Say what you want about the #MenAreTrash hashtag, but at least it got people talking.
It’s going to take more than talk to turn around our country’s sexual abuse crisis, though, and it doesn’t help when you have morons like our Minister of Women in the Presidency, Susan Shabangu, running her mouth.
How’s this for stupidity in the wake of the murder of Karabo Mokoena? News24 below:
“She was weak and hence she became a victim of abuse. As she tried to deal with her situation in sharing it with other abused women, she ended up being a victim of abuse,” said Shabangu.
That’s our actual Minister of Women, pictured below. victim-shaming.
Anyway we digress, because we came here to have a talk about stealthing.
If you’re not familiar with the term here’s the Mail & Guardian:
Stealthing: The act of taking off a condom during coitus without the consent of the woman after agreeing to wear a condom.
Now it should be clear that this is not on, but apparently it’s becoming more and more popular here in SA. Something to remember:
If a condom was agreed on then a condom was agreed on. No backsies. No take backs. No renegotiation of terms. People choose to use condoms for a good reason other than wanting to have warm, tingly raspberry flavoured genitals. To have this choice not respected is assault.
They outline two reasons why stealthing is so abhorrent – “Pregnancy and child care” and “Sexually transmitted diseases”:
Being pregnant is one of the most traumatic things a woman’s body will ever go through. Growing a human being is a full-time job that can cause a woman’s body to do anything from swell at the feet to experience extreme pains in the limbs.
A women may seek an abortion because she knows she cannot raise this child. But, because of the stigma attached to abortion, a woman ends up seeking an unsafe abortion.
If a woman does decide to have the child there is the danger of death as a result of inadequate maternal healthcare…
…more than 23-million people are living with HIV on the continent – and we all know the HIV stats in South Africa are particularly daunting.
Do you really want to play Russian roulette with someone’s junk because you feel like being sneaky?
It is never okay to remove a condom without consent.
Who are these men, who raised them and so many other questions that aren’t really fit to write down here.
You know what it actually boils down to, right? Rape:
Stealthing is a giant red flag when it comes to deciding whether you should allow this man to see you naked, because this sort of sneaky act is a manifestation of a lack of respect for your body. When the respect is gone it is a slippery slope to being forced into doing more violent things you do not want to do. Technically, it has already begun because you had sex without a condom without your consent.
Stealthing is rape. Men, think about that the next time you want to slip that condom off for that au naturel feeling.
You ever hear someone bragging about slipping one off for some skin-on-skin action, you be sure to let them know that.
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