It's here. It's happening. It's hilarious.
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I was contacted the other day by someone from a company called 'Rabbit in a Hat'. They told me I was very important and that it was a matter of life and death that I make it to a hotel on Long Street called 'Daddy Long Legs' (I swear I am not making these names up. Before you start mumbling "mushrooms" under your breath). I was told that if I came I would be served alcohol and exotic snacks. They also maintained that there was a young girl there who's dying wish was to touch my flesh. I duly attended. There was no dying girl, but there was an abundance of alcohol and snacks. I asked what the fuck I was doing there and requested that none of their staff look me in the eye.
It seems I had been selected to preview some of the live comedy acts that will be performing at the 2006 International Cape Town Comedy Festival (apparently runs from 3 to 24 September). They had done their homework and understood that people often fall to the floor in hysterics after reading the drivel that pours from my pores. Acutely aware of my high standards, they had a panel lined up to analyse my reactions to the previews - the tester obviously being whether or not I laughed out loud - a rarity. I said I would comply as long as my drink remained full and that, again, no-one looked me directly in the eye. They agreed.
The DVD preview began with an Indian fellow called Sugar Sammy.
I reluctantly pissed myself.
Sugar Sammy was followed by Paul Zerdin - the world's greatest ventriloquist.
Again, I pissed myself. This was getting annoying...
The previews were going on, running from one act to the next, all equally impressive. I was, honestly, quite shocked at the amount of times I laughed out loud. I held it in a few times, not giving them too much.
I browsed over the booklet they gave me about the festival, as the Seth Rotherham Observation Panel high-fived each other at my responses. I scanned over the names of the various acts and found myself pulling my "hmmm......impressive" face (always done in conjunction with a slow nod of the head, like you're thinking about things the rest of the room couldn't comprehend, let alone spell).
I didn't want to expose myself too much and went to the toilet so that I could successfully throw a ninja bomb. (Ninjas in the old ninja films used to disappear after throwing a ball onto the ground - the ball released a cloud of smoke which, once cleared, resulted in the ninja having vanished. The modern day ninja bombs which I use are nothing like this. This is how they work : What you do is you tell someone you have to go to the loo / make a call / go and talk to someone, and then walk directly out the front door and go home. This is "throwing a ninja bomb". The more genuine the excuse, the better. You don't want them to watch where you go. The best is to ask them to hold your drink, and THEN to walk out the front door. The idea is to avoid any fuss and not having to say goodbye to everyone. Yes, it is rude, but they're all pissed and it will be a distant memory in the morning. Don't be shy the next day to throw in the classic, "What do you mean? I was looking for YOU!")
So that was that. I asked one of the handlangers to hold my drink and I walked directly out of the building, to my car, back to the safe house.
So, between you and me, I was genuinely impressed at the lineup of this year's festival and will definitely be going to all of the shows. To watch these kind of quality acts on home turf is a seriously rare opportunity and not to be missed ('home turf' is such a cuck phrase - apologies). They've got various sections to the festival, The Main Arena, The Danger Zone, Queercom, The Very Late Show and Street Comedy. All of them are littered with world famous comedy acts from around the globe.
I'm not going to get into it because I am now QUITE finished. Why don't you trot over to their website www.comedyfestival.co.za and check out times, dates, tickets, acts etc.
I trust I will see you there.
Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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