Coming along nicely
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I order pizza from Butlers about once a week and have always insisted that they do NOT send me a driver with any less than 1,500 "missions" under his belt. I'm not trying to be a cock, I just don't think that drivers with any less missions will have the wherewithal for the job at hand. I've been there, I know the drill.

So a few weeks back the doorbell rang and I was presented with my pizza by a Butler by the name of Brendan. I grabbed the kitchen counter to steady myself as I noticed that he was in the process of completing his 12th mission.

HIS 12TH MISSION!!! OH SWEET JESUS!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?

Brendan noticed that something was amiss and asked if everything was ok. I asked how long he had been working as a Butler for.

"This is my first night," our boy replied.

I staggered to the lounge to fetch the cheque I had previously signed. I gave it to him, speechless, as he hurtled out of the safe house.

I sat on the sofa in silence. Just thinking, still shell-shocked.

The doorbell rang again.

Oh my God, what the fuck is going on.

"Yes!" I blurted over the intercom, still struggling to stand without support.

"Hi, it's Brendan," he mustered.

"What the fuck is it, Brendan?"

"I.....I....I gave you the wrong bill," he stammered.

Oh, good Lord! You see, this is EXACTLY why they CANNOT send amateurs to do a man's job.

"What are you saying, Brendan? Are you trying to tell me that this was actually your 11th mission!?"

"Yes," he confirmed.

OH MY GOD. It was all too much. I tossed the slip over the balcony and broke into tears on the sofa.

Early days for the youngster

A few weeks have passed since the incident and Brendan made his second appearance at the Safe House last night. I am happy to report that our boy was on his 71st mission and there were no fuck-ups this time.

*SIGH*

God, it's incredible, you know.........it seems like just yesterday....

I gave a proud smirk. Who would have thought!

Well done, Brendan - you're coming along nicely. You'll be raising your bat in no time.

Keep it up.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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