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Seth Rotherham
  • Parents Don’t Have The Sex Chat With Kids Anymore – They Have The Porn Chat And This Is How You Should Do It

    01 Apr 2016 by Sloane Hunter in Lifestyle, Relationships, Sex
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    Pornography really is everywhere. What was once a mere discovery of Playboy under Dad’s T-shirts – along with the “ooooh’s” and “aaaah’s” of naked boobies – has turned into the discovery of, at times, hardcore porn on the Internet. And it’s pretty much unavoidable as the interest in sex and sexual imagery is completely normal.

    But the way to approach this would be the same as talking about sex: without judgement. However embarrassing the situation, you should answer every question and don’t feel ashamed about their curiosity. It’s a healthy sign that they’re interested.

    However, one of the most important points to make is to sincerely express the unrealistic perversion of real human interaction that we see in porn as in the long term, this is the most damaging. It is up to you to be the reality check. Here are some pointers, thanks to TIME:

    • Start simply: “I’m pretty sure you have looked at pornography. I’m not upset. But I really have to share some facts with you.”
    • Porn stars aren’t meant to look real: Many of those bodies are surgically and hormonally enhanced, and further exaggerated by the way they’re photographed. No one should expect to look that way — or for other people to look that way
    • Porn sex isn’t real, either: In the real world, people don’t relate to each other this way. They have complex needs, and sex is usually just one part of their relationship. Real people don’t have intercourse for hours at a time, and they don’t always use the language and have the attitude towards each other that are common in porn films
    • Real sex comes with emotions: Feelings are intentionally absent from most porn. And sex depends on constant communication — about the wants and needs of your partner and yourself, and about consent. Sexually responsible individuals obtain consent before engaging in sexual activity, and recognize it’s also essential to keep communicating throughout sexual activity. It’s vital that partners are on the same page, which means verbal consent must be obtained as the activity moves on to different phases. Real communication has no place in porn, and so porn is not a teaching guide for how to interact sexually and emotionally with others.

    There have been various reports from young men who are obsessed with porn and how it affects their romantic lives, as they cannot find their fantasies in real life.

    Emerging research into the biological effects of heavy pornography use suggest it may be tied to brain changes associated with impulsivity and an inability to delay gratification — alarmingly similar to what happens in drug addiction.

    A safe assumption is that it’s the boys who get into porn first as seeing naked boobs are a fantastic discovery and, for girls, just a mere growing pain. But there are those who do discover sex through porn and see it as a way to attract boys / men. Here’s some information, which is a bit more female specific, to remember:

    • Consent: It isn’t just about protecting herself; she can initiate and agree to sexual activity. But it also means she can say no to a specific sexual activity and yes to others, and most importantly she can change her mind and say yes and then no; and that in real life no means no. The pornographic fantasy of domineering men and submissive women is not helpful for the development of a girl’s healthy sexual self-esteem.
    • Not everyone is like that: Not all guys have “bought in” to the ideas about sex in most pornography. Porn may be everywhere, but her values and confidence and individuality are still important.
    • Learn your own boundaries: There can be a lot of pressure in male/female relationships and it’s important for parents to have an open dialogue with their daughters to help them learn their own boundaries, understand how they want to make decisions and know what they want from romantic relationships. That dialogue is too important to leave to pornography

    Although porn is entering people’s lives earlier and earlier, it is important to remind young consumers that it is not reality. Porn makes sex a fantasy and, although that’s okay, it’s way more special – and fun – developing a sexual relationship with a real, consenting human being.

    [source: time]

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