It’s a tale as old as time.
You order a pizza, and it arrives piping hot and smelling amazing.
Then comes the hard part. You have to eat it.
You try to lift a slice with your hand but the pizza flings itself across the room. The next few hours are spent trying to hunt, catch and shovel the resistant food into your mouth.
Yeah, that’s never happened. Pizza is literally the easiest food in the world to eat, which is why I’m not entirely sure why this exists.
World, say hello the pizza fork:
Let’s put aside the terrible video for a moment and move onto the terrible invention. If you’ve ever been offended by knife-and-fork-wielding pizza eaters in your friend group, then this should push you over the edge.
According to Thrillist, the pizza fork is “an abomination before God”, although it’s described on the fundraising Kickstarter page as a “quick and convenient way to single-handedly slice, fork and feed your face”.
FYI, another “quick and convenient way” to feed your face is to use your damn hands to bring the food to your mouth.
Honestly, looking at this, it kind of seems like an overzealous eater could jam their lips into the blade. But that does not stop the promo copy from asking, “Who knew you could improve the act of eating pizza.”
There’s a period instead of a question mark though, so maybe they’re not asking?
Munchies points out that this product comes via Daniel Morvec and novelty company Stupidiotic, which also sells a plastic neck pouch for carrying a pizza slice. Furthermore, Amazon already sells a similar product.
At the time of writing, only 51 people have backed the product on Kickstarter, raising a total of $ 1 770 (R24 671) out of the $10 000 (R140 000) needed to make this abomination a reality.
So if you want to continue living in a world where this doesn’t exist, all you have to do is…well..nothing.
Instead, I’d like to encourage you to protest by doing the following:
Go online or phone your nearest branch and order an amazing pizza from Butler’s.
Hang on, scratch that – take advantage of the incredible deals they have going at the moment and order multiple amazing pizzas.
When it arrives, follow these simple instructions. Take a slice, use your hands, shove it into your mouth, try to keep your mouth closed while chewing, fold, if you’re into that, and don’t stop until you’re physically uncomfortable.
Because that, my friends, is how you eat a pizza.
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