If you listen to Donald Trump, you may well believe everything the man worth around $9 billion touches turns to business gold. It pays to be informed, however, because his past is littered with a string of failures that you probably won’t find him mouthing off about.

In the wake of Trump promising to make America great once more, the folks at TIME have chronicled some of his less successful ventures, the pick of which you can see below:

Trump Shuttle

In 1989 the Eastern Air Shuttle was reborn as the Trump Shuttle, complete with a large “T” on the tails of the planes and—no joke—”gold lavatory fixtures.” The goal was to create a top-notch luxury flight service—they even paired with a company that rented laptops, which was cutting edge at the time—but the operation was hemorrhaging cash within weeks and was completely out of business by 1992.

Trump: The Game

The original catchphrase for the Monopoly-like Trump board game introduced in 1989 was the Trumpism “It’s not whether you win or lose, but whether you win!” Sales were underwhelming, to put it mildly.

I think I might like this game but with a few minor tweaks. For example, every time you realise what a complete tosser he is you have a shot, with the eventual loser forced to wear an ill-fitting toupee for a period of 24 hours. Anyway, back to some more of his flops:

GoTrump.com

Billed as his “biggest venture to date in the $80 billion online travel industry,” Donald Trump introduced this travel search engine powered by Travelocity in 2006. The site was supposed to host “Trump Picks” and “Trump Deals,” and it was accompanied by the introduction of The Donald’s “first-ever email address” (MrTrump@GoTrump.com) which he would be using to “offer travel tips and advice.” The site was shut down a year later.

Trump Mortgage 

“Donald Trump is putting the suit and tie back in the mortgage business,” a 2006 press release explained of his brand new venture, Trump Mortgage. Whatever that means. Less than two years later, the suit and tie were back in the closet, or perhaps up for sale at the consignment store, so to speak, as Trump Mortgage closed up shop.

Trump Vodka

Donald Trump made no secret of the fact that he doesn’t drink. Nonetheless, a decade ago he rolled out Trump Vodka and promised it would be “a major player in the vodka arena” because “it’s a superb product and it’s beautifully packaged,” and “there’s nobody who markets better in the luxury category than Donald Trump.” This is one “major player” that disappeared from the marketplace several years ago.

Here’s hoping we can add failed presidential bid to this impressive list, although not before we can wring every last drop of comedic goodness from Trump’s ability to insert his foot into the pie-hole where he shovels food.

You can click HERE to see his other business flops.

[source:time]