Following a browse of the 2oceansvibe relaunch party photographs, you were probably left in a state of alarm, at the incredibleness (new word - use it) of my tan in the middle of Winter.

I’ll be honest. I cheated. I went to the tan can. And not just any tan can - it was the tan can at Dante Wellness Spa in Sea Point. And when I say Sea Point, I mean the VERY end of Sea Point near the circle; where they have also built a Woolworths AND a Vida AND a Sumo.

Good heavens - put a fork in me, I’m done!

Dante Wellness spa

Check it out:

Dante Wellness Spa is able to offer a variety of luxurious treatments from your classic manicure and pedicure to its signature treatment – A heavenly Balsamic Vinegar and Rice Wrap. Chemical Peeling and the latest technology in Microdermabrasion are just a few of the anti-ageing treatments on offer. Dante prides itself in being the first spa in its area to offer the revolutionary vertical tanning sysyem. With its increased power, this machine can bronze the most religious tanner in record time – less than five minutes.

Awesome. They have such a wide range of treatments and peelings and body wraps and waxing and tinting and God knows what else! It’s endless!

It’s ’boutique’ baby!

How stunning!!?

I couldn’t imagine a better position for a spa - absolutely perfect for the Sea Point, Fresnaye, Bantry Bay, Clifton and Camps Bay set!

And the angels that work there… mm mm

Dante Wellness Spa
Shop 12, Piazza Da Luz
94 Regent Road, Sea Point

Tel: (021) 434 1011
Fax: (021) 434 1012
Email: info@dantewellness.co.za
Website: www.dantewellness.co.za

It is interesting to note that Morgan Freeman is getting a divorce from his wife, just days after rolling a car with another female passenger, [pause for effect] Demaris Meyer! Let’s have a look at Miss Daisy:

Freeman is tapping Demaris Mayer

Hmm. Interesting choice Morgs went for. But understandable. You can tell a lot from blurry Facebook photographs and can tell you right now, for a fact, that she LOVES it!

It is unlikely that the filing for divorce is NOT linked to this woman being in the car. Now, as rude and gratuitous as it may seem, I would also like to state that it is, honestly, VERY likely that she was having a look at his main chap at the time. I don’t want to start a rumour or anything - this is just a one-sided debate. It is VERY possible AND likely.

Why else would a man who used to be a chauffer, ROLL a car at the age of 71?

Once again, Miley Cyrus has had her phone hacked. Once again we are subjected to photo’s of her in various stages of undress. Once again she is pulling that ridiculous pout.

I’m glad she is keeping an eye on that tummy. At 16 years of age, there is no excuse. Actually, there is never an excuse.

Tyler Durden said something very funny the other day:

What is the best thing about taking a shower with a 16 year old?

If you wet her hair, she looks 14.

I don’t care what you think - that IS hilarious.

FACT.

Yeah! Just SLAM it! Slam it like you mean it!

The Surfer punishes a wave, displaying a unique prowess which magically, yet effortlessly, manages to blend the flash of a rock star with the poise of a bellerina.

BANG! That just happened..

The Surfer - dancing
(click image to zoom in)

Two words - MONDO!

Check it out:

CLICK HERE IF IT SAYS THE VIDEO IS NOT AVAILABLE
(Then, keep refreshing that page several times until it plays)

“Unlike them, I’m hot!”

Come on, that IS funny!

The Character Formerly Known As The Loose Forward sent this in, with the comment, “Too beautiful! Remember this guy? His name was on text books at school!”

‘A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.’

-Robert A. Heinlein

Nice.

This is real. It’s a cheque made out in Zimbabwe to purchase a tractor. I remember as a kid being blown away by the fact that there was something bigger than a billion. I was incredibly excited to learn that it was called a “trillion.” It just sounds so make-believe. A TRILLION! Surely that is the biggest denomination ever?

Wrong.

Try a “QUADRILLION!”

One quadrillion, seventy two trillion, four hundred and eighteen billion
and three million dollars
ONLY

Yup, won’t be long before things in Zim cost in the Sexdecillions..

It’s radical. The peeps in Zim should write the millions at the end as a fraction, like we do with cents.

One quadrillion, seventy two trillion, four hundred and eighteen billion and 3/100.

Nailed.

Not quite sure what’s going on here.

Spotted by The Roofer, this week.

Not ideal.

The Interior Decorator emailed me yesterday after taking a stroll down Web Boulevard in the search of a videographer for her wedding to The Bond Guy. But this article is not about them, it is about a website that she found called www.photo-video.co.za

At first, the site looks like it offers the standard services one would expect from such a supplier. But on closer inspection, this is not the case. The Interior Decorator asked me to please click the following sequence of links : WEDDINGS>>VIDEO GALLERY>>19 POP VIDEO.

That is what I did, and I suggest you do the same.

A still from the married couple’s pop music video

“Maria and Nick a fun British couple decided to spice up their wedding day even more by having a pop video done. With a pop video, the couple and their closest guests MIME and ACT to a popular song which is then synchronised in the editing process.”

