I was a student for almost a decade, which meant that I subsisted on funding and the occasional teaching gig.
It also meant that while a lot of my friends were establishing themselves in lucrative careers, I was still living that ‘beans on toast’ life.
When your friends are making money, and you’re rationing out those beans, navigating hanging out with them can get tricky. The same can be said for the issues that you face when you have friends of means.
Those were the people who would ask me, shocked, why I don’t have a car.
Because cars don’t fall out of the sky, Brenda. Don’t come for me.
Sorry to say that short of a very successful career, for a lot of people, not much changes once you hit the working world. You’ll still have those friends who seem to have an endless cash flow while you’re budgeting, and this will probably lead to some awkward conversations.
VICE breaks it down:
When a friend keeps suggesting pricey activities you can’t afford, or constantly makes snide comments about your salary, avoiding the topic is only going to make things worse in the long run. Learning how to deftly handle these situations is good for your financial health, and the long-term health of your friendships.
So without further ado, some tips for dealing with the situation.
Appearances Can Be Deceiving
Just because someone is acting as if they’re a millionaire, doesn’t mean that they are one.
We all know, intellectually, that most people are fairly private about their finances, and that everyone’s definitions of “broke” and “worth it” and “reasonable price for a bridesmaid dress” are going to be different… but it’s easy to forget that when we want certain stories to be true, or when everything would be easier if others’ perspectives were aligned with our own. If you’re frustrated with how a friend is acting with regard to money, it can be helpful to remember this, and to try to approach the situation from a place of genuine curiosity and generosity.
Don’t make assumptions and everything will get off to a smooth start.
Naturalise Money Talk
The conversation about why you can’t afford the five bottles of champagne that always mysteriously appear on the table doesn’t have to be a big sit-down-serious talk.
The best way to avoid money drama with friends is to be proactive about expectations in casual discussions where it’s relevant. That could mean asking what amount people are comfortable paying, suggesting activities at a range of price points, and being clear about who is paying for what.
If you’re comfortable talking about it, others will feel more comfortable, too. Also, there might be someone else in your friend group who is scraping the pennies together who might not feel up to talking about it. If you bring it up, you’ll open a door that lets them chime in as well.
“It’s Not In My Budget”
Dropping in a casual “nah, sorry, that’s a bit out of my budget, catch you next time” when an activity is suggested will encourage your friends to invite you to more reasonably priced gatherings.
Finally, make an effort to suggest activities or restaurants that do fall within your budget, so that you can all hang out without the financial stress.
Money discrepancies between friends may never be something that’s overly comfortable to talk about, but broaching the topic does at least pave the way for a better sense of understanding.
You can find some further tips on navigating these waters here.
[source:vice]
