You are all aware of Seth’s and 2ov’s stance on sneezing. To quickly bring you up to speed, in case you have forgotten because life is busy:
So is everyone listening up, so I can tell you what the problem with sneezing is?
The problem is it’s….. it’s…… it’s a sign of weakness, guys.
Seriously. Think about that.
Everything you’ve worked towards up until that moment to secure your coolness in any particular bar, club, restaurant, meeting, anything… is gone… the moment you sneeze. In the blink of an eye. Because what you did is you lost complete and utter control of your ENTIRE body for a moment. How does that look to other men and women in the room? PATHETIC, is what it looks like.
If you were just starting to sneeze and I ran at you with a sharp knife – do you realise that you wouldn’t be able to do anything? And I would time my lunge with the knife, so that I only make contact with you AS you make the sneeze. So your eyes are closed and your arms are weak.
“Aaaaaatch….” Knife – in your head. Cheers.
But I won’t even need a knife. I could come up behind you and put you in a choke-hold. That’s how immobile you are during a sneeze. Then I slowly lower you to the ground, in a pile.
So please guys – I trust this illustrates that there is no place for sneezing in a modern day society. If you need to sneeze – get out the room or do it at home in the morning. Get it out the way before you head out.
Got it? Good.
The only problem is that it is now winter and every Tom, Dick and Harry is going to be carrying some god-awful sickness around with them, ready to pounce on you with such suddenness that it catches you off guard and in the blink of an eye you’re bed-ridden. Even worse than being bed-ridden is having to actually be in public, snotting and sneezing over everyone. Including the date you just met on Tinder. If you get sick you may as well delete your Tinder account until you can breathe through at least one nostril again.
Hence why it would be a genius idea to order an uberHEALTHSA on Friday (yes, tomorrow).
Please do it. Get your flu vaccine. Do it for yourself, your colleagues, your friends, your potential future winter cuddle buddy. This is honestly the easiest way to do it, so you actually have no excuse.
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