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Seth Rotherham
  • Woody Allen Is The New Pope – Decides To Call Himself ‘Pope Francis’

    13 Mar 2013 by Jasmine Stone in Religion, World
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    Ok it’s not really Woody Allen, but damn Jorge Bergoglio of Argentina looks a lot like the Bullets Over Broadway director! Anyway, the new guy is 76 years old and is also the first non-European leader of the church in more than 1,000 years.

    This, from the New York Times:

    With a puff of white smoke from the chimney of the Sistine Chapel and to the cheers of thousands of rain-soaked faithful, a gathering of Catholic cardinals picked a new pope from among their midst on Wednesday — choosing the cardinal from Argentina, the first South American to ever lead the church

    The new pope, 76, Jorge Mario Bergoglio (pronounced Ber-GOAL-io) will be called Francis, the 266th pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church. He is also the first non-European leader of the church in more than 1,000 years.

    “I would like to thank you for your embrace,” said the new pope, dressed in white, speaking from the white balcony on St. Peter’s Basilica as thousands of the faithful cheered joyously below. Francis thanked his fellow cardinals, saying they “have chosen one from far away, but here I am.”

    “Habemus papam!,” members of the crowd shouted in Latin, waving umbrellas and flags. “We have a pope!” Others cried “Viva il Papa!”

    “It was like waiting for the birth of a baby, only better, ” said a Roman man. A child sitting atop his father’s shoulders waved a crucifix.

    Francis, who had been the Archbishop of Buenos Aires, is the first pope not born in Europe since Columbus alighted in the New World. In choosing him, the cardinals sent a powerful message that the future of the Church lies in the Global South, home to the bulk of the world’s Catholics.

    Formerly the head of the church’s influential Jesuit order, Frances was born to Italian immigrant parents and was raised in the Argentine capital.

    The new pope inherits a church wrestling with an array of challenges that intensified during his predecessor, Benedict XVI — from a priest shortage and growing competition from evangelical churches in the Southern Hemisphere, to a sexual abuse crisis that has undermined the church’s moral authority in the West, to difficulties governing the Vatican itself.

    [more here]

    It wouldn’t be too outlandish if Woody Allen was made Pope, mind you.

    I mean he did marry his ex-wife’s adopted daughter.

    It’s not a little boy, but surely that’s still points?

    • ← BREAKING: Naughty Hipster Comes Forward And Claims His Prize – (Sends Proof) #naughtyhipster
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