Whoever said soccer was boring was obviously smoking something grown in my aged neighbour’s ceiling. In fact, I would go as far as to say that I’ve never before been so entertained by a sport than in this past week. This calibre entertainment should be sold in a gold-crusted box set, behind glass panes, at CD Warehouse.

Habana: on a wing and a prayer.

Such is the quality that they should have a designated crime unit – maybe the retired Scorpions? – Whose sole focus would be to curb piracy on such a valued item. Such would be the demand for the fifth season of Buffoona Buffoona – the untold story, told.

Rest of the story plus TV times after the jump.

Reality television has been revived with Joel Santana being voted off the Bafana Bafana Island. It came as a shock to the show, which has acquired global viewership ahead of the grand-finale episode in the middle of next year, as Joel thought he had immunity when he was quoted saying, ‘I do not know of any national coach in the world who was fired because he lost friendly matches. I do not think I will be fired.’ This was a minor oversight, as he obviously never read the fine print in the contract. Turns out only one immunity grant was on offer in the first season, which went to the players instead. Thank goodness, because if Portugal is struggling to make the cut, then we definitely would have needed to phone a friend. Personally,

I’m quite glad to see the back of Joel Santana – not because his last nine outings saw our team lose to Spain (twice), Brazil, Serbia, Germany, Republic of Ireland, Norway and Iceland; but rather because, since his appointment, I keep calling him Carlos Santana and then breaking into the chorus of ‘Maria Maria’. Not only is this annoying, but also counter-productive when you are trying to do anything else. It’s not even nice song.

In a surprise move by the producers, tomorrow’s results show will see who gets voted back onto the island. Will it be the surprise instatement of Carlos Parreira from Season 3, or will they give Jomo ‘pump my forearms’ Sono another Coach Carter opportunity to steady the ship like he tried to do in Season 1, back in 1998? Personally, I hope they throw a complete curveball and borrow Pieter De Villiers. His track record’s pretty good and he’s even made heat magazine. Some coaches are pretty funny about leaving their captains behind, but I’m sure the nation won’t mind if we put John Smit as goalie. And Habana on the wing? Who said soccer was boring…

Cricket isn’t boring either. Herschelle, as we speak, is applying some Piz Buin to his noggin ahead of their big semi-final clash against Trinidad and Tobago later today. And it can be Piz Buiz because, just for reaching the semis, the Cobras pocket $500 000. If they make it through and win the finals, that modest total rockets to $2.5 million. Nice. It’s high time our professional sportsmen start driving recklessly in Hummers and Black Land Rover Supercharged Sports. You can’t have your idol driving a white Honda Ballade. Either way, this is cricket at its finest and therefore it gets Chowgaps’ cheer of the week. I can’t wait for the first Caribbean shuffle.

Sirelli big game on Saturday as the Bulls take on the Cheetahs at the recently changed Nakalavuki Stadium in Pretoria. It will be a tough ask for the Cheetahs to topple a Bull on home turf in such a crucial match, but we’ve seen it before. As the great Hugh Bladen would say, it should make for an UNBELIEVABLE occasion! (Just like when Blades spoke to Just Plain on Jacaranda FM this week )

Fluff up the couch- get rid of the coach- this weekend once again promises the finest sporting action.

Check out the times below.

Thursday

16:00 – 20:00 Cricket Champs League T20: SF2 – Cape Cobras v Trinidad/Tobago

Friday

23:00 – 01:00 Golf US PGA Tour: Frys.Com Open Day 2 SS1

16:00 – 20:00 Cricket Champs League T20: Final SS2

18:15 – 20:15 Tennis 250 Series: Stockholm Open 1X QF SS5
20:15 – 23:15 Tennis 250 Series: Stockholm Open 1X QF SS5

Saturday

15:15 – 17:20 Rugby Absa Currie Cup: Prom/Releg – Boland v Pumas SS1
17:20 – 19:30 Rugby Absa Currie Cup: Prom/Releg – Platinum Leopards v SWD SS1
23:00 – 01:00 Golf US PGA Tour: Frys.Com Open Day 3 SS1

07:40 – 09:10 Motorsport Motogp: Malaysian Qualifying Practice SS2
18:15 – 20:35 Rugby Guinness Premiership: Gloucester Rugby v London Wasps SS2

13:30 – 15:45 Soccer Premier League: Wolves v Aston Villa (Hd) SS3
15:45 – 18:00 Soccer Premier League: Tottenham v Stoke City SS3
18:00 – 20:30 Soccer Premier League: Chelsea v Blackburn (Hd) SS3
20:30 – 23:00 Soccer Italian Serie A: Inter v Catania SS3

19:30 – 23:00 Soccer MTN 8: Final: Golden Arrows v Ajax Cape Town SS4

19:55 – 22:00 Soccer FIFA U/17 W-Cup: Brazil v Japan SS5

19:55 – 21:55 Soccer Spanish La Liga: Sporting v Real Madrid SS7
21:55 – 00:00 Soccer Spanish La Liga: Sevilla v Espanyol SS7

Sunday

23:00 – 01:00 Golf US PGA Tour: Frys.Com Open Day 4 SS1

05:20 – 13:45 Cricket Indian Cricket: India v Australia 1st ODI SS2
15:30 – 19:00 Tennis 250 Series: Stockholm Open Final SS2

15:00 – 18:00 Soccer Premier League: Liverpool v Manchester Utd (Hd) SS3
18:00 – 21:30 Soccer Premier League: West Ham v Arsenal (Hd) SS3
21:30 – 00:00 Soccer Spanish La Liga: Barcelona v Zaragoza SS3

08:45 – 10:30 Motorsport Motogp: Malaysian Main Race SS5

15:25 – 17:30 Soccer Premier League: Bolton v Everton SS6
16:55 – 19:00 Soccer Premier League: Man City v Fulham SS7