Ladies, if you’ve been thinking to yourself, “I could really use a USA Green Card but all I have to offer is a Kawasaki Ninja and my ‘hotness factor’”, fear not, for I am about to make your day.

A 27 year old U.S. citizen, living in Cape Town, has posted an ad on Gumtree looking to trade. He explains that he quit his job because “working sucks”. He’s a “real rebel” and a “free spirit”, which of course is douche-code for “unemployed layabout” and “I still live with my mom”.

As an added bonus, if you’re hot you’ll have the option of “occasional bedroom shenanigans”. Huzzah!

What you get out of the trade:

A#1: A brand new USA green card.
2: THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, One of those ex New Yorkers an american apparel stock boy that quit to do web design because it was more lucrative but then quit that because working sucks, a real rebel, and free spirit, like, you’ll be living the american dream just being legally bound to me.
4: The option for occasional bedroom shenanigans, as long as you’re hot.

What I get:
A#1: South African Citizenship
2: R10,000 or a Kawasaki Ninja (negotiable on hotness factor)

In the inevitable event that the overlords at Gumtree remove this entry, see the screenshot here.