People annoy each other when they live in the same house.
This applies to siblings, roommates, and later on in your life, your partner.
Of course, there are ways to try and avoid this, many of which involve learning basic life skills, and not treating your more competent partner like a replacement for your mom.
This is the thinking behind “groom courses”, offered by the Rosslea Hall hotel in Scotland, that teach men a range of skills, from making breakfast in bed to doing laundry.
Here’s the Guardian:
“We are calling all lovely brides-to-be before they say ‘I do’ so they can whip their men into shape and cut the mothers’ apron strings,” said a spokeswoman for the establishment..
While I hate the phrasing, the stereotypes, and the fact that the words “apron strings” are still in common use, I have also – despite dating a lot of very competent, intelligent men in my time – found myself having to teach them basics like how to do the dishes properly, or that the toilet needs to be cleaned on the regular.
As Zoe Williams puts it:
Look, I hate gender essentialism as much as anyone, but there is a deeper inconvenient truth here, which is that most single men smell of mould because they know how to put clothes in the machine, but there is a collective cognitive lacuna around getting them out again.
It’s also not about marriage, it’s about co-habiting in a way where one partner isn’t taking on more of the household stuff than the other.
Some of the basics from the course include:
The key issue is vocabulary: words that will trigger arguments in any scenario. Some of this is idiosyncratic and can’t be taught. My mister is cool with any amount of abuse consisting of original compound swearwords, but hates being called a star; absolutely loathes it. He says it makes him feel like the 11-year-old pupil of a person who has more or less given up on them, achievement-wise, but wants to reward their sunny nature.
“Always/never” is a terrible formulation, as in: “You never take the dog out,” or “You always put crisp packets in the recycling, even though we listened to that You and Yours episode about thin plastics together”…
“Can you …?” is apparently the most inflammatory way to start any sentence, which makes sense as it sounds a bit high-handed…
Non-negotiable positions including “I absolutely will not …”, “No way am I …” are divisive and read as contempt. If you’re unsure, picture yourself in the workplace. Think: “Would I say that to a peer? Or could I only say that to an underling?”
I don’t think you need to go on a course, though. That just seems like another arm of the marriage industrial complex – something that I despise more than coming home to find that the bedroom floor is where we keep the towels now.
Just have a convo about who does what and make sure the division is equal. If you’re unfamiliar with household stuff ask your partner to show you. You’ll score big points for initiative.
It’s never too late to learn how to adult.
[source:guardian]
