everyone thought there was some kind of crime taking place. To be quite honest, I was expecting gun fire. Seriously.
Blue light VIP convoys
So this cock disappears into the distance and we continued our journey. We drove past the Epping cooling towers which, as everyone knows, is the marker we use on the way to Hermanus to gauge when it is fine to light up a joint. No-one is allowed to indulge before that point – that would be naughty.
A few kays down the road, Cock Head reappears! Behind us! With his fucking blue light! This time he has a buddy with him. So he obviously stopped somewhere to fetch his bum chum and is now continuing his spurt of highway lunacy.
Please, my dear friends, bear in mind that there is NO convoy around us! There is no “motorcade.” There are no “VIP’s” ANYWHERE! There is just this one cock cruising all over the N2 in his fucked up BMW, fetching his mates and continuing his journey. Maybe he is on his way to join a convoy, somewhere in the future, or in his fantasy world which he plays with his fag friend in the passenger seat? I don’t know. Either way, I think us sensible/logical/semi-intelligent individuals can work out exactly what has happened here. This cock DOES join blue light VIP convoys from time to time. His lack of education and very sad (genuinely) upbringing has resulted in his over-exuberance which is the result of him being allowed to keep the blue light, even when he is not working. The blue light is his power. And you know what? As funny as it may sound – it is power. It DOES work; some people do actually take it seriously.
It takes me back to my student days when I had a hand-held flashing light and siren which we used to hold out of the window of Claudia , my white Citi-Golf Shuttle (which happened to be the fastest production thirteen hundred on the road at the time) as we drove through the oncoming traffic at the Paradise Motors traffic light intersection in Claremont. It was fucking dangerous and we knew what we were doing was wrong and we were probably stoned at the time. I shudder to think of it now, but I’m glad we did it. Because it brings us that one millimeter closer to understand what was going through this imbecile’s mind – the imbecile who was allowed to keep a blue flashing light after hours. The imbecile who, as small as it may seem, got too much power. A micro-analysis of a far larger problem we face in this beautiful land.
(Notice how I am not using the word “robot” to describe a traffic light – that is what happens when you are aware of your international readers. When you care. When you love.)
I let him overtake me – or rather he rounded me on the outside of the right lane and shat off into the distance – only to be squashed back against me when we hit the Somerset West traffic (the worst experience the world has encountered since slavery). I watched this prick push through a few cars at a red traffic light and then he proceeded to drive over the intersection, which was free-flowing with traffic from the left and right (given it was their green light). Naturally, with the crappest blue flashing light in history and no siren, cars were literally skidding to a halt as this twat tried to get over the intersection. Oh my good God, it was so emboerrissing and such bullshit I actually didn’t have the strength to write this article in the first place. But then I got started and here I am with the memory of this fucking lunatic and his crap blue flashing light and his queer friend and his complete fearless disregard for anything remotely decent and/or logical; let alone his incredible lack of intelligence.
So yes, I too despise this bullshit that is the blue light brigade and their lack of lawnessness on the road and the PURE FACT that they have given too much power – NOT to the VIP’s they surround, but the convoy drivers themselves.
Where do they recruit these freaks?
[imagesource:here] Not to drum on and on about it, but the past 14 months have forever ch...
[imagesource: YouTube / Interesting Facts] As we learnt recently via a blockage in the Su...
[imagesource: Getty Images] While the Gates' divorce is threatening to shake things up am...
[imaesource: Twitter / @tshidi_lee] This would all be so much more amusing if it didn't h...
[imagesource: Property24] You have to earn the name Nature's Valley, and the small villag...