 

I swear to God that everything you have just read is true. For those of you who are being punished by God and cannot load up the website www.photo-video.co.za (wedding section, then go to video number 19 in the video gallery) I am pleased to announce that the song they chose was “I Got You Babe” by UB40 and Chrissie Hines. The above screenshot from the video shows Maria running through some vineyards, taking care of a Chrissie Hines solo verse, as she does it. No, I’m not kidding.

Go check it out.

I stumbled upon this stunning pic of ex-Wonderbra postergirl and supermodel, Eva Herzigova.

Actually, I stumbled upon a number of pics and allowed The Muse to make the final selection.

Fine!

I dig Eva’s vibe.

Embrace it, girls.

Well this guy is just turning into a phenomenon. While the TBG is away, The Spiciest Guy in Cape Town will play!

The vibe continued with this sighting sent in by Grant Mc, who spotted our boy at Caprice the other day.

The blue leather pants were a giveaway.

Not long after that I received the following from 2oceansvibe friend and owner of Dirty South clothing, Marc Buhrer, who says the guy’s name is Peter.

Apparently Peter has been in discussions with Marc regarding his girlfriend, Tracy McGregor.

He has proposed to me on various occasions that he “can get a lot of money for Tracy!!!” can you believe it. He is a great laugh to speak to especially when you ask him to do a “sexy dance” on command. All it takes is a complimentary tequila……spread the word!!

You should start a competition for readers, that whoever sends in the spiciest video of Peter dancing, wins a prize. I will even sponsor the prizes with pleasure….Dirty South. Call the competition Dirty Peter sponsored by Dirty South!

And then, just like that, a competition was born!

So when you see Peter, The Spiciest Individual in Cape Town, ALL you have to do is buy him a tequila and he’ll do a dance for you! Not only will you enjoy that, but you’ll send your videos and photos to us, and you might even win some cool gear!

Go, go, go!

I’ve said it a before and I maintain that 2oceansvibe will never become altogether “political.” I do, however, have to lend an ear to the state of the nation and report back from time to time. Particularly when it is taking such a spicy tone, as it is at the moment.

Jay Z

The Sunday Times exposed Thabo Mbeki on the weekend for his involvement in the never-ending Arms Deal probe. An interesting development at a time which features headlines suggesting people will kill for his potential successor, Jacob Zuma. People who also vaguely threaten war at the suggestion that he (Zuma) is even tried in court for his own prior spicy dealings.

I don’t like to make public assumptions in this regard and prefer, as is often the case, to turn to The Marketer, Jonty Fisher who writes for Mail & Guardian’s Thought Leader opinion blog and forum.

Jonty kicks off with:

The recent reports of Mbeki’s alleged misdemeanours in the Sunday Times, along with the elevated rhetoric from those in the Zuma camp over the last week, have surprised and rightly concerned many. Rumours of Mbeki’s involvement in the arms deal have been whispered and deliberated in the corridors of ANC power for some time now, but the timing of the “leak” of this report is in no way coincidental, and forms part of a wider campaign to force the country to accept the final option open to guarantee Zuma’s freedom.

Last week’s decision by the Constitutional Court to allow the damning documents seized from Zuma’s home and office saw Zuma’s last real chance for freedom spurned. So what is left for Zuma? The answer to that question has been coming for months now, certainly ever since Polokwane, and we are currently ringside at the final outcome. The last page of the Zuma playbook is a blanket amnesty for all those involved in the arms deal, thus ridding Zuma of his presidential shackles and damning Mbeki by implication.

More here..

Nice. A spicy time we’re living in!

Apart from his Mail & Guardian offering, Jonty’s thoughts can also be had at his very own blog, The Fishbowl.

Aah, South Africa - never a dull moment!

You think I’m kidding? No, Sir, I’m not kidding. I received this info yesterday from HD, friend of 2oceansvibe. “Queen guitarist, Brian May , handed in his completed Astrophysics thesis this week,” was all he said.

I wasn’t quite sure what was going on and I did a little search on the cyberweb.

Brain May and his kite

The Telegraph reports:

Queen guitarist Brian May finally handed in his completed Astrophysics thesis today - 36 years after he began writing the complex academic paper.

In 1974, when Queen was but a princess in its infancy, May chose to abandon his doctorate studies to focus on the band in their quest to conquer the world.

But last year, the curly haired rock star decided to fish out his unfinished work on interplanetary dust clouds.

The 48,000-word tome, Radial Velocities in the Zodiacal Dust Cloud, which sounds suspiciously like a Spinal Tap LP, was stored in the loft of his home in Surrey.

The 60-year-old guitar pioneer dedicated nine months to further research at Imperial College in London, the university where he originally studied in his late twenties. He also carried out observational work in La Palma, Tenerife.

Read more here..

I like that.

I like you.

Have a stunning day.

It makes sense that Manchester United footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo, is tapping a bird with the same surname as Lamborghini’s top seller, the Lamborghini Gallardo.

Let’s break it down.

I don’t have any major reservations. Look, they’re fake - but that’s fine. I think the big drawcard here is, as I said earlier, the fact that her surname is Gallardo. I mean, that’s just AWESOME.

Countach would have been fun.