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England Test Series: The Drinking Game
20 Jul 2012 by Sean Wilson in 2oceansvibe Columnists, Cricket, Sport
To maximize your enjoyment of the much anticipated test series between South Africa and England, here are some guidelines for a drinking game to play with your friends while watching it.
The rules are simple: Have a drink whenever
- You hear that the weather will play a factor
- You hear Graeme Smith or Kevin Pietersen claim that there’s no more bad blood between them (possibly replace ‘bad blood’ with ‘needle’)
- You hear how competently Geoffrey Boycott’s mother would have played a certain delivery (or his grandmother, or any female member of his family)
- You hear how Jonathan Trott and Kevin Pietersen are playing against their own countrymen (a heavy shot if it’s countered with Imran Tahir’s Pakistani heritage)
- You hear about the hoodoo the Proteas have at The Oval
- You hear about Jacques Kallis’s batting ‘bubble’
- You hear any reference to England’s problematic number 6 batting position (present or past)
- You hear that the overhead conditions will suit Dale Steyn (or James Anderson, and a heavy shot if his swing is linked with Smith’s past problems with either Zaheer Khan or Matthew Hoggard)
- You hear about Hashim Amla being ‘wristy’
- You hear any reference to Mark Boucher (but only if you toast the man while you’re doing it)
- You hear how much the players want to get on the honours board at Lord’s
- You hear how JP Duminy announced himself with that century in Melbourne (a heavy shot if it’s accompanied with the words ‘hasn’t fulfilled his potential since’)
- You see Graeme Swann start a bowling spell without taking his sunglasses off
- You hear that Graeme Smith’s batting technique may not be pretty, but it’s effective
- You hear that Alastair Cook’s batting technique may not be pretty, but it’s effective
- You hear how the Duke ball moves around more than a Kookaburra one (a heavy shot if it’s accompanied by the phrase ‘pronounced seam’)
- You hear about being number one in the ICC test rankings
- You hear about Jonathan Trott’s pre-ball routine (don’t drink whenever you see it because you will die)
- You hear about Mike Atherton’s great tussle with Allan Donald in 1998
- You hear that Morne Morkel ‘hits the deck hard’
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Devlad
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