How anyone can watch soap operas is beyond me. They’re unrealistic and they drag on forever. Marlena on Days of our Lives, for example, spent her life dead, in a coma, kidnapped or possessed by the devil. That’s no way to live!

Dude looks like a lady.

And besides, who needs a soap opera when you have real-life, exciting drama like gender probes and match-fixing sagas happening before your very eyes in the world of sport?

Full article plus TV times after the jump.

I’ve been called many things in my time. I have, however, never been called a woman (a pity, I’ll admit), and while I’m all in favour of a bit of role play when the lighting is flattering enough, I would hate to think what 800m runner, Caster Semenya, must feel like after her gender was thrust so firmly into the spotlight at the World Athletics Championships in Berlin this week. Usain Bolt’s smashing of the 100m world record paled into insignificance when the 18-year-old cantered home by half a track length in the heats. Deep-voiced with facial hair and a pretty solid frame, Semenya has been touted as a potential gold medalist for the 2012 Olympics. Rumours that it is really Khotso Mokoena in disguise as he attempts to go for gold have been angrily quashed by SASCOC, and who can blame them? We have a future star in our midst here. Fears within the athletics community regarding her gender are so real that the IAAF now wants tests conducted. I imagine them going something along these lines:

Doctor: Cough please.
Semenya: [Coughs].
Doctor: Interesting. Now, take off your pants.
Semenya: [Takes off her pants].
Doctor: Right, well that’s good enough for me.

And her winning the 800m gold medal in Berlin on Wednesday in a time of one minute 55.45 seconds (the fastest in the world this year) has simply added more fuel to an already raging fire.

In an attempt to distract us from their penal-colony past; the Aussie cricket side is being applauded for coming clean after an unnamed player was approached by a bookie in a bar after the second test at Lord’s. Wait, that sounds familiar… Apparently (yet to be confirmed though) the whole thing started when Andrew Flintoff put down a 5’er that Peter Siddle was actually his own cousin. The same folks who tested Semenya have offered to check Siddle out too. For an extra hundred quid, they say, they’ll slap some braces on those fangs of his. Sounds like a baa’gin, Pete. Whilst the debate into Siddle’s family circle rages on, the final Ashes test gets underway at the Oval on Thursday. Flintoff looks set for his swan song and the test could also be Ricky Ponting’s last on English soil. The ever-optimistic Poms will have to play out of their boots to bag a win, or even a draw for that matter, after they were so soundly thrashed in the fourth test.

The soap opera took another cunning twist this week after YE Yang came from two shots back to beat Tiger Woods and win the US PGA Championship by three strokes. The whiskey had yours truly in its blissful clutches by the time the South Korean sank his final putt. Even then, through watery eyes, the gravity of the moment was not lost on me. Yang, who only started playing golf at the age of 19, had done the seemingly impossible: come from behind (I’ve been trying to do that for years with Beryl) to beat arguably the best player in history. In fact, it is the first time Woods failed to win a major after holding at least a share of the lead at the end of 54 holes. Noodle sales in Seoul apparently skyrocketed after the win, which I thought was a nice economic spin-off to an already lovely day.

Province did what was expected and beat the Cavaliers in Wellington on Saturday- this time with a bonus point. The Bulls did everyone a favour, sticking it to those onion-eating bastards 25-24 in Kimberley. Not even the most ‘out there’ soap opera would have scripted the Griquas to win the Currie Cup. It remains to be seen whether they can pull off the seemingly impossible.

A loss for either the All Blacks or the Wallabies in Sydney on Saturday will probably mean an exit from the Tri Nations. Women, though, once again have a reason to watch the sacred game with Dan Carter making his return, which, I believe, should sway things in favour of the All Blacks. But at the end of the day, do we really give rocks? It’s just nice to sit back, whiskey in hand, and watch two old foes fight it out for the chance to get pumped by the Boks again. I’ll drink to that.

Blades.

[Catch more of Blades at www.overtohugh.co.za and watch his round of golf with the Parlotones]

TV Times

Thu 20/08

17:40 Athletics IAAF World Champs Athletics: Day 6 SS 1
11:30 Cricket England Cricket: England v Australia 5th Test Day 1 SS2
20:00 Golf US PGA Tour: Wyndham Champs Day 1

Fri 21/08

09:50 Motorsport Formula 1 GP of Europe Practice Session 1 SS5
11:30 Cricket England v Australia 5th Test Day 2 SS2
18:00 Tennis ATP Masters: Masters QF 1 & 2 SS5
19:00 Rugby Absa Currie Cup: Blue Bulls v Platinum Leopards SS1
20:00 Golf US PGA Tour: Wyndham Champs Day 2 SS7 [Changes to SS1 on Sat]

Sat 22/08

11:30 Cricket England v Australia 5th Test Day 3 SS2

11:45 Rugby Vodacom Tri-Nations: Australia v New Zealand SS1
14:45 Rugby Absa Currie Cup: Sharks v Griquas SS1
17:00 Rugby Absa Currie Cup: Western Province v Lions SS1

15:30 Soccer Premier League: Wigan v Manchester Utd SS3
17:40 Athletics IAAF World Champs Athletics: Day 8 SS5
14:00 Motorsport GP of Europe Qualifying SS6

Sun 23/08

11:30 Cricket England v Australia 5th Test Day 4 SS2
15:20 Athletics IAAF World Champs Athletics: Day 9 SS1

14:00 Soccer Premier League: West Ham v Tottenham SS3
14:30 Soccer MTN 8: Kaizer Chiefs v Ajax Cape Town SS4
16:30 Soccer Premier League: Fulham v Chelsea SS3

13:30 Motorsport Formula 1 Telefonica GP of Europe Race SS6
18:00 ATP Masters Final SS6
21:00 Golf US PGA Tour: Wyndham Champs Day 4 SS1