I’m not usually one for getting star struck, but even I rolled out of bed this morning, irrigated the Gobi desert in my mouth, and rang myself to call in sick with football fever. It’s the 2010 World Cup draw tonight and the last time I was this excited was when I realised a mince pie actually doesn’t contain meat.

Straight out of Benoni

Over the last year we’ve had to endure endless theories of how the 2010 World Cup is going to boost our economy, create millions of new jobs and save the penguins on Robben Island. The simple truth, however, is that these perks (whether they’re completely true or not is a debate for somebody more boring), are grossly overshadowed by the positive that will solve South Africa’s single-most serious situation yet. It’s a situation far more dire than global warming, and so much more terrifying than mad cows or pig flu. To put it plainly, it is South Africa’s desperate lack of celebrities.

Click to read more after the jump…

The Soccer World Cup is the biggest sporting tournament in the world. A billion people, in more than 200 countries across the globe, will most likely tune in to watch the final next year. That means, if you manage a ticket to the game, and you’re wearing a t-shirt that says ‘I also shagged Tiger’, and you streak across the field, you will become South Africa’s biggest celebrity. Provided of course Bafana Bafana don’t make it into the final, in which case you will be one of the twelve biggest celebrities in Mzantsi.

This is a problem. At present, our biggest celebrities are Vernon Koekemoer, who became famous for dressing like Britney Spears and being from Benoni, Danny K and Joost. Charlize doesn’t count because she doesn’t live here anymore and also because she pronounces her name in a silly way.

The problem is, that we don’t have any role-model celebrity’s worth stalking or judging. How am I meant to know what to wear everyday or where I should eat? It’s easy in America, because I could rummage through George Clooney’s wheelie-bin and I would know where I should be shopping for underwear, but here it’s more difficult. I don’t think Vernon even wears underwear.

Tonight’s World Cup draw has already got South Africa on the right track. You can expect a red carpet, which we’ve borrowed from Barack’s porch, and on it Bob Skinstad and Michelle Mclean, who will wander up and down asking the likes of Makhaya Ntini and Johnny Clegg what they’re wearing. But the FIFA 2010 Soccer World Cup brings people like David Beckham and many more role-model celebrities who might buy a houses in Camps Bay, and consequently need to buy undergarments from Woolies, which would solve my problem.

The debate rages on as to whether this World Cup and all it’s glory is good for South Africa, but I think if we can convince TomKat or the Jonas Brothers to buy a bungalow in Llandudno it’ll be resoundingly worth it.

Check out the times for the draw tonight as well as other weekend sport below.

Love Chowgaps

FRIDAY

10:00 AM – 5:00 PM Golf SS1, MNET, SS1A

Nedbank Golf Challenge:, Day 2

2:00 PM – 11:00 PM Cricket SS2, SS2A

SA Cricket:, South Africa v England 5th ODI

2:25 PM – 6:15 PM Rugby SS6A, SS6

IRB 7s World Series:, Dubai Sevens – Games 17 – 20

6:00 PM – 9:30 PM Soccer SS3N, SS3A, SS3

2010 FIFA W-Cup – Draw, Draw

SATURDAY

12:30 AM – 9:00 AM Cricket SS5A, SS5

Pakistan Cricket:, New Zealand v Pakistan 2nd Test Day 3

1:45 AM – 10:00 AM Cricket SS7, SS7A

Aus Cricket:, Australia v West Indies 2nd Test Day 2

5:45 AM – 2:00 PM Cricket SS2A, SS2

Indian Cricket:, India v Sri Lanka 3rd Test Day 4

10:00 AM – 5:00 PM Golf MNET, SS1

Nedbank Golf Challenge, Day 3

7:10 AM – 12:35 PM & 4.20 – 6:40 *M Rugby SS6A, SS6

IRB 7s World Series

2:30 PM – 4:45 PM Soccer SS3, SS3A, SSM2

Premier League:, Portsmouth v Burnley

4:45 PM – 7:00 PM Soccer B SSM2, SS3

Premier League:, West Ham v Manchester United

4:55 PM – 7:00 PM Soccer SS7A, SS7

Premier League:, Blackburn v Liverpool

4:55 PM – 7:00 PM Soccer SS5

Premier League:, Arsenal v Stoke City

SUNDAY

12:30 AM – 9:00 AM Cricket SS5A, SS5

Pakistan Cricket:, New Zealand v Pakistan 2nd Test Day 4

1:45 AM – 10:00 AM Cricket SS6, SS6A

Aus Cricket:, Australia v West Indies 2nd Test Day 3

5:45 AM – 2:00 PM Cricket SS2, SS2A

Indian Cricket:, India v Sri Lanka 3rd Test Day 5

10:00 AM – 5:00 PM Golf SS1A, MNET, SS1

Nedbank Golf Challenge, Day 4

4:45 PM – 7:00 PM Soccer SSM2

Premier League:, Fulham v Sunderland

5:45 PM – 7:55 PM Soccer SS3, SS3A

Premier League:, Everton v Tottenham

9:00 PM – 11:30 PM Soccer SS10, SS7

Italian Serie A:, Roma v Lazio

12:30 PM – 10:00 PM Tennis SS5A, SS5

Davis Cup:, Spain v Czech Republic