[imagesource: Martin Rickett/PA]
Well, that’s a headline I didn’t expect to write in my lifetime.
These are, indeed, unprecedented times.
The last time we spoke about the Australian cricket team, we covered their failed attempts to catch the Proteas out for ball-tampering in the wake of Sandpapergate.
It appears that during all of this downtime, with little to no live sport to keep us entertained, some of the players are opening up about previously kept secrets, although you do wonder why Tim Paine would go on record about this incident.
In the image above, the skipper can be seen celebrating the moment the Ozzies retained the 2019 Ashes with a victory at Old Trafford, in Manchester.
What that image above doesn’t tell you is that in the minutes leading up to the final wicket being claimed, Paine soiled himself.
Below from Wisden:
In the dying stages of the riveting fourth Test, Australia needed to clean up England’s tail to secure a win and go 2-1 up in the Ashes series, but skipper Paine had something entirely different to worry about, as he confessed on the Keep it Real podcast…
“I was feeling a little bit ill and there were some big, dark clouds rolling in over the grandstand and we only had about seven overs left and obviously we needed that one wicket,” Paine said. “No drinks break left, umpires starting to talk to each other about (bad) light.
“I just had a horrible feeling that I needed to go to the toilet … it was (a) number two and so I basically just thought, ‘Righto, can’t waste any time, I’m gonna have to (go)’.
“I remember saying to Davey Warner, ‘I’m actually going to have to do this,’ and did. Unfortunately, it was one of those moments where the crowd went quite quiet,” he said. “Because I was a bit unwell, it was a bit runny and you could actually hear it hit the ground.
“That ball was bowled I think by Mitch Starc to big (Craig) Overton. Luckily he didn’t edge it because myself and David Warner literally had tears in our eyes, we could not stop laughing.”
I couldn’t think of a more apt bloke to soil myself next to than David Warner.
Paine added that everyone in the slip cordon was aware of what had happened, and that he had first urinated in his pants a few overs before that, in order to avoid any delays.
Fair play in terms of dedication, but I would have saved that story for after I’d hung up my gloves and called time on my international career.
Paine may have learnt from the example of Matt Renshaw, who caught some heat from teammates and former players after he scampered off to use the toilet during the first Test of Australia’s 2016/17 tour of India.
Any other cricketers want to open up about soiling themselves on the field? I feel like it’s now or never, really.
